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by Contributor Celestine Chua

“We often take for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude.” ~Cynthia Ozick

How often do you pause to appreciate what you have in life?

When I was young, I sort of took things for granted. I believe many other kids did so, too. After all, we were young and we didn’t know what life could be like on the other side.

One thing we took for granted was education. In my country, it’s compulsory for all kids to go to school, so it was a given. We never thought about how lucky we were to be educated.

Another thing we took for granted was our teachers. We never thought about how lucky we were to have teachers who cared for our growth so much, and poured their heart and soul in their lessons.

Then slowly as I grew up, I began to appreciate things around me more. As I saw more and more of the world out there, I realized all the things I’d been given are not rights, but privileges.

I realized that being literate is a not a right, but a gift. I realized there is a lot of war and violence in the world, and I’m lucky to live in a country where it’s safe and peaceful. I realized there are people out there who don’t have their five senses, and to have mine is a gift.

I realized the world is so beautiful, and we’re lucky to live in such an amazing world.

Sometimes it’s easy to feel bad because you’re going through a tough time in life. However, remember no matter how bad your situation may seem, there are tens of thousands of things to be grateful for in life.

Below is a simple list of 60 things that I’m grateful for in my life. Most of the items, if not all, will apply to you too. I’m sure as you read this list, you’ll think of many more things to be grateful for. Feel free to add on in the comments box below. I would love to read them.

Here are 60 things to be grateful for in our lives:

1. Your parents - For giving birth to you. Because if there is no them, there will not be you.
2. Your family – For being your closest kin in the world
3. Your friends – For being your companions in life
4. Sense of sight – For letting you see the colors of life
5. Sense of hearing - For letting you hear trickle of rain, the voices of your loved ones, and the harmonious chords of music
6. Sense of touch - For letting you feel the texture of your clothes, the breeze of the wind, the hands of your loved ones
7. Sense of smell – For letting you smell scented candles, perfumes, and beautiful flowers in your garden
8. Sense of taste – For letting you savor the sweetness of fruits, the saltiness of seawater, the sourness of pickles, the bitterness of bitter gourd, and the spiciness of chilli
9. Your speech – For giving you the outlet to express yourself
10. Your heart – For pumping blood to all the parts of your body every second since you were born; for giving you the ability to feel
11. Your lungs – For letting you breathe so you can live
12. Your immune system – For fighting viruses that enter your body. For keeping you in the pink of your health so you can do the things you love.
13. Your hands – So you can type on your computer, flip the pages of books, and hold the hands of your loved ones
14. Your legs - For letting you walk, run, swim, play the sports you love, and curl up in the comfort of your seat
15. Your mind - For the ability to think, to store memories, and to create new solutions
16. Your good health – For enabling you to do what you want to do and for what you’re about to do in the future
17. Your school - For providing a environment conducive to learning and growing
18. Your teachers – For their dedication and for passing down knowledge to you
19. Tears – For helping you express your deepest emotions
20. Disappointment - So you know the things that matter to you most
21. Fears – So you know your opportunities for growth
22. Pain – For you to become a stronger person
23. Sadness – For you to appreciate the spectrum of human emotions
24. Happiness – For you to soak in the beauty of life
25. The Sun - For bringing in light and beauty to this world
26. Sunset – For a beautiful sight to end the day
27. Moon and Stars - For brightening up our night sky
28. Sunrise - For a beautiful sight to start the morning
29. Rain – For cooling you when it gets too warm and for making it comfy to sleep in on weekends
30. Snow – For making winter even more beautiful

