tinybuddha.com

“The natural flights of the human mind are not from pleasure to pleasure but from hope to hope.” ~Samuel Johnson

You’ll find lots of inspiring quotes and posts that suggest you hold onto hope against all odds, find hope in the darkest of moments, and generally push through difficult times with your eye on a light down the road.

This isn’t one of those posts.

Sometimes hope is a beautiful thing. It can motivate, empower and inspire you when you’re tempted to give up. But other times it just keeps you stuck, albeit with a smile on your face.

When you push through today for a better tomorrow without doing anything to create that new possibility your hope creates the illusion of change to come.

When you hold onto the past, hoping to revive a relationship, situation, or time that’s come and gone your hope precludes even better possibilities in the present.

When you hope you’ll someday know happiness—when you get the right relationship, the right job, the right adventure—your hope allows you to avoid reality. And makes it unlikely you’ll ever know happiness since hope for something else is the only way you know to experience it.

We all want to feel happy. We all want to avoid feeling pain. That’s what makes hope so exciting. It divorces us from the moment and projects us immediately into something better. It creates a beautiful illusion to superimpose on top of reality—a world that oftentimes seems difficult, unfair, and maybe even unbearable.

It allows us the freedom to close our eyes and imagine a world far better than the one we think we know.

Hope is comforting, but not always empowering. Hope gives you possibilities in tomorrow. Belief gives you possibilities now.

When you believe you can be happy regardless of what you gain or achieve, you open your eyes and find reasons to feel and share joy.

When you believe you can have something better, you take responsibility for creating it, starting in this moment.

When you believe you’re complete, even if you don’t feel good in any given moment, you challenge yourself to think beyond your emotions, and remember the larger picture.

You can hope yourself into a corner, waiting for tomorrow to improve. Or you can believe your way onto center stage, and create that tomorrow you want.

It starts with what you think, feel, and do now.

Do happy. It’s something you’re due.

Photo here

Recent Do Happy Tips:

• Compare Yourself to Other People Well
• Get Luckier
• Stop Explaining

by Lori Deschene

“Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.” ~Unknown

Maybe someone hurt you physically or emotionally. Maybe you’ve survived something else traumatic–a natural disaster, a fire, an armed robbery. Or maybe you’ve just come out of a trying situation, and though you know you’ll eventually recover, you still feel pain that seems unbearable.

Whatever the case may be, you’ve been scarred, and you carry it with you through many of your days.

Most of us can relate on some level to that feeling. Even people who excel at taking personal responsibility have at least one story of having been hurt. Though some of us have endured more serious situations, you really can’t quantify or compare emotional pain.

To a teenager who just had her heart broken, the pain really seems like the end of the world. In fact, Livestrong estimates that every 100 minutes, a teenager commits suicide–and that the number of suicides in high-income families is the same as in poor families. Presumably, not all of those teens have suffered incomprehensible tragedies. What they have in common is pain, born from different adversities and circumstances.

When you’re hurting some people might tell you to “Suck it up and deal” as if that’s a valid solution. They may say “It’s all in your head” and assume that reasons away the pain. But none of that will help you heal and find happiness from moment to moment.

Like everyone, I’ve been hurt–in both profound and trivial ways. I’ve dealt with it using the following ideas:

1. Define your pain.

It’s not always easy to identify and understand what’s hurting you. Some people even stay in abusive relationships because it’s safer than acknowledging their many layers of pain: the low self esteem that convinces them they deserve abuse; the shame over being treated with such cruelty; the feeling of desperation that convinces them there’s no real way out.

The first step toward finding happiness after having been hurt is to understand why you were hurt; to get to the root of everything that makes the memories hard.

2. Express that pain.

There’s no guarantee you’ll be able to communicate how you feel to the person who hurt you; and if you can, there’s no guarantee they’ll respond how you want them to. Say what you need to say anyways. Write in your journal. Write a letter and burn it. Get it all out.

This will help you understand why you’re hurting–and what you’ll do in the future to avoid similar pain–so you can feel empowered instead of victimized. Research has actually proven that people who focus on lessons learned while journaling find the experience more helpful than people who don’t (focus on lessons).

3. Try to stay in the present.

Reliving the past can be addictive. It gives you the opportunity to do it again and respond differently. To fight back instead of submitting; to speak your mind instead of silencing yourself. It also allows you to possibly understand better. What happened? Where did you go wrong? What should you have done?

In other words, it allows you to torture yourself. Regardless of what you should have done, you can’t do it now. If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, you may need professional help to avoid revisiting the incident. If you don’t, you need sustained effort. Fight the urge to relive the pain. You can’t go back and find happiness there. You can only experience that now.

