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by Jeanelle Rabadam

“Don’t fear failure so much that you refuse to try new things. The saddest summary of life contains three descriptions: could have, might have, and should have.” ~Unknown

There are two basic human emotions that are the driving force behind each thought, each daily inspiration and that rare but pivotal new-chapter, life-changing decision.  The first is fear and the second, love.

The funny thing, however, is that they are intertwining forces.  In order to feel passionately about something, fear and love must coexist.

One year ago I made what some people would consider an irrational decision.  I had a great job, a flexible boss with rainbow colored work walls to boot.

I had a circle of close-knit, happy-hour-loving girlfriends who brought overflowing amounts of joy and adventure to my life.  Together we’d paint Los Angeles red, fly to Chicago on a “girls’ trip” whim, and celebrate each other’s birthdays in Las Vegas.

Within our friendly beachside neighborhood were my favorite Thai restaurant, faithful yoga studio and the best omelet breakfast spot within a 5 miles radius of each other.  My adoring family was a short one-hour Southwest flight away, so I could always access TLC from Mom and Dad.

I was comfortable, I was happy, but most of all I was where everyone wants to be—safe.

Halfway through the best year of my life to date I decided to make a monumental move.  I quit my rainbow-walled job and applied to graduate schools abroad.

Skimming potential programs I narrowed my choices to three well-known major metropolitan cities:  London, Paris and Barcelona. After much deliberation I decided that while London is bubbling with energy and the French have the most delicious buttery croissants I’ve ever tasted, Barcelona was my true calling.

A California water-loving girl at heart, I can never be far from warm sunshine or the familiar stretch of sandy beaches.

Upon arrival and the few months following, the unexpected feeling of homesickness hit me like a mid-summer tidal wave in the South Pacific.  I was alone in this foreign place, aching in my heart and missing my safe life.

As we oftentimes do when it comes to big decisions, career changes or new mortgages; I doubted myself and the choice I had made.

While waist deep in fear and doubt, strangely enough I was also on an exhilarated high.  Each morning run was an adventure; each trip to the market, something new.

Even though there was a high probability I’d get lost en route, the miniature unknowns were breathtaking and exciting.  I never knew who I would meet or where I would be that weekend.

I took day trips to lining Costa Brava towns and tried yoga classes spoken in a foreign tongue.   Getting back into the classroom was a bit awkward but I submersed myself in bulky case studies and writing, something that has always calmed my racing mind.

Slowly but surely, I made a circle of international friends and discovered new cultures, colorful cuisines and a fascinating European way of life.  In time I opened my heart again and found more love and laughter than I ever dreamed possible between two people.

Despite the initial difficulty, it was worth every chaotic moment to reach this place.

Life is too short and far too precious to waste time going through the safe motions that distract us from what will really bring us joy.  It can be big, or it can be a small or it can be somewhere in the middle.

It can be the fear of quitting your 9–5 job to finally pursue your love affair with the culinary arts.  Or running the marathon that you’re too afraid to try. Or starting the business you’ve always dreamed of.

Or it can very well be finally overcoming your fear of stage fright at Monday Karaoke night for your love of singing.

In our current world where stimulated ideas, new opportunities and innovative minds are so openly welcomed, oftentimes the biggest thing standing in the way is ourselves.

So take the leap of faith in yourself, or someone else for that matter.  Go back to school, finally start your blog or accomplish the resolutions that have been making cameos on your New Year’s list for the past five years standing.

At the end of it all we all have two life lists: All the things we actually did.  And all the things we wish happened.

Focus on building the first list, starting right here and now.

by Lori Deschene

“All appears to change when we change.” -Henri-Frédéric Amiel

I admit it—I’m a change addict. I love new cities, apartments, jobs and friends. This can be both a strength and a weakness.

On the one hand, I never shy away from a new experience or opportunity. On the other hand, it takes a strong effort for me to stick with anything once the novelty wears off.

So today I started thinking about all the ways I can make a day exciting without changing any of the big things that need to stay constant if I’m to make progress on my larger goals. Here’s what I’ve come up with:

1. Start the day with a blank piece of paper and the question, “What if today were my last?” Write down what you’d do differently and then try to do at least 5 of those things.

2. Wear something much bolder than you usually do. This gives people the opportunity to see you in a new light, which means they may interact with you differently.

3. Take a different path when you walk to work. Maybe you’ll pass a restaurant you’d like to try sometime, or a gym that’s offering free classes.

4. If you drive, park your car a mile away and take the bus the rest of the way. I did this one time and met a man on the bus who I dated for a month. Well worth the detour!

5. If you take public transportation for your commute, make the time meditative or educational. Practice deep breathing, listen to soothing music, or download an audio book for the ride.

6. Bring your camera and take pictures of things that catch your eye throughout the day. You’ll notice a lot more than you usually do—and new people will likely talk to you to figure out what you’re doing.

7. Change your workspace. Bring new pictures and candles, or move your desk if you’re able. Rearranging furniture always makes my space more exciting.

8. Start collecting something you often see throughout the day. It will make the whole day more interesting if you have your eyes peeled for rare coins, specific pens, and odd food labels.

9. Make it a goal to talk to five people you don’t know. And I mean real conversations. Ask them what they do on the weekends, what their favorite memory is, and whether or not they like spam. (OK, the last one is less interesting—but I think it says a lot about you if you eat unidentifiable lunch meat.)

10. Commit to complementing everyone you encounter on something. Sometimes it will be easy; sometimes it will be challenging. Every time it will brighten someone’s day and fill you with joy.

11. Take a class during your lunch break. Head to the gym, learn to do pottery, start guitar lessons. You can always eat a sandwich at your desk later.

12. Eat lunch at a different time than usual. You never know what you’re missing in the office when you head out at the same time every day.

13. Make lunch and bring enough for two people—then offer some to someone in your office.

14. Give yourself a challenge. Maybe it’s to find a lower car insurance rate or talk to someone you secretly admire. I get a big kick out of little victories like these.

15. Read about a topic that’s completely new and interesting to you and then start a conversation about it. It’s always fun to share a new passion, especially if the other person gets excited, too.

