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by Melodi Cowan

“What you are is what you have been. What you’ll be is what you do now.” ~Buddha

A teacher of mine once said, “Don’t show up as the person you think you are. Show up as the person you want to be.”

A powerful statement, but I didn’t know who I wanted to be. Even if I did, I wasn’t sure if I could pull it off.

I knew who I didn’t want to be: self-critical, self-conscious and always focusing on my shortcomings. I wanted to learn how to get out of my own way.

For a long time, I thought improving my external situation by becoming richer, thinner, and smarter meant that I was learning. Not to say that accomplishing those things isn’t learning. However, in that cycle I wasn’t learning, but repeating the same story.

I kept trying to get from A to Z by pushing myself and always expected my results to meet my expectations. And the vicious cycle continued. I thought I’m not good enough; I’m pathetic and I’ll never get it right.

Ironically, my desire to learn continued to work against me.

It only brought me further from what I wanted. I now realize how necessary it was for me to relinquish control and create space for something other than my neurosis.

Today, I’m learning about integral awareness—taking in information on all levels, mind, body and spirit. Not resisting, not expecting, not judging, but allowing; removing previous ideas about who I am. I have come to realize that true learning is unlearning.

Another word I associate with learning is deprogramming.

In other words, one must begin by emptying one’s cup.

Bruce Lee once said, “Empty your cup so that it may be filled; become devoid to gain totality.” By emptying my cup, I am making room for new experiences in my life instead of allowing myself to repeat toxic patterns.

In the process of unlearning and letting go, I have experienced some dramatic changes in several areas:

1. My relationships have become healthier.

In the past, I measured the success of my relationships by how well I could control their outcomes. I was often distraught because I continued to attract uncooperative, uncaring and unsupportive situations.

These days, if I attract someone who doesn’t want to operate from an open, supportive and compassionate place then I am okay with letting it fall away. I am learning to walk away, loosen my grip, and look within to understand my experience of what took place.

I recognize that I cannot look to others to heal what is broken in me. I acknowledge that I have the power to heal myself—to shift my awareness.

I push myself to stop complaining and get to work. My new mantra: the victim reacts; the warrior responds. The ego judges; the spirit absolves.

2. My relationship to my body is also experiencing a shift.

By delving deeper into meditation and other mind-body therapies I’ve developed a healthier relationship with body. Previously, I was caught up in my appearance but not so concerned with the negative emotions and toxic substances I was stuffing myself with.

I kept telling myself, “If I look good now, I can just deal with the other stuff later.” Operating this way, I wasn’t in touch with my body. I had to unlearn a completely unhealthy approach, dominated by a feeling of separateness from everyone and everything around me.

3. I notice beauty in things I used to take for granted.

A recent experience that stood out was during a mural walk in San Francisco. I’ll never forget standing there in awe of the Mission District. I drank in the colors, symbolism, beauty, vastness and sacredness of the images.

Connecting to what was actually going on around me I had a deeper experience of sounds, smells, feelings, and even sensations in my body. I silenced my mind, and was rewarded with the ecstatic merging of my inner self and the outer world.

Feet on Ground. Smile on face. Gratitude. Bliss. Peace. Sounds. Sensations. Light and Energy. No purchase necessary. I was truly alive, breathing, in the moment, a drug-free heightened state of awareness. Something a lot easier to achieve than I realized.

4. Writing is no longer a huge source of anxiety.

If “it’s the silence between the notes that makes the music” then it’s pretty much the same with writing. Until recently, I had a difficult relationship with writing. I had so much to say, but lacked the self-worth to actually sit down and get it on paper.

I’m no longer attached to the end result, and I actually enjoy the process. Having “unlearned” my original anxiety-driven approach has provided me with a sense of freedom and movement in my writing.

I am learning how to bring together disparate elements and expertly fuse them into a polished stone. The fear and anxiety isn’t as strong. I’m opening up to exploration and possibilities; thus, leaving my former toxic relationship with words by the wayside.

5. I am finally greeting myself at my own door.

No longer so concerned with the person I want to be, my true self is being revealed through the unlearning and removal of what no longer serves me. I am emptying my cup of fear, doubt and frustration, and am finally looking forward to raising a toast to life.

by Janeen Paul

The yoga class I attended yesterday included a number of balances, from simple tree pose to a “floating” ardha chandrasana. I am not certain why, but I was struggling to find a steady balance on one side.

I arrived late feeling flustered, and my mind was spinning and worrying as we worked our way into the flow. I had to struggle to make my gaze steady, and I was starting to beat myself up for the wobbling on my left leg.

Then I had a realization: This is really the whole point of balancing poses, if not yoga itself. The point is simply to be with yourself, no matter where you are at that moment. Or, as Thich Nhat Hanh said: “Smile, breathe, and go slowly.”

Later, I thought a lot about balance, and how we are always trying to find it in our lives.  I talk with patients about it almost every day, and no one seems to feel they have it under control.

It’s easy to get caught up in the busy-ness of daily life, and forget to find time for relaxation, or even self-care. We get stuck in our heads planning the future or dissecting the past rather than meeting this moment.

I know when I don’t take time to balance the doing with the being, the stuff for everyone else with the stuff just for me, I get flustered and tense.  I feel off-center, and it’s hard to catch my breath.  Life easily gets unsteady, the way I felt at the beginning of class.

Here is my list of 5 ways to find your balance.  While it certainly applies to asana, I see ways to apply these off the mat, too.

1. Take a Risk.

Balancing requires a leap of faith. We must trust in one leg to hold us, as the other takes flight. We test the limits so we know what we are capable of achieving.