31. Rainbows – For a beautiful sight to look forward to after rain
32. Oxygen - For making life possible
33. The earth – For creating the environment for life to begin
34. Mother nature - For covering our world in beauty
35. Animals – For adding to the diversity of life
36. Internet - For connecting you and me despite the physical space between us
37. Transport - For making it easier to commute from one place to another
38. Mobile phones – For making it easy to stay in touch with others
39. Computers – For making our lives more effective and efficient
40. Technology – For making impossible things possible
41. Movies – For providing a source of entertainment
42. Books – For adding wisdom into your life
43. Blogs – For connecting you with other like-minded people
44. Shoes – For protecting your feet when you are out
45. Time – For a system to organize yourself and keep track of activities
46. Your job – For giving you a source of living and for being a medium where you can add value to the world
47. Music - For lifting your spirits when you’re down and for filling your life with more love
48. Your bed - For you to sleep comfortably in every night
49. Your home - For a place you can call home
50. Your soul mate – For being the one who understands everything you’re going through
51. Your best friends – For being there for you whenever you need them
52. Your enemies – For helping you uncover your blind spots so you can become a better person
53. Kind strangers – For brightening up your days when you least expect it
54. Your mistakes - For helping you to improve and become better
55. Heartbreaks - For helping you mature and become a better person
56. Laughter - For serenading your life with joy
57. Love - For letting you feel what it means to truly be alive
58. Life’s challenges - For helping you grow and become who you are
59. Life - For giving you the chance to experience all that you’re experiencing, and will be experiencing in time to come

And last but not least… #60:

You.

For being who you are and touching the world with your presence. For being alive and reading this post. For giving me the chance to touch your life and fulfill my purpose to help others. You are the reason I live. Thank you.

by Lori Deschene

“Don’t wait for people to be friendly. Show them how.” ~Unknown

When I was a teenager—right around the time I knew everything—my mother used to tell me I only remembered the bad things.

When I told stories about my family, they didn’t revolve around family beach trips, barbecues, and vacations; the focused on my parents’ fights and all the ways they “ruined my life.”

The same applied to friends and milestones in my life. I chronically remembered and rehashed the worst experiences.

In fact, straight through college I followed up every introductory handshake with a dramatic retelling of my life story, focusing on a laundry list of grievances about people who had done me wrong.

It was as if I was competing for most royally screwed over in life, like there was some kind of prize for being the most tragic and victimized. (Full disclosure: I hoped that prize was compassion cum unconditional love. It was more like discomfort and avoidance).

Not everyone is as negative or needy as woe-is-me-younger Lori was, but I’ve noticed that many of us have something in common with my misguided past self: we focus on how we’ve been hurt far more than how we’ve been helped.

Psychologists suggest that to some degree we complain because we’re looking to connect with people who can relate to the universal struggles we all face (though in some cases, complaining is a constructive way to find solutions to problems as opposed to a chronic need to vent negativity). I think there’s more to it, though.

When we complain about everything that’s gone wrong, or everyone who has done us wrong, we’re drowning in our self-involvement.

It’s an epidemic in an individualistic culture where self-reliance, autonomy and the pursuit of personal gain can leave us feeling isolated and pressured to succeed. This may not be true for everyone, but I know when I get caught up complaining, nine out of ten times what I need to do is stop obsessing about the circumstances of my life.

It’s taken me a long time, but I’ve learned we don’t need to live life in a constant state of reaction to things that seem difficult or unfair. We don’t have to be the victims of bad coming at us. Our lives don’t have to be the sum of our problems—not if we take responsibility for putting good into the world.

That starts by fostering a greater appreciation for our interdependence. We are not alone. The world is not against us, and we don’t have to be against each other. We don’t have to let our fears, insecurities and wants boil over inside us until we’re all a bunch of incompatible toxic chemicals waiting to explode the second we collide.

You can always find a negative story to tell—some situation when another person was insensitive, selfish, uncaring, unfair, or just plain wrong. You can also find an underlying struggle that doesn’t justify but might explain their behavior.

If you absolutely can’t channel that compassion and patience, you can always find at least one good thing someone did in your day.

When that stranger held the elevator open, when your coworker let you take the lead in your meeting, when your mother called just to say she loves you; they’re all reminders people are looking out for you—maybe not all of them, and maybe not all the time, but probably more than you notice.

