tinybuddha.com

by Sonia Derian

I write a newsletter every week and last month, a subscriber emailed me with a question I thought was worth exploring.

“… I guess what I’m getting at is if everyone had a choice, treating sewage would be the last thing one would want to do. Isn’t it? Well yes I’m making that judgment. If everyone was Wayne Dyer or that money guru lady Suze Orman, we’d all be reaching fantasy levels of achievement. That is what they seem to be proposing is possible.

But someone still has to take out the trash. If we’re all living big then who’s taking care of the landfills? I guess we could all be having wonderfully luxurious lives but chip in on the dirty stuff sometimes? Like volunteer, or Adopt-A-Highway kind of stuff. Then a boy in Iraq gets his arms and legs blown off and I’m supposed to be like “Yahoo, I’m living big???”….. uh? This is my ‘resistance; isn’t it?… Anyway, there is a topic here. Anything to help me feel better about living big while others suffer…”

It’s a big question: If there are others suffering in the world, what right do I have to think about myself or my lofty goals? What right do I have to consider more for myself when there are others who can’t even feed themselves, literally or figuratively?

I’ll begin with a quote from Marianne Williamson who talks in her book The Age of Miracles about the Butterfly Effect (based in Chaos Theory):

“When a butterfly flaps its wings near the tip of South America, it affects the wind patterns near the North Pole. And the same is true in the realm of consciousness: Every miracle you work in your life is a blessing on life itself.”

There is only one life happening that we are all a part of. If we are all in fact one big interwoven tapestry, then we are all connected. That being said, we can only be responsible for how we conduct our own lives.

By doing for ourselves, we come to a place where we are able to do for others and we change the consciousness of possibility on the planet.

At Obama’s inauguration, there were a lot of people being interviewed on the Plaza. One that struck me was an African American father. When asked what Obama’s presidency meant to him, he said:

“It means I will no longer have to lie to my son. Now, I’ve seen it for myself and can say with honesty: He can be anything he wants when he grows up. Even the President of the United States.”

This is how change happens. Someone first has to carry the torch of possibility.

No amount of suffering we do on our part will alleviate the suffering in another part of the world. However, every bit the amount of success we live can increase another’s chances of success. We cannot hold a hand out to pull someone up without stable footing ourselves.

You’ve heard it from flight attendants: should there be a decrease in cabin pressure, place the oxygen mask over yourself first, and then secure that of your child.

We must first bring ourselves to the level of success so that we can affect change for others. But we will never get there if we insist on using other people’s lives as our excuse not to.

One person’s elevation creates possibilities for the rest of us, if not by example, by influence.

Oprah, in her response to the declining economy, called a Billionaires Summit. In a closed door meeting in NY, a few months ago, some of the richest men and Oprah (she was the only woman) met to talk about philanthropic foundations and which charities they would give to. She used her success to make a difference.

We all have that level of influence within us. It may not be the Billionaires Summit. It may be contributing our success or talents at the PTA meeting, or the Neighborhood Watch Group, or the Environmental Protection Agency, or the Commission for the Arts Council. Or it may be using our sphere of influence raising our children to be kind and tolerant and responsible.

I do not agree that everyone wants to be the next Wayne Dyer or Suze Orman. There is a female executive somewhere whose true desire is to give up the 60 hour work week to bake cookies with her children, participate in their Girl Scout meeting, host slumber parties in her home and watch her kids grow up. And her following this desire would be the right path for her—and an example to let other parents know that they can be full time mothers and still be strong, powerful women.

Or there is the couple who wants to give up all their worldly possessions and travel by backpack around the world.

Or there is the environmentalist who wants to work at a landfill and discover new and more efficient ways of refuse disposal.

Our job is not to judge one desire or goal as more or less important or worthy than another. Our job is to give life to the potential or seedling of desire we have within us and maximize it as best we can.

I am not going to say this is easy. It is much easier to throw ourselves into another person’s cause, crusade or success than to take the steps towards our own. Resistance is strong when it comes to our own expression. I know—I’m guilty of succumbing to it, myself. But we always know when we’re doing it.  And we have to come back to ourselves.

Years ago, I placed an ad on craigslist seeking to interview successful business owners. I wanted to hear their strategy and in exchange I would buy them a cup of coffee or a meal. One business owner I met with owned three Jamba Juice franchises in the Oakland area. His advice was to follow your dreams and believe in yourself.

To illustrate this, he told me a story about a woman who would come into his juice bar every day and talk to him about the book she was writing. She told him that one day she would be a very successful author and people would know who she was. The woman? Suze Orman.

Turns out, before Suze Orman was Suze Orman, she was just a woman in a juice bar who envisioned becoming Suze Orman.

Don’t squander the thing within you that is trying to emerge. Instead, fan the flame. Find out what it’s all about. Discover yourself.

