Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself Interview: Madison Sonnier

This month we’re celebrating the impending launch of Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself, a book about taming your inner critic that features 40 stories from Tiny Buddha contributors.

Throughout September, you’ll have chance to meet some of the book’s contributors through daily interviews here on the blog.

Today’s featured contributor is Madison Sonnier, who has overcome obsessive-compulsive disorder and depression, and now strives to help others through her writing.

In her contribution for the book, she offers a few tips to believe in our worth and ourselves and find the right path for us.

A little more about Madison…

1. Tell us a little about yourself and your self-love journey.

My self-love journey is constant. I’m still learning, growing, and becoming. I struggle with self-love sometimes, but I am adamant about learning to be nicer to myself on a day-to-day basis.

2. Have you ever felt there’s “something wrong with you”? If so, why, and what’s helped you change your perception?

Absolutely. I would describe myself as a very unorthodox person. I don’t really live by “rules” and traditional standards. I’m also quite simply a bit strange, although I say that with love.

I’m self-employed, extremely frugal, and have no idea what I’m doing half the time. I didn’t go to college. I don’t socialize much. I live my life at a slower pace than most people I know. I’m uncharacteristically anxious a lot of the time. I have weird habits such as frolicking around my kitchen and carrying on conversations with myself in my head…The list goes on.

Because of all the things that made me different from my family and friends, I felt like a black sheep or an ugly duckling. But I’ve slowly learned over the years that what makes you different is a gift, not a curse.

3. Have you ever thought something was a flaw only to realize that other people actually appreciate that about you? What was the “flaw”?

I used to think not having much to say was a flaw, but I think some people appreciate that I’m thoughtful and a good listener. I’m not always on the edge of my seat waiting to blurt out my two cents in the middle of a conversation.

4. Complete this sentence: When other people don’t like me, I…

…I become very anxious and hurt before eventually remembering that what other people think of me is none of my business anyway.

5. What are some areas in your life where you’ve compared yourself to other people, and what’s helped you let go of these comparisons?

I most often compare my progression in life to other people’s. I also compare my reserved personality and my tendency to become incredibly anxious to other people’s outgoing personalities and fearlessness.

I tell myself that I should be less anxious, more outgoing, at a different level of growth, etc. I have a habit of looking down on the areas of my life that are less ideal and less celebrated.

I constantly have to remind myself that beating myself up never leads to positive growth. We’re all unique human beings, and we all progress at our own rate. When we accept who we are and are patient with ourselves, life inevitably unfolds exactly as it should.

It helps to remind myself that there is nothing wrong with me and that I’m where I need to be at this moment in time. No two journeys are the same.

6. What’s one thing you would tell your younger self about looking to other people to complete you?

One of the biggest things I’ve come to learn over the years is that other people cannot give you what you’re not giving yourself. It will never feel like enough, and you will feel perpetually frustrated and confused about that.

When other people tell me they’re proud of me or that I did a good job on something, I have a hard time believing them unless I feel proud of myself and truly believe that I did a good job.

When other people tell me I’m lovable, I have a hard time believing them unless I view myself as lovable in that particular moment.

I’ve learned that other people cannot complete the parts of me that I’m not actively completing on my own. No one can fill your inner void except you.

7. What are the top three things you personally need to do to take good care of yourself, mentally and emotionally?

I need to write. Writing gives me a creative and emotional outlet, and I do it every day.
I also need an adequate amount of solitude because I function better when I have alone time.
And lastly, I think spending time with my dogs or simply spending time with people who make me feel happy and good about myself is essential to my well-being.

8. What’s something you do regularly that makes you feel proud of the difference you’re making in the world?

Whenever I consider what kind of good I’m doing in the world, I always think of my writing and how many people have been positively affected by it. Even if I hand out inspiration in smaller doses, I feel like I’m making some kind of difference.

Writing gives me a voice and an opportunity to let other people know that they’re not alone.

*Note: I edited this post to remove info about the pre-order promotion, which ended on October 8, 2013. You can learn more about Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself here.