I know it’s difficult to face change and to take on something new in life.  But it’s that mindset that keeps us stuck in the status quo, where most of us lean towards giving to others, rather than nurturing our own needs.

It took over a month for me to get up the courage to attend my first yoga class.  I thought I was too old and weak, that I wouldn’t know what was going on and would look foolish.  Instead I found a room full of people my age having fun and welcoming new students.

If I hadn’t taken the risk, I would have missed out on the physical and emotional benefits I’ve gained from regular classes.

2. Find a Focus.

Keep your eyes on a steady object. This allows concentration of the mind, and minimizes distractions that throw us off our goals.

In real life, for example, make self-care a priority and don’t waiver.  The other distractions and commitments will always be there, and we will be more effective at handling them if we start from a place of mindful balance.

I know I feel better if I practice at least 15 minutes of yoga a day.  Some days that is all I can manage, but if I don’t make it a priority, I get sucked into chores and emails and things that could wait until I’m done on my mat.  My focus has to be in place, or I lose sight of what is important.

3. Loosen Up.

Balancing on one leg requires strength, but we also need to relax and keep breathing. If every muscle is clenched, we’re actually more likely to fall over. The micro movements and tiny adjustments are part of the pose, and we can’t flow with the breeze unless we let go of a little bit of control.

Staying in the present means accepting whatever comes up, without getting angry at the body for wobbling, or the mind for judging.  We can only control our reactions.  If we let go of the need for one certain outcome, we can accept whatever comes our way on or off the mat.

I have worked very hard to let go when I’m driving, for example.  If I get stuck behind a slow car, I can check my speedometer a hundred times and get upset that I’m not moving faster, or I can drive as fast as I’m able and listen to a great Michael Franti song with the windows open.  I can’t control the traffic in either situation, but I’m much happier if I practice letting go.

4. Embrace the Falling.

Give yourself a break! Balancing is hard, and we will fall. A lot. Some days, it seems impossible to find the stillness. Instead of the inner name-calling, try smiling and recognizing that the effort is as important as the result.

Over time we will see progress, but we can only start from where we are in this moment.  Some days we will fall more than others, and we will be tempted to feel angry that last week we held a perfect pose, or reacted more calmly to the kids “listening issues.” Instead we can fall with style and accept where we are today.

5. If You Fall, Get Back Up Again!

This one is the most important.  Persevere. Don’t call it a failed attempt and give up, when the next try may lead to success. Or maybe it won’t, but if not today, maybe next week; maybe it takes a lifetime! That life comes moment to moment, so we must be here now, giving our full attention.

Balancing poses require extra effort. But when everything comes together, these poses keep us mindful.  A life of balance means living in the present, and meeting ourselves where we are at this moment.

The courage, focus, acceptance and perseverance are all worthwhile when we discover the peace that is present here now. Balancing on the mat helps us focus our intentions off the mat, which, I’ve heard said, is where the real yoga is practiced!

by Jeanelle Rabadam

“Don’t fear failure so much that you refuse to try new things. The saddest summary of life contains three descriptions: could have, might have, and should have.” ~Unknown

There are two basic human emotions that are the driving force behind each thought, each daily inspiration and that rare but pivotal new-chapter, life-changing decision.  The first is fear and the second, love.

The funny thing, however, is that they are intertwining forces.  In order to feel passionately about something, fear and love must coexist.

One year ago I made what some people would consider an irrational decision.  I had a great job, a flexible boss with rainbow colored work walls to boot.

I had a circle of close-knit, happy-hour-loving girlfriends who brought overflowing amounts of joy and adventure to my life.  Together we’d paint Los Angeles red, fly to Chicago on a “girls’ trip” whim, and celebrate each other’s birthdays in Las Vegas.

Within our friendly beachside neighborhood were my favorite Thai restaurant, faithful yoga studio and the best omelet breakfast spot within a 5 miles radius of each other.  My adoring family was a short one-hour Southwest flight away, so I could always access TLC from Mom and Dad.

I was comfortable, I was happy, but most of all I was where everyone wants to be—safe.

Halfway through the best year of my life to date I decided to make a monumental move.  I quit my rainbow-walled job and applied to graduate schools abroad.

Skimming potential programs I narrowed my choices to three well-known major metropolitan cities:  London, Paris and Barcelona. After much deliberation I decided that while London is bubbling with energy and the French have the most delicious buttery croissants I’ve ever tasted, Barcelona was my true calling.

A California water-loving girl at heart, I can never be far from warm sunshine or the familiar stretch of sandy beaches.

Upon arrival and the few months following, the unexpected feeling of homesickness hit me like a mid-summer tidal wave in the South Pacific.  I was alone in this foreign place, aching in my heart and missing my safe life.

As we oftentimes do when it comes to big decisions, career changes or new mortgages; I doubted myself and the choice I had made.

While waist deep in fear and doubt, strangely enough I was also on an exhilarated high.  Each morning run was an adventure; each trip to the market, something new.

Even though there was a high probability I’d get lost en route, the miniature unknowns were breathtaking and exciting.  I never knew who I would meet or where I would be that weekend.

I took day trips to lining Costa Brava towns and tried yoga classes spoken in a foreign tongue.   Getting back into the classroom was a bit awkward but I submersed myself in bulky case studies and writing, something that has always calmed my racing mind.

Slowly but surely, I made a circle of international friends and discovered new cultures, colorful cuisines and a fascinating European way of life.  In time I opened my heart again and found more love and laughter than I ever dreamed possible between two people.

Despite the initial difficulty, it was worth every chaotic moment to reach this place.

