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When You’re Frustrated by a Delay: 8 Reasons to Appreciate It

By in Blog, change & challenges, letting go, mindfulness & peace

“All great achievements require time.” ~Maya Angelou

We all have a picture of what we want in our heads.

We get attached to a timeline for achieving it. We fantasize about the results and how it will bring us happiness.

We begin to work hard to attain it.

But when we don’t get it right away, we get frustrated. We want things to move as quickly as possible.

If we want a relationship, we want to find our perfect partner as soon as we can. If we’re building a career or a business, we want success in months. If we …

When You Want More Love and Support in Relationships

By in Blog, love & relationships

“You’re imperfect, and you’re wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.” ~Brené Brown

For years, I felt unfulfilled in my relationships. I often felt drained, and as if I was the only one giving and doing things for others.

I couldn’t quite understand what I was doing wrong and why relationships were so challenging for me. All I wanted to do was to feel loved and supported. Why couldn’t I get that?

Then, nearly three years ago, after a bad breakup and a ton of other relationship challenges, I reached a breaking point. I knew I …

When You Don’t Fit In: The Value of Being Different

By in Blog, love & relationships

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt

When I was ten, my blonde, blue-eyed best friend gave me a label.

“I never thought I’d make friends with anyone brown,” she said. She was clearly embarrassed by her revelation and had summoned the courage to own up.

I was dumbstruck for a moment. I never really thought of myself as brown, or indeed, as anything. I was just me.

Then, wanting to get us both out of this awkward situation, and thinking of how my Sri Lankan mother would compliment my beautiful golden brown skin, I …

Why I Don’t Need Success and Validation to Be Happy

By in Blog, happiness & fun

“The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others.”~ Sonya Friedman

Five years ago I was driven, determined, and thriving. I was in the middle of a career in financial services that had started in sales, led to management, and, at that point, had me pushing myself and competing as a director in the retail banking business.

I was proud of what I had achieved and what I intended to achieve. I had the trappings of success as I saw them—the house, the car, the salary, and job title that reflected my level of achievement—and I had a huge …

Simple Ways to Avoid Burnout When You’re Working Hard

By in Blog, healthy habits, mindfulness & peace

“Your body is precious. It is your vehicle for awakening. Treat it with care.” ~Buddha

On any given day you can find me perched on the edge of my chair, staring at a computer screen. My setup is most definitely ergonomically incorrect, and my posture would make any yoga teacher cringe.

I type and click my mouse and do my work. I occasionally look up and out my windows to a lucky view of ferns, palms, and a few unidentified trees rising up over a blue-green pool. A southern California sky caps the scene.

My brain buzzes with ideas, answers, …

How to Rise Above Difficult Circumstances and Be Happy

By in Blog, change & challenges, happiness & fun

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” ~Viktor Frankl

I first got wind of this transformative concept when I was a teenager reading Man’s Search For Meaning.

It has played beautifully into what has become my life theme: how people transcend their adversities. I’ve forever been inspired by how (some) people can go through so much and yet be able to rise above and live well. I call it living well despite…

It seems to boil …

When You Feel Purposeless and Fear You’re Wasting Time

By in Blog, meaning & passion, work fulfillment

“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” ~George Bernard Shaw

I wanted a guarantee.

I wanted to know for sure that if I tried to do something, I would like it; if I devoted my limited time to it, I’d end up somewhere good.

I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, and I felt certain this was a phenomenal failing—because if you don’t know right now what you need to do to make your life count, life will pass you by before you’ve ever had a chance to do something meaningful or …

How Taking a Step Backward Can Be the Way Forward

By in Blog, meaning & passion, work fulfillment

“Your dream doesn’t have an expiration date. Take a deep breath and try again.” ~KT Witten

As I said goodbye on my last day of work, I couldn’t help feeling smug. When my colleagues turned up for work on Monday morning, I’d be at home, free to do whatever I wanted with my day.

I’d resigned to explore the possibilities of a career in writing. With no clear idea of what the immediate future held, I was both nervous and excited.

I imagined myself in a few years’ time, happily making a fortune from all my creative endeavors, living a …

Dealing With Criticism: 5 Tools to Develop a Thick Skin

By in Blog, change & challenges, love & relationships

“When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.” ~Miguel Ruiz

Have you ever opened a spring-loaded email? You know, the kind with a nasty barb inside that hits you like a punch in the gut?

My business partner and I had recently launched our new podcast, and he had forwarded me an email he’d received from a viewer.

“Just watched Episode One,” the writer said. “GREAT idea! But WAY too much talking. Want specifics, not Melissa’s self-indulgent blathering on about the creative process…”

Ouch. My vision blurred at this …

What Self-Love Means: 20+ Ways to Be Good to Yourself

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Self-love requires you to be honest about your current choices and thought patterns and undertake new practices that reflect self-worth.” ~Caroline Kirk

If one more person told me to “love myself” I was going to levitate into the air and pull one of those impossible martial arts moves from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. I was sick of it!

What the heck does loving myself mean? Were they talking about bubble baths, pedicures, and cucumber masks? It turns out there is so much more to self-love than just pampering ourselves. I found this out the hard way.

About a year …

How to Let Go of the Fear of Being Hurt Again

By in Blog, change & challenges, letting go

“Accept your past without regret, handle your present with confidence, and face your future without fear.” ~Unknown 

My pet fish died today. Red-striped fins as beautiful as always, he was swimming around in his tank only four weeks ago. First he became less active. Next he refused to eat. Then he was gone.