4. Stop telling the story.

It may seem like another way to understand what happened; or maybe it feels helpful to hear someone say you didn’t do anything wrong and you don’t deserve to hurt. In all reality this just keeps you stuck right where you are: living your life around a memory and giving it power to control you.

No amount of reassurance will change what happened. You can’t find happiness by holding onto a painful story, trying to place in new, brighter light. You can only find happiness when you let it go, and make room for something better. You don’t need another person’s permission to let go and feel OK.

5. Forgive yourself.

Maybe you didn’t do anything wrong, but you blame yourself. Or maybe you played a role in creating your current situation. Regardless of what happened, you need to realize what you did is not who you are. And even if you feel immense regret, you deserve to start today without carrying that weight. You deserve a break.

You can either punish yourself and submit to misery, or forgive yourself and create the possibility of happiness. It comes down to whether you decide to dwell or move on. Which do you choose: anger with yourself and prolonged pain, or forgiveness and the potential for peace?

6. Stop playing the blame/victim game.

Maybe you were a victim. Maybe someone did horrible things to you, or you fell into an unfortunate set of circumstances through no fault of your own. It still doesn’t serve you to sit around feeling bad for yourself, blaming other people. In fact, it only holds you back. You can’t feel good if you use this moment to feel bad about another person’s actions.

The only way to experience happiness is to take responsibility for creating it, whether other people made it easy for you or not. You’re not responsible for what happened to you in the past but you’re responsible for your attitude now. Why let someone who hurt you in the past have power over your present?

7. Don’t let the pain become your identity.

If everything you do, and all your relationships center around something that hurt you, it will be harder to move on. You may even come to appreciate what that identity gives you: attention, the illusion of understanding, or the warmth of compassion, for example.

You have to consider the possibility there’s a greater sense of happiness in completely releasing your story. That you’d feel better than you can even imagine if you’d stop letting your pain define you. You can have a sad story in your past without building your present around it.

8. Reconnect with you were before the pain.

It’s not easy to release a pain identity, particularly if you’ve carried it around for a long time. It may help to remember who you were before that experience–or to consider who you might have become if it hadn’t happened. You can still be that person. That person who doesn’t feel bitter or angry so frequently.

If you want to feel and be peaceful and happy, start by identifying what that looks like. What you think about, what you feel, what you do, how you interact with people. Odds are this process will remind you both how you want to be and how you don’t want to be.

9. Focus on things that bring you joy in the moment.

You don’t have to focus on completely letting go of your pain forever–you just have to make room for joy right now. Start simple. What’s something you can enjoy in this moment, regardless of what pain you’ve experienced? Would sitting in the sun bring you joy? Would calling your sister bring you joy?

Don’t think about the totality of the rest of your days. That’s a massive burden to carry–haven’t you hurt enough? Just focus on now, and allow yourself a little peace. You’ll be surprised how easily “nows” can add up when you focus on them as they come.

10. Share that joy with other people.

People often isolate themselves when they’re hurting because it feels safer than showing people their vulnerability. What they fail to realize is they don’t have to feel vulnerable all the time. You can choose certain people for support, and then allow yourself time with others without involving your painful story.

You can share a meal, a movie, a moment and give yourself a break from your anger or sadness. You don’t have to carry it through every moment of your day. Don’t worry–if you feel you need to remember it, you’ll still be able to recall it later. But as you allow yourself pockets of peace, shared with people you love, you may find you need that story a lot less.

***

Everyone deserves to feel happy. Everyone deserves a little peace. One more thing we all have in common: we can only provide those things for ourselves.

Related Posts:

• Do Happy Series
• 7 Reasons to Be Happy Even if Things Aren’t Perfect Now
• 2 Ways You Think Yourself Unhappy (and 10 Things to Do About It)
• Positive Thinking Redefined for Deeper Happiness

by Lori Deschene

“To cure jealousy is to see it for what it is: a dissatisfaction with self.” ~Joan Didion

I like to think of myself as a realist. I realize it sounds good to recommend fighting jealousy with gratitude. As in, “Don’t dwell on what you don’t have—just count your blessings!”

I recognize that this is a wise suggestion, and that we’d all be happy if we could just focus of the abundance in front of us.

But I also realize this isn’t a complete solution.

We’re wired for look for two things in life:

• Solutions to problems—physically, emotionally, spiritually, and professionally.
• More—more meaning, more passion, more fun, more recognition; the list goes on and on.

We progress as a society because we’re ever mindful of ways to improve how we function, communicate and produce. This underlies almost everything we do, from interacting in personal relationships to initiating mergers within our companies.