Life is too short and far too precious to waste time going through the safe motions that distract us from what will really bring us joy.  It can be big, or it can be a small or it can be somewhere in the middle.

It can be the fear of quitting your 9–5 job to finally pursue your love affair with the culinary arts.  Or running the marathon that you’re too afraid to try. Or starting the business you’ve always dreamed of.

Or it can very well be finally overcoming your fear of stage fright at Monday Karaoke night for your love of singing.

In our current world where stimulated ideas, new opportunities and innovative minds are so openly welcomed, oftentimes the biggest thing standing in the way is ourselves.

So take the leap of faith in yourself, or someone else for that matter.  Go back to school, finally start your blog or accomplish the resolutions that have been making cameos on your New Year’s list for the past five years standing.

At the end of it all we all have two life lists: All the things we actually did.  And all the things we wish happened.

Focus on building the first list, starting right here and now.

by Contributor Celestine Chua

“We often take for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude.” ~Cynthia Ozick

How often do you pause to appreciate what you have in life?

When I was young, I sort of took things for granted. I believe many other kids did so, too. After all, we were young and we didn’t know what life could be like on the other side.

One thing we took for granted was education. In my country, it’s compulsory for all kids to go to school, so it was a given. We never thought about how lucky we were to be educated.

Another thing we took for granted was our teachers. We never thought about how lucky we were to have teachers who cared for our growth so much, and poured their heart and soul in their lessons.

Then slowly as I grew up, I began to appreciate things around me more. As I saw more and more of the world out there, I realized all the things I’d been given are not rights, but privileges.

I realized that being literate is a not a right, but a gift. I realized there is a lot of war and violence in the world, and I’m lucky to live in a country where it’s safe and peaceful. I realized there are people out there who don’t have their five senses, and to have mine is a gift.

I realized the world is so beautiful, and we’re lucky to live in such an amazing world.

Sometimes it’s easy to feel bad because you’re going through a tough time in life. However, remember no matter how bad your situation may seem, there are tens of thousands of things to be grateful for in life.

Below is a simple list of 60 things that I’m grateful for in my life. Most of the items, if not all, will apply to you too. I’m sure as you read this list, you’ll think of many more things to be grateful for. Feel free to add on in the comments box below. I would love to read them.

Here are 60 things to be grateful for in our lives:

1. Your parents - For giving birth to you. Because if there is no them, there will not be you.
2. Your family – For being your closest kin in the world
3. Your friends – For being your companions in life
4. Sense of sight – For letting you see the colors of life
5. Sense of hearing - For letting you hear trickle of rain, the voices of your loved ones, and the harmonious chords of music
6. Sense of touch - For letting you feel the texture of your clothes, the breeze of the wind, the hands of your loved ones
7. Sense of smell – For letting you smell scented candles, perfumes, and beautiful flowers in your garden
8. Sense of taste – For letting you savor the sweetness of fruits, the saltiness of seawater, the sourness of pickles, the bitterness of bitter gourd, and the spiciness of chilli
9. Your speech – For giving you the outlet to express yourself
10. Your heart – For pumping blood to all the parts of your body every second since you were born; for giving you the ability to feel
11. Your lungs – For letting you breathe so you can live
12. Your immune system – For fighting viruses that enter your body. For keeping you in the pink of your health so you can do the things you love.
13. Your hands – So you can type on your computer, flip the pages of books, and hold the hands of your loved ones
14. Your legs - For letting you walk, run, swim, play the sports you love, and curl up in the comfort of your seat
15. Your mind - For the ability to think, to store memories, and to create new solutions
16. Your good health – For enabling you to do what you want to do and for what you’re about to do in the future
17. Your school - For providing a environment conducive to learning and growing
18. Your teachers – For their dedication and for passing down knowledge to you
19. Tears – For helping you express your deepest emotions
20. Disappointment - So you know the things that matter to you most
21. Fears – So you know your opportunities for growth
22. Pain – For you to become a stronger person
23. Sadness – For you to appreciate the spectrum of human emotions
24. Happiness – For you to soak in the beauty of life
25. The Sun - For bringing in light and beauty to this world
26. Sunset – For a beautiful sight to end the day
27. Moon and Stars - For brightening up our night sky
28. Sunrise - For a beautiful sight to start the morning
29. Rain – For cooling you when it gets too warm and for making it comfy to sleep in on weekends
30. Snow – For making winter even more beautiful

31. Rainbows – For a beautiful sight to look forward to after rain
32. Oxygen - For making life possible
33. The earth – For creating the environment for life to begin
34. Mother nature - For covering our world in beauty
35. Animals – For adding to the diversity of life
36. Internet - For connecting you and me despite the physical space between us
37. Transport - For making it easier to commute from one place to another
38. Mobile phones – For making it easy to stay in touch with others
39. Computers – For making our lives more effective and efficient
40. Technology – For making impossible things possible
41. Movies – For providing a source of entertainment
42. Books – For adding wisdom into your life
43. Blogs – For connecting you with other like-minded people
44. Shoes – For protecting your feet when you are out
45. Time – For a system to organize yourself and keep track of activities
46. Your job – For giving you a source of living and for being a medium where you can add value to the world
47. Music - For lifting your spirits when you’re down and for filling your life with more love
48. Your bed - For you to sleep comfortably in every night
49. Your home - For a place you can call home
50. Your soul mate – For being the one who understands everything you’re going through
51. Your best friends – For being there for you whenever you need them
52. Your enemies – For helping you uncover your blind spots so you can become a better person
53. Kind strangers – For brightening up your days when you least expect it
54. Your mistakes - For helping you to improve and become better
55. Heartbreaks - For helping you mature and become a better person
56. Laughter - For serenading your life with joy
57. Love - For letting you feel what it means to truly be alive
58. Life’s challenges - For helping you grow and become who you are
59. Life - For giving you the chance to experience all that you’re experiencing, and will be experiencing in time to come

And last but not least… #60:

You.