16. Learn 10 new words from a thesaurus, and then use them all twice during the day. Maybe I’m just a dork but I get excited about stretching my vocabulary!

17. Practice mindfulness during a boring activity. In Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh’s book The Miracle of Mindfulness he explains how he stays fully present when washing the dishes—and enjoys it. Anything can be interesting if you get curious about how it works.

18. Count risks. See how many (smart) risks you can take throughout the day—like accepting a difficult assignment or committing to something you’ve never done before.

19. Say yes to everything. In the movie Yes Man, Jim Carrey said yes to absolutely everything—even an intimate moment with someone’s grandma. I’m not suggesting you go to that extreme, but you’ll likely have an exciting day if you say yes to most things you’re asked.

20. Commit random acts of kindness. You’ll get a warm fuzzy feeling and you’ll create some good karma for yourself. You never know when that kindness will come back to you and open up your world.

21. Bet on things. Once on The Office everyone bet on stupid things—like how long it would take Kelly to explain Netflix to Ryan, or whether Creed would notice they replaced his apple with a potato. If you’re pulling an all-nighter this could be a fun way to hold onto your sanity.

22. Set up a profile on a dating site (if you’re single). I was on Match.com for a while—don’t laugh—and I have to admit I kind of watched my email like a kid counting down ‘til Christmas.

23. Ask someone to come out to play. Kids are always willing to jump around, get messy, and give get their blood pumping. You still have legs and endorphins—tap into that. Play basketball after work, go bike riding, or spend some time on the swings.

24. Learn something new during all your routine activities. When you buy coffee, ask the barista how long the shop has been there. When you make copies, pay attention to how the machine works.

25. Swap apartments with a friend for a night. Assuming you trust each other, why not? A change of scenery can work wonders; and it’s always fun to see how someone else lives.

I once read that intelligent people are never bored because they’re always curious. You’re smart—start exploring! If you keep your mind engaged and fresh during your downtime, you’ll have far more passion and focus when it’s time to get productive. And equally important, you’ll enjoy more of the minutes that would otherwise just pass by.

Before you go! If you didn’t already see it, check out my guest post on Zen Habits, Letting Go of Attachment, from A to Zen. Thank you to Leo for posting it, and thank you to all of you for supporting Tiny Buddha!

Read more about me in the About or FAQ pages. You can also visit me on LoriDeschene.com or on Twitter @lori_deschene. Photo here. If you enjoyed this post, please support Tiny Buddha! Or contribute a guest post by sending it to email @ tinybuddha.com.

by Lori Deschene

“Youth has no age.”~Pablo Picasso

Remember when life was simple?

When your friends were the most important thing in the world. When a snow day was a perfect excuse to have fun, not a block of time when you felt guilty about being unproductive.

When the ice cream truck could make your day, no matter what happened before. Bad grade? Big deal–it’s Snow Cone time. Skinned knee–who cares, you have a screwball!

If only you could bottle that sense of freedom, fun and enthusiasm for the little things, you could carry it in your responsible adult pocket and take a swig when you started taking everything too seriously.

I don’t know about you, but mine would be in a glass vial embellished with red, pink, and purple swirleys, topped with a water globe stopper that had a palm tree in it. (Yeah–that’s right!)

Maybe we don’t need some major departure from business as usual to stop being stuffy and start being childlike (which can actually help you become more innovative–in case sheer joy isn’t motivation enough.)

I’ve compiled a list of 33 ideas to be more childlike today. I chose 33 because it’s the house number where my parents live; and it’s because of them I am the best couch cushion fort maker on both the east and west coasts. Enjoy:

LEARN

1. Read a book you loved as a kid. My book of choice: Oh the Places You Will Go by Dr. Seuss.

2. Figure out how something works, even if it’s irrelevant to your life, just because it’s interesting. Go ahead—Google “How Fish Breathe” or something you don’t fully understand.

3. Fill out your own permission slip to go to the aquarium, a museum, or a nearby tourist attraction. If something looks interesting, take a break and go!

PLAY

4. Do something fun. Make a Lego village, pull out the coloring book, or jump rope.

5. Explore. Walk around your block without any intention. Just see what’s going on, maybe even using a big fallen branch as a walking stick.

6. Run or skip if you feel like it. Flail your arms, like Phoebe in my favorite episode of Friends.

7. Be silly. Look for funny things in your day–they’re always there–and let yourself laugh about them.

8. Try a new look–think the kid from Adam Sandler’s Big Daddy, when he dressed himself, but a little less ridiculous.

SHARE

9. Remember something awesome and call a friend to share it. (i.e.: ‘Member the time we made pizza for breakfast? That was awesome, huh?)

10. Tell someone they’re your hero. If you admire what they do, look right in their eyes and say, “I think you’re pretty awesome.”

11. Be a know it all. Tell someone about something you learned today and get excited about sharing it.

12. Tell it like it is. Don’t be a liar, liar, pants on fire. As Dr. Seuss said, “Say what you mean and mean what you say because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”

13. Be vulnerable. Tell someone how you feel, or what you really want to be when you grow up, without making them pinky swear to take it to the grave.

14. Share a meal with people around a table, even if it isn’t a special occasion, like that Normal Rockwell painting families often recreate.

CONNECT

15. Tell your mom and dad you love them. Call them right now and say it for no reason other than it being true.

16. Make a spontaneous play date. Invite people over right now, for no reason but to have fun, even if you have plans scheduled for the weekend with them.

17. Eat lunch on a rock with a friend. You don’t need a restaurant or a cafeteria. Channel the good old days from camp when a little sand in your PB & J meant a lunchtime adventure.

18. Ask for help if you need it. Just like you used to pull your desk next to someone else’s to read along, walk up to someone you trust, and let them be there for you.

19. Tap into your innocence—meaning give someone the benefit of the doubt, as if you don’t know yet to be cynical.

CREATE

20. Make a card by hand to give to someone you care about. As Pablo Picasso said, “All children are artists. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.”

21. Get messy when you’re cooking. Not tomato-sauce-on-the-ceiling-fan messy. The point is: let loose and enjoy yourself instead of making cooking a chore.