We solve problems by identifying them. That usually means focusing on what’s lacking—and the most accessible way to do that is to observe other people. Or in simpler terms, shaping your own sense of lack based on someone else’s gain.

Is jealousy a path to happiness? In itself, no. Sitting around wanting what other people have gets you nowhere in life. But it’s a natural human instinct, and we all deal with it at one time or another.

So instead of suggesting envy is shameful—and you should fight it by acknowledging you’re already fortunate—I have a few suggestions to channel it for growth and personal gain:

1. Make your jealousy smarter.

The Dalai Lama said sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck. I agree. We often have no idea what we really want. We know what looks good on paper. We know what we should want, according to society. But often when you’re jealous of someone else, it has nothing to do with what they have.  It’s about how you assume having that would make you feel.

Let’s say you’re jealous of your neighbor’s money—his massive house, fast car, and status. You probably assume it makes him feel proud, accomplished and important. Odds are you’re not jealous of his 65-hour workweek. Or the limited time he has for personal relationships. Or the bills that would be overwhelming and stressful if something happened to his income.

Take your jealousy and target it. Are you jealous because someone else has something you want, or because you want to feel better and assume they do?

2. Let your jealousy hone your wants.

After you realize other people don’t necessarily have everything you think you want, the next logical step is to figure out what that really is. What is it you really envy? Your sister’s boyfriend, or a sense of belonging? Your cousin’s job, or a sense of accomplishment? Your uncle’s schedule, or a sense of adventure?

You can have everything you want in life if identify specifically what those things are, and accept they may look different for you than they do for someone else.

Once you determine happiness looks exactly like so-and-so’s life, or accomplishment looks just like so-and-so’s career, you’ve painted yourself into a corner of improbability. Instead of opening yourself to possibilities your mind can’t yet conceive, you attach yourself to a specific vision someone else created.

Figure out what you want and let it be personal to you.

3. Let jealousy make you honest.

Whether you want to feel a certain way, accomplish something, or have something you don’t have, the question remains the same: what’s stopping you? What are you waiting for in creating it?

Is it really about the obstacles you face? Or are your fears holding you back? Is it really about your limitations, or are you dealing with some type of resistance? Do you actually believe you can have it? Or do you think you’re not smart enough, knowledgeable enough, or well-connected to make it happen?

When jealousy gets toxic it’s usually because you want something you don’t believe you can have. Get to the root of that belief. What’s standing in your way?

4. Let your jealousy fuel your work ethic.

Even if the person you’re jealous of doesn’t have the perfect life you imagine they do, the fact remains you’re not fully happy with your current circumstances. You’re feeling dissatisfied, and making yourself feel bad about it instead of using it.

Want something more? Go get it. Get proactive, get motivated, and get going.

Make a plan. Tell a friend. Take a step. Commit to the process. Measure your progress. Connect with people. Stay flexible. Push through resistance. Counter objections. Move through fear. Tune out negative people. Fight perfectionism. Keep yourself motivated. And whatever you do, keep going.

—

The great paradox of life, I have found, is that life happens now; but we feel most alive and meaningful when we’re working toward something bigger than ourselves.

I think it’s possible to accept, appreciate and enjoy everything you have today while pushing yourself to make tomorrow better for both you and other people. You don’t have to be a Zen master to find this place of optimal enjoyment and creation.

You can be a human being, with human feelings, both positive and negative; and use it all to become better, more focused, and happier—in the present, and as a natural extension, in the future.

UPDATE: Thank you to readers who have highlighted my error in using envy and jealousy interchangeably. While I intended to discuss envy–not jealousy, with the resentment it entails–I believe they both stem from a dissatisfaction with self; and that addressing that can turn something negative into something positive.

Interested in contributing? Read our submission guidelines and drop us a line at email @ tinybuddha.com.

Related Posts:

• What Holds People Back from Doing What They Want
• 5 Pieces of Advice That Aren’t Cliches
• 10 Ways to Balance Self Interest and Sacrifice for a Wonderful Life
• On Getting Started When You Don’t Feel Ready

by Jamie Hoang 

“You can do what’s reasonable or you can decide what’s possible.” ~Unknown

When I was in grade school I remember my teacher had us write down what we wanted to be when we grew up. Honestly, at the time I had no idea. I didn’t know exactly what I wanted to be, but I knew I wanted to be doing something important so I jotted down careers that, in my young mind, equaled success: doctor, lawyer, dolphin trainer, firefighter, astronaut etc.

Then life happened and all of a sudden I was 24, working for the man, and in a serious relationship that seemed to leave me feeling miserable more often than not. Where was that wide-eyed little girl who could have been anything? 

