Comments on: 10 Tips: Balance Self Interest & Sacrifice for a Wonderful Life http://tinybuddha.com/blog/10-tips-balance-self-interest-and-sacrifice-for-a-wonderful-life/ simple wisdom for complex lives Mon, 21 May 2012 12:45:00 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: A Simple Path to Happiness and Success | Tiny Buddha: Wisdom Quotes, Letting Go, Letting Happiness In http://tinybuddha.com/blog/10-tips-balance-self-interest-and-sacrifice-for-a-wonderful-life/comment-page-1/#comment-33110 A Simple Path to Happiness and Success | Tiny Buddha: Wisdom Quotes, Letting Go, Letting Happiness In Mon, 30 Jan 2012 03:51:35 +0000 http://tinybuddha.com/?p=1989#comment-33110 [...] in the back of my mind, I couldn’t shake that something was wrong.  I was sacrificing too much. My mental and physical health was crumbling along with my relationships. I was under a tremendous [...] [...] in the back of my mind, I couldn’t shake that something was wrong.  I was sacrificing too much. My mental and physical health was crumbling along with my relationships. I was under a tremendous [...]

]]> By: Dealing with Regret: 8 Ways to Benefit and Move Forward | Tiny Buddha: Wisdom Quotes, Letting Go, Letting Happiness In http://tinybuddha.com/blog/10-tips-balance-self-interest-and-sacrifice-for-a-wonderful-life/comment-page-1/#comment-20927 Dealing with Regret: 8 Ways to Benefit and Move Forward | Tiny Buddha: Wisdom Quotes, Letting Go, Letting Happiness In Mon, 10 Oct 2011 14:44:18 +0000 http://tinybuddha.com/?p=1989#comment-20927 [...] of this as your It’s a Wonderful Life moment. You’re down on your luck and vulnerable. You have to do some major life restructuring to [...] [...] of this as your It’s a Wonderful Life moment. You’re down on your luck and vulnerable. You have to do some major life restructuring to [...]

]]> By: Lori Deschene http://tinybuddha.com/blog/10-tips-balance-self-interest-and-sacrifice-for-a-wonderful-life/comment-page-1/#comment-16703 Lori Deschene Thu, 28 Jul 2011 02:01:00 +0000 http://tinybuddha.com/?p=1989#comment-16703 You are most welcome. That's been a big lesson for me, as well. In the past, I didn't take very good care of myself, and I realized I didn't have much to offer because of it. At any given time, there was so much I needed that I wasn't providing myself. It all starts with self care! You are most welcome. That’s been a big lesson for me, as well. In the past, I didn’t take very good care of myself, and I realized I didn’t have much to offer because of it. At any given time, there was so much I needed that I wasn’t providing myself. It all starts with self care!

]]> By: Sasalool http://tinybuddha.com/blog/10-tips-balance-self-interest-and-sacrifice-for-a-wonderful-life/comment-page-1/#comment-16683 Sasalool Wed, 27 Jul 2011 19:28:00 +0000 http://tinybuddha.com/?p=1989#comment-16683 Hi Lori What an amazing aricle, thank you the part that really resonate to me is this "To truly give yourself, you need to take care of yourself" the person who doesn't care for himself, can't care for others I am just learning that recently. Hi Lori
What an amazing aricle, thank you

the part that really resonate to me is this “To truly give yourself, you need to take care of yourself”
the person who doesn’t care for himself, can’t care for others
I am just learning that recently.

]]> By: Lori Deschene http://tinybuddha.com/blog/10-tips-balance-self-interest-and-sacrifice-for-a-wonderful-life/comment-page-1/#comment-14186 Lori Deschene Fri, 10 Jun 2011 16:24:00 +0000 http://tinybuddha.com/?p=1989#comment-14186 Hi there, I can totally understand why this would be a difficult situation, seeing as you want to please your husband. I know that whenever I've struggled with taking care of my needs, it's had a lot to do with wanting to please other people. But it sounds like you know what you need to do. I know it must be terrifying to speak your mind on this, but I'm sure your husband values your happiness. I've never been an addict, but I've fought a lot of battles hinged in low self esteem. Ultimately, I didn't think I deserved the things I needed, and this created a toxic self-hatred that I always wanted to numb. It's not always easy to communicate my needs, but as I've done it more and more, I've felt better and better about myself. I hope you tell your husband how you feel! You deserve to be happy. Much love, Lori Hi there,

I can totally understand why this would be a difficult situation, seeing as you want to please your husband. I know that whenever I’ve struggled with taking care of my needs, it’s had a lot to do with wanting to please other people. But it sounds like you know what you need to do. I know it must be terrifying to speak your mind on this, but I’m sure your husband values your happiness.

