Thanks for this! I feel somewhat in a place like you mentioned at the beginning of your article – completely alone, depressed, financially unstable, only one friend who is also depressed and simultaneously growing tired of me…but articles like this one are inspiring, and these thoughts were comforting. It’s nice to read when someone who has been in a similar place as you has made it through.

Geez, Dorian. This really hit home for me ….and at the perfect time, too. I have been struggling with a good amount of anxiety (negative thinking) lately. A big thanks to you.

I loved this article. The only thing that struck me was this line… “Please note that depression and anxiety isn’t something you can just talk yourself out of.” While this may be the case for clinical depression and even some anxiety disorders that have gotten out of hand, I feel as though anxiety is highly treatable with positive self talk. That statement was a slightly discouraging one for those of us dealing with anxiety (both with and without professional help). I think no one should feel ashamed to get professional help for their depression or anxiety, but they also shouldn’t feel as though their mind isn’t powerful enough to tackle the demon, because it is, and I know this first hand.

So glad I could help, Kristopher! I remember the holidays were an especially rough time for me. For many years in a row, I’d get really sick during this time of year. Turns out, my body was trying to literally purge itself of all these horrible thoughts!

Thank you Dorian. I am a psychologist and im putting this up in my office for me and my patients.
Staci

I liked this so much I’m sharing it on my Twitter. You really nailed it on the head with your proactive and methodical approach.. definitely needed for such an abstract and overwhelming state of mind. Thank you Dorian!!!

Great list Dorian. I try to follow most of these positive tips but it does take practice – as you say positive talk is something you need to keep doing, especially when you feel down. I think its about being positive and also giving yourself permission to not always be positive and certainly not perfect (as in your points 2 & 3). And I really try to subscribe to your first point…cheers..kathy

Glad you enjoyed it, Kathy!

It is definitely hard at times. But once you get things down on paper, it always helps. Suddenly, I got to take myself and my mental chatter out of the equation and go right to my notes for inspiration. It certainly helped that I wrote them myself, because just reading someone else’s words always felt distant and allowed me to say, “Ahhh, that’s someone else’s situation, that doesn’t apply to me.” Turns out that it did apply to me (see point #20), but I just didn’t realize it.

Thanks again for the kind words!

This article is a life saver. I just book marked this to help me on days when I feel as if I can’t go on any longer.

This is a wonderful post! GREAT tips/reminders! Thank you very much for sharing your experience and wisdom!

Understandable…Smile. I really like them all Dorian, but the 3 that stood out the most for me were 6, 10, 15, and 18

Happy Holidays!!! Thank you for sharing too HUGS

You’re welcome. I once saw a demonstration of someone creating feedback with a microphone and a television and they said that this is what the mind does when it overwhelms itself with anxious and depressing thoughts. After a certain amount of time, you can’t hear anything but a screeching sound and it completely ruins and overwhelms whatever else you’re doing – whether good or bad. That really made me wonder about what I was doing in my mind.

I agree! Fight fire with fire!

Which point(s) were your favorite, if you don’t mind me asking?

I enjoed this thank you!

Yes, I’ve just been through a slump (again) and got to a point where I was just tired of feeling negative and critical of life. I tried out the exact sort of thing you talked about above. I added exercise to the mix to give my mind something healthy to focus on. I’ve been surprised at how well everything has worked. The other key thing I did was try to eliminate comparing myself to others. I think avoiding the negative and critical self-talk works well when I keep in mind how it drags me down and saps my energy.

This is a very enticing and cool article. Loved the advices!!!

So happy to hear that we both arrived at the same breakthrough! I don’t believe that we need to eliminate critical self-talk entirely, I think that we need to balance it. For me, and it sounds like you as well, the dominating voice in our heads were extremely negative and critical. Once the balance was struck, I became much better and happier, like yourself!

Thanks so much for sharing.

Which point(s) hit home the most for you?

Nidia,

Thank you for the sweet words! Which point(s) stuck out to you the most?

Wow, thank you! Agree 100% with all your insights on each point.

