Tiny Buddha: Wisdom Quotes, Letting Go, Letting Happiness In

by Lori Deschene

Yesterday morning, two of the correspondents on the news in Boston (where I’m home for the holidays) had an interesting conversation about the classic It’s a Wonderful Life.

One of them said he’s not a big fan of the movie, which instilled a sense of complete outrage in me.

How dare he take George Bailey’s name in vain? It’s such an inspirational film! From saving Harry’s life to finding Zuzu’s petals, every scene gets my little heart aflutter with renewed hope in our ability to make a difference and find happiness.

When the initial offense faded, I listened to what clearly-heartless news guy was saying. And he actually had a point.

The main character, George Bailey, sacrificed everything he wanted in life for the people around him. If he continued to operate in a constant state of self sacrifice, he’d likely always have regrets where other men have dreams.

And why should he not have the chance, at some point, to feel satisfaction that isn’t hinged upon having saved someone else’s life?

At the end of the movie, he receives the ultimate assurance that his life is best lived with everyone else’s interests before his own: a party where he receives all the gratitude and admiration he clearly felt had been lacking prior.

The implication seems to be that he should continue on this path because everyone’s life would have fallen apart if he didn’t come to their rescue. Click Here to Read More…

by Sonya Derian

“Never ignore a gut feeling. But never believe it’s enough.” ~Robert Heller

A couple months ago when I was almost done producing a teleseminar and spending way too much time hunched over at the computer, I decided to do something different. Something that would bring me joy, that would get take me out of my normal environment and actually excite me. So, I did what had been on my list to do for a long time.

I went flying.

I didn’t know what to expect making the 45 minute trek out to the Sonoma County hills to fly on a trapeze. I just knew I had been wanting to do it for a while and it was closer than then the outfit I’d been considering in Texas (that was also outdoors).

I also knew I had to go because just the thought of flying through the trees excited me more than anything I had done in a really long time.

So I made the trek by myself because no one wanted to join me, and I figured why wait? I was greeted by, what I learned, was a core group of women who met there every weekend.

One of the women who was in her 70′s comes as often as she can. She was flying through the sky doing twists without a harness (she got her pilot’s license in her 60′s, which gives you a clue about her!)

Another woman was a single mom who came with her son every weekend and made this her retreat. Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

There’s this saying I used to love that doesn’t resonate with me anymore:

“Go big or go home.”

I understand the allure of doing big things.

Life seems more meaningful when you’re pursuing a passion that could feasibly improve life for masses of people; and at the end of the day, most of us want to create a legacy—something that lives on beyond our own ripple-in-the-ocean life spans.

I’m not arguing the benefits of going big if that’s what you want to do—especially since I have a few big plans of my own. But there are a couple of implications here I would like to debunk:

1. If you’re playing small, you’re not playing smart.

Wrong. Determine what makes you happy and gives you a sense of purpose, and then live it—whether that means finding a cure for cancer, or finding your son’s favorite toy for the fifteenth time in a day.

Play by your own rules; no one else’s. Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

“Friendship isn’t a big thing. It’s a million little things.” ~Unknown

This hasn’t been an extravagant holiday season for me. Like everyone and their mother, I lost a lot of income in 2009, and I just don’t have the means to give expensive presents.

Yet I feel I’ve received a lot of gifts this year. Most notably, I’ve realized how many of the people in my life mean more to me than any of the things I’m trying to accomplish.

The friends and family members whose love and support far eclipse the achievement of any goals I set. The people who are my home, whether I can afford a pricey apartment or not.

I’ve come up with 50 ways to show them how much I care within my current means. If you’re looking for a few meaningful gifts that don’t require a debit card, you may find these creative ideas helpful this season: Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

“It is never too late. Even if you are going to die tomorrow, keep yourself straight and clear and be a happy human being today.” -Lama Yeshe

There’s a common misconception that there comes a point when it’s too late to do things you want to do. Maybe one of these statements sounds familiar to you:

“I can’t become a designer. I’m far too old to change my career path.”