22. Start a piggy bank. Or a coin jar. You don’t need to save big to save; and you never know what little adventures you can have with just a little extra cash.

23. Try a hands-on project from the Be Creative! Adults section of the Creativity Portal, like gum wrapper origami.

24. Assume you’d be really good at something–piano, rock climbing, organizing a club–and then find out, instead of assuming the opposite.

BE

25. Sit Indian style in your chair if you’re able. Crossed-legged sitting is actually really good for your posture—an added bonus!

26. Surround yourself with your favorite color. If orange makes you smile, plaster orange pictures all over your cubicle.

27. Cry if you need to. If the day gets difficult, don’t try to be a hero. When you let yourself feel it, you’re better able to let it go.

28. Relax and do nothing. Don’t try to fill that empty pocket of time. You’ve been productive enough. Kick back, cut loose, and let yourself waste a little time. As John Lennon said, “Time you enjoyed wasting was not wasted.”

IMAGINE

29. Forget what was tough about yesterday. Why dwell on that fight with your sister when you could be having fun today?

30. Change your mind easily. According to Alison Gopnik, a professor of psychology at the University of California at Berkeley, kids’ brains are extremely flexible, “so they can change what they think based on new evidence very quickly and easily.”

31. Visualize a tomorrow with endless possibilities. Not sure you can be the person you want to be? Read 10 Ways to Be the Person You Wanted to Be as a Kid.

32. Don’t take no for an answer. If there’s something you want to do, be persistent. You can make it happen!

33. Ignore something someone says if it limits you, your potential or your possibilities.

Have anything to add to the list? Go for it. I double dog dare you…

by Lori Deschene

“To get something you never had, you have to do something you’ve never done.” ~Unknown

Maybe you feel stuck. Or bored. Or frustrated. It’s not that you don’t like the life you live, it’s just that you suspect there’s something more. Some greater sense of meaning or excitement. New connections. New adventures. New possibilities.

The truth is those possibilities are always within your reach. You may not be able to quit your job or develop new skills by osmosis; but every day contains within it countless opportunities, all dictated by the choices you make.

Some of those choices may seem inconsequential when you face them. They’re the little things, after all. Why not do it how you usually do? Why not stay in your comfort zone when it’s just so comfortable there?

Do it for the possibility. The possibility that if you make one minor change you may set the stage for major fulfillment. Sometimes even the smallest shift in thinking or doing can create the biggest opportunity. Here’s how to get started:

GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD

1. Challenge your beliefs about what you can and can’t do. Maybe you are a good leader.

2. Challenge your ideas about how things should work. Sometimes when you decide how things should be you limit your ability to be effective in the world as it actually is.

3. Have a vision session. Write in a journal, create a video, sketch–anything that lets you explore what excites you most.

4. Look for opportunities in a tough situation. Eschew a victim mentality, and opt instead for a “ready for new beginnings” attitude.

5. Remove something from your life that doesn’t serve you to make room for something better and new. You never know what you might let in when you let something go.

6. Commit to something you always say you’ll do but always fail to start–and then take the first step right now.

7. Turn your focus from something don’t want to something you do want. This allows you to shift your energy from complaining to taking action.

8. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones. Positive energy creates positive results.

9. Identify the blocks that keep you from breaking a bad habit. Anytime you improve your habits, you pave the path for personal excellence.

10. Forgive someone if you’ve been holding a grudge. Removing that block will open you up where previously you’d shut down.

GET OUT IN THE OPEN

11. Walk to work and open your eyes. You may find a gym you want to join, or an organization where you’d like to volunteer.

12. Talk to someone while waiting in line and ask what they do. You don’t need to wait for a specified event to network.

13. Make an effort to connect with people you pass—smile and make eye contact for a little longer than usual. Being even slightly more open can open up your world.

14. Learn a new skill. Start taking piano lessons or karate classes.

15. Say yes to something you always talk yourself out of–sing karaoke or take a kickboxing class–even you’re afraid of you’ll feel embarrassed.

16. Take a walking lunch. Walk around your neighborhood for a half-hour, with no destination in mind, and then eat at your desk when you return. You never know what will happen when you get out without a plan.

17. Volunteer at your local animal shelter or ASPCA chapter.

18. Start something you always assumed it was too late to do. Take gymnastics, learn guitar. If it moves you, get started today. It’s never too late.

19. Take up urban foraging–the act of foraging for “free” fruits and vegetables around your city (where harvesting is sanctioned). According to worldchanging.com, “It saves money (free food!), it reduces waste (all that fruit isn’t rotting on the ground) and it builds community (…by forcing interaction between strangers…).”

20. Join an adventure club to try new activities, like white water rafting and rock climbing, and meet new people at the same time.

GET IN WITH PEOPLE

21. Offer to help someone else. Sometimes it’s the best way to help yourself, and not just for the warm fuzzy feeling it provides. You never know what you’ll learn through the process.

22. Carpool to work. This gives you a chance to get to know coworkers better–good for socialization, and possibly good for your career.

23. Compliment a stranger on something you notice. Everyone likes to be appreciated, and it’s a great way to start a conversation.

24. Take pictures of things you find interesting that other people might not notice. When you’re trying to frame the smiley face of leftover food on your plate, people will naturally want to ask what you’re doing. (I know this from experience).

25. Do something you enjoy alone. Go to a museum, or read a book in the park. You’re more accessible when you’re not engulfed in a crowd, making it easier for new people to approach you.

26. Wear an interesting T-shirt, something funny or nostalgic. You likely won’t get through a day wearing a Gem or Alf shirt with at least one conversation with someone new!

27. Move one of your friends into a new pool. Take one from the “we keep things light and casual” pool into the “we share our dreams and confide each other” pool. Research shows people who have 5 or more close friends describe themselves as happy.

28. Bring enough lunch to share with other people at work–particularly childhood favorites. Nothing bonds like shared nostalgia.

29. Pay attention to other people’s body language and expressions so you can offer assistance when they seem to need it.

30. Help someone else get out of their comfort zone. You just may set the precedent that you challenge each other in your friendship.