I’ve never been an addict, but I’ve fought a lot of battles hinged in low self esteem. Ultimately, I didn’t think I deserved the things I needed, and this created a toxic self-hatred that I always wanted to numb. It’s not always easy to communicate my needs, but as I’ve done it more and more, I’ve felt better and better about myself.

I hope you tell your husband how you feel! You deserve to be happy.

Much love,
Lori

]]> By: Mobilemillermom http://tinybuddha.com/blog/10-tips-balance-self-interest-and-sacrifice-for-a-wonderful-life/comment-page-1/#comment-14173 Mobilemillermom Fri, 10 Jun 2011 13:17:00 +0000 http://tinybuddha.com/?p=1989#comment-14173 What a wonderful and very realistic post! I give because I am just geared that way, but it is also unhealthy because I am always afraid to say "no" to anyone. I lived half of my life taking from others and expecting them to take care of me & bail me out of every bad situation "I" put myself in. I am a recovering drug addict and I WAS a very selfish person. I am 54, married and disabled (severe back problems). My husband rescued a pit bull puppy and she and he have bonded completely. She is therapeutic for him and seems to balance his life although he is quite consumed with her. She is a good puppy, but is in my care 75% of the time & I am overwhelmed. I have let myself go, seem to think about the "prescription drugs" more since she has become part of the home and I am resentful. We live in a small apartment & have no yard for the puppy to play in so she is utterly "cooped up" with me. We received a letter from the landlord yesterday saying that we must get rid of her or risk eviction. My husband's plan is for me to take her home to our other "little" apartment where she is allowed, in my home town, and that I take care of her while he finds somewhere for us to live in the city that he works in - one that allows pets. He asks me, "Do you really want me to give up my dog?" Yes, I do. We are intimate, maybe, once every two months since the puppy has been with us. Everything seems to be out of sync. My husband is 36 and we do have a very honest relationship, but I am overwhelmed and petrified to say, "Yes, I think the puppy needs to go." I hate it, but I cannot continue like this. I truly do NOT know how to handle this. I just had a back fusion four months ago and all I do is "dog sit" every day and I hate it. I moved from "my home town" to be with him, to support and take care of him and WANT to do this, but the dog situation is just too much for me and that is the truth. What a wonderful and very realistic post! I give because I am just geared that way, but it is also unhealthy because I am always afraid to say “no” to anyone. I lived half of my life taking from others and expecting them to take care of me & bail me out of every bad situation “I” put myself in. I am a recovering drug addict and I WAS a very selfish person. I am 54, married and disabled (severe back problems). My husband rescued a pit bull puppy and she and he have bonded completely. She is therapeutic for him and seems to balance his life although he is quite consumed with her. She is a good puppy, but is in my care 75% of the time & I am overwhelmed. I have let myself go, seem to think about the “prescription drugs” more since she has become part of the home and I am resentful. We live in a small apartment & have no yard for the puppy to play in so she is utterly “cooped up” with me. We received a letter from the landlord yesterday saying that we must get rid of her or risk eviction. My husband’s plan is for me to take her home to our other “little” apartment where she is allowed, in my home town, and that I take care of her while he finds somewhere for us to live in the city that he works in – one that allows pets. He asks me, “Do you really want me to give up my dog?” Yes, I do. We are intimate, maybe, once every two months since the puppy has been with us. Everything seems to be out of sync. My husband is 36 and we do have a very honest relationship, but I am overwhelmed and petrified to say, “Yes, I think the puppy needs to go.” I hate it, but I cannot continue like this. I truly do NOT know how to handle this. I just had a back fusion four months ago and all I do is “dog sit” every day and I hate it. I moved from “my home town” to be with him, to support and take care of him and WANT to do this, but the dog situation is just too much for me and that is the truth.

]]> By: Lori Deschene http://tinybuddha.com/blog/10-tips-balance-self-interest-and-sacrifice-for-a-wonderful-life/comment-page-1/#comment-8413 Lori Deschene Thu, 20 Jan 2011 21:49:00 +0000 http://tinybuddha.com/?p=1989#comment-8413 Hi there, I think this is fairly common in relationships, and I can relate in a big way. I have often overextended myself in relationships and become somewhat co-dependent. I'm learning that being autonomous is the best thing, both for us and the people we're with. It's almost a form of self respect, which other people need to recognize in order to fully respect us back. Thank you for reading and sharing a little of yourself in your comment! Lori Hi there,

I think this is fairly common in relationships, and I can relate in a big way. I have often overextended myself in relationships and become somewhat co-dependent. I’m learning that being autonomous is the best thing, both for us and the people we’re with. It’s almost a form of self respect, which other people need to recognize in order to fully respect us back.