An even better way to honor our interconnection: be someone else’s positive story. Be the kindness that reminds someone else the world is not against them. Give them an anchor of positivity to find later if their circumstances seem overwhelming.

If you’ve ever ended a stressful day with a long hug—the type that’s so needed and loving it’s near impossible not to relax and receive—you know the power of a simple gesture.

Need some ideas for simple kindnesses? I recommend checking out the Tiny Buddha Facebook page, where I recently asked friends, “What’s the kindest thing you can do for someone else?”

Some of my favorite suggestions (out of 158) include:

1. Try to accept people with an open mind and refrain from making judgments, which are often wrong anyway. (Brandon Hartford)
2. Let them know how much you appreciate them. (Florence Leedy)
3. Any deed done for someone else is a kind one when you don’t expect something in return. (Courtney Olsen)
4. Do little things like hold doors open or let folk go in or out first. Little things can make a big difference for someone who’s not having a great day. (Elke Wallace)
5. Accept them for who they are and who they strive to be. (Dylan Clauson)
6. Let them know they’ve made you smile. (Monika Sylvestre)
7. Be with them when they need you. For the rest of the time, let them be free. (Rohin Khanna)
8. Tell them the truth. (Krista Hale)
9. Tell them why they make a difference in your life that no one else could possibly make—why their particular brand of “special” makes the world a better place for everyone they meet in it. (Jennifer Hudson Green)
10. Help them help themselves and be independent. (Frantz Art Glass)
11. Believe in them and give them hope. (Melessia Todd)
12. Give a simple well meaning smile. (Jennie McCluskey)
13. The kindest thing you can do for someone else is to take good care of your own mind, body and soul. This enables kindness in all things. (Shyloh Robinson)
14. Spend time listening with the intent of learning. I joined an art guild that is mostly made up of elderly artists who have the most amazing life stories and the best tips and trick for creating artwork. I feel like I get so much more in return for doing nothing more than enjoying their company! (Suzi Ra)
15. The best thing my parents ever taught me—the Golden Rule: do unto others as you would have them do unto you! (Tracy Bruce Laughlin)
16. Be there for them when they fall and not say I told you so. (Ana Stuckart)
17. Give them the space to be. (Natassia Callista Alicia)
18. Lend your shoulder to cry on. (Bryan Tankersley)
19. Thank them for being themselves. (Jen Ghrist)
20. Take a moment to send someone a note thanking them for something they have done for you in the past. For example, a good teacher or a good manager, or someone who was a mentor or role model. (Dave Hughes)
21. Treat each person with respect for his or her individuality. (Shirley Wright)
22. Offer encouragement after a failure. Acceptance of even the weirdest things they possess. A tap for a job well done. A “thank you” to every simple yet life-changing encounter. (Ako Ang Uso)
23. Forgive. (Ivan Kl)
24. Pay attention to them. From the clerk at the store to your kids at home, most people just want to be heard and acknowledged. Understanding comes later, but everyone can pay attention now. (Angela Birt)
25. Listen to someone without trying to fix their problem. (Jane Lynahan Karklin)

Before you head on your merry way to distribute kindness into the world, check out the Tiny Buddha Book page if you haven’t already. In my first book, through publisher Red Wheel/Weiser, I’ve set out to answer life’s hardest questions, incorporating insights from Tiny Buddha readers.

The book will be in stores across the country next fall—and I’d love to include your wisdom and a link to your site so readers can learn more from you.

by Lori Deschene

“The amount of happiness that you have depends on the amount of freedom you have in your heart.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Nine years ago my heart was in a million little pieces that formed the basis for a million regrets.

I had my first serious relationship in college, when all my insecurities came to a head. My ex-boyfriend had to juggle multiple roles, from therapist to cheerleader to babysitter.

The whole relationship revolved around holding me up. I realized this soon after it ended—that I spent three years expecting someone else to love me when I didn’t love myself. The guilt and shame kept me single for almost a decade.