“I’ll never get married. It’s too late in the game for that.”

“I couldn’t possibly start yoga. That’s for people much younger than me.”

We choose arbitrary windows of time when we imagine we should have tried something, and then believe it’s not possible once those days have past.

The saddest part of this way of thinking is that we’re generally right. Not because it can’t be done; but because we can only do what we believe we can.

If you don’t think it’s possible to begin a new profession, you won’t take a training course, send out resumes, or make the connections you need to succeed. Click Here to Read More…

“When you live on a round planet, there’s no choosing sides.” -Wayne Dyer

Research shows that rooting for a team–identifying with a group and enjoying the camaraderie you feel with other fans–can increase your sense of personal happiness.

While it’s satisfying to feel a sense of belonging, it can be dangerous to carry this us-against-them philosophy into other areas of your life. People do it all the time.

A man connects so deeply to his heritage he puts up walls with people from different backgrounds.

Or a woman believes something with so much conviction, people who disagree become immediate adversaries.

In this way, we shut ourselves into little boxes of people and relate to everyone else as outsiders. The Dalai Lama says we don’t need to give up our sense of belonging to communities; we just have to recognize various levels–the highest connecting us by a fundamental human bond.

So, rather than relating to others based on what makes us different, we relate based on what characteristics we share.

If there’s one common theme on this site–and in Buddhism, in general–it’s that people aren’t all that different. We all want to feel good and purposeful. We all want to avoid feeling pain.

Ironically, it’s painful to see other people as sitting on the other side. Believing or expecting the worst in them. Holding up a guard, ever-ready for an attack. Click Here to Read More…

by Belinda Munoz

“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.” ~Dalai Lama

It’s a well-known fact that the holidays bring on the blues. According to the National Mental Health Association, reasons for feeling blue around the holidays range from fatigue to financial limitations to tensions in personal relationships.

As for me, I’m generally a happy person.  I don’t dwell on things I can’t control, I have realistic expectations, I’ve learned overtime that trying to change people is futile, and I’ve even come to appreciate some of my flaws.

But sometimes, melancholy finds me.  Like a thick fog that threatens to shroud a picturesque skyline, it creeps up seemingly out of nowhere until I can no longer ignore it.

I had an experience with this recently.  After an intense couple of nights with human rights activists from Ethiopia and Russia, learning about how fiercely and fearlessly they fight to preserve the rights of citizens of their countries, I feel blessed to be in a country where much of our basic rights are intact.  Where we have a right to protest, to organize, to speak out.  Where, though many may complain, its citizens are still quite a bit more privileged than those of most other countries.

After these intense couple of days, a sadness lingered.  A sobering feeling that made me feel slightly off-balance, not-quite-myself, and a little bit powerless.

But, as I have done many times in the past, I’ve learned not to let sadness take over.  It’s not easy to do at first but, as always, a little effort goes a long way.  Here are 50+ ideas to chase the blues away: Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

“Instead of complaining the rose bush is full of thorns, be happy the thorn bush has roses.”~Proverb

Complaining can be a bonding experience.

You meet up with your friends after work, and immediately start rehashing frustrations with your boss. You have dinner with your siblings and commiserate about confrontations with your black-sheep uncle. Or you release tension on a blind date by noticing the wait staff’s shortcomings.

Commiserating is a great way to immediately establish rapport. In that moment you feel connected–you  both have grievances, problems, and wishes for a better world. It’s even easier to do in a challenging economy, where anxiety is de rigueur. In one study of complaining in a group situation, subjects averaged 50 expressions of dissatisfaction per hour–close to one complaint per minute.

But, despite your initial bonding experience, complaining does more harm than good.

According to Will Bowen, author of A Complaint Free World, complaining exacerbates individual and collective problems because our thoughts create our world. In focusing on everything that’s wrong, you create a world dominated by those ideas.