GET INTO YOUR WORK

31. Show up a half-hour early or leave thirty minutes late. You’ll get more done; you may impress your boss; and you might open yourself up to opportunities for growth–particularly if your coworkers aren’t around.

32. Speak up in a meeting, even if you don’t feel fully confident or you’re afraid you’ll be embarrassed. Your ideas can only take shape if you put them out there.

33. Hold your meeting outside. People work and engage differently in new environments, particularly when they can feel sunlight on their faces.

34. Hold a meeting standing up. This will most likely make it shorter, meaning you’ll be more efficient and create more time to work on something else.

35. Create a business card that speaks to what really matters to you, like Meng Tan’s “jolly good fellow” card.

36. Start learning a new language. The more people you can communicate with, the more valuable you become, particularly for work that involves traveling abraod. Only 6% of the world’s population speaks English.

37. If you don’t work in your dream industry, volunteer within it. This allows you to be your purpose now, even though you don’t have the job; gain experience; and make valuable connections.

38. Find a mentor. Ask someone who does what you’d like to do for tips.

39. Attend a networking event or conference that’s big in your industry. Collect at least 10 business cards, and follow up with emails the next day.

40. Consider one of these creative ways to turn everyday situations into opportunities.

GET CAUGHT IN THE WEB

41. Check the Craigslist Community section for activities, events, and classes–and then send at least 3 emails today. Don’t wait.

42. Start a group at Meetup.com to connect with like-minded people, or join one that already exists.

43. Ask on Twitter if anyone can offer you any tips to move forward with your dream.

44. Learn to cook one tweet at a time. @cookbook tweets entire recipes and instructions in 140 characters each.

45. Learn how to do anything that interests you on eHow, Instructables, or wikiHow.

46. Have a “friend trade” day on Facebook. Introduce your friends to one of yours, and ask them to do the same.

47. If you blog, find other bloggers in your niche and email them to introduce yourself.

48. Work on personal branding to help market yourself and attract new opportunities. Mashable has an excellent post about this here.

49. Search WeFollow.com to find the most influential people in your niche, then initiate contact them through Twitter or email.

50. Join the TinyBuddha Facebook community, where happiness-minded individuals gather to share their wisdom. (Or subscribe to tinybuddha.com for more tips to live out loud!)

There’s a lot of information here–way more than you can tackle all at once. But it’s more about quality than quantity. Even just one small change can have a ripple effect into every area of your life. Of course it’s up to you to decide what’s possible.

How do you open your world to new possibilities?

by Lori Deschene

“A man is not old until regrets take the place of his dreams.” ~Proverb

The time you backpacked through Europe–when you felt you had the ultimate in adventure and freedom. Summer night barbecues with friends and family–when you felt young, energetic, and loved. Weekends spent camping and hiking–when you didn’t have family commitments or overtime.

At some point, we all pile up a stack of yesterdays that, in hindsight, look like utopia. Memories of friends, family, and well-worn habits as soothing as our favorite comfort foods. Days when things were easier, simpler, or more exciting.

No matter how perfect the past can look when you leave a time you loved, it likely wasn’t perfect when you experienced it. You may even think that occasionally–that you didn’t realize back then how good you had it. That you’d enjoy it more if you could go back. Appreciate it more fully. Take better advantages of the opportunities it presented. If only you could back.

There’s a simple reason people often don’t realize what they have when they have it: it’s easier to live in the past and future than it is to live in the present. It’s easier to analyze and judge life as you experience it, than to accept life will never be perfect, and still live it gratefully and mindfully.

It’s easier to imagine some other time is better–any time other than now. We often realize all too late now is all there ever is.

Instead of idealizing a different time, learn from your interpretation of it. What is it you really want to recreate? What in your life would you like to eliminate? What do you wish you were doing that you’re not, because you’re scared to leave your comfort zone or you’re convinced it’s too late to start?

You can’t go back and live in that time when you felt adventurous, peaceful, or free, but you can use the knowledge of what made you feel happy and alive to make today meaningful for you.

You can inject a sense of adventure into a routine that’s lost all spontaneity by trying new things more often. You can feel connected by widening your social circle, and initiating activities you enjoy. You can access that feeling of freedom–even with your current responsibilities–by saying no more often, and allowing yourself enough time to explore the things that make you happy.

You can’t always relive experiences exactly as they occurred in the past, but, when you think about it, is that really a bad thing? You’ve already done that, and there’s a world of unique experiences ahead of you. New opportunities. New adventures. New possibilities–if only you open yourself up to them.

This moment is the perfect opportunity to be the joy you’ve been recalling.

Do happy. It’s something you’re due.

by Lori Deschene

“To get something you never had, you  have to do something you never did.” ~Unknown

You’d like to start presenting to clients, but you’re afraid of looking like a deer in the headlights if they ask questions you can’t answer. So you keep thinking about it, waiting for a time when you feel more prepared. More ready. More in control.

You’ve considered telling your friends you want to publish your novel, but you can’t stand them knowing you failed if things don’t pan out. So you keep it inside, protecting your ego but reinforcing to yourself that you likely can’t do it.

You’ve decided you don’t want that job you dreamed of as a kid, but the thought of everyone thinking you gave up makes you queasy. So you keep chasing a rainbow that no longer excites you. Half in it, half curious what else is out there, but wholly sure you’ll look better if you stay the course.

The potential for embarrassment motivates people to do and avoid all kinds of things against their better judgment. Statistics show more people fear public speaking than death–meaning they’d rather be hit by a bus than potentially look foolish in front of a crowd.

Research also indicates a majority of the people who get divorced had a strong feeling before getting married it wasn’t a good idea, but honored their promise to avoid embarrassment.

You may not have made a lifetime commitment to save face, but if you’re like most people you’ve limited yourself to avoid that palm-sweating, heart-racing, demoralizing feeling of vulnerability at least once in your life. And you’ll have countless other opportunities to make that decision again–all moments when you can choose control or possibility.

Your boss will ask your opinion in a meeting, giving you a chance to clam up or shine. Your colleague will ask you to speak at a fundraiser, giving you a chance to cower or inspire. Your friend will ask you to join her in volley ball, giving you a chance to limit or stretch yourself.