For being who you are and touching the world with your presence. For being alive and reading this post. For giving me the chance to touch your life and fulfill my purpose to help others. You are the reason I live. Thank you.

by Contributor Sam Russell

“You will not be punished for your anger; you will be punished by your anger.” ~Buddha

I went camping recently, something that I was really looking forward to, but I didn’t last long. Due to health conditions, my friend and I had to abandon camp at 3 AM on the first night because the cold go to me in a big way.

This awful experience has left me feeling dejected and rather ashamed of myself. Who the hell can’t manage a couple of nights camping? I’m being too hard on myself, but the point is I’m feeling angry.

You know what that whole anger thing is like:

Your kid goes over the other side of town with friends when you’ve asked them not to because you don’t want them to get hurt. Your sister borrows your favourite top and spills wine down it, then hides it back in your wardrobe. Your best friend nails that promotion after saying she wouldn’t apply because she knew you were desperate for it.

There are countless situations in our lives that can give rise to anger. It’s up to us to recognize them and do something about it before it gets out of hand.

I admit it: I am an angry person. How angry you ask?

A young girl walked up to me in my village and asked me to buy her cigarettes the other day. The bile shot into my throat and I yelled at her without even thinking, furious that a child had just asked me to illegally purchase a dangerous product for her.

I was livid to see that a man went on to buy the cigarettes for the girl and pretty much boiling over with rage at the shop keeper who knew the kids were trying to pull a fast one and didn’t bother to question the man. I watched the whole thing happen and then I seethed for the whole day over it.

I thought about how I wanted to thump the girl for being so stupid, the man for breaking the law and the shop keeper for being so apathetic. I indulged these little fantasies for the whole day. They virtually consumed me until my best friend pointed out that I was seriously overreacting and setting myself up to be ignored when all I want is to be heard.

I consider myself to be a good person but my extreme anger makes me intolerable—I know this. I frighten people when I lose my rag.

But why am I like this?

As I ranted on to my friend, I explained that all I ever see is destruction, war, death and suffering. I see liars and those who just want to fill their pockets at other people’s expense. I see the knowingly selfish and people who don’t care about others.  I see an unjust world where people, animals, and the planet all suffer at the expense of the seemingly few. It makes me wild.

My friend was quick and right to point out, that because I see all of this I’m blinding myself to the good things in life: the people who do care about the planet, those who do uphold a strong set of morals and live by them, and others who are just and do the right thing.

I forget about myself too—the good things I make happen like writing here and sharing my experiences openly and without shame.

My anger stems from my passion and desire for a better world. I want things to be better for everyone (including myself – especially myself). But it’s my current inability to express these things and be heard, to be taken seriously, that give rise to the firestorm that is my anger.

Nobody is pulling me up for it, nobody is telling me off for losing my temper so easily and frequently (I’m not surprised by this actually because I’d certainly not confront me for it!). Odds are nobody is going to.

In the meantime, I am suffering because of my anger:

• People won’t listen to me or take me seriously because all they see is an incoherent screaming ball of wrath.
• The incoherence is another point – how can I articulate myself over the things I believe in if my anger stops me from getting my words in the right order?
• Because I’m hung up on my anger, I can’t let it go which means it affects me physically. It makes me feel sick as my blood pressure soars; I begin to go deaf and everything starts to get fuzzy around the edges and I even get chest pains.
• Being angry all the time is a lonely business. Not many people want to be around someone who can snap at the smallest incident.
• Anger causes blindness. I can’t see the whole picture when I’m hell bent on venting my fury and exacting my will.
• I always say things I regret when I’m gnashing my teeth – usually to the people I love the most. Everything comes out, nothing is censored.
• I have little joy in my life right now because everything gets under my skin and annoys me, and then I get irritated by this fact.

I don’t want to be like this for the rest of my life and I can guess that you wouldn’t either.

The first step of moving away from my punishing anger is admitting that I’m angry, understanding why and forgiving myself for it—which I’ve begun to do thanks to my best friend who took the time to stand up to me and show me my reflection.

The next step is learning to let it go and be the person I want to be.

Deep breath, here goes…

by Lori Deschene

In three weeks, my boyfriend and I might move from the Bay area to LA; or we might move in here with roommates if he decides not pursue a film career.

I am starting a new work-from-home writing gig to pay my bills while I write my book. It might be something I can do in under two days a week, or it may require more time. It may provide enough money, or I might need to get some other work to supplement.

If we move, I might enjoy LA; I might not. I might balance everything well; I might feel overwhelmed. I might make new friends easily in my new area; it might take me a while to find like-minded people.

My world is a towering stack of mights right now. Though I’m dealing with a lot more change than usual, the reality is that most days start and end with uncertainty.

Even when you think you’ve curled into a cozy cocoon of predictability, anything could change in a heartbeat.

The only constant in life is that it will involve change–and try as you may to control the future, sometimes all you can do is trust that whatever happens, you can adapt and make the best of it.

Since I am straddling familiarity and the unknown, waiting to form some type of expectations for my future, I’ve been thinking a lot about dealing with uncertainty well. Though I’ve written before about embracing an uncertain future, I have a few more ideas to add to the mix:

1. Replace expectations with plans.

When you form expectations, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. You can guide your tomorrow, but you can’t control the exact outcome. If you expect the worst, you’ll probably feel too negative and closed-minded to notice and seize opportunities. If you expect the best, you’ll create a vision that’s hard to live up to.

