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  • Liquidsnake replied to the topic Why do we go back?? in the forum Relationships 2 minutes ago

    Dear Anita,

    There is absolutely no danger to her physically, only financially and emotionally (lack of funds for business, which she needs to manage on her own for my share – I have demanded it yet and will not be in future, she can give whenever she wants or gets it), emotional distress, since I will not be there to be part of it to either help…[Read more]

  • Paulo S. became a registered member 3 minutes ago

  • anita replied to the topic Feeling Hopeless in the forum Relationships 31 minutes ago

    Dear nikkilove921:

    His promises made you feel safe at the time when you were anxious about your struggle to pay your education in that city you loved. You felt alone there, away from people you were familiar with, family and friends.

    His promises then, for consistent, ever lasting love, drew you to him. There was safety there, or so you felt.…[Read more]

  • Hi Wendy,

    I have somewhat of a different take on this–I think it absolutely does matter. We CHOOSE the people with whom to share our lives. And your boyfriend needs to understand that part of his responsibility as a partner is to respect and protect your passions. It isn’t easy to dance in public. Or publish a book. Or start a company. All of…[Read more]

  • spazmy became a registered member 45 minutes ago

  • anita replied to the topic Why do we go back?? in the forum Relationships 57 minutes ago

    Dear Liquidsnake:

    I still need to understand, therefore I ask the following: what is the danger to HER then if her feelings get hurt as a result of your decision?

    anita

  • Dear Anya:

    No, you should not forgive him because he did not take responsibility for abusing you. He did not sincerely apologize, he did not say he was going to attend psychotherapy or an anger class so to NOT abuse you verbally, using abusive language.

    You suffered a lot already, don’t invite more suffering by renewing contact with him.

    I…[Read more]

  • Dear Anita:

    I’m not afraid of her… I’m afraid of her feelings getting hurt because of my decision, since this is only last strand between me and her before completely cutting her off from my life, except seeing her once in a blue moon, or in family functions or parties.

    She does not pose any danger to me at all…She can’t harm me in…[Read more]

  • Dear Joe:

    You wrote about the friends you had, that they “also had not-so-shiny-and-happy pasts so they never judged.”-

    Interesting to me, because the people who do judge, the family members and friends you described, I don’t think they had “shiny and happy pasts”- it is that they refuse to look into the darkness and instead bounce the darkness…[Read more]

  • Why I m stuck ??? why I can’t get over him 🙁 I am just feeling so exhausted

  • Dear Liquidsnake:

    I like you writing: “I need to take care of my feelings first”

    It seems to me that you are afraid of her. Are you and what are you afraid she will say or do to you next? What are the possibilities, the danger to you, at this point? If you can, picture different scenarios that you considering and what you are afraid will happen…[Read more]

  • Anita

    I have had a few wonderful understanding friendships – I had seeked them out as friendships because they were my kind of people. They also had not-so-shiny-and-happy pasts so they never judged. But sadly this was back at university and we have gone our separate ways now, they have moved on and the friendship just ceased. No other way to…[Read more]

  • Dear chanel:

    To be happy alone…

    Alone, I was never alone. I had people talking to me in my head. I wasn’t hearing voices like a person in a psychotic episode, but as I found out- we all “hear voices” of people in our past.

    If the “voices” in a person’s head are criticizing and scaring the person, then the person is anxious and/ or depressed.…[Read more]

  • It is in times of doubt when we discover faith.

    Fear is to courage as doubt is to faith.

    Doubt is a door.

    Clarissa Pinkola Estes

    Abre la puerta
    Her name is Hope and she’s 12 years old,
    going on 20 to life. She is god at 5 feet tall.
    Abre la Puerta, open the door
    and let her in, give her food.

    Old Florence lives in the parking g…

    [Read more]

  • Dear Joe:

    I enjoyed your witty humor in the sentence: ” That is what I believe, somebody would have to be mad to put up with me – in fact, I insist upon it!”

    When I wrote to you “maybe you need a special connection with another person so to … send you off to a life that will fit who you are.” – notice the last part: “to send you off to a lif…[Read more]

  • I’ve dealt with some of the same issues with a partner of over thirty years. It’s not about the dancing, its about “validation.” The fact that the partner doesn’t care enough about you or that they don’t care what people do or say about you. It can be very painful and humiliating. I have told my partner I expect “more” but don’t expect them to…[Read more]

  • Dear Anita:

    Thank you for the insights and what you said is absolutely right… I have cut contacts with her in every way, except for the business, which I agreed to do along with her, started it and invested in it.. Now, I’m feeling very embarrassed to be in it, I’m not sure, why.. but, every time she talks to me even about the business…[Read more]

  • Diaryofamother became a registered member 2 hours, 10 minutes ago

  • We started a casual relationship for almost a year which was hard for me because I wanted more. He then moved 4 hours away for work and we kept the relationship going and eventually became a real couple. Long distance wasn’t so bad. I loved him because he was smart and confident and it was just him and me. He had no family around or friends. I…[Read more]

  • Dear Broken Man:

    Your story, your ongoing story is fascinating. Fascinating to me because I lived your story as a child and kept living it until my first experience with a competent, empathetic and hard working therapist… and then it took more time before I cut contact with my mother (my abuser) in May 2013. Following that I was still enslaved…[Read more]

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