Every day you’ll have a chance to put yourself out there to get something you want, or may not yet realize will change your world for the better. Something that could change your feelings about your potential. Something that could infuse your life with excitement, passion, and meaning.

Of course there are no guarantees when you take a risk. You could put yourself out there and find people unimpressed–but that’s actually a good sign. Everyone who has ever changed the world stood awkwardly, on sea legs to a radio-silent reception at least one time in their lives. The willingness to look foolish is a veritable prerequisite to being happy and fulfilled.

You can reject all opportunities to avoid being judged–only doing what you’re sure will impress–if you don’t mind creating a predictable tomorrow that looks a lot like yesterday. Or you can let yourself be awkward, uncomfortable, gawky, uncoordinated, unpolished, and imperfect from time to time to find out what it feels like on the other side of vulnerable.

If you’ve been there before, you already know: what’s on the other side feels like being alive.

Do happy. It’s something you’re due.

by Lori Deschene

“While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about.” ~Angela Schwindt

When you’re young anything seems possible. Whether you want to become a school teacher, ballerina, or astronaut, it all feels within your reach.

And you so easily get excited by it. You can visualize in vivid detail what it would be like to hold your roses at curtain call, or how proud you’ll feel when you save the day–as a fireman, soldier, or maybe even superhero. You pretend your way through different roles, and allow your understanding of yourself to evolve.

You might know what you like and don’t–and you probably aren’t afraid to vocalize it–but you haven’t yet learned how to get stuck in your ways. You’re too curious for that. That would be boring.

Though you knew back then that sticks and stones might break your bones but names could never hurt you, you did get hurt sometimes. You cried when a bully teased you, or you couldn’t get something you wanted. But the next day you were back swinging and giving underdogs at the playground, smiling and dreaming new dreams again.

Then life happened. Maybe time and experience taught you to worry, fear, and limit yourself, and you slowly became a person younger you wouldn’t want to play with. You started playing by rules no one even gave you. You stopped imagining possibilities and believing you could meet them.

And worst of all, you started thinking it’s something the world did to you–not something you choose, moment to moment.

You might not be able to scale buildings or become the king of the world, but you can still be that person you wanted to be as a kid. You can still see the world with wonder. You can still believe in magic, and create it.

This is how you start:

1. Play.

That’s how you learned back then. You explored and tried on different hats, and rarely said the word “can’t” unless your mom was calling you in for dinner. If something sounded fun, you were game.

Open up to fun again. Be silly, playful, creative, curious, excited, adventurous, and open. Give your overworked adult mind a break, and enjoy experimenting. Finding new possibilities isn’t a cerebral experience. The only way to create a life that will bring you joy is to use your joy as a compass.

2. Invite the new kid to your table at lunch.

OK, maybe you didn’t do this one. We all wanted to belong back then, and that usually meant staying with the group. But sometimes it backfired on you. Sometimes the new kid was fun. Sometimes the new kid was a great friend. Sometimes the new kid had parents that rented astrojumps for their birthdays.

If you only allow yourself to interact with people you know and trust your world will remain small, albeit manageable. You never know what experiences new acquaintances might introduce you to–and you never know when an acquaintance may turn into a friend that feels like home.

3. Don’t ditch gym class.

It was in the curriculum for a reason: it’s good for you. Shocker, I know! Dodge ball was more than just an opportunity to knock your friends out and be the last kid standing. It got your blood pumping, gave you an energy outlet, and increased your overall health.

You can’t do anything in life if you’re too sluggish to get off your couch. This is nothing new–we all know exercise is good for us. If you need additional motivation not to sit on the bench, consider these hidden benefits of exercise: research has shown even moderate exercise can boost the immune system and prevent chronic illness.

4. Don’t jump off a bridge just because your friends are doing it.

You don’t want to think of people you love as negative, complacent, or stagnant, but many of them probably are. Thoreau said the mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation–and as bleak as that may sound, there’s some truth to it. The majority of people don’t do what they want to do, and feel most comfortable surrounding themselves with similar people.

Don’t be a similar person. Love and accept them as they are, but decide to do it differently. There’s no good reason to be quietly desperate when you can be boldly satisfied. That’s not to say achieving what you want will be easy; but you will respect and admire yourself more when you’re actively living out loud, if not yet in results, in the process.

5. Realize you really can paint your bunny green.

Back then you’d pick any color crayon you wanted just because you liked it. You experimented and got creative, even if everyone else went the traditional route. You didn’t know it was thinking outside the box because you never thought to stay inside it. You just did what was fun and exciting.

You might not have the luxury of picking the green crayon in all areas of your life. Sometimes you have to do work you don’t want to do to get you from A to B. But you can keep your crayon handy, and make little changes that allow you more freedom down the line. Believe in the picture you visualize and you’ll impress yourself making it reality.

6. Do your homework first.

You might not have loved that part of being a kid, but if you got good grades, odds are you did your homework after school. You put in the time, got it over with, and then said yes when your best friend asked you to come out to play.

Succeeding in life is no different. You have to put in the time, and consistently. You can’t crack open your book once in a blue moon and expect to win the spelling bee. That’s just not how it works. Commit to the process you’ve chosen to seize your dreams. Whatever you say you’re going to do–write, network, make calls–do it a little every day. Consistency creates momentum creates magic.

7. Ask why the sky is blue.

My mother used to have a magnet on her refrigerator that read, “Ask your teen now, while she still knows everything.” Before you hit puberty, you didn’t know everything and knew it. You asked all kinds of ridiculous questions because you didn’t think it was ridiculous. Not asking and not learning–that was ridiculous.

Don’t be afraid to ask why, when, where or how. You might not look all-knowing or genius, but the truth is no one thinks you are. The jig is up! You can either pretend you have all the answers and annoy people or acknowledge you don’t and allow yourself to learn more of them. The latter gives you more opportunities to understand the world and grow within it.

8. Find excuses to have parties.

Nothing broke up the monotony of a school day like a punch-and-cupcake party. The kind that starts at recess and bleeds into the afternoon math lesson. The type that makes kids with hall passes poke their heads in and wonder why they’re not having fun, too.