I dated, but it was always casual. I’d start getting close to someone and then find a way to sabotage it.

Long after I let go of the man, feelings about the relationship held me back. I was afraid of being vulnerable. I was afraid of being hurt. But mostly I was afraid of hurting someone else again and having to live with that.

If you’ve been holding onto an old relationship, now is the perfect time to let go. Here’s how you can start moving on:

1. Practice releasing regrets.

When a relationship ends, it’s tempting to dwell on what you did wrong or what you could have done differently. This might seem productive—like you can somehow change things by rehashing it. You can’t.

All dwelling does is cause you to suffer. When you start revisiting the past in your head, pull yourself into the moment. Focus on the good things in your current situation: the friends who are there for you and the lessons you’ve learned that will help you with future relationships.

It might help to tell your friends to only let you vent for 10 minutes at a time. That way you’re free to express your feelings, but not drown in them.

2. Work on forgiving yourself.

You might think you made the biggest mistake of your life, and if only you didn’t do it you wouldn’t be in pain right now. Don’t go down that road—there’s nothing good down there!

Instead, keep reminding yourself that you are human. You’re entitled to make mistakes; everyone does. And you will learn from them and use those lessons to improve your life.

Also, keep in mind: if you want to feel love again in the future, the first step is to prepare yourself to give and receive it. You can only do that if you feel love toward yourself; and that means forgiving yourself.

3. Don’t think about any time as lost.

If I looked at that unhealthy relationship or the following decade as time lost, I’d underestimate all the amazing things I did in that time. True, I was single throughout my 20s, but that made it easier to travel and devote myself to different passions.

If you’ve been clinging to the past for a while and now feel you’ve missed out, shift the focus to everything you’ve gained. Maybe you’ve built great friendships or made great progress in your career.

When you focus on the positive, it’s easier to move on because you’ll feel empowered and not victimized (by your ex, by yourself, or by time.) Whatever happened in the past, it prepared you for now—and now is full of opportunities for growth, peace, and happiness.

4.  Remember the bad as well as the good.

Brain scientists suggest nearly 20 percent of us suffer from “complicated grief”—a persistent sense of longing for someone we lost with romanticized memories of the relationship. Scientists also suggest this is a biological occurrence; that the longing can have an addictive quality to it, actually rooted in our brain chemistry.

As a result, we tend to remember everything with reverie, as if it was all sunshine and roses. If your ex broke up with you, it may be even more tempting to imagine she or he was perfect and you weren’t.  In all reality, you both have strengths and weaknesses and you both made mistakes.

Remember them now. As I mentioned in the post 40 Ways to Let Go and Feel Less Pain, it’s easier to let go of a human than a hero.

5. Reconnect with who you are outside a relationship.

Unless you hop from relationship to relationship, odds are you lived a fulfilling single life before you got into this one. You were strong, satisfied and happy—at least on the whole.

Remember that person now. Reconnect with any people or interests that may have received less attention while you were attached.

The strong, happy, passionate person you were attracted your ex. That person will get you through this loss and attract someone equally amazing in the future when the time is right. Not a sad, depressed, guilt-ridden person clutching to what once was. If you can’t remember who you are, get to know yourself now. What do you love about life?

6. Create separation.

Hope can be a terrible thing if it keeps you stuck in the past. It’s not easy to end all contact when you feel attached to someone. Breaking off the friendship might feel like ruining your chances at knowing love again.

It’s helped me to change my hopes to broader terms. So instead of wanting a specific person to re-enter your life, want love and happiness—whatever that may look like.

You will know love again. You won’t spend the rest of your life alone. In one way or another, you will meet all kinds of people and create all kinds of possibilities for relationships—if you forgive yourself, let go, and open yourself up, that is.

7. Let yourself feel.

Losing a relationship can feel like a mini-death, complete with a grieving process.

First you’re shocked and in denial. You don’t believe it’s over and you hold out hope. Next you feel hurt and guilty. You should have done things differently. If you did you wouldn’t be in this pain.