And do not use another person’s suffering as your excuse not to thrive. There is enough lack, pain and limitation being covered on the news. We are all part of what I consider a cosmic teeter-totter; and we need to tip the scales, energetically, the other way.

Even if in that small way is simply living up to our full potential. Or forgiving our neighbor. Or spending time in our garden to listen to the birds sing. Giving thanks.

Want to contribute a post? Read our submission guidelines then drop us a line at email @ tinybuddha.com.

Recent Posts:

• 50 Peaceful Things
• Do Happy: Stop Hoping
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• 10 Happiness Tips for People Who Have Been Hurt

by Lori Deschene

“Peace is not something you wish for. It’s something you make, something you do, something you are, and something you give away.” ~Robert Fulghum

Recently I’ve been spending a lot of time visiting 1000 Awesome Things, a blog devoted to the many simple pleasures in life. Some of them remind me of being a kid, like this one about celebrities on Sesame Street. Others remind of me I’m stronger than I think, like this one about getting through difficult situations.

With that in mind, you can imagine how excited I am to receive a copy of Neil’s upcoming book, aptly named The Book of Awesome. I’m even more excited that I’ll be able to give away two autographed copies when I write my review. (Coming soon!)

In the meantime, as a way to pay tribute to this awesome book and my awesome new friend, I’ve decided to create my own awesome list, tinybuddha style.

Here are 50 peaceful things to help you be mindful and happy throughout the day:

1. Laying in bed for a few minutes in the morning before hopping into your day. There’s no reason to rush.

2. Eating breakfast slowly, at a table, instead of grabbing something on the go.

3. Listening to your favorite music on the way to work, and remembering when you first heard it. Where you were, who you were with, how you felt.

4. Hugging someone you know long enough to make it meaningful.

5. Appreciating something you take for granted, like your feet for taking you where you need to go.

6. Focusing solely on the smell of your coffee as it brews.

7. Noticing something thoughtful a stranger does for someone else. (There are a lot of beautiful people out there).

8. Watching a coworker get proud about doing something well and feeling happy for them. Nothing’s more calming than focusing on someone else and forgetting yourself for a while.

9. Getting into the zone typing, like finger-moving meditation, maybe set the rhythm of a great tune on your iPod.

10. Doing only one thing, even though you have a lot to do, to fully enjoy what you’re doing.

11. Knowing you did a good job and taking a few minutes to bask in self satisfaction. You’re pretty awesome.

12. Expressing how you feel and then letting it be without feeling pressure to explain (pressure we usually put on ourselves).

13. Taking a break without anything to do besides breathing and noticing little details in your environment. How soft the rug is after having been cleaned. How sunlight from your window leaves shadows on your desk.

14. Holding someone’s hand in both of yours when you thank them.

15. Listening to someone talk–really hearing them–without thinking about what you’ll say next.

16. Remembering a time when you felt peaceful, and going back there in your head.

17. Writing a thoughtful, hand-written note to someone, even if you could email, because you feel more connected when you write it out.

18. Channeling your inner Kevin Rose and savoring a cup of loose leaf tea.

19. Forgiving someone, not just in words, but by feeling compassion for them.

20. Writing down thoughts that keep racing through your head, crumpling up the paper, and throwing it away. Being done with them.

21. Letting yourself have lunch without any thoughts of work.

22. Doing something slowly and finding it more fun than you realized when you rushed through it.

23. Holding a smooth rock in your palm and feeling stable and grounded.

24. Believing someone else when they say everything will be OK.

25. Feeling whatever you feel without judging it, knowing it will pass. It always does.

26. Making a short video of your child or niece, and watching it in the middle of the day when the world seems to be moving too fast.

27. Watching something in nature and letting yourself be intrigued. Feeling wonder at something simple that man hasn’t touched or changed.

28. Finding something beautiful in chaos, like the love between your loud family members at the dinner table, or one raindrop dripping down your window as you navigate a traffic-congested road.

29. Thinking something and realizing you can change your thoughts whenever you want. You don’t have to dwell in a painful memory–you can make a better one right now.

30. Telling someone you love them, not because you want to hear it back, but because you feel it too deeply not to express it. Because expressing it makes you happy.

31. Realizing there’s nothing to worry about. You can be happy right now–you have everything you need to smile.

32. Doing something creative and childlike, like making someone a card or coloring. Even as an adult, it feels good to pick all the right colors and stay mostly in the lines. Or go out of the lines and embrace it. It’s your picture!

33. Giving someone you love the benefit of the doubt to put your mind at ease and maintain a peaceful relationship.

34. Rolling down the window when you drive and feeling the pressure of the cool air on your face.

35. Calling one of your parents in the middle of the day to thank them for everything they’ve done–everything they’ve given you that one crazy afternoon can’t diminish or take away.

36. Taking a walk with no destination in mind, just to see what’s out there to be seen.

37. Letting go of something you’ve been holding onto that does nothing but stress you out.

38. Telling someone why knowing them makes you lucky.

39. Letting someone have their opinion; knowing you can honor it without changing or compromising yours.

40. Setting out on a joy mission–looking for something to do solely to experience fully present, open-to-possibilities bliss.