As adults we immerse ourselves in striving and wait for reasons to celebrate–to pull out the good china, the good wine, the good life. Don’t wait. Celebrate a non-event whenever you can. Rejoice when you do something well and feel proud. Involve your friends when it’s a sunny day and you can’t wait to enjoy it. As John Petit-Senn said, not what you have but what you enjoy constitutes abundance.

9. Prefer not being punished.

I know–it sounds ridiculous. No one likes missing out or feeling bad, right? And yet we set ourselves up to hurt all the time as adults.  We stay in relationships and situations that don’t serve us because it’s safer than walking away. Because moderately painful and familiar is more bearable than the unknown.

Don’t punish yourself. Don’t stay alone, don’t stay stuck in a miserable situation, don’t stay because you’re scared to walk away. Don’t beat yourself up for mistakes you made. You don’t deserve to hurt, and you don’t have to. You deserve to let your pain go.

10. Believe in magic.

You can’t re-convince yourself Santa exists, or pretend the walking mouse at Disney is really Mickey. And you shouldn’t want to. Real magic doesn’t lie in creating imaginary realities–it happens when you actively choose to create miracles right  here, in the world as it actually is.

Believe. Miracles happen every day. People change for the better. People change their ideas of what’s possible. People change the world. Believe in yourself. Believe in your power. Believe you make a difference. You do. And you can do it more. You can leave the world a better place than you found it. You can be the magic that lit up your eyes as a child.

—

We may have dreamed of castles and flying carpets as kids, but what we really wanted was a lot simpler: we wanted adventure, possibility, fun, and a few good friends to share it with. Regardless of how your life looks now, you can have those things. It starts with how you choose to be today, and what you choose to do with what you have.

Want to come out to play?

by Melissa Kirk

“It is better to travel well than to arrive.” ~Buddha

I have this thing about road trips. I love them, can’t get enough of them. I could never step on another airplane for as long as I live and be perfectly fine with that—but I love having all the experiences that can only happen on the road.

Like my mom and I sleeping in our car in the parking lot of a closed motel on our way to Sedona, Arizona. We foolishly decided to forego the hotel strip outside of Phoenix and look for something more “quaint” – until, at 3 am, we realized we were in the middle of nowhere and the quaintest thing around were saguaro cactuses.

There’s something wonderful about having the experience of arriving somewhere understanding exactly what it took to get there; understanding the land, the people, the culture, and the weather in a way you can’t experience flying.

There’s also something about exploring the winding roads of my own country that intrigues me. The small differences and similarities are fascinating – driving from Tahoe City and ending up, after 3 hours on the road, in a tiny, one-horse town in Nevada eating BBQ and drinking beer with cowboys—these experiences keep the mind fresh and life interesting.

I love that the secrets to successful road trips are the same as the secrets to a successful life:

1. Be prepared.

On the road: Make sure the car has gas and you bring a charged cell phone, a change of clothes, maps, water, maybe a snack, and your sense of adventure.

In life: Plan for the basics (food, water, safe shelter, social support) but also anticipate that things might happen unexpectedly. Do what you can to have money saved up, build strong connections with others who will help you if you need it, and develop the skills to look after yourself (assertiveness, emotional regulation skills, and boundary-setting.)

2. Be flexible.

On the road: Anything can happen and probably will. Save yourself some stress and don’t expect everything to happen exactly as you planned them. Remain flexible and open, and let the experiences in.

In life: The saying goes “If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.” By cultivating an open mind and heart, being aware of our own judgments and assumptions and working compassionately towards honesty and openness, we can learn to be flexible in any situation, no matter what.

3. Be nonjudgmental.

On the road: You will meet people you never thought existed (the Bush-loving cowboy, his Obama-loving fashionista wife, and their cute little Chihuahua, for example). To engage with anyone you meet, you’ll need to leave your judgments at the door. It’s easy to talk about being nonjudgmental, and hard to do it.

In life: Be compassionate with yourself for harboring judgments – we all do – but work to become aware of them and to let judgmental attitudes be a signal that you need to look at your own inner process.

4. Want to be where you are.

On the road: Road trips are about being open to new experiences—not getting somewhere. Throw out the schedule and just drive. Take that winding road that snakes around the hills because it looks beautiful, not because it takes you where you want to go. You won’t regret it, and there are always other roads to go on if that one disappoints.

In life: Cultivate deep acceptance and curiosity about where you are, rather than a drive to be somewhere else. Goals are good, but presence is just as important. Life happens now.

5. Keep a record.

On the road: Photos, journal entries, heck, even Facebook updates—memory is a fickle thing and we often only see our own progress when we trace it.

In life: A journal can help us realize both how much we’ve grown and the places where we’re still stagnant.

6. Pay attention.

On the road: Be present in the moment, because only then will you really experience it. The temperature, the feel of the air, the smells, the landscape, the buildings, the creatures you encounter, your own emotions and thoughts, the sense of movement. Don’t try to hold on, because you can’t, but let the experiences sink in.

In life: Let the good things that happen, even the small ones, sink in by sitting with the feelings of those moments for at least 30 seconds. This can actually change your brain chemistry and help your brain register good things more effectively.

7. Have a sense of humor.

On the road: Even when things are going badly, remember that someday you’ll be telling this story and laughing. It was irritating, at first, to be sleeping in a car in an empty motel parking lot—and even more irritating the next morning when the car wouldn’t start…that’s another story. But now we have something to laugh about with our friends and family.

In life: Even in the worst moments, remember that those hard feelings will pass and laughter will return. When there seems to be no humor anywhere, rent a funny movie or go to a comedy show. Laughter actually releases chemicals in the body that helps us heal, both physically and psychologically.

Interested in contributing? Read our submission guidelines and drop us a line at email @ tinybuddha.com.

by Jamie Hoang

“You can do what’s reasonable or you can decide what’s possible.” ~Unknown

When I was in grade school I remember my teacher had us write down what we wanted to be when we grew up. Honestly, at the time I had no idea. I didn’t know exactly what I wanted to be, but I knew I wanted to be doing something important so I jotted down careers that, in my young mind, equaled success: doctor, lawyer, dolphin trainer, firefighter, astronaut etc.