Stopping that cycle isn’t easy because you can’t dictate how other people will behave. If they continue to vent and you refuse to engage your whole social dynamic will start to shift. Right? Maybe not. Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

“The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.” ~Samuel Johnson

Some people say there’s no such thing as a selfless act–that any time we do something to help another person, we get something in return, even if it’s just a warm fuzzy feeling.

I’ve spent a lot of time playing with this idea in my head. It doesn’t really bother me to know it feels good to help someone else. That, to me, is a completely acceptable type of selfishness. What give me cause for concern are the underlying expectations we often have when we give “selflessly.”

We’ve all been there. You cover for your coworker because you know you’ll need her assistance next month. You give your sister $20, and then silently look for ways she can pay you back, even if not monetarily. You help your friend get leads for a job, and then feel angry when she isn’t as proactive in offering you support.

I’ve found that these expectations cause more stress than joy. They mar the act of giving, which makes me feel slightly guilty; they lead to disappointment if the person I helped doesn’t return the kindness; and they tie my intentions to an internal score card, which places a wedge in my relationships.

Recently I’ve been asking myself, “What is my expectation?” before I do something for another person. The answer I find most acceptable—cheesy as it may sound—is: to feel good and show love. Strangely, when I release the need to control what I get for giving, I get enough, somehow.

I’ve made a list of 20 things you can do to show you care, without needing the recipient to return the kindness—20 ways giving is its own reward. Maybe some of these will resonate with you. Or perhaps you’ll want to write your own list to spur the spirit of giving without expectations. (Although I’ve written you, these are things I try to do.) Click Here to Read More…

by Alexa Hart

Last year, I graduated from UC Santa Barbara with a major in Communication Studies and a minor in Business Writing. During my college career, I created public relations material for both my Business Writing minor and the public relations firm where I interned. As I thoroughly enjoyed my minor and the internship, I decided to apply to more PR positions.

About a month into the job search, I was hired to work at a reputable public relations firm. Excited to start the next chapter of my life, I thought I had it all – a new apartment in San Francisco, great roommates, new friends and a stable job. Wow! This was the real deal. However, the excitement of my first “real” job quickly wore off. Although I may have enjoyed my experiences in college, I failed to ask myself an important question: Was I really passionate about agency PR?

As much as I loved San Francisco and the new friends I was making, I discovered that PR didn’t give me a sense of fulfillment. I got no thrill from bouncing around client accounts doing tasks like monitoring media coverage, drafting pitches, researching speaking opportunities and reading about client competition. I couldn’t spend my days working in an office doing something that didn’t make me tick. Thus, I quickly realized that in order to be happy, I needed to make a change. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Tess Marshall

“When I do good, I feel good, when I do bad, I feel bad and that is my religion.” ~Abraham Lincoln

It’s no secret that we live in a world that’s obsessed with wealth, fame and celebrities. Some call it the “age of narcissism.”  I’m not sure I want to label or judge our current circumstances. Instead like Gandhi suggests, I’ll put my focus on being the change I wish to see in the world.

I’m planning to mix things up a bit for 2010 and I invite you to do the same. Instead of creating New Year’s Resolutions that are all about me, I’m going to make mine all about others. Instead of trying to increase my own success I’m going to set others up to succeed.

My personal idea was inspired by CNN’s “Hero of the Year 2009” given to one ordinary person making an extraordinary difference. CNN’s panel chose Efren Penaflorida as the winner for 2009. He received $100,000 for his organization. You can read about all 10 nominees here.

Being an every-day hero does far more for you than you may imagine. Some benefits of volunteering include: Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

“Being right is highly overrated. Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.” ~Unknown

We all know someone who always needs to be right.

She turns everything into an argument worthy of a courtroom, complete with counter arguments and below-the-belt accusations. She finds holes in everything you say, even if you were actually agreeing with her. And in the end she needs the last word, even if means belittling you or ignoring your feelings.