Instead of expecting the future to give you something specific, focus on what you’ll do to create what you want to experience. I might be lonely in LA; or I might move into an apartment building full of yogis who enjoy Scrabble. None of that is in my hands right now. What is in my hands is what I plan–what I will actively do when I get there to meet friends, find balance and live the life I want.

2. Prepare for different possibilities.

The most difficult part of uncertainty, at least for me, is the inability to plan and feel in control. Until I know where I am going to live, I can’t plan what neighborhood I’d like to live in, where I’ll practice yoga, or what events I’ll attend to meet people. But I can plan for the possibilities.

I can make a list for what I would do if I were to move to LA versus what I’d do if I stay local. Obviously the latter doesn’t require much change, so all I really need is one plan and the flexibility to embrace it if necessary.

3. Become a feeling observer.

It isn’t the uncertainty that bothers me; it’s my tendency to get lost in my feelings about it.

The second I start indulging fear, I get lost in a cycle of reactionary thoughts. “I might be lonely,” leads to, “How will I meet people?” Before you know it, I’ve somehow traveled all the way to, “What if I become a recluse, start overeating, and develop restless leg syndrome from sitting too much–alone–on my couch?”

OK, so that’s a slight exaggeration. The point is that speculation leads to feelings which can lead to more speculation and then more feelings. It helps me to stop the cycle by recognizing the feeling–in that case fear–and the reminding myself: I can’t possibly predict the future, but I can help create it by fostering positive feelings about the possibilities.

4. Get confident about your coping and adapting skills.

This isn’t the same as “expect the worst.” It’s more about assuring yourself that you can handle any difficulty that might come. In her book, The Positive Power of Negative Thinking, Julie K. Norem discusses the concept of defensive pessimism–when you consider the worst so you can plan how you’d handle it. This has actually shown to help people manage anxiety.

Ask yourself, “What’s the worst that can happen?” In my case, the worst would be if my boyfriend didn’t make a decision at all and we stayed in our current living situation (overcrowded and cluttered). I wouldn’t like it, but I could handle it. I could write at the library. I could take the opportunity to downsize my stuff. I could deal, which makes the uncertainty a little less scary.

5. Utilize stress reduction techniques preemptively.

If you’re dealing with uncertainty, you probably have stress in your body even if it’s not at the forefront of your thoughts in this exact moment. Over time, that body stress affects blood pressure, blood sugar, muscle tension, cholesterol level, breathing rate and every organ in your body.

Incorporate stress reduction techniques into your day, ideally meditation, even if just 5-10 minutes daily. Finding your center will help you feel better prepared to tackle whatever comes your way.

6. Focus on what you can control.

Oftentimes we overlook the little things we can do to make life easier while obsessing about the big things we can’t do.

For example, my boyfriend and I are cramped in a small space with little storage. My clothes are in bags spaced throughout the room like some kind of luggage booby trap. At times, I’ve gotten really frustrated with the chaos since I feel I don’t know where anything is.

Every time I couldn’t find something, I started complaining about wanting to move now. Suddenly it dawned on me: moving now just isn’t an option, but I can make this living situation more bearable if I stop complaining and focus on a short-term solution. I asked my boyfriend to help me organize the space and keep it that way, and now I feel a lot less scattered.

7. Practice mindfulness.

When you obsess about a tomorrow you can’t control, you’re too busy judging what hasn’t happened yet to fully experience what’s happening right now. Instead of noticing and appreciating the beauty in the moment, you get trapped in a fear-driven thought cycle about the potential for discomfort down the line.

While meditation is the best way to become more mindful, it isn’t the only approach. Sometimes it helps me to take an inventory of what’s good in today. So I can’t yet plan for tomorrow–that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. That means I can spend today doing other things, like writing, reading, relaxing in the sun, and connecting with people I love.

–

If ever you think you’ve created a controllable, predictable life for yourself, you can rest assured that’s an illusion. Nothing stays the same forever. The uncertainty can keep you up at night, obsessing over ways to protect yourself from anything that might go wrong. Or it can motivate you to practice acceptance, live in the moment, and embrace the adventure of living.

What’s coming tomorrow might not be easy; or it might fulfill you in ways you didn’t know to imagine. What’s certain is that it will come, and when it gets here, you’ll respond to it, learn from it, and move into another tomorrow full of endless possibilities.

Today I’m focusing on my possibilities, not my fear, and suddenly I feel a lot better.

Read more about me on the About page, in the FAQs, on lorideschene.com, or on Twitter @lori_deschene. If you enjoy the site, please support Tiny Buddha! You can also submit a post to email @ tinybuddha.com. Photo by Alejandra Mavroski.

by Lori Deschene

“Let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what you really love.” ~Rumi

I have been working on Tiny Buddha for over two years, and yet I’ve rarely written about my experiences running it.

I haven’t told you anything about my own challenges, opportunities, and lessons and it occurred to me today that that might be valuable information.

You probably have a Tiny Buddha in your own life—something you created that you’re absolutely in love with. Or maybe you haven’t found it yet, but you want to build something that drives you like nothing else.

Tiny Buddha has been that for me, and I’d like to share with you a few of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned along the way:

1. The past got you to where you are—so every step was valuable.

At times I’ve looked back and wondered if perhaps I made mistakes in this journey. For instance, I did everything anonymously until earlier this year.

Tiny Buddha was originally just a daily quote on Twitter. I was hesitant to put my name there because it’s never been about me. It’s about ideas that relate to all of our lives, regardless of our age, background, geography or even religious affiliation.