Then you feel angry and maybe even start bargaining. It would be different if you gave it a second go. You wouldn’t be so insecure, defensive, or demanding.  Then you might feel depressed and lonely as it hits you how much you’ve lost.

Eventually you start accepting what happened and shift your focus from the past to the future.

You have to go through the feelings as they come, but you can help yourself get through them faster. For example, if you’re dwelling in guilt, make forgiving yourself a daily practice. Read books on it, meditate about it or write about it in a journal.

8. Remember the benefits of moving on.

When you let go, you give yourself peace.

Everything about holding on is torturous. You regret, you feel ashamed and guilty, you rehash, you obsess—it’s all an exercise in suffering. The only way to feel peace is to quiet the thoughts that threaten it.

Letting go opens you up to new possibilities.

When you’re holding onto something, you’re less open to giving and receiving anything else.

If you had your arms wrapped around a huge bucket of water, you wouldn’t be able to give anything other than that bucket, or grab anything else that came your way. You might even struggle breathing because you’re clutching something so all-encompassing with so much effort.

You have to give to receive. Give love to get love, share joy to feel joy. It’s only possible if you’re open and receptive.

9. Recognize and replace fearful thoughts.

When you’re holding onto a relationship, it’s usually more about attachment than love. Love wants for the other person’s happiness. Fear wants to hold onto whatever appears to make you happy so you don’t have to feel the alternative.

You might not recognize these types of fearful thoughts because they become habitual. Some examples include: I’ll never feel loved again. I’ll always feel lonely. I am completely powerless. Replace those thoughts with: All pain passes eventually. It will be easier if I help them pass by being mindful. I can’t always control what happens to me, but I can control how I respond to it.

10. Embrace impermanence.

Nothing in life lasts forever. Every experience and relationship eventually runs its course.

The best way to embrace impermanence is to translate it into action. Treat each day as a life unto itself. Appreciate the people in front of you as if it were their last day on earth. Find little things to gain in every moment instead of dwelling on what you lost.

When I feel like clinging to experiences and people, I remind myself the unknown can be a curse or an adventure. It’s up to me whether or not I’m strong and positive enough to see it as the latter.

–

It took me eight years to work through my feelings about relationships and letting go; but I am happy to report I am 15 months into a healthy relationship, standing firmly on my own two feet. In fact, last night he flew from California to Boston, where I’ve been visiting for the last two weeks, to spend time with me and my family.

I don’t regret the time when I was single, but I know now I could have hurt less and created even more possibilities for myself if I put more effort into completely letting go. I hope you’ll make that choice.

by Lori Deschene

“If we look at the world with a love of life, the world will reveal its beauty to us.” ~Daisaku Ikeda

If you asked an 8-year old version of me to list all the things I loved, it might have looked something like this:

• Ice cream
• Swings
• Snow days
• Beach days
• More ice cream
• Saturday morning cartoons

In fact, I’m sure I could have created an inventory longer than my usual Christmas list, including a ton of things that either tasted, felt or looked good.

It didn’t occur to me until later in life that some of the best things are intangible; and that I could experience them at any time if I just opened my heart and mind to let them in.

I think most of us know that intellectually—that pride in your work can be more valuable than what it buys, for example. But sometimes we get so caught up in securing the trappings of the good life—the house, the car, the furnishings the clothes—we’re too distracted to notice and appreciate the intangibles.

That’s not to say there’s something wrong with enjoying material things. I’m still a huge fan of my TV (flatter and larger), ice cream (OK, frozen yogurt now) and days off (though I can’t seem to negotiate any snow days into my adult California lifestyle). It’s just that there’s so much more to love about life that doesn’t cost a dime.