I was at the point in my life where I actually had to make a decision about who I wanted to be. I could be a writer and share my wisdom with the world—but wait, what wisdom do I have? I had no great life changing stories or lessons that others could learn from. I was ordinary and borderline boring.

Not wanting to be such a dull person, I felt a sudden thirst for knowledge, but not the kind you get from textbooks. Real world knowledge. I needed to travel.

The rational/reasonable side of my brain told me that I was being ridiculous. I couldn’t travel! I barely made enough to cover my monthly expenses! The reasonable thing would have been to find a higher paying job so that I could actually save some money for travel. But who was I kidding? A higher paying job just leads to a nicer apartment, finer dining, and twice as many bills. 

As luck would have it, a friend of mine was planning a trip to Machu Picchu in the winter and was looking for a travel companion. Without hesitation I hoped on Expedia.com and before I knew it I had purchased a round trip ticket to Peru.

I found someone to sublet my LA apartment for the month, used vacation days so as to still collect a paycheck, and traveled to Peru spending the same amount of money as I would have spent on my daily living expenses.

Sometimes it is best to make a spontaneous leap, throwing reason out the window, believing you will land on your two feet. 

Think about speeding ticket. Who has money reserved to pay for speeding tickets? No one—but when you get that ticket, somehow you manage to scrape together money to pay the fine, right?  Think along those same lines and your trip becomes nothing more than a very large traffic fine (or four, if you decide to travel to Europe).

That being said, I am not advocating being irresponsible. It’s just that where’ there’s a will, there’s usually a way.

In one year I traveled to: San Francisco, Washington DC, Peru, Jamaica, Thailand, Cambodia, Vietnam, London, and Paris. Phew, that’s a mouthful!

I know what you’re thinking; I must be miss moneybags, with wealthy parents or a trust fund. I’m not. I don’t have any financial assistance whatsoever and I made $24k this past year. How did I do it? I made the leap and then was forced to cut out the unnecessary minor luxuries a normal 24 year old would have. No $70 bar tabs, no cable TV, a downgraded cell phone plan, cooking at home, packing a lunch—all of these small things add up.

We have all kinds of reasons for why we can’t do things but I think you will find that when you take that sharp turn towards something you really want, you will figure out how to make the rest of your life fall into place.

So do yourself a favor and issue yourself a “life” ticket. You can find a way.

Recent Posts:

• Live Out Loud: 30 Ways to Get Started
• Do Happy: Forget Yourself
• 8 Ways to Stay Focused & Present in a Tech-Driven World

by Lori Deschene

Technology pervades our world. From cell phones and laptops to iPods and digital cameras, the average person owns an arsenal of gadgets that, in many ways, simplify life. You can increase your productivity, connect with people quickly, and access information instantaneously—while documenting your every move via tweets and photos to upload to Twitpic or Facebook.

Which begs the question: at what point does technology stop enhancing life and start detracting from it?

When you feel tied to your phone and enslaved by your email, can you pull away, center, and take a tech-vacay outside the shadow of your laptop? Does it stress you out to disconnect in an always-on world where everything moves at the speed of light? And lastly, do the people in your life suspend their sense of urgency long enough to allow you a break?  

The technology itself is not to blame; just like guns don’t cause violence, gadgets don’t obliterate our mindfulness. We’re in control of the tools we use. Still it isn’t easy to stay present and focused in a world that’s always plugged in—and to every available outlet.

The possibility of mindfulness underlies almost everything we publish at tinybuddha in an attempt to harness technology for personal growth and wisdom. With this in mind, I couldn’t be more delighted to learn about the Wisdom 2.0 Conference, which will take place on April 30^th and May 1^st in Mountain View, California.

Soren Gordhamer, who wrote a book also called Wisdom 2.0, has secured some amazing speakers who each have their own unique perspectives on wisdom in the tech age. Twitter, Facebook, and Google will all have a presence, not to mention Yoga Journal, Whole Foods, and a number of wellness-focused organizations.

While meeting with Soren last week to discuss the event and my possible involvement, I thought of some ideas to stay present in a world dominated by gadgets. Here’s what I came up with:

1. Commit to single-tasking at least 3 daily activities.  

It would be easy to say “stop multitasking” while my Internet Explorer icon conceals the three tabs I have open; but that would be hypocritical and not entirely realistic. You likely will continue to multi-task certain things, just as I will, to handle your various responsibilities.

Instead of attempting a complete behavioral shift, I recommend making some small, sustainable changes to connect with the present throughout your day. Choose a few tasks you will not multitask—like eating dinner, or talking with your mother on the phone. Don’t watch TV. Don’t answers emails. Only do those things. It’s just 15–30 minutes a few times a day, but it will make a big difference, and maybe inspire you to do it more often.