As I buried him in the yard, my first thought was, I don’t want to have a pet fish ever again. Awareness kicked in, and I realized that my thought was triggered by fear to experience an unpleasant circumstance such as this again.

This is how …

The Secret Recipe for a Happy, Long-Lasting Relationship

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Good relationships don’t just happen. They take time, patience, and two people who truly want to be together.” ~Unknown

Things changed. You can’t put your finger on it, but you know it’s true. You wish you could make it better. You want to fix it.

The problem is that you don’t know how.

Maybe it’s already too late, and the relationship ended despite all your efforts.

In the barrage of cliché advice and consolation you get from friends, relatives, and “experts,” the answer is as elusive as ever. It’s not helpful when people tell you that it just wasn’t meant …

Be Present, Be Yourself: 5 Lessons from Dance Meditation

By in Blog, healthy habits, mindfulness & peace

“While I dance I cannot judge, I cannot hate, I cannot separate myself from life. I can only be joyful and whole. This is why I dance.” ~Hans Bos

I am not a dancer. I was kicked out jazz ballet, and I am so clumsy that I once broke the mirror in an aerobics class. I don’t dance at parties, either, because to be honest I don’t enjoy it.

But turns out, just like everyone else, I am also a dancer.

A year and a half ago I was volunteering in the Turkish mountains, and after a rather upsetting situation …

You Are More Than Your Past and Your Pain

By in Blog, change & challenges, letting go

“We are like the little branch that quivers during a storm, doubting our strength and forgetting we are the tree—deeply rooted to withstand all life’s upheavals.” ~Dodinsky

I began struggling with anorexia and bulimia in high school, a development that, in part, stemmed from sexual abuse.

I internalized my struggles and made them a part of me, leaving me with feelings of shame, guilt, unworthiness, and despair. I had completely lost connection with my authentic self and instead, took on the roles of “ruined,” “broken,” and “worthless.”

If you had asked me who I was three years ago, I would …

How to Beat Panic Attacks: 3 Simple Mindfulness Techniques

By in Blog, change & challenges, mindfulness & peace

“By living deeply in the present moment we can understand the past better and we can prepare for a better future.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

When I was in high school, a hit-and-run car accident changed my world. My boyfriend at the time lost his nineteen-year-old brother to the accident. I had never met his brother, but it didn’t matter; a dark veil had been cast over my life.

In the days, weeks, months, and years following the accident, I sank into a deeper and deeper depression. I started to have panic attacks and I cut myself daily, trying to feel …

How to Be Who You Really Are, Beyond Your Ego and Fears

By in Blog, letting go, mindfulness & peace

“Whenever something negative happens to you, there is a deep lesson concealed within it.”~ Eckhart Tolle

For much of my life, I was ashamed of how my classmates perceived me in my youth.

My chagrin and regret began in the spring of my senior year in high school when I opened our yearbook for the first time.

The seniors got center stage in the yearbook, as usual, with a big picture of each of us along with a four-year list of our activities and awards. I was proud of my list of five sports, especially my letters in wrestling and …

10 Ways to Make the World a Nicer Place

By in Blog, happiness & fun, love & relationships

“There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept responsibility for changing them.” ~Denis Waitley  

I was spending some time with my nephews not too long ago. This is one of my favorite things to do because we have a lot of fun together. They’re silly and loving and inquisitive, and it’s easy to make them laugh.

Spending time with them reminds me that fun and laughter should be a part of my everyday life, and also makes me feel like a kid again.

When we were together that day, I asked them …

Let Go of “I Can’t…” and Go After What You Want

By in Blog, change & challenges, meaning & passion

“It always seems impossible until it’s done.” ~Nelson Mandela

Do you wish your circumstances in life were different? Have you reconciled yourself to accept that you can’t achieve your goals? Do you think it would be nice to travel, but you don’t think you can afford it?

It’s time to change your mindset and learn how to take control of your own life.

Think Like a Child

Children don’t like to accept “no” for an answer. They question every refusal. “But why not?” they ask.

“Because we can’t afford it” is not an acceptable answer to a child. That has …

10 Habits of Unhappy People (And How to Fix Them)

By in Blog, happiness & fun, mindfulness & peace

“Ego says, ‘Once everything falls into place, I’ll feel peace.’ Spirit says, ‘Find your peace, and then everything will fall into place.’” ~Marianne Williamson

Have you ever felt that something was missing in your life?

Who am I kidding, everyone has.

I used to be unhappy. But not just unhappy—miserable.

I’d look at other people and wonder what they had that I didn’t. I was sick of living my life. And being sick of it was the tipping point that changed it all. It’s what got me moving in the direction of what made my heart sing.

As I moved …

The One Thing You Need to Change If You Want to Accept Yourself

By in Blog

“Serenity comes when you trade expectations for acceptance.” ~Unknown

I quit Weight Watchers this week and I have never felt happier.

To be clear, quitting this weight loss program was not an act of defeat, nor was it an example of me running away from something difficult or painful. Cutting ties with Weight Watchers was truly an acceptance of self.

A couple of weeks ago I had a heart-to-heart conversation with a friend. I was feeling really down, and I confided to him that not only do I lack self-confidence in nearly everything I do, I also seem to not …