With this in mind, I asked Tiny Buddha’s Facebook followers, “What do you love about life?” Some of my favorite responses include:

1. Love. (Hansoul Kim)

2. Family. (Jo Alunan Taguinod)

3. Just being able to wake up to the sun shining in the morning. (Norma Lewis)

4. The ability to overcome hardships and appreciate what I already have instead of wishing I had more. (Ivy Lokojarvi)

5. Our ability to empathize. It allows us to connect and support each. (Heather Fulton)

6. The ridiculous things my dog and cats do. They live in the moment and enjoy being alive, and it reminds me to do the same. (Rachel Campbell)

7. That I am someone who makes a real difference in the world. (Marlu A Soria)

8.Moments of realization that I’m not as alone as I too often think I am. (Caleb Davis)

9. My children being healthy and happy. (Angelica Ortega)

10. Every breath I take reminds me I’m still here and still have much to enjoy. (Lorna Goodman)

11. The ones who never give up on me. (Li Maddocks)

12. Positive and creative people. (Vicky Agnew)

13. I love the moments when more than one person ‘get’s’ the illusory joke and for a moment sees that we are one. (Darla Shanti Serafina)

14. The love and support of my life partner. (Diane Delude)

15. Being alive and happy at this moment because is the only thing that exists. (Indi Pa)

16. Affecting people without realizing it. (Mike Love)

17. The beauty of it. No matter how bad things get, there is always something beautiful to keep us going forward. (Noel Knights)

18. All the funny people. (Neelie Echelon Michele Oliver)

19. Hope. (Majo Bustamante)

20. The unexpected things. (María Victoria Arteaga Hung)

21. That every moment in life is a chance for a new beginning. (Vanessa Powell)

22. Creating abundant joy is what I love most about life. (Shyloh Robinson)

23. The diversity that everyone brings to the table. (Andy Clemenko)

24. Trying new things. (Karen Gallion-Biggers)

25. The amazing way the universe can materialize just what you need. (Allison Seals McGee)

26. The way life’s traumas end up making the good times even sweeter. (Lisa McConnell)

27. Second chances. (Shari Ouillette)

28. I love when my daughter smiles at me, and says “Mommy, I love you.” (Haydee Lopez Cruz)

29. Freedom of choice! (Denise Robinson)

30. Everyday is another chance to get it right. (Jan Bu)

31. Seeing small plants start to bud and grow. (Erin Anderson)

32. It’s the little things that matter the most to me, like kisses on my forehead. (Manda Keifer)

33. I love the fact that I can see only love around me. (Kalpana Tewani)

34. People, nature, animals—everything. (Aisha Ar Radiyah)

35. Opportunities to start all over again. (Cristina Villacres)

36. Good food, good friends, good health, and a good night’s sleep! (Mikel O’Brien)

37. Smiles and laughter. (Erin Leslie Cassinelli)

38. Being free to do what I want when I want how I want. (Kim Toney)

39. How there are many paths to happiness, not just one. (Melanie Hazim ॐ)

40. The fact that nothing is permanent. You can always change what you don’t like. (Marcia Johnson)

41. All the free things like air, fresh water, kisses from my love, a hug from my daughter, learning from other people, observing nature and smelling flowers. ( Sarita A. Salas)

42. That we never really know what’s going to happen next. (Slovydal O’Brien)

43. Music. (Lori O’Connor)

44. The spontaneous and unexpected, if it’s positive. (Teresa O’Connor)

45. Knowing the difference between being alive and living. (Belinda Poree)

46. The incredible beauty that surrounds us if we look. (Jeanne E. Rohen)

47. Small moments of enlightenment that show you the path towards being a more fulfilled and compassionate human being. (Jacky Casumbal)

48. Quiet time. (Gerri Mills)

49. Being at peace. (Kylie Alyce Popejoy)

50. All of you. (Dan Schoenig)

I second that, Dan. Thanks to all of Tiny Buddha’s friends for being there and being you!

by Lori Deschene

“Beauty is how you feel inside, and it reflects in your eyes. It is not something physical.” ~Sophia Loren

Even though I got Joey McIntyre of The New Kids on the Block to sign my scoliosis back brace in the sixth grade, I still felt ugly wearing it.

