by Dani of Positively Present, Photo Credit
Even miles from the office, I could sense the piles of papers stacked on my desk. My arm veins remained tightened, like I was still applying unnecessary pressure to my pen, adding items to my to-do list. The tinny sound of my phone ringing echoed in my mind. My head remained slightly cocked to the left, as I held it most of the day, balancing the plastic receiver between my chin and shoulder. I’d been at the office since 6:00 am. I was exhausted and the heat of the summer didn’t help my fatigued mood.
It had been this way for weeks. Me, driving home, finally heading towards the end of the day but already dreading the next. The only break from the noise in my head was a quick lapse in memory. Maybe tomorrow’s Saturday, I thought. Except it wasn’t, or even close. Unfortunately for me tomorrow was Tuesday, a day I hated as fiercely as Monday.
Annoyed by the sea of cars engulfing mine in traffic, my mind began to wander. I fantasized about a desk tucked into a bay window overlooking a beautiful city skyline. I imagined that desk was mine—as in I bought it, not just used it at work. And those bay windows were mine, as well. I saw the desk stacked with papers, but instead of chores meant to be crossed off of an endless to-do list, they were pages of a novel. A novel I had written.
Sitting in gridlock traffic, dreading another stressful day at work, I frequently returned to this fantasy: life as a full-time writer, working from home. I’d fade into some imaginary future in which the words commute, boss, and timesheet were as foreign as French. I’d long for a day when I can wake and write, and keep writing until I want to stop. I’d dream of a perfect world where I have no one to report to but myself….
A car horn startled me out of my reverie, pulling me back to the present moment. A now defined by three words: traffic, stuck and annoyed. I glanced out the window and caught sight of the trees lining the highway, just on the verge of turning from green to yellow. Autumn, my favorite time of the year, was almost here. It’s one of those amazing things I sometimes take for granted. Something awesome that I can enjoy regardless of what my life is lacking.
It was in that moment—amid stop-and-go traffic and honking horns—that I realized things in my life weren’t so bad. Sure, my job could be overwhelming, but I didn’t have to use the rest of my time devoting energy to it. Instead I could trust I’m headed where I want to be, and accept and appreciate the good things around me. My fantasy was amazing, but that didn’t mean now had to be horrible.
I was in my car, on a gorgeous almost-fall day, heading home. I was alive. I was young. I was healthy. I had several hours left in the day to do whatever I wanted to do—and that didn’t include thinking about the papers on my desk. For the first time in a long time, I felt peaceful with being right where I was.
“Stress is caused by being ‘here,’ but wanting to be ‘there.’” ~Eckhart Tolle
Positively Present is Dani, a twenty-something who spent years living under a dark cloud of woe-is-me, and has decided this is the year she’ll focus on the positive and live in the present. You can visit Dani on either of her two blogs—Positively Present and Hope Springs Internal—or follow her on Twitter @positivepresent.