2. Challenge yourself not to respond to texts and emails immediately when possible.

At work you may not have the luxury of taking your sweet time responding. But more often than not, you don’t need to shoot someone a rapid-fire answer the second they send a question. You own your phone and laptop—not the other way around.

People often expect immediate attention, but remember that you control their expectations. If you increase your response time, people won’t find it unusual; eventually they’ll come to realize you answer your messages when it’s convenient for you and you’re ready—not sooner unless it’s urgent.

3. Create pre-written text messages to decrease your tech-engagement time.

Most cell phones have a few pre-written messages you can send to save time, i.e.: be home later, I don’t know, etc. You usually have the option to customize your own. I recommend the following:

• With my family. Please email me and I’ll get back to you later.
• Done with work for the night. Please email me and I’ll handle at work in the AM.
• Taking a tech-free day. I’ll respond to all texts tomorrow.

4. Put your gadgets away when you’re not using them.

There’s no reason to turn your kitchen table into Best Buy, especially if you end up squeezing meals around it. When you’re not using your phone, camera, or iPod, put them away in a drawer. It will also help to create a charging station near your desk or behind your couch so you don’t end up with cords all over the place.

5. Minimize electronics in your bedroom.

You may be accustomed to lying in bed with your laptop, and indulging the sleep-threatening habit of browsing late at night. Sleep experts recommend decreasing stimulation for an hour before going to bed so your mind unwinds, allowing a restful evening.

To create a space that makes you feel calm and focused, you may want to remove the TV and computer altogether. You need a space to retreat from the busyness of your day. It will feel a lot more peaceful if you keep that busyness out of your little oasis.

6. When browsing or working online, close tabs you don’t need.

It’s a simple little thing that may sound inconsequential, but I’ve noticed it has a profound effect on my state of mind. When I have 15 open tabs, my attention feels scattered, no matter how hard I try to concentrate.

Mindfulness means focusing solely on the task in front of you—whether you’re washing dishes or writing an email. If you only keep what you need on the screen, it may be easier to absorb yourself in any one task.

7. Enlist a buddy for less tech distractions.

When you’re eating lunch, and your best friends starts texting, even if you don’t take it personally you may feel less connected. Most likely you’ve done the same thing on occasion; I know I have. Recently I’ve asked a couple friends if they can relate to feeling tech-absorbed.

The next logical question is: do you want to try a tech-free afternoon with me? No texting, no tweeting, no Facebook updating: just lunch and a movie, and perhaps voicemails to answer later. Not everyone will jump onboard, but it’s worth it if even just one friend consents do a day without distractions.

8. Write hand-written letters.

There are certain things you’ll always email: lunch invitations, movie times, follow-up messages after interviews. But not everything needs immediate delivery. Writing with a pen on paper connects you with your feelings and grounds you in the present moment. What’s more, recipients usually appreciate the time and effort you put into writing them.

Let a friend know what you admire about her. Send your sister a letter telling her that you appreciate her being there. Little is more rewarding than letting yourself enjoy something without distractions and realizing it makes a difference to someone else.

I generally like to write lists with 10 tips because it’s a nice, round number—but I’ve decided to minimize my time on my laptop this afternoon.

So I open this up to you: how do you stay present and focused in a world where tech is king?

Lori Deschene, lead contributor, lives in the San Francisco Bay Area. Read more of her tinybuddha posts here, and follow her on Twitter @lori_deschene. Photo here.

Want to contribute a post? Send it to email @ tinybuddha.com.

Recent posts:

• On Creating Positive Energy for Positive Change
• What Holds People Back from Doing What They Want
• 5 Meditation Tips to Improve Your EIQ & Be More Effective in Life

by Andrew Deitrick

“All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become.” -Buddha

You experience and create all kinds of different energies that affect how you feel and what you accomplish throughout your day. Some energies are powerful and easily recognizable, while others are more subtle and often only intuitively felt. I believe it is fair to say that everything is, in a sense, energy.

The things you say, the things you think, the things you do—even the things you don’t do—all produce energy that impacts you and the people around you. If you work on creating more positive energy, you’ll see improvements in your life, and you’ll touch more lives than you thought possible.

So what do I mean by energy?

I like to think of energy as anything that invokes a reaction inside you. In other words, anything that makes you tick, ponder, feel or react. Energy comes to us in different forms. The chair you’re sitting on, the music you’re listening to, or the book you just finished reading, all provoke some sort of reaction within you.