It seemed to make sense to go into this site the same way. I didn’t want my perspective to be the foundation with guest contributors lending occasional support. I wanted the community to be the foundation, with my voice a part of the collective.

In deciding early on to put the focus on the community, I forgot that you can’t build a community unless you’re willing to be part of it.

When I think about the types of interactions I am having with people about Tiny Buddha today, I sometimes wonder how amazing it could have been to have facilitated that sooner. Then I remember: today wouldn’t be happening without yesterday, and I can only enjoy today fully if let go of ideas about the past.

I needed to be where I was in each place before I could get to the next step.

We’re always looking for the fast-track in life—for the bigger better thing as soon as possible. The learning takes place in the small things, in their own time as they need to unravel.

2. Criticism means whatever you make it.

Since there was no context for the posts on the site—no sense of who was running it or why—people didn’t take to it right away.

Another issue was that they had grown accustomed to seeing just one daily quote in their Twitter feed. When links started popping up on the stream, quite a few strongly worded emails came in.

“You’re ruining Tiny Buddha,” one read.

Another reader chimed in “You better stop or I won’t follow anymore—and my girlfriend agrees you’re destroying a good thing.”

I received several of these emails in the first month, and I have to admit I took them to heart.  I wondered what I could have done to build a better site. I wondered if those people were a small sampling of popular opinion. I wondered if they were a sign I should leave Tiny Buddha to the Twitterverse.

Then I realized something: I was creating an awful lot of drama in my head for someone writing about wisdom. So what if I received a few emails from people resistant to change? I had something good to do, and there were other people out there who enjoyed it.

It isn’t the criticism we receive that brings us down; it’s what we decide that criticism means. It rarely means we’re failures or we should change directions. Sometimes it means there’s more to learn. Sometimes it means you need a thicker skin. Most of the time, it’s both.

3. Happiness is when the experience means as much if not more than the outcome.

Research shows that setting goals can lead to happiness. It gives you a sense of empowerment and pride, and hopefully you feel fulfilled in the process of striving. That hasn’t always been the case for me.

Before starting Tiny Buddha, all my goals were about escaping my present to find some magic future where I’d be happy. It wasn’t about the experience of the journey; it was about something down the line that I felt like I needed. My goals were more about fixing my life than enhancing it. It’s a little different now.

What I do here is simple and yet it matters to me deeply.

I love editing and publishing the contributions writers submit. I love how much they enjoy the experience of posting, and how different voices resonate with different readers. I love reflecting on the lessons I’ve learned and recycling them into posts. Every part of running the site and social networking pages gives me a deep sense of purpose and gratitude.

I still have dreams, but I don’t feel like my life is lacking. Even though I’m not making a lot of money right now, I don’t feel that my happiness depends on getting somewhere else.

When you’re less attached to future outcomes you’re not only less devastated by deviations from your plan; you’re also more open to possibilities. Best of all, you’re more open to joy in the present.

4. Passion is the best motivation.

Before I started Tiny Buddha, I didn’t follow through with much in life.

I have always been a resourceful person—part of the gypsy, run-from-reality existence that defined my younger years. I can pretty easily find places to live, ways to get by, and jobs to keep me afloat.

In the past three years alone I have lived in seven apartments and have held a total of eight jobs. Like I wrote before in 25 Little Changes to Make the Day More Exciting, I sometimes have a hard time sticking with things after the original novelty wears off.

Yet I have written something for this website every week day for the past year. Without fail, I have opened my laptop every evening to write about the next day’s daily quote. I’ve spent countless hours writing blog posts and collecting and editing submissions from other writers.

With everything else I’ve done, I’ve always wondered when I might move on, but with Tiny Buddha, it’s become like breathing. I think there’s something to be said for doing something that feels like home. When you love what you’re doing, it’s easy to sustain momentum.

People always tell you to follow your bliss, but that can be a confusing proposition. There’s a lot to love in life, and we have an overwhelming number of choices to make personally and professionally. The best you can do is jump in with both feet and watch how it feels in your mind and body. You might not always know when it’s wrong, but it’s pretty hard to ignore when it’s right.

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I know that happiness is an inside job, not dependent on external things. I also know we all have boundless positive energy looking for a way to be channeled. Everyone needs something that gives them an outlet for creativity, curiosity, purpose and fun.

But sometimes we put a world of pressure on those outlets. We analyze every step we take; obsess about other people’s opinions; and get caught up pushing from one stage to the next, wondering where it’s all leading—or if it’s leading anywhere at all.

All we’re guaranteed is the experience of today, living in that place we’ve created. I say lets live there out loud. Love it, talk about it, share it with so much enthusiasm it’s infectious to everyone around us.

Infect me—what’s your passion project? And what have you learned through the journey?

Read more about me on the About page, in the FAQs, on lorideschene.com, or on Twitter @lori_deschene. If you enjoy the site, please support Tiny Buddha! You can also submit a post to email @ tinybuddha.com.

by Cat Li Stevenson

“The future is completely open, and we are writing it moment to moment.” ~Pema Chodron

This past year has been one of tremendous self-discovery. One day, I suddenly realized after 9 years of a very straight finance paved path that I no longer wanted to be a corporate banker.

Instead, I wanted to wake up each morning with a bigger purpose—a brand of who I was, and what I stood for outside of this corporate lifestyle.

Since that day, I seemed to be on a tiresome pursuit in finding my story. I even seriously debated moving out of the country to build character and expand my journey.

While my own story is still one that remains on the preface page, I have realized in several months of contemplation that discovering our personal novel is not formed by rushing the process or constant over analyzing.