I didn’t realize the irony back then, but in retrospect it’s a little funny I grew crooked considering I convinced myself I was wilting in my sister’s shadow. (I also had braces and headgear, but that’s another story.)

I was a kid who wanted to be beautiful, but more desperately wanted to feel loved. My self esteem increased through the years, but I never quite shook the sneaking suspicion I’d be never be beautiful enough. Or maybe lovable enough.

It would be easy to blame it all on society and the Kate Moss era of modeling, but I think it’s more than that. I just never learned to notice and appreciate all the beautiful things about myself. The stuff that has nothing to do with my waistline, skin tone or eye lashes and everything to do with who I am.

I never learned to give myself the credit for all the good I do in the world. I was too busy cataloging my weaknesses, mistakes, and flaws to recognize it.

It seems like such a cliche to say pretty is as pretty does, but the truth is physical beauty is subjective. And no matter how closely someone matches your ideal of physical perfection, that will eventually fade. What endures are the qualities, passions, and habits we nurture.

That’s what makes us beautiful–and believe me when I say there is something beautiful in everyone. If you’ve done any of the following lately, you are absolutely beautiful:

1. Smile. As the quote goes, “I’ve never seen a smiling face that was not beautiful.”

2. Be there for someone who needs you even if there’s nothing in it for you–give without expectations.

3. Make a sacrifice for someone you love.

4. Admit a mistake, even if it’s hard to say you’re wrong, and work to make amends.

5. Share your struggles, putting your ego aside, to make someone else feel less alone.

6. Create something that helps people. A song, a blog, a support group, a non-profit–anything that inspires.

7. Help a child feel good about him or herself.

8. Tell someone what you appreciate about them, even if you feel vulnerable.

9. Forgive someone without needing to hear the words, “I’m sorry.”

10. Give someone an uncomfortably long hug when they need it.

10. Create positive energy around you by thinking positive thoughts and acting with positive intentions.

11. Sit with reality without judging anyone or anything.

12. Accept someone for who they are instead of trying to change them to who you want them to be.

13. Treat people like you want to be treated.

14. Notice something simple but beautiful in the world around you.

15. Acknowledge the beauty in others, instead of feeling threatened or competing with other people.

16. Be the change you want to see in the world, as per Gandhi’s suggestion.

17. Tap into your personal power and do something that makes a difference in the world.

18. Find strength in a challenging moment. It’s not easy to do, and you deserve credit for it.

19. Talk kindly about the world around you instead of gossiping or complaining.

20. Forget yourself for a minute and do nothing but listen to someone who needs it.

21. Measure a person by their best moments, not their worst.

22. Give yourself the same courtesy–focus on the good you’ve done, not the mistakes you’ve made.

23. Take the high road when someone hurts you instead if being cruel or catty.

24. Make someone laugh. A smile can literally melt stress and pain away. How beautiful of you to do that for someone else!

25. Make someone cry–tears of joy that is. People want to feel moved, inspired, motivated. Never underestimate the power of touching someone’s heart.

26. Keep an open mind instead of sticking with a judgment or assumption.

27. Love what you’re tempted to fear.

28. Be the voice of optimism when the people around you need it badly.

29. Show humility when your accomplishments would make it easy to stand above people.

30. Handle rejection or failure with grace. It’s far more easily said than done–and it sounds so cheesy and cliche–but accepting loss gracefully makes you a true winner.

31. Show unbridled enthusiasm for something that excites you. All children are beautiful, and I think their unadulterated joy has a lot to do with it.

32. Hear what someone means, not just what they say. Anyone can nitpick. Not everyone actively works to be understanding.

33. Imagine a world where people know peace, and do one small thing to create it.

34. Honor the values that matter to you. Showing integrity is the first step to feeling good about yourself.

35. Accept and love yourself–or as Ben Folds sings, “Learn to live with what you are.”

And now a disclaimer: some days you may not do anything written above–in fact, you might do the exact opposite. On those days you are still beautiful.