Take music for example. How does your favorite song make you feel? What type of energy do you enjoy most from music? If you don’t know what I’m talking about, dig into your iTunes right now and put on a song you love.

Take a break from reading this, close your eyes for the entire song, and see what you feel. Music is one of the most powerful and recognizable forms of energy, which is perhaps why it is grounded in so many sacred traditions. A powerful musician can create the same sensations in many different people.

Becoming Energized!

Music is the easiest way to shift your energy quickly. Athletes often listen to certain songs before games to help channel adrenaline; artists listen to music to help get their creative juices flowing; and many writers write with the help from music. While music is the easiest way to understand this concept, it is definitely not the only way to become energized.

Often, when I wake up I fling the curtains open and let the sun flood into the room. This is a great way to become energized first thing in the morning. I don’t let rain sap my energy, though. If it’s raining, I try to be fully aware of the beauty before me so it becomes a positive influence, as well.

Maybe I’ll follow a few raindrops down the window, or watch the ripples form in a puddle below me; either way, I’m fully present. I find being present is the most important thing if you want to feel energy in a positive way. When you are here and now, everything is beautiful energy!

How can you obtain energy in a positive way?

Make a list of all the things that make you feel good, and use it as a guide as you learn to become energized from a wider variety of things.

If being in nature is something that energizes you, try spending a little more time outdoors. If the sun energizes you, there is a good chance that flowers, trees, and animals will do the same.

Some of the things that bring positive energy into my life include:

• Yoga
• Meditating
• Creative writing
• Keeping a dream journal
• Reading
• Focusing on gratitude

Why focus on positive energy?

Positive energy is contagious. When you constantly take in the positive energy from your surroundings, it will be visible in the outer world.

 My good friend Alex is perhaps the best example of this. He is so present that he radiates beautiful energy in everything he does. Everyone recognizes it and everyone loves being around him. They feed off his energy.

I couldn’t begin to tell you how many times people have told me stories about Alex making their day, or making them smile or simply making them feel good. After many late night conversations with Alex, the best piece of advice I can share in terms of this, is to be fully in the here and now.

To make room for the positive energy available in this moment, you’ll need to release negative energy you’re holding onto from the past—be it distant or recent. This can seem like an overwhelming task, but it doesn’t need to be if you focus solely on this moment and ask yourself: what about what I see in front of me makes me feel good? And if I don’t see anything that provides that feeling, how else can I access it?

***

A lot of people think of energy as a spiritual term, like the divine energy of Christ, Buddha, or Krishna. It isn’t necessarily an otherworldly concept. It’s something we create in our day-to-day activities.

If you learn to fully appreciate this moment, you will see you have profound power to manifest positive feelings within—to create divinely inspired energy, if you will, that impacts everything and everyone around you. In this way, we play a much larger part in the bigger picture than we realize.

How do you create and utilize positive energy?

Interested in contributing? Read our submission guidelines and send your best content to email @ tinybuddha.com.

Recent Posts:

• What Holds People Back from Doing What They Want
• 5 Tips to Improve Your EIQ and Be More Effective in Life
• Do Happy: Look Longer
• 40 Little Things That Make a Big Difference in Your Day

by Sonya Derian

“More powerful than the will to win is the courage to begin.” ~Unknown

I’ve spoken with a number of people recently who are doing something that is “just okay” with their lives but who really want to be doing something else. They feel an urgency to break free and go for it, even though they haven’t defined “it.”

I think a lot of people, if not currently there, understand this. It’s in our nature to move toward greater expression. When we’re not moving in a forward direction, we question ourselves, wondering what we’re doing with our lives—and what we’re waiting for.

And yet nothing changes.

Part of the issue is knowing where to start. The other part is fear of the unknown. Both can prevent you from committing.

The nature of commitment is in staying the course, going the distance, falling and getting back up again, continuing onward.

The question is: what are you committed to? Sometimes we mistakenly commit ourselves to the outcome without committing ourselves first to the process.

For example, I know a person who talks about the book in his head. It’s going to be a best seller.  It’s going to be made into a movie and it’s going to make him millions of dollars.

But he hasn’t even written the first chapter. He’s committed to the outcome before being committed to the process. The process would be showing up at the page. That’s the commitment.

Outcome is all about “getting there.” It’s ego based. It’s about winning the prize. Gaining the acknowledgement. Accepting the praise. Process is all about “being here”.  It’s humble, lowly, and scary.

But only by committing to the process can we arrive at the outcome.

Therein lays the commitment.

So, the question is: what are you committed to?

We want to make it a bigger question than it is, but sometimes the commitment is simply to show up. I had a teacher who used to tell me “Show up for your success.” And that was her message to me. Over and over again. If I showed up, I fulfilled my commitment.