It is, instead, a compilation of daily experiences, perspective, and the wisdom we receive from these that shapes our meaning.

We all have a truly unique story, but we don’t have to be in a hurry to write it or create it. When we start living life, instead of always trying to figure it out, our story—our meaning, our purpose—will present itself in amazing ways.

Here are five activities I have found helpful in discovering my world:

1. Share three “Grateful Statements” a Day

It’s remarkable how your day and life can become instantly transformed by realizing the gifts and abundance that exist all around you right here, right now.

Drop a line through text, email or a good old-fashioned phone call with a sister, friend, boyfriend, or anyone else close to you about something you’re grateful for.

It can be a simple grateful—how you have AC in your car in the sweltering heat, for example. A grateful approach will awaken you to see the world that exists in front of you today; leading to happier, brighter, more meaningful days.

2. Explore Contrast Exercises

If you are a night person like I am, you get a surge of energy at 11PM and manage to find something— anything—to keep you occupied way past your bedtime.

I recently (and not easily) began going to bed by 10PM. This way, I  could get up in the morning for a run or a spin class, followed by a morning meditation before I started on my commute.

I am in awe at how the day looks and feels different by waking up at a new hour, from the sunrise to the increased productivity level I have by mid-morning.

If you are a morning person, try staying up until the midnight hour and notice the difference around you. Or if you enjoy taking walks at night as part of your workout regiment, what happens if you try out a new, hip-hop class at your gym instead?

When exploring other parts of your day that you’re not aware of by making small adjustments, a whole new discovery and perspective may surface.

3. Commit to 30 Days of Excellence

This year my husband and I have made a fun activity of practicing 30 days of excellence. We’ve done everything from “30 days of going to bed on time” to “30 days of five-minute, daily meditation” to “30 days of being mindful about our attitude and what we share.”

Committing to 30 days of excellence to form a habit can transcend and improve your world. It will give you the energy and inspiration to take on the next step in your journey of discovery.

4. Write an “I want…” List

There are tons of articles and books out there about knowing what it is you want to do with your life. I am here to repeat this important exercise: Write “I want…” at the top of a piece of paper or your journal and start writing without pausing to think.

Keep this list at your bedside and revisit it daily. By tuning into knowing exactly what it is you want, you will be able to identify it when you see it, without it passing by without notice.

5. Create a Board of Inspiration

I have a fascination with cards. Ever since I was a little girl, I would make cards from scratch for every occasion and everyone around me.

We constantly had visitors and family members visit from Taiwan when I was younger. I’d always show up at the airport with a personalized card welcoming the guest to town.

Now, 20 plus years later, I still love cards. Instead of creating them, I collect them. I enjoy finding meaningful messages and quotes in card shops. Recently, I purchased a blank canvas where I’ve pasted each of those cards in a square and hung it up in a place in my home office. I revisit them every day to stay inspired.

What inspires you? Is it a photo of a place you once visited? A picture from a travel magazine you want to vacation to? Or perhaps a CD cover from your favorite artist? Create a board of inspiration, visit it daily, and let it speak to you.

Make yourself inspired to continually discover your world. Your world unfolds in the process.

by Srinivas Rao

“You get peace of mind not by thinking about it or imagining it, but by quietening and relaxing the restless mind.” -Remez Sasson

What’s the first thought that goes through your head when you wake up in the morning? Is it deliberate or is it the default “Oh shi#$, it’s 6am!”?

If that’s how you start your day, then it’s likely your day will be filled with anxiety and stress. It’s not exactly the most productive mechanism for getting things done.

In the last week or two, I’ve been experimenting with something that has really changed how I feel about everything. I’ve talked about morning power questions in the past and have suggested you should ask yourself before anything “What’s the best that Could Happen?”. Questions are quite powerful if used in the right way.

How to Use Morning Power Questions

When you wake up in the morning you are always asking yourself questions whether you realize it or not. As you brush your teeth, drink your coffee or eat your breakfast thoughts are running through your head. You might be thinking “why am I so I tired, why didn’t I sleep earlier, what am I going to eat, etc, etc.”

These things generally don’t serve any useful purpose and in some cases as you can see are even hurting you. The idea behind using questions is to take conscious control of the direction of your day. So, let me give you a few examples of things that you could ask yourself first thing in the morning:

• What do I have to look forward to today?
• What’s absolutely perfect about my life?
• How can I make today absolutely awesome?
• What’s the best thing that could happen today?

By asking yourself these kinds of questions you start to shift the focus of your mind towards all of the things you want to have happen. One interesting thing to note is that your questions don’t need to have any basis in reality because your brain will answer anything you ask it quite literally. So if you’re going to be delusional, you might as well make your delusions extremely empowering.

The key to using this effectively however is to do it for 30 days in a row. What happens when you do this is that your brain will create a link, known as a neuro-association, between the empowering states you create with your questions and being awake in the morning.

One Question to Ask Yourself Every Morning

For about two weeks now, I’ve been asking myself one question from the moment I wake up. “What am I grateful for?.” You’ve heard before that you should start every single day with an attitude of gratitude. This is probably the simplest way to actually do that.

If you ask yourself that question enough days in a row you will wake up feeling on top of the world every single day. As you start to view your life and the world around you as full of things to be grateful for, you’re going to bring more and more of that into your life.

We all have lots to be grateful for, but we often get caught up in all the things that are wrong with our lives. Hopefully this will enable you shift your focus.

Ways to Change Your Morning Routine

I want you to give some consideration to changing up how you start your day. In addition to power questions I encourage you to start your day in a more peaceful, quiet way then you have in the past. I think you’ll find that the impact this will have on you both physically and mentally will quite powerful.