41. Defining peaceful for yourself. If peace is yelling, “I’m the king of the world!” while jogging around a track, do it with abandon.

42. Listening to a song that gives you goosebumps and creating a mental montage of moments that made you happy.

43. Turning off all your electronics to read without distractions.

44. Doing something by candlelight and remembering a simpler time.

45. Closing your eyes and dancing to a song you can feel pulsating in your veins.

46. Turning off your cell phone, no matter who might call or text, because there’s something you’d like to do with all your heart and attention.

47. Sitting in a sauna, and letting the heat melt all your stresses away.

48. Finally making time for something you want to do but always say you don’t have time for.

49. Making eye contact with a stranger and feeling connected to a world larger than your own.

50. Letting yourself lay in bed at night without making a mental inventory of things that went wrong today or could go wrong tomorrow.

And one last peaceful thing: being grateful for new friends with awesome ideas, and letting them inspire you.

“The natural flights of the human mind are not from pleasure to pleasure but from hope to hope.” ~Samuel Johnson

You’ll find lots of inspiring quotes and posts that suggest you hold onto hope against all odds, find hope in the darkest of moments, and generally push through difficult times with your eye on a light down the road.

This isn’t one of those posts.

Sometimes hope is a beautiful thing. It can motivate, empower and inspire you when you’re tempted to give up. But other times it just keeps you stuck, albeit with a smile on your face.

When you push through today for a better tomorrow without doing anything to create that new possibility your hope creates the illusion of change to come.

When you hold onto the past, hoping to revive a relationship, situation, or time that’s come and gone your hope precludes even better possibilities in the present.

When you hope you’ll someday know happiness—when you get the right relationship, the right job, the right adventure—your hope allows you to avoid reality. And makes it unlikely you’ll ever know happiness since hope for something else is the only way you know to experience it.

We all want to feel happy. We all want to avoid feeling pain. That’s what makes hope so exciting. It divorces us from the moment and projects us immediately into something better. It creates a beautiful illusion to superimpose on top of reality—a world that oftentimes seems difficult, unfair, and maybe even unbearable.

It allows us the freedom to close our eyes and imagine a world far better than the one we think we know.

Hope is comforting, but not always empowering. Hope gives you possibilities in tomorrow. Belief gives you possibilities now.

When you believe you can be happy regardless of what you gain or achieve, you open your eyes and find reasons to feel and share joy.

When you believe you can have something better, you take responsibility for creating it, starting in this moment.

When you believe you’re complete, even if you don’t feel good in any given moment, you challenge yourself to think beyond your emotions, and remember the larger picture.

You can hope yourself into a corner, waiting for tomorrow to improve. Or you can believe your way onto center stage, and create that tomorrow you want.

It starts with what you think, feel, and do now.

Do happy. It’s something you’re due.

Photo here

Recent Do Happy Tips:

• Compare Yourself to Other People Well
• Get Luckier
• Stop Explaining

by Lori Deschene

“Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.” ~Unknown

Maybe someone hurt you physically or emotionally. Maybe you’ve survived something else traumatic–a natural disaster, a fire, an armed robbery. Or maybe you’ve just come out of a trying situation, and though you know you’ll eventually recover, you still feel pain that seems unbearable.

Whatever the case may be, you’ve been scarred, and you carry it with you through many of your days.

Most of us can relate on some level to that feeling. Even people who excel at taking personal responsibility have at least one story of having been hurt. Though some of us have endured more serious situations, you really can’t quantify or compare emotional pain.

To a teenager who just had her heart broken, the pain really seems like the end of the world. In fact, Livestrong estimates that every 100 minutes, a teenager commits suicide–and that the number of suicides in high-income families is the same as in poor families. Presumably, not all of those teens have suffered incomprehensible tragedies. What they have in common is pain, born from different adversities and circumstances.

When you’re hurting some people might tell you to “Suck it up and deal” as if that’s a valid solution. They may say “It’s all in your head” and assume that reasons away the pain. But none of that will help you heal and find happiness from moment to moment.

Like everyone, I’ve been hurt–in both profound and trivial ways. I’ve dealt with it using the following ideas:

1. Define your pain.

It’s not always easy to identify and understand what’s hurting you. Some people even stay in abusive relationships because it’s safer than acknowledging their many layers of pain: the low self esteem that convinces them they deserve abuse; the shame over being treated with such cruelty; the feeling of desperation that convinces them there’s no real way out.

The first step toward finding happiness after having been hurt is to understand why you were hurt; to get to the root of everything that makes the memories hard.

2. Express that pain.

There’s no guarantee you’ll be able to communicate how you feel to the person who hurt you; and if you can, there’s no guarantee they’ll respond how you want them to. Say what you need to say anyways. Write in your journal. Write a letter and burn it. Get it all out.