For most of us, when we’re not advancing in some way or utilizing our full potential we feel stagnant—like we’re moving backwards, which is very much against our nature. We made an agreement with ourselves that we are here to move forward. To express. To experience. To expand.

When we’re not, we feel like we are somehow failing the commitment we have to ourselves.

But if you don’t know what you’re committed to, you can’t possibly progress. A great start is to ask yourself, “What is the one thing that would upset me if, at the end of my life, I do not attempt, do, or complete?”

If there’s an immediate answer, you must commit to that. If there’s no immediate answer, you  may be feeling an unnecessary pressure to create a great masterpiece, when in all reality, you just have to start by doodling. And let it take shape, gain momentum, and morph into an amazing creation you didn’t realize you were capable of.

All it takes to get there is commitment.

You won’t hit a home run every time you get up to swing—but that’s the only way you can create the possibility of a run. Even if you miss. Or bunt. Or strike out. Your commitment is to go through the process—not to get the perfect outcome every time. Sooner or later you’re going to get the perfect ball. Make it past first base. And join the team that will help you go all the way.

All because you got up to the plate and took hold of the bat.

The question is, are you willing? Are you willing to get in the game?

Even if it’s humbling? Even if there’s a learning curve? Even if there is no guarantee of success? Even if you’re afraid? Even if the steps seem insignificant? Even if you don’t know what you’re doing?

Are you still willing to show up? Are you still willing to move forward? Are you still willing to do it anyway?

Because that is the commitment. That’s the price of admission. That’s what it takes to make something happen.

You have to show up. In fact, your only job is to show up and continue showing up. Put one foot in front of the other and stay the course. Even if you don’t know if you’re doing it right. Even if you don’t know if you’ll ever get there. Even if you don’t know where it will lead.

The most important thing is that you’re willing to find out.

Related posts:

• On Getting Started When You Don’t Feel Ready
• 5 Ways to Let Go of Resistance
• Do Happy: Start Late
• 10 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Giving Up on Your Dream

by Sam Russell

“Peace of mind is not the absence of conflict from life, but the ability to cope with it.”  ~Unknown

I fell apart a couple of years ago, unable to cope with the strain I was under—a change in my lifestyle, loss of job security, a less-than-perfect relationship with a parent, bereavement, a painful physical injury, and slowly, through all of that, the blossoming of serious mental illness.

All the while, right up until this month in fact, I’ve been thinking and wishing: “I want all of this to go away, to have never been.”

I shut myself away—terrified of people’s reactions to my mental health, convinced that my life was over at the age of twenty-three. I’d never be able to get a job again. People would be too frightened to talk to me if they knew the truth. I’d never make a friend again, and the ones I’d managed to keep hold of as I gradually came apart at the seams would end up leaving me.

My wish came true as I began to hide myself away. I stopped doing the things I loved, like going out for walks along the riverside and meeting up with close friends. I became a hermit and was pretty relieved to have all of the conflict and the potential for conflict that I was so anxious about vanish from my sight.

I felt safe for the first time in months even though I had sacrificed many of the things I loved. I was happy enough and that was good enough.

It didn’t last long though. The space created by the absence of all that conflict I was desperate to escape was soon filled with grief, disappointment and loneliness. I realized too, that what I had been so eager to get rid of was circling the outskirts of my new found “peaceful” disposition— paperwork that I’d avoided, stories I’d not written because I didn’t think they were worth writing and a constant state of paranoia. Who could I trust?

I think the worst thing that came from isolating myself was how I’d simultaneously isolated my remaining friends, the ones I was terrified of losing through misunderstanding and fear. My mental health had changed drastically and I had pushed away the people that I really needed around me. I not only lost out on a wealth of support but also denied them the chance to learn about and understand me better.

I’m now twenty-five. I’ve been working with an occupational therapist for a few months, trying to tackle the areas of my life and my thinking that stop me from coping and living the life I want.

I smile more. I’ve applied for a job I know I’d enjoy without being worrying about the odds of getting it. And I don’t feel that it’d be the end of the world if things didn’t turn out the way I planned or if I received criticism from someone. I feel more prepared.

I can’t push away my problems and hide from conflict no matter how difficult or frightening it all can be. I can’t avoid it and pretend it’s not there. I’ve learned that in order to be confident and move forward in life, I have to face my problems and stand up to conflict.

I have to approach it not with fear but with an open mind, a willingness to learn. I have to be ready to listen, understand, show compassion and recognize my own flaws. The things that keep me terrified—I have to challenge them.