1. Don’t Turn on the Computer or TV

As a blogger, for the last year or so the first thing I would do every single morning is turn on the computer. Even if you are not a blogger you may have a tendency to turn on the computer right when you wake up. Starting your brain off with so much information overload right when you wake up can’t possibly be healthy.

I encourage you to just enjoy your coffee or breakfast for about 20 minutes. Turning on the TV is one of the most insidious things you can do. The news can have such a negative impact on you that you might not even realize it. The news is generally about everything that’s wrong in the world and this is the first thing you become exposed to in the morning.

One thing that we know from years of self help is that our minds tend to be extremely receptive in the morning. That’s why I encourage you not to turn on the TV if you’ve been doing it.

2. Listen to Music/Something Uplifting

I love listening to music and when possible I even use an alarm that actually plays music. I try to find really uplifting songs or even songs that have really peaceful melodies. One of the best times to listen to a self-help tape or program is right when you wake up. Think about how the effect this will have on you if you do this for about 30 days.

If you listen to inspirational/uplifting material right when you wake up then you will eventually condition that message into your mind and connect it with waking up in the morning.

3. Meditate

I think one of the most challenging things about meditating is to free yourself from thought. As somebody with a mind that moves at what feels like a million miles a minute, this isn’t something I’m great at myself. Early in the morning your mind is in a fairly quiet state and even 5-10 minutes of deep centered relaxation/meditation can make a huge difference in your day.

How do you start your morning routine? Is there anything else you’d add to this list?

Want to submit a post to the site? Read the submission guidelines and then send it to email @ tinybuddha.com.

by Sam Russell

“Hope is the feeling that the feeling you have isn’t permanent.” ~Jean Kerr

I’ve just given up smoking. Again. It’s a bad habit that I can’t seem to shake because I’m likely to relapse when I’m stressed.

I try to rationalize my destructive behavior—I don’t smoke heavily; I don’t smoke that much since I stick to rolling tobacco which makes thinner cigarettes; it’s fifteen minutes to myself where nobody will question why I’m taking time to do and think about nothing.

No matter how much I justify my bad habit, I can’t deny that I’m dependent on a bad thing to cancel out a bunch of other bad things.

Most of us use destructive methods to avoid difficult things on occasion. We may choose to remain silent in the face of confrontation instead of speaking out and defending ourselves; or we might hide behind our anger instead of admitting that we’re frustrated and scared.

Here’s what I’ve been doing to deal with my feelings instead of avoiding them:

1. Dig deep and think about what’s really getting to you.

In the past, I’d run outside for my fifteen minutes of silence and cigarettes when I found it impossible to communicate the anger and desperation I was feeling. I still have those things inside of me today, so why am I not elsewhere now, puffing away?

Here’s why: I burst. I screamed at myself in frustration and it all came pouring out. A rambling dialogue between me, myself and I revealed that I felt stuck, stupid and terrified of what my very uncertain future held for me.

I was annoyed at the lack of support I have from the places I really need it and the lack of opportunity where I really need it.

Coming to terms with your feelings is a chore—and a painful one at times—but once you’re in the habit of it, the benefits are immediate and endless.

2. Stay committed to communicating your feelings, even if it gets difficult.

I’m dumbfounded by people who don’t let you get a word in edgewise. You know what it’s like; if you’re in an argument or even talking with good friends, sometimes you’re shut out with little space to express yourself.

In group situations, I’d shut up and sit down if I sensed that I wasn’t going to hold the floor at any point. My experiences have been dire in this arena; I’ve been shouted down and ridiculed many times so it’s no surprise that I chose to stay quiet.

However I’ve found an unusual remedy: mime.

When everyone is yelling (or speaking over you) and battling to hold the stage, use your body to communicate instead of your voice. Actions speak louder than words? They certainly do. This is a real attention-grabber, one you’ll have to commit to for it to be effective.

I recommend it as a tool for getting that silence you need in order to make your voice heard when everything else has failed. Try it. You’ll get stared at but you’ll also get the floor.

3. Don’t let yourself reach boiling point in difficult situations.

Drop everything (carefully) and walk away. Don’t worry about people trying to stop you – you’re on your way out before you do something you regret, like lose your temper.

There’s nothing wrong with walking away from a heavy situation and coming back to it after you’ve calmed down. Take fifteen to twenty minutes to clear your mind, stretch your tense muscles and feel your body working; heart beats, lungs fill and empty, thoughts dissipate. A moment of stillness is enough to cool you down.

If people apprehend you, ask them politely to respect your space. Don’t explain yourself to them. If they can’t take the hint, keep walking until they do.

4. Vent your feelings physically.

One thing I like to do is toss books, papers, and laundry into the air. I’ve also smashed dustbin lids while venting. A lot of people will say that this is just as destructive as yelling and screaming at someone you love, but I disagree. Even if you damage something, it can be replaced; a loved one can’t.

Obviously don’t trash your home, but don’t be scared of expressing yourself physically. It’s immensely helpful for getting in touch with and venting your feelings.

I also like to play music when I’m on the verge of losing it, let it soak into my body and dance. Sports, the creative arts, cookery and gardening are excellent forms of physical release.

Embrace what suits you and get a physical as you possibly can with the activity. Channel all of that anger, irritation or sadness you’re feeling so you can experience and then transform it.

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The more I move forward without smoking and the more I write for Tiny Buddha, the more I learn not to deny who I am and what I feel.

When you’re in touch with what you’re really feeling, you’re more likely to understand the situation and resolve it instead of avoiding it.

I haven’t smoked in a month and I feel grounded, real, and alive. Approaching my problems head on has made all the difference.