Not everyone acts this righteous all the time, but we’ve likely all tried to win in an argument at least once before.

Maybe it’s the rush of feeling like the more powerful or intelligent person; or perhaps it’s just a stubborn resistance to bending. Whatever the case, we all play to win in conversations on occasion.

The irony here is that winning rarely feels as sweet as the fighter imagines it will. Research shows competitve people take less pleasure in their successes than their less combative counter parts because they’re rarely satisfied with their accomplishments–ever-ready to seek the next win. Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

When I first sat down to write this piece for 5 Rules for Life, I wrote Live without rules five times, each followed by a reason to keep your approach to life flexible. The way you live is largely a reflection of where you’ve been, who you’ve been, and the beliefs you’ve formed. Who am I to create a cookie-cutter hard-and-fast code that makes sense for everyone?

That’s when I realized I’d need to make a sixth rule to introduce these ideas: judge my words, and anyone else’s against your own reason and moral code.

Buddha said, “Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and common sense.”

The Dalai Lama echoed that sentiment with, “The ultimate authority must always rest with the individual’s own reason and critical analysis.”

Be critical. I invite it. These ideas help me, and they may or may not help you.

With that, I give you five guidelines that have helped me feel happy, fulfilled, and meaningful: Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

“We must never assume that which is incapable of proof.” -Unknown

You can never truly know someone else’s intentions.

If a coworker offers to cover your shift, she may be trying to ease your stress–or she could be vying for your job. If your sister-in-law offers to pay for your meal, she may want to help you out during tough times–of she could be trying to remind you you’re inferior.

You can always find a negative assumption that allows you to believe the worst in people. Or you can give that person the benefit of the doubt and believe they have your best interests at heart.

When you assume someone is being kind and not selfish, you may occasionally wrong, but for the most part you’ll feel appreciative and peaceful with the people in your life. The alternative is to believe people are bad, seek and find proof everywhere, and walk around feeling bitter and critical.

When you have no proof, it’s a judgment call: assume the best and feel good and grateful; or assume the worst and feel bad and suspicious. Click Here to Read More…

by Warren Davies

“Happiness mainly comes from our own attitude, rather than from external factors.” -Dalai Lama

I’m now convinced that the above quote is true.  Let me explain why.

When I was studying for my psychology degree, I came across an interesting module called positive psychology.  It is a section of the field that looks at the positive side of life, including a scientific study of what makes people happy.  So potentially, it would put concerns I already had about pop-psychology, self-help, and spirituality, to the test.  I immediately signed up.

The idea that happiness comes from our attitude is a popular and wholesome one.  You want it to be true.  It would mean you have more control over your happiness, validate suspicions of your own responsibility towards your emotional state, and highlight the futility of chasing money, careers and material goods.  Or it would for me, anyway.

So it’s quite gratifying that the science backs up the Dalai Lama’s point here, for the most part.  Studies suggest that only 10% of our happiness comes from external factors.  The rest of the happiness pie is made up of our genetics and our ‘intentional activities’ —the thoughts and behaviors that we do deliberately—which includes our attitude. Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

Eckhart Tolle believes we create and maintain problems because they give us a sense of identity. Perhaps this explains why we often hold onto our pain far beyond its ability to serve us.

We replay past mistakes over and over again in our head, allowing feelings of shame and regret to shape our actions in the present. We cling to frustration and worry about the future, as if the act of fixation somehow gives us power. We hold stress in our minds and bodies, potentially creating serious health issues, and accept that state of tension as the norm.

Though it may sound simple, Ajahn Chah’s advice speaks volumes:

“If you let go a little, you will have a little peace. If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace.”

There will never be a time when life is simple. There will always be time to practice accepting that. Every moment is a chance to let go and feel peaceful. Here are 40 ideas to get started: Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

“Some people think it’s holding on that makes one strong—sometimes it’s letting go.” ~Unknown

Maybe your life doesn’t look like you want it, but you’re not sure how to change it, or even if you can—so you feel hopeless, frustrated, and even a little bitter.