I still have bad days and I still sometimes hide when everything gets too much. I’m not perfect but then I don’t think that’s the point. We all shy away at some stage and that means we can always try again. I’ve learned, and taken to heart, that the important thing to remember is this: once we’ve managed one conflict, coping with the next won’t be as bad. That’s a great weight to have off your mind.

Interested in contributing? Read our submission guidelines and drop us a line at email @ tinybuddha.com.

Related Posts:

• 7 Ways to Get Past Tough Situations Quickly
• Living Life at Full Throttle
• 40 Ways to Let Go and Feel Less Pain
• The World is Not Against Me
• 2 Ways You Think Yourself Unhappy (and 10 Things to Do About It)

by Sonya Derian

“Don’t wait for your feelings to change to take the action. Take the action and your feelings will change.” ~Barbara Baron

A few months ago, I challenged myself with Adventure Boot Camp. I thought, “What would be more challenging than waking up at five in the morning and working out with a group of ladies for an hour, four days a week?”

And I have to say, it was tough! I couldn’t walk for 3 days.

But as the days progressed and my muscles acclimated, it occurred to me: I’m someone who can roll out of bed at 5 AM and within a half hour, lift 8-pound weights over my head while jogging a track. I didn’t know that I could do that!

That’s the thing about taking an action. You don’t know that you can do it until you do it. And then you become someone who does it.

That’s how we grow into new lives.   

How often do you stop yourself from doing something, waiting for something else to change before you move forward? You think you need to wait until you’re more prepared, knowledgeable, financially savvy, confident, secure—or insert excuse—to take the action. But then you never get to that place and never take the action. Then 5 years pass and you’re still talking about it, feeling “not ready yet.”

Sound right?

Maybe you feel a sense of urgency to step out, own your power and live our out loud, but aren’t sure what your purpose or path is. So you stop yourself because of the feelings you might confront. It’s easier if you know what you’re doing first. That lets you feel more confident moving forward. Like you won’t make a fool or yourself. Like what you’re doing is “right.”

But what if there’s never that guarantee? What if the only way to find out is by doing it? What if the only way to gain confidence is to do the thing we you’re not yet confident enough to do? What if the only way to gain knowledge is to jump in and find out what you need to learn? What if the only way to get more prepared is to prepare as much as possible, and then learn the rest as you go?

There is always something in us that knows and knows that it knows. We have an inner compass that knows the way. The only way to get feedback from this knowing is through being engaged. Not in our head. Not in our mind. Not in theory but in action. In real time.  

It’s like that game we played as kids. Someone hides something, and you go looking for it, waiting to hear “hotter” or “colder” or  maybe even “boiling hot!” as you move. Those little pieces of guidance help you figure out whether you’re getting close or not.

The only way to find that item is to start looking not. You can sit around and plan, waiting for the stars to align just right. But you won’t get any feedback until you actually start moving and looking.  

Your inner compass does the same. It will always give you feedback on what you need to know, what you need to do differently, what you need to do next—as long as you get out of your head and get moving.

Whatever it is you want to do, it starts with getting out of your comfort zone. You’re not one small person waiting to create big change. You’re a powerful person wanting to create small change. You have tremendous power to create in this world; but just like the energy vortex that exists behind an outlet, that power is useless until you plug it in.

Plug it in.

Sign up for that class. Make the call. Face your taxes. Put up that website, even if it’s not perfect. Pay for the membership—just get on board. Have the difficult conversation. Place the ad. Send off the resume. Go to that networking event. Make the introduction. Get your book-keeping in order. Dust off the manuscript. Distribute the flyer. Get rid of the clutter. Go on that date. Take the trip. Call the publisher. Make the collection call. Ask for the raise. Publish the article. Make the speech. Take the test. Schedule the visit. Call the creditors. Fill in the blank—it’s yours to determine.

Do that thing you’ve been putting off. Don’t wait for your feelings to change to take the action. Just take the action and see how your feelings change.

And remember: you are not doing this for the outcome, although there will be an outcome. You are doing this because you are the creator in your life and you have decided that now is as good a time as any to jump in.

More posts by Sonya Derian:

• Lessons on the Trapeze: The Art of Making Things Happen
• 5 Ways to Let Go of Resistance

Recent posts:

• Do You See Things Clearly?
• 5 Pieces of Advice That Aren’t Clichés

Recent posts you may enjoy:

• 10 Tips to Balance Self Interest and Sacrifice for a Wonderful Life
• Lessons on the Trapeze: 2 Tips to Make Things Happen
• 5 Ways to Make a Big Difference in Someone’s Day

Interested in contributing to our blog? Email your submission to email @ tinybuddha.com.