This will help you understand why you’re hurting–and what you’ll do in the future to avoid similar pain–so you can feel empowered instead of victimized. Research has actually proven that people who focus on lessons learned while journaling find the experience more helpful than people who don’t (focus on lessons).

3. Try to stay in the present.

Reliving the past can be addictive. It gives you the opportunity to do it again and respond differently. To fight back instead of submitting; to speak your mind instead of silencing yourself. It also allows you to possibly understand better. What happened? Where did you go wrong? What should you have done?

In other words, it allows you to torture yourself. Regardless of what you should have done, you can’t do it now. If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, you may need professional help to avoid revisiting the incident. If you don’t, you need sustained effort. Fight the urge to relive the pain. You can’t go back and find happiness there. You can only experience that now.

4. Stop telling the story.

It may seem like another way to understand what happened; or maybe it feels helpful to hear someone say you didn’t do anything wrong and you don’t deserve to hurt. In all reality this just keeps you stuck right where you are: living your life around a memory and giving it power to control you.

No amount of reassurance will change what happened. You can’t find happiness by holding onto a painful story, trying to place in new, brighter light. You can only find happiness when you let it go, and make room for something better. You don’t need another person’s permission to let go and feel OK.

5. Forgive yourself.

Maybe you didn’t do anything wrong, but you blame yourself. Or maybe you played a role in creating your current situation. Regardless of what happened, you need to realize what you did is not who you are. And even if you feel immense regret, you deserve to start today without carrying that weight. You deserve a break.

You can either punish yourself and submit to misery, or forgive yourself and create the possibility of happiness. It comes down to whether you decide to dwell or move on. Which do you choose: anger with yourself and prolonged pain, or forgiveness and the potential for peace?

6. Stop playing the blame/victim game.

Maybe you were a victim. Maybe someone did horrible things to you, or you fell into an unfortunate set of circumstances through no fault of your own. It still doesn’t serve you to sit around feeling bad for yourself, blaming other people. In fact, it only holds you back. You can’t feel good if you use this moment to feel bad about another person’s actions.

The only way to experience happiness is to take responsibility for creating it, whether other people made it easy for you or not. You’re not responsible for what happened to you in the past but you’re responsible for your attitude now. Why let someone who hurt you in the past have power over your present?

7. Don’t let the pain become your identity.

If everything you do, and all your relationships center around something that hurt you, it will be harder to move on. You may even come to appreciate what that identity gives you: attention, the illusion of understanding, or the warmth of compassion, for example.

You have to consider the possibility there’s a greater sense of happiness in completely releasing your story. That you’d feel better than you can even imagine if you’d stop letting your pain define you. You can have a sad story in your past without building your present around it.

8. Reconnect with you were before the pain.

It’s not easy to release a pain identity, particularly if you’ve carried it around for a long time. It may help to remember who you were before that experience–or to consider who you might have become if it hadn’t happened. You can still be that person. That person who doesn’t feel bitter or angry so frequently.

If you want to feel and be peaceful and happy, start by identifying what that looks like. What you think about, what you feel, what you do, how you interact with people. Odds are this process will remind you both how you want to be and how you don’t want to be.

9. Focus on things that bring you joy in the moment.

You don’t have to focus on completely letting go of your pain forever–you just have to make room for joy right now. Start simple. What’s something you can enjoy in this moment, regardless of what pain you’ve experienced? Would sitting in the sun bring you joy? Would calling your sister bring you joy?

Don’t think about the totality of the rest of your days. That’s a massive burden to carry–haven’t you hurt enough? Just focus on now, and allow yourself a little peace. You’ll be surprised how easily “nows” can add up when you focus on them as they come.

10. Share that joy with other people.

People often isolate themselves when they’re hurting because it feels safer than showing people their vulnerability. What they fail to realize is they don’t have to feel vulnerable all the time. You can choose certain people for support, and then allow yourself time with others without involving your painful story.

You can share a meal, a movie, a moment and give yourself a break from your anger or sadness. You don’t have to carry it through every moment of your day. Don’t worry–if you feel you need to remember it, you’ll still be able to recall it later. But as you allow yourself pockets of peace, shared with people you love, you may find you need that story a lot less.

***

Everyone deserves to feel happy. Everyone deserves a little peace. One more thing we all have in common: we can only provide those things for ourselves.

Related Posts:

• Do Happy Series
• 7 Reasons to Be Happy Even if Things Aren’t Perfect Now
• 2 Ways You Think Yourself Unhappy (and 10 Things to Do About It)
• Positive Thinking Redefined for Deeper Happiness

by Belinda Munoz

“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.” ~Annie Dillard

Time. It is arguably our most valuable commodity.

Unlike treasured gems, precious metals and any other prized possessions, time can’t be hoarded, collected, earned, or bought with hard work, money, dignity or our soul. It slips away whether or not we choose to pack meaning into it. Use it or lose it, so goes the saying.