All the things we get flustered over or let eat at us won’t go away (for the most part) so we don’t need to learn how to live with them, we need to learn that they are life as well and just let it go or even better, embrace it and turn it into something good. I’m working on a post about the drudgery and annoyances of life that you’ll find very interesting.

Happy Holidays!

I like that analogy. It is also amazing that after hearing the screeching sound for a while, silence is deafening.

I have a thought about lessons. At one point in my life I was excited about living in the moment and finding lessons in unhappy situations. Then came situations that I really could find any lessons without help. It was very frustrating. My mentor told me that life is yo be experienced one moment at a time. If we keep searching for things be it happiness, love or even lessons how will we e ver stay in the moment and experience the emotions we are meant to feel.

I loved all your points but the ones I almost want to paint and hang on my walls are 7, 12, 16, 17 and 18. Okay who am I kidding? I’d like them all on my walls to remind me everyday of how to be peaceful.

So happy I stumbled upon this -thank you, Dorian. Reading your words are very inspiring to me and as I can see, to many others as well. I have been avoiding going to see a grief counselor so instead I dig around on the web for help and this was a great find. Thank you again for the wise words and also for being open enough to share which is not always easy -to especially when smothered in sadness. Wishing you the happiest of holidays.

Kellyn

You’re welcome, Kellyn. So glad you found my little post helpful. And the same to you and yours!

Which point(s) stuck out to you the most?

Hi Nehjta,

I’m so glad you found this post and am sorry to hear you’re in a situation similar to mine. I know how bad it is but also know that it is something you can absolutely overcome.

I didn’t write down my negative thoughts, I decided that I’d probably focus more on them, so whenever I’d have a negative thought, I’d write down a reason why it wasn’t true or not as bad as I was thinking.

Trying to force yourself to not think negative thoughts won’t work, believe me, I tried. You’ve got to let them happen, but nudge yourself, via writing down rebuttals, to realize that you’re looking at the world through a negatively colored window and it’s not as bad as you see it.

I hope that helps! Be strong and embrace this time. It’s happening for a reason, it’s something you’ve got to go through, like I did, in order to ultimately become better and happy.

You’re welcome, Nehjta!

You are 100% right. It just takes a little nudge to get the momentum going in the right direction. One baby step at a time is all it takes.

Best of luck and Happy Holidays!

Thanks so much, Cynthia! You’re in an incredibly tough situation and it seems like you’re doing everything you can to hold it together. I commend you for this! I don’t know if I’d be able to do it, myself, so kudos!

That said, ultimately, you should do what your gut tells you. I always do the “gun-to-head” test when faced with a major decision like this. You have to take your mental dialogue out of the situation. We, as humans, can reason, excuse and talk ourselves into literally anything – including something that we know is bad for us.

So instead, I let my gut guide me, and I can tell you it’s never, not once, been wrong. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t hard or seemed wrong at the time. But at the end of the day, it turned out to be the best decision I could have made.

The gun-to-head test works like this:

1) Write down the question you’re trying to answer. In your case I imagine it would be: “Do I stay or go?”

2)Write down the possible answers: Yes or No.

3) Without hesitating, close your eyes, ask yourself the question and then open them.

3) Immediately, choose one of the options. If you hesitated when choosing, you probably picked the wrong answer. Scrap it and start over another day.

Whatever you chose is your true choice and absolutely go with it! Don’t rationalize or worry. Just go.

You can always fix mistakes as you’re in motion. It’s when there’s no motion that the real danger lies.

I know it’s incredibly hard and you love your partner, but no one can save someone from themselves. It took me a long, long time to realize this. But whatever decision you make, I wish you the absolute best and thank you again for your comment. I hope I was able to help in some way.

Perfect! Glad it helped!

Fantastc list! I have been there and these wise words are extremely helpful when in the depths of anxiety and depression. Number 7 is my favorite although it is hard to understand it when we feel so stressed and low. Brilliant!

What I concluded with your thoughts is positive attitude plays an important role for a healthy and happy life. I like your way of explanation.Signs
Of Depression