Thank you for reading and sharing a little of yourself in your comment!

Lori

]]> By: A willing learner http://tinybuddha.com/blog/10-tips-balance-self-interest-and-sacrifice-for-a-wonderful-life/comment-page-1/#comment-8405 A willing learner Thu, 20 Jan 2011 18:21:00 +0000 http://tinybuddha.com/?p=1989#comment-8405 Great post, I agree 100%. My girlfriend and I broke up a couple of months ago (after 4 years) and of course I found it tough, but one of the hardest things to deal with was the fact that she couldn't give me a definitive reason - it just 'wasn't what it used to be' and 'the spark had gone'. Thinking back with a lot of perspective, I see know that I compromised myself to nothing. I was so hung up on being there for her, I stopped being me. This was clear to see as on the weekend before we broke up, I stayed in the house (bored) whilst she spent her time studying. Why?! I didn't need to be there and I could have done any number of things that would have been more interesting, but I couldn't do anything without her or without making her happy. The way you have expressed this state of mind in your article just made the light go on. Look after yourself first and the rest will follow, I've always been hyper-sensitive about what people think of me and its time to change. Starting now! Great post, I agree 100%. My girlfriend and I broke up a couple of months ago (after 4 years) and of course I found it tough, but one of the hardest things to deal with was the fact that she couldn’t give me a definitive reason – it just ‘wasn’t what it used to be’ and ‘the spark had gone’. Thinking back with a lot of perspective, I see know that I compromised myself to nothing. I was so hung up on being there for her, I stopped being me. This was clear to see as on the weekend before we broke up, I stayed in the house (bored) whilst she spent her time studying. Why?! I didn’t need to be there and I could have done any number of things that would have been more interesting, but I couldn’t do anything without her or without making her happy. The way you have expressed this state of mind in your article just made the light go on. Look after yourself first and the rest will follow, I’ve always been hyper-sensitive about what people think of me and its time to change. Starting now!

]]> By: Lori Deschene http://tinybuddha.com/blog/10-tips-balance-self-interest-and-sacrifice-for-a-wonderful-life/comment-page-1/#comment-8121 Lori Deschene Sat, 08 Jan 2011 18:13:00 +0000 http://tinybuddha.com/?p=1989#comment-8121 Hi Tim, I can't imagine what a tough situation it is to have a terminally ill loved one and family members who simply won't step up. It has to be one of the most challenging times to practice healthy selfishness when someone you love appears helpless without you. I've never been in your shoes so I can't speak to what that must have been like. I'm sure it felt like you didn't have many options, and I know I would likely have done the same thing you did. I hope in the aftermath of all of this you are able to express your feelings to your brothers so that resentment doesn't eat away at you--that's something I can relate to. I know it can be incredibly difficult to let that kind of thing go, but I also know everything fades with time, anger and resentment included. I'm glad you've gotten a little more selfish going forward. Society has turned it into a negative word, but everything requires balance. If we don't take care of ourselves and our needs, it's unlikely other people will do that for us. Wishing you well, Lori Hi Tim,

I can’t imagine what a tough situation it is to have a terminally ill loved one and family members who simply won’t step up. It has to be one of the most challenging times to practice healthy selfishness when someone you love appears helpless without you.

I’ve never been in your shoes so I can’t speak to what that must have been like. I’m sure it felt like you didn’t have many options, and I know I would likely have done the same thing you did. I hope in the aftermath of all of this you are able to express your feelings to your brothers so that resentment doesn’t eat away at you–that’s something I can relate to. I know it can be incredibly difficult to let that kind of thing go, but I also know everything fades with time, anger and resentment included.

I’m glad you’ve gotten a little more selfish going forward. Society has turned it into a negative word, but everything requires balance. If we don’t take care of ourselves and our needs, it’s unlikely other people will do that for us.

Wishing you well,
Lori

]]> By: Nina http://tinybuddha.com/blog/10-tips-balance-self-interest-and-sacrifice-for-a-wonderful-life/comment-page-1/#comment-8119 Nina Sat, 08 Jan 2011 15:34:00 +0000 http://tinybuddha.com/?p=1989#comment-8119 Comments for April and Lori (not Tina)... typo! Comments for April and Lori (not Tina)… typo!

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