Though we all know how limited our lives are in the time-space continuum, we sometimes act like we don’t know the value of time. We use words like spend, kill or waste when we speak of how we while away the finite number of hours in each day.

Time management systems abound and still, we flounder and falter at making the most of every sunrise. We plan for the future and neglect to cherish the present. We’d rather look back wistfully even though the future is full of hope.

And yet, for many of us, it seems there are not enough hours in a day. We cram all that goes with living into twenty-four hours of ticking, bargaining with Father Time, naively expecting him to budge to our willful and resolute intentions to produce more, accomplish more, be more.

We paddle in paradox, limbs flailing, trading in the quality of our lives while doggedly pursuing an idealized quality of life.

Time. Like all the treasures in the world, we can’t take it with us when we reach our final stop. Some among us may never be willing to embrace happiness in and with the time that we do have.

For the rest of us, here are ways to improve our relationship with time. (Some things may appear to be contradictory. This is a testament to the complex nature of our relationship with time.):

Live It Up:

• Live in the moment.
• Practice love-in-action.
• Resist the urge to rush.
• Single-task.
• Do things that bring joy and require little to no effort.
• Say yes when you mean it.
• Do nothing. Instead, play.

Steal it:

• Block out a chunk of time only for yourself.
• Make an appearance but don’t linger.
• Take a vacation day.
• Wake up earlier/go to bed later. (Habitual lack of sleep not recommended. Better sleep is.)
• Delegate a task to your child (i.e. put toys away, make his or her bed, etc.).
• Push back a deadline.
• Double-task (i.e. go for a hike with a friend, an activity that takes care of two—social and physical—facets of your life).

Be Fierce:

• Do only those things that matter.
• Limit (not cut out completely) dawdle time.
• End a conversation/relationship that isn’t going anywhere.
• Stop doing things that don’t bring joy or results.
• Cancel a commitment.
• Skip a task.
• Silence all distractions.
• Choose a task or a path. Don’t relent. Focus.
• Say no.

Call Up Your Inner Sage

• Take a minute to list what you’d like to accomplish while being realistic about how long each item will take to complete.
• Arrive late/leave early (aka swoop in/swoop out — not recommended for one-on-one meetings).
• Show up for things that matter.
• Keep doing things that work.
• Multi-task (laundry, dishes, Crockpot and Roomba/iRobot work well simultaneously with little drama).
• Take advantage of in-between times (i.e. sneak an important two-minute call between appointments, take a few minutes for micro-meditation moments).
• Respond/engage only when you’re ready.
• Let efficiency increase naturally (don’t force it).
• Do only those things that have an urgent deadline.
• Screen calls/scan e-mails.
• Partner with another taskmaster and take turns doing each other favors.
• Make chores fun (crank up Gloria Gaynor’s I Will Survive, dance around and get some exercise in).

Succumb To Its Might

• Ask for help (hire a professional or an intern or enlist a volunteer).
• Let chores slide (relax on the definition/expectation of clean).
• Let things be (wrinkles, jiggles, warts and all).
• Let go of guilt and enjoy every second.

“Whatever begins, also ends.” ~Seneca

Do you have a healthy relationship with time? What are some ways you’ve made peace with time?

Have something to share with our community of readers? Read our submission guidelines and drop us a line at email @ tinybuddha.com

Recent Posts:

• Do Happy: Compare Yourself to Other People Well
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“When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everybody will respect you.” ~Lao Tzu

Conventional wisdom suggests if you want to be happy you shouldn’t compare yourself to other people. Conventional wisdom isn’t always realistic.

Try as you may to completely stop making comparisons, you’ll likely come back to the instinct at least on occasion.

Discontent is part of the human condition—the nagging sense that something’s missing, even when you seem to have it all. We’re constantly evolving, growing, and looking for new ways to expand our impact on the world. New ways to reach and stretch our potential.

That’s not necessarily a bad thing if you see the pursuit as constant gain, instead of the cause as constant lack. And it’s equally harmless to compare yourself to others if it allows you to learn from people you admire.

If you compare yourself to your boss, and it motivates you to work smarter, that comparison improved your life for the better.

If you compare yourself to someone your age who started a non-profit, and it inspires you to volunteer, that comparison made a difference in not just your life, but others’, too.

It’s when the comparison game gets you down on yourself that you need to be cautious.

• When you sit around complaining it isn’t fair someone had more advantages instead of working harder to create your own luck.
• When you feel paralyzed because you’ve made nowhere near the same progress as someone else in a similar place.
• When you convince yourself there’s something wrong with you for not having, achieving, or being like someone else.
• When you think you need to compete with someone else to get approval from other people.
• When you start thinking you should “have it all” instead of honing in on what you really want—which is the only way to devise a plan to get it.

Comparing for the sake of complaining does nothing but hold you back.