Or maybe someone hurt you so deeply you don’t know if you can trust them anymore—so you feel angry, defensive and indignant.

Every day we can find a million and one reasons to feel discouraged, or incompetent, or vulnerable, or harried. All things that hurt when we hold them inside like a tight fist we refuse to unclench. And yet we do it anyway.

Until we decide to stop. Click Here to Read More…

by Belinda Munoz

“Be what you are. This is the first step toward becoming better than you are.” ~Julius Charles Hare

I admit, I have a beautiful life.  I don’t mean to brag, but I love the life I have and there is no other life I’d rather live. But this wasn’t always my truth.

Many years ago, I didn’t think I would one day have a beautiful life.  I had a terrible attitude, a soul-sucking job that I occasionally enjoyed superficially at best, and I pursued things that would always leave me feeling empty.  It took me a long time and a lot of work to get to where I am.

Today, like everyone, I have my own struggles. I have personal deficits that I’m aware need fine-tuning (or major overhaul). I’m susceptible to sadness, negative energy from others, and occasional feelings of helplessness about the troubles of the world.  But I focus more on laughter, celebration and the depths of life.  Overall, life is beautiful.

I’m not talking about aesthetic beauty, although a beautiful environment can contribute to a beautiful life.  I’m talking about a deeper kind of beauty.  One that you can’t buy from a store.  One that makes you feel excited about being alive, that allows you to be inspired and be an inspiration, that shows your connectedness to other human beings.

I would imagine that many of you who are already living a beautiful life have your own formula for getting there.  But for those who are curious, here are my 7 key steps: Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

“Make finding the good in others a priority.” ~Zig Ziglar

One of the most exciting parts of writing about happiness is getting the opportunity to connect with people who make sharing joy a priority.

If you’re looking for it, you’ll find positive people everywhere—in your office, along your morning commute, on blogs you follow, and within your Twitter stream. They won’t be the only type of person you see; there are plenty of people out there who walk around holding onto a lot of pain, and knowingly or unknowingly spread it.

But an uplifting person—someone who believes in the good in people—shines a light on the potential we all have inside us to hope, believe, and inspire. A light bright enough to offer a different perspective on those other people who seem so negative. Suddenly judgment and fear melt into understanding and compassion.

That’s what Project Happiness is all about: making happiness a real possibility for all. Their main purpose is to provide students with tools and wisdom–based on positive psychology and neuro-scientific research–to create authentic happiness.  They work hands-on with kids of all ages, empowering them to feel good about themselves so they can handle life’s hurdles.

When Rolando Sandor emailed me with an invitation to attend the Project Happiness Cirque de Happiness event this Saturday, I couldn’t have been more excited. Honestly I didn’t know a thing about the non-profit; I just knew “Cirque de” anything had to be a spectacular, fun event. Click Here to Read More…

by Brittney Warren

“If we look at the world with a love of life, the world will reveal its beauty to us.” ~Daisaku Ikeda

I’m sitting here in a quaint coffee shop trying to work, and I’m listening to some soulful music that moves me more than I can explain. Today I feel so thankful for my life and how beautiful it is. When I get in this place of peace, with my headphones on, blocking away all the other noises and sounds of my everyday tasks, I fall into a trance—a dreamlike state where I can’t help but feel inspired and full of love.

More and more every day I feel my purpose breaking through. I love working for a non-profit cancer foundation. I love that each day I wake up confident I’m doing something meaningful. I get to end everyday with a full heart knowing I work hard to educate and help people fighting this devastating disease.

Life hasn’t always been this way for me. I used to struggle because I felt like what I did wasn’t enough. I was stuck. The life inside of me was beginning to disappear. I was becoming that type of person who I once looked at thinking, “I hope that I never become that.”

Money, status, and my career were my priorities. That wasn’t who I wanted to be. Click Here to Read More…