Then life happened and all of a sudden I was 24, working for the man, and in a serious relationship that seemed to leave me feeling miserable more often than not. Where was that wide-eyed little girl who could have been anything?

I was at the point in my life where I actually had to make a decision about who I wanted to be. I could be a writer and share my wisdom with the world—but wait, what wisdom do I have? I had no great life changing stories or lessons that others could learn from. I was ordinary and borderline boring.

Not wanting to be such a dull person, I felt a sudden thirst for knowledge, but not the kind you get from textbooks. Real world knowledge. I needed to travel.

The rational/reasonable side of my brain told me that I was being ridiculous. I couldn’t travel! I barely made enough to cover my monthly expenses! The reasonable thing would have been to find a higher paying job so that I could actually save some money for travel. But who was I kidding? A higher paying job just leads to a nicer apartment, finer dining, and twice as many bills.

As luck would have it, a friend of mine was planning a trip to Machu Picchu in the winter and was looking for a travel companion. Without hesitation I hoped on Expedia.com and before I knew it I had purchased a round trip ticket to Peru.

I found someone to sublet my LA apartment for the month, used vacation days so as to still collect a paycheck, and traveled to Peru spending the same amount of money as I would have spent on my daily living expenses.

Sometimes it is best to make a spontaneous leap, throwing reason out the window, believing you will land on your two feet.

Think about speeding ticket. Who has money reserved to pay for speeding tickets? No one—but when you get that ticket, somehow you manage to scrape together money to pay the fine, right?  Think along those same lines and your trip becomes nothing more than a very large traffic fine (or four, if you decide to travel to Europe).

That being said, I am not advocating being irresponsible. It’s just that where’ there’s a will, there’s usually a way.

In one year I traveled to: San Francisco, Washington DC, Peru, Jamaica, Thailand, Cambodia, Vietnam, London, and Paris. Phew, that’s a mouthful!

I know what you’re thinking; I must be miss moneybags, with wealthy parents or a trust fund. I’m not. I don’t have any financial assistance whatsoever and I made $24k this past year. How did I do it? I made the leap and then was forced to cut out the unnecessary minor luxuries a normal 24 year old would have. No $70 bar tabs, no cable TV, a downgraded cell phone plan, cooking at home, packing a lunch—all of these small things add up.

We have all kinds of reasons for why we can’t do things but I think you will find that when you take that sharp turn towards something you really want, you will figure out how to make the rest of your life fall into place.

So do yourself a favor and issue yourself a “life” ticket. You can find a way.

by Sonya Derian

“If you ask me what I came to do in this world, I will tell you, I came to live out LOUD.” ~Émile Zola

1. Live your life on purpose. Not on “default.” Be Proactive. Make conscious and deliberate choices. When you don’t choose, circumstances choose for you and you are never leading: you are following or catching up—or worse, living in “default” mode.

2. Utilize your full potential. Give what you’re doing your best and fullest attention. Be here now. Even if you’re not where you want to be, giving it half your effort doesn’t move you forward. Master what you have at hand, for the sake of mastering it and something will shift.

3. Overcome your fear. Get out of your comfort zone. Find out you have a pulse. Let something give you butterflies in your stomach. This is how you know you’re alive—how you grow into something new. Every fear overcome is a freedom gained. Don’t know how to overcome fear? Do the thing you’re afraid of. Cross them off the list. Make it a game. Pretty soon, you will be invincible.

4. Discover a new talent. One of my favorite quotes by Martha Grimes is, “We don’t know who we are until we see what we can do.” But we don’t find this out until we try something new. Learn a new instrument, take an art class, play with a digital camera, sign up for a salsa class, take up cooking, plant a garden, join toastmasters, pick up a needle and thread, try mountain climbing, go scuba diving, camping or kayaking. Find something that interests you and explore it. You never know what will come out of it.

5. Honor your word. When you strip everything else away, your word is all you’ve got. Do what you say you’re going to do. By honoring your word, you honor yourself. And it doesn’t feel good when you don’t. So, make it a habit. Value your integrity and keep your promises. It’s a good life practice. It’s a good business practice.

6. Create a new habit or break an old one. Who has dominion over your life—you or your habits? Make it a game. How many things can you get under your control? How many bad habits can you convert? There is a great sense of empowerment when you feel you are in charge of your life. This helps you get there.

7. Pay a stranger a compliment. Not only does it make someone else feel good, but it makes you feel good to compliment someone else. All of the sudden the world is small and the stranger next to us becomes our friend and we recognize that we’re all in this together.

8. Take yourself out on a date. Treat yourself. Bring a book. Bring something you’re working on. Bring a journal and use it to write up all the amazing qualities that you want in a partner or a friendship when it comes your way. Find somewhere that has music or wireless and plant yourself there. Have a meal, enjoy it. Treat yourself. You deserve it. Living out loud is playing out loud whether you have someone to join you or not. And you never know who you might meet or strike up a conversation with.

9. Take 100% responsibility for your life. If things aren’t working out in your favor, take note and ask yourself what your part in it is. Being a victim is passé, boring. There is no power in blaming other people. Don’t wait for other people to change. When you change, your world will follow suit.

10. Live in the question. There is nothing you cannot be, do or have. So do not impose limitations on yourself. Instead of saying you can’t get there, ask “How can I get there?” Live in the affirmation of possibility rather than the declaration of negativity. There is always a way, and it is being presented consistently, but you have to live in the question to be on the lookout for the answer.

11. Make more decisions for yourself. There is great power in making a decision. It’s a declaration. You don’t know what you want? Then look at what you don’t want and work backwards. I bet you do know what you want; you just haven’t been in the habit of asking yourself. Hey. That’s a new habit to change! (See #6)

12. Learn to say “No.” To live your best possible life, you need to learn how to say no to the things that aren’t serving you. The best barometer to measure this by is: if it isn’t a “hell yeah” (yippee, so fun, can’t wait), then it is most probably a no. If you have to talk yourself into it, it’s a no. Once you get comfortable saying no, everything becomes a matter of choice. Living a life of choice is a living a life of freedom.