There will always be someone smarter, stronger, more attractive, more successful, wiser, healthier, and happier than you. Just like there will always be someone who doesn’t have your potential, advantages, or opportunities. None of it guarantees any of you are happy. And isn’t happiness the main goal in the end?

Choose your comparisons wisely. Find people who’ve done what you actually want to do and use comparisons as motivation to improve.

Do Happy. It’s something you’re due.

Read more Do Happy tips. Most recent:

• Do Happy: Get Luckier
• Do Happy: Stop Explaining
• Do Happy: Forget Yourself

Photo here

“Care and diligence bring luck.” ~Proverb

When things aren’t going well for you it’s easy to blame it on bad luck. To assume other people who are doing better had more help and advantages.

Nothing could be less empowering. This line of thinking just confirms that the world is unfair and you have limited control.

While both those things are true on some level—life isn’t fair, and in many ways, we’re not in control—happy people take responsibility and create their own luck; while their unhappy counterparts sit around blaming misfortune, feeling bitter that other people appear to get all the breaks.

Happy people focus on ways to improve their situation, put in the work, and allow themselves to enjoy minor victories.

You could be one of those people.

According to Richard Wiseman, author of The Luck Factor: Changing Your Luck, Changing Your Life, anyone can create their own luck. He argues that our thinking defines far more of our reality than chance. He notes that lucky people:

• Are open to possibilities and act on them
• Listen to their gut instincts
• Expect good fortune, which makes them more likely to recognize it
• “Turn bad luck into good” when things go awry (by seeing blessings in disguise)

Though you can’t think yourself a whole new set of circumstances or the winning lottery numbers, you can create more abundance in your life by changing your attitude and perceptions.

By taking responsibility for what you have and don’t, without blaming other people or external circumstances. By starting each day open-minded and positive so you see opportunities where other people may see adversity. By expecting the best in people and situations instead of looking for the worst (and finding it—you usually do when you’re looking).

And most importantly, by replacing the words “fair” and lucky” with “possible” and “determined.”

There will always be people who seem to accomplish and gain big things with little effort, just as there will always be people who need to work harder than you. You can’t control all the advantages you receive—especially not by dwelling on it. You can control your own effort and attention so you see the world as working with you not against you.

You can be luckier by opening your eyes and seizing the opportunities that come your way. Even the ones in disguise.

Do happy. It’s something you’re due.

Photo here

Recent Do Happy Tips:

• Stop Explaining
• Forget Yourself
• Look Longer

by Sam Russell

“What is not started today is never finished tomorrow.” ~Goethe

As a cynic, I’m unsurprisingly cynical about such a statement.

I’m a serial procrastinator—avoiding things is what I do, and I’m left wondering if good old Goethe was hiding the fact that he was potentially stumped with writer’s block, immersed in a bunch of chores he didn’t want to do and occasionally depressed.

He had a point, admittedly: if you don’t get up and do it, it’ll never get done. We avoid things for a lot of reasons; some things are huge and can be quite scary. Other things are relatively insignificant and often leave us wondering why we ran from them to begin with.

It’s easier said than done, though, isn’t it? If I got up and started today (finishing by tomorrow if all goes to plan), I would have written this over a week ago. There were things in the way that stopped me from harnessing my get-up-and-go. Like depression. Self-doubt. Su-doku.

I’ve started using Goethe’s maxim to clear away the small, annoying stuff that I’ll never be free of if I don’t start clearing them today. Which means that I’ll never get round to doing the stuff I really want to do:

1. Start embracing three positive things from your day.

This article—A Scientific Perspective on Happiness; Rules in Your Head—will tell you all you need to know. I’ve been using it for about two weeks and have already seen the difference it’s made in my attitude: I feel happier and proud that I can now bake vegan cookies successfully. No more masses of gooey dough in my oven.

Knowing that you achieved three things in your day that made you feel good and knowing why you achieved them helps evict the Doubt Monster—meaning that it won’t be in your way so often.

2.  Don’t force it.

I’m guilty of believing that you have to be authoritarian with yourself in order to achieve; but all it does is make you feel worse if you don’t reach the often unrealistic goals you set yourself. Don’t be so harsh on yourself; it can take time before you’re ready to do those things.

3.  Purge the frustration tank.

You know what I mean, right? You sit down to revise your budget and every single digit is sitting on the page laughing, throwing paper planes and blowing raspberries at you. You forget to pencil in your train fare; fail to see you didn’t carry the one about thirty sums back; and you’ve just realised your insurance company has been leeching more money from you than you’re comfortable with.

So you quit with the budget and stomp off to make a cup of tea, unable to face the torment again.

Take a scrap of paper and write down all of the things that are bugging you—it doesn’t matter how trivial. Ticking clocks drive me insane. Write them all down. Don’t miss anything. Once you’ve completed the list, tear it up and throw it in the bin.

