“Excellence can be obtained if you care more than others think is wise, risk more than others think is safe, dream more than others think is practical, expect more than others think is possible.” ~Unknown
I liked this quote because I find that we often we lose sight of our truest selves in the world of dating.
I have noticed that a common theme among my clients is the confusion and frustration that comes when trying to determine if someone is “the one.” So I came up with a theory to help people get more clarity as to what is really going on in their relationship. This often helps people feel more empowered and free to move forward in their lives.
To start, there are two main questions that one should consider when questioning forever with a mate.
1. Who is this person in relation to the real world?
What do they do? How do they act? What is their life like? This often turns people on or off prematurely. i.e. “He’s a doctor and loves kids! We’re perfect for each other!”
2. Who is this person in relation to me?
What is your actual connection like? Do you connect in some or all of the ways that are most important to you? This is where my “Fundamental Five Theory” comes into play, because often times people jump in or reject prematurely based only on the first question.
Each person requires a certain level of connection in each of the following areas to be truly satisfied in a relationship.
The Fundamental Five Ways to Connect with your Partner
1. Intellectual: Can this person connect with me intellectually?
2. Emotional: Can this person understand/handle my emotions? Do I feel comfortable sharing?
3. Spiritual: Does this person share or respect my spiritual/non-spiritual beliefs?
4. Chemistry: Does it feel natural and enjoyable to be in each other’s physical presence?
5. Lifestyle: If I were to be dropped off into his/her “world” would it feel comfortable? (i.e. culture, eating habits, sleeping patterns, cleanliness, social habits, health, hobbies, etc.)
“Why doesn’t this feel right?”
People often start relationships based on the excitement that comes with idealizing a person’s professional achievements or connecting in only a few of these five ways. After some time, however, if all five of these connections aren’t satisfied, it can often leave someone wondering what went wrong–when the problem is that they didn’t find someone who satisfied all of their connection needs to begin with.
Clearly there are many other elements that influence our own ability to be satisfied in general, but finding someone who is compatible in the Fundamental Five Ways will definitely make things easier!
Therefore, when looking for the strongest match it is of the utmost importance to find someone who:
- Relates to the world in a way you value and enjoy
- Satisfies all of your fundamental five connection needs
How do you know when someone is a good match?
Photo by Mr Theklan