13. Know your own value. Others may be more educated, skilled or talented in one or another area, but there is something magnificent and valuable about what you have to offer this world that, in comparison, is equal. Do not allow yourself or anyone else to diminish it. You have a learning disability? So did Dr. John Demartini and that’s what makes him the most powerful speaker today. Joe Vitale came from homelessness. Look at him now. Stop idolizing anyone else’s gifts and dismissing your own.

14. Give yourself permission. For everything. Permission to make mistakes. Permission to shine. Permission to look beautiful. Permission to accept (instead of correct or dismiss) praise. Permission to have bad days. Permission to get angry. Permission to cry, to laugh, to scream. Permission to take the day off. Permission to take a nap, go to sleep early. Permission to get a massage. Permission to do nothing. Permission to succeed. Life is about being here now, in all your full range of emotions, mood swings, wins and losses. Give yourself permission to live out loud today.

15. Own your own opinion. No one has to agree with you in order for your opinion to matter. Stop waiting for consensus. YOU matter. Your opinion matters. The nature of Living Out Loud is that some people will agree with you and some people won’t. You will NEVER get consensus. So, stop looking for it. The only question you have to ask is, does your opinion matter to you? Claim it. Own it. And know that with new information, it could change tomorrow. Life is transitory. Live in the evolution.

16. Do not punish yourself for past actions. Your past behavior was what you’ve done, but it is not who you are. Who you are is still unfolding. Mistakes, errors in judgments, and failures all add to our character and value. They make us human and compassionate and wise. To berate yourself for acquiring these valuable qualities is wrong, so stop it. A new beginning starts today.

17. Live in the realm of “possibility” rather than “probability.” Stay open at the top. You don’t know what the outcome can be. Statistics are made up of groups. You are an Individual. Be the individual that charts your own course. You don’t know what is possible for you until you find out.

18. Do not argue for your limitations, but instead focus on your strengths. We all have weaknesses, but we also have our strengths. What do you do well? Practice that. When you lead with your strengths, the rest follows suit. And miraculously, your limitations sort of disappear. What you focus on grows.

19. Practice gratitude. In a world of imperfections, it’s amazing how perfect things actually are. But sometimes we have to look for them. When your life’s circumstances aren’t working in your favor, the one thing you do have control over is your attitude. If you lead with gratitude, and create a habit of it, in short order, your life will change.

20. Be authentic. Thoreau said, “If I am not I, who will be?” Did you ever notice that the ones who are most successful are not the ones that follow the masses and trends, but the ones who stand in their own authentic expression and declare who they are? Regardless of who agrees with them? There is an expression that is uniquely yours and to dismiss it, is to dismiss the divine.

21. Own your own power. The answers are not outside of you. Own what you know. The more you practice this, the more you hone the powerful magnetic field that surrounds you and the more power you emit in your convictions, knowing and in your life. Your results will confirm this.

22. Stop Complaining. Complaining is a form of passive victimhood. Ask yourself instead, why is this happening to me and what part do I play in this picture? Then work on your part of the solution. Have you ever found yourself not setting a boundary and allowing someone to take advantage of you? Or not taking care of yourself in a situation and getting burned by the outcome? We are always the single common denominators in our lives and we are the only ones we have control over. Use what you are complaining about as your inner clues as to where you need to start taking better care of yourself.

23. Practice “being” and have nothing to prove. Know your own value with or without results. Your value is in your human being-ness not your human doing-ness. In a society that is wrapped up in image, this is sometimes difficult to practice. People ask what you do, not who you are. But a person who knows their own value, does not have to prove it.

24. Be of service. Offer your help where you can and do your part in making the world a friendly place. We are all in this together. As Gandhi preached: be the change that you wish to see happen. You would be surprised by the impact you have.

25. Love generously. Spread random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty. Hatred is already rampant. We need to tip the scales the other way. Love is a far more powerful emotion and has far reaching consequences. Living out loud means loving Out loud. And ironically, the more you love, the more love you have to give.

26. Find your bliss and live your passion. Again, don’t know what that is? Then it’s time to find out! Your emotions give away clues. When your life has spun out of control and you are finding yourself in a tizzy, go back to what makes you happiest and do that. The more you follow this thread, the more you are leading with the heart. There are always ways to monetize your passion, to find ways to make a living at what you love, but first you have to discover it. Your emotions don’t lie. Follow their lead.

27. Stop waiting. Life is happening right now. Don’t wait for the right career, the perfect relationship, the landfill of money. Make the best of what you have right now and be creative with it. Don’t put your life on pause. Live with the possibility that what you are waiting for can arrive tomorrow, and live your best life today.

28. Let other people off the hook. They didn’t mean harm, and even if they did, it hurt them more than it hurt you. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and rise even taller. Don’t use anyone as your excuse to shirk your responsibility to live a bigger life. Victimhood is not a badge of honor. Overcoming adversity is. Use success and joy as your barometer. And march on.

29. Use co-creation to help you. We are always working in conjunction with invisible forces. They want to create on your behalf, but they are waiting for your leadership to direct them. Living out loud means acknowledging that we are a big presence with a big force of nature at our disposal. We don’t underestimate our power. We utilize it.

30. March to the beat of your own drum and stay the course. Do you hear your own music, but find yourself dancing to the tune of someone else’s beat? Stop it. Were you told at any point in your life that your own music was the wrong kind? Re-Consider. The symphony of the world’s vibration, the hum of its tune, is the sound OM (aum). Your task is to find your own Om—your life force vibration, life pattern or purpose, your song or melody . Find it, claim it, express it, and live it. Never give up on yourself. You are who you are. It’s time to honor that and make use of it. Stay the course.

For many of us, this is already a way of life. But to others, some of these practices may feel daunting. To you, I say this: just start. You may not succeed 100% of the time, but like a friend once said, “Life is a hard hat zone, we’re always under construction.”

Bloom where you are planted. Work from the inside out. Make the commitment to yourself and get started.

Find your “OM”. Claim It. Own it. Express It. Live it. You are divinely supported.

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