I burn mine. Or, you could sit down and tell your pet everything that irritates you; cats are always the best listeners. With your frustrations vented, you’ll feel better prepared for tackling that budget with a clearer head.

4.  Commit random acts of creativity.

You don’t have to be a world class artist, writer or musician to create. I commit myself to an hour a day to creating something, whether it’s clearer notes from my saxophone, fresh brownies, a charcoal sketch or a few paragraphs of a story.

Putting aside that space allows me to express myself without anyone else’s vested interests. Think about it: When do you get to express yourself instead of other people? Their views, feelings, needs – we spend a lot of time expressing and fulfilling those, so isn’t it about time we did the same for ourselves?

Procrastinating isn’t a bad thing. Avoiding the bigger issue to clear away the debris of a noisy, unhappy mind is a positive and healthy thing to do. That will make it a lot easier to start with the bigger things tomorrow.

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by Lori Deschene

“In a gentle way, you can shake the world.” ~Gandhi

Both the industrial and digital revolutions promised increased productivity, meaning people could work less and live a more balanced life. We all know that’s not how history has played out.

Even as technology advances, we work longer hours than ever—and ironically, struggle financially and accrue more debt with each passing year.

If you haven’t noticed adverse effects on your personal relationships or the other areas of your life, you’ll likely keep plowing full-steam ahead—and only stop when you have a compelling reason.

So here’s my proposition: work as often as you damn well please! It’s your life; these are your moments to fill and hopefully enjoy. But if you find yourself feeling stressed or detached from the present moment—if you sense life is passing you by as you complete spreadsheets and eat at your desk—you may benefit from one of these ideas to slow down throughout the day:

10. Eat slowly.

This is a tough one for me. I devour food—always have. But I’ve found that eating more mindfully can be a meditative practice. Chew every bite more, analyze tastes like you’re a foodie, and generally savor the experience. It likely won’t add more than 10 minutes to your meal time, yet it will give you the chance to seep into the moment.

9. Do nothing for 15 minutes after waking up.

Have you ever opened your eyes and immediately pulled out your iPhone or laptop? Or how about this: do you roll out of bed two seconds after waking, having already created a 10-item to-do list in your head? Taking 15 minutes to just lay with your thoughts allows you to ease into your day without such a sense of urgency.

8. Stare at a photo online instead of reading an article.

We’re knowledge seekers, which is a great thing. The more we learn, the more we understand and grow. However, the digital era presents a unique challenge: with so much information available it’s tempting to seek knowledge far more often than you apply it. Instead of learning something new on your lunch break, kick back and appreciate a beautiful image. Stillness is the answer to many of the questions you’ve been asking.

7. Choose an activity you usually multi-task and do only that.

(Previously mentioned in 8 Ways to Stay Present & Focused in a Tech-Driven World). Choose one task to complete mindfully today, and maybe add to that tomorrow. My favorite is folding laundry. It’s warm, clean, and most importantly done. Since I have an overactive mind, I need to tell myself certain things to stay in the moment: Enjoying this moment is my only task; there is nowhere to get to—only right now to be; nothing exists but this laundry in front of me (obviously not true, but it keeps me grounded.)

6. Stare at your turned-off-TV for 10 minutes before turning it on.

A lot of us fill our downtime catching up on TiVoed favorites. Absorbed by external stimulation, you miss out on the opportunity to connect with yourself—and before you know it, an hour’s gone by, and you have to get back to work. Or your kids. Or dinner. Before you get to your show, take a few minutes to just sit there and breathe. Use the screen as a canvas for visualization. Project your daydreams onto the tube, and sit with that for a few.

5. Block a half-hour of unplanned time in your planner.

Don’t plan to take a walk or meditate (although those aren’t bad ideas). Instead, plan to do whatever you end up doing. Get up, walk around, and see where that takes you. Maybe you’ll end up helping your neighbor wash his car, or playing jump rope with your niece. Nothing makes you feel present like spontaneity.

4. Write Parkinson’s Law somewhere you can see it often: “Work expands to fill the time available for its completion.”

Maybe you really need 10+ hours a day to get everything on your to-do list done. Or maybe you’re stretching your work to fill longer hours because society associates so many positive things with busyness. This saying reminds me to limit my work and still get it done so I can then focus on other things.

3. Notice the sights when you drive.

Have you ever watched a frantic driver bob in and out of traffic, passing and merging, only to find him right beside you at the red light? If road rage saves time, it’s generally not much—and it usually isn’t worth the stress it creates. Play some soothing music, notice license plates, bumper stickers, and the scenery, and allow yourself to enjoy this time.

2. Metaphorically toss your phone in the ocean for a half-hour every day.

I love the classic movie scene where the overworked protagonist tosses her phone into the ocean, or a fountain, or out the window and reclaims her sense of freedom. It’s not easy to disconnect from our always-on world, but the benefits of being unreachable make it worth the initial discomfort.

1. Say no.

Saying yes can open you up to new possibilities, but saying no can gives you a chance for me-time: an hour when you don’t have to keep any commitments or please anyone else; or a half-hour when you can just kick back and do absolutely nothing.

—

Small changes throughout your day can slow down your pace without killing your productivity. Go ahead and keep getting things done–just remember you don’t need to do it all in a panicked state of stress. If you find a more peaceful process you’ll likely be both happier and more effective.

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by Sonya Derian

When I lived in Santa Monica a few years back, I developed a friendship with a woman I learned a lot from. She was a yogini, writer and actress.

One day she asked if I wanted to take a ride to her dentist’s office with her.  She said it was 15 minutes away but would take 45 minutes to get there. Noticing the difference in the times, I asked the obvious question.

“Oh,” she said, “I always take the scenic route”.

Abraham Hicks said, “Reduce your workload by 30% and increase your fun load by 30% and you will increase your revenues by 100%. And you will increase your productivity by 10,000% (If there could be such a percentage). More fun, less struggle—more results on all fronts.”

My friend did this well. She always opted for the scenic route. It didn’t matter where we were going—she found a way to make it magical and fun. Whether it was a meet-up for Banana Creme Pie at Babalu’s on Montana, or an outing with our notebooks on the beach in Malibu, our lives were special today, no matter where we were hoping to get to tomorrow.

We think that it’s not until we get “there” that we can begin to enjoy what we have, but the basic premise of law of attraction is that what we focus on grows. So, wouldn’t we want to enhance that part of our life that we really want?

The only reason we want anything in our lives—more money, more freedom, more love, more friendships, etc— is that we think we’ll experience more joy if we have those things. So, why not make the choice to experience more joy now?

I invite you to ask yourself this question: How can I bring more magic in my life today, so that I can look forward to even more tomorrow?

This doesn’t have to cost a lot of money. Just this morning I took a drive out to the most beautiful enclave of wildflowers and redwoods and on a wooded deck rolled out my yoga mat and did my own yoga practice. Birds were flying above head, skies were blue, wind was rustling through the leaves of the tree nearby and the sun was shining down blessing the day. Cost: a gallon tank of gas at $2.97. Joy factor: High.

If you’re not sure what will increase your joy factor, I have a few suggestions:

1. Decide this week to take a field trip somewhere that makes your heart sing. It could be the ocean, an art opening, a museum, a road trip, karaoke night, a concert, an amusement park, a fine restaurant, a new yoga studio, an observatory, a trapeze class, a pottery studio. Book the date on your calendar. Make it something that you will look forward to.

2. Have a joy party. Don’t know what that is? Good (I don’t either). Make it up. Decide the rules for it. Everyone has to bring at least one ____________. Everyone has to share ____________. Everyone has to participate in ______________. Plan it out. Make it a potluck. Have fun with it.

3. On a budget? Take a book and go and enjoy a local park or lake or ocean. Take a blanket and pack a picnic. Enjoy your afternoon.

4. On a deadline? Find out where they have WiFi and enjoy a cup of tea while you’re working. If they have outdoor seating, all the better. Pick a location that makes you feel like you’re on vacation.

5. Belong to a local gym? Go experience their sauna. Go relax your muscles, sit in the Jacuzzi or steam sauna. Enjoy your membership.

6. Have a dog? Need some exercise? Do a search online of local park trails. Try one you haven’t been on before. Bring water. Explore.

7. Live by a lake or a river? Find out what it costs to rent a canoe or a paddle boat. Pack a picnic lunch and take a friend. Row your boat. Get a suntan.

8. Like to drive? Go explore the next town over. Discover their downtown area. See what the local artists there are up to.

I was looking through a local paper and found this place called City of 10,000 Buddhas. I looked it up on the map and found out it was just over an hour away. I drove up with my digital camera to see what it was all about and discovered that there was a whole city of practicing Buddhists there (as well as 10,000 Buddha), complete with their own elementary and high school for both boys and girls and their own vegetarian restaurant.

Their street signs read of Buddhist values such as “Compassion Way” and “Mindfulness Ave.” I took pictures and created an art piece out of it. It was one of my most fabulous road trips that I discovered simply by following a lead in a local paper.

In other words, when you set the intention to discover your joy, you never know what you are going to discover along the way. But isn’t that the beauty of it all? To find out?

Find out. Increase your fun load by 30%. Take the scenic route to your next destination toward success. Accelerate your joy factor and make every ordinary experience Extra-Ordinary by pumping some magic into it. Get creative. Decide what that looks like for you. It can be more adventure, or more peace, more play, or more creativity. The main thing, though, is it needs to surprise and delight you.

Write your own prescription for increased joy and follow it!

Want to contribute a post? Read our submission guidelines then drop us a line at email @ tinybuddha.com.

Recent Posts:

• On Learning to Set Priorities
• 4 Ways to Use Jealousy for Growth and Personal Gain
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