There are times when, like Alexander, I’m having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. Times when it seems like I might get swept into the tornado of chaos around me. Times when the voice in my head is unkind, and I interpret everything that happens through a negative filter. When I think the worst of people and complain about it; when I expect the worst of my day and lament it.

This admission might seem like the biggest possible acknowledgment of hypocrisy, but I have nothing to give if not my honesty. And the reality is I am imperfect. We all are. We all have moments of weakness–but they’ll only define us if they far surpass moments of kindness, compassion, love, and strength.

Being beautiful doesn’t mean adhering to some picture-perfect fantasy, or living every moment that way. It means realizing this moment is a new opportunity to be who you want to be, and making the effort to seize it.

How will you be beautiful today?

by Lori Deschene

“Begin at once to live and count each separate day as a separate life.” ~Seneca

At times, it’s seemed as though life contains an endless supply of days.

When I was younger, I thought this for sure. It didn’t matter how long I held a grudge, or how long I waited to do something I wanted—there would be an unlimited pool of other opportunities. At least that’s what I thought back then.

Maybe it’s a rite of passage from childhood to adulthood: the moment when you realize life happens now, and that’s all you’re guaranteed. It doesn’t really hit you when you merely know it intellectually, like you know your ABCs, state capitals, and other concrete facts.

It hits you when somehow you feel it. Your health declines. You lose someone you love. A tragedy rocks your world. It isn’t until you realize that all life fades that you consider now a commodity and a scarce one at that.

But maybe that’s irrelevant. Maybe living a meaningful, passionate life has nothing to do with its length and everything to do with its width.

With this in mind, I recently asked Tiny Buddha’s Facebook friends, “How do you live life to the fullest?” I was inspired by what they had to say, so I’ve used them to create this list:

1. Live in the moment. Forget the past and don’t concern yourself with the future. (Tanner Christensen)

2. Fully embrace the now, no matter what the situation. (Patrick Flynn)

3. Do the things you love. (Diego Felipe Villa Serna)

4. Learn to forgive and embrace unconditional love. (Ann Glasgow)

5. Live every day as if it’s your last, embracing each experience as if it’s your first. (Jennifer Fertado)

6. Believe in “live and let live.” (Satyendra Pandey)

7. Use quiet reflection, honesty, and laughter. (Erin Rogers Kronman)

8. Be other-centered. (Tricia Mc)

9. Find calm in making art. (Z.r. Hill)

10. Focus on today and how you can do your best to live it to the fullest.  (Amelia Krump)

11. Participate in life instead of just watching it pass you by. (Lindsey Wonderson)

12. Stay healthy, eat right and most importantly, be kind to all. (Tho Nguyen)

13. Pray, forgive yourself, appreciate others, listen to your gut, do things you enjoy, and remind yourself that we are all loved and connected. (Sandra Lumb)

14. Don’t sweat the small stuff. (Allison Gillam)

15. Question everything, keep it simple, and help whenever and however you can. (Lynda Corrigan Sutherland)

16. Try to enjoy every minute of every day. (Maria Ahlin)

17. Appreciate life’s every second. (Anna-Karin Boyaciyan-Demirciyan)

18. Step through new doors. The majority of the time there’s something fantastic on the other side. (Terri Mindock)

19. Remember that all is a gift, but the most precious of all gifts is life and love. (Debbie Teeuwen)

20. Keep your spirit free, be flexible, let go. (Leslie Brown)

21. “Do one thing every day that scares you.” -Baz Luhrmann (Adam Raffel)

22. Don’t attach to outcomes. (Wp Ho)

23. Spend as much time with a two year old as possible. (Jackie Freeman)

24. Enjoy each and every moment of life. Every day is a new challenge and opportunity to discover something new. (Chirag Tripathi)

25. Budget travel. It is always an adventure! You get to enjoy what fate has to offer with limited means. (Ruby Baltazar)

26. Be honestly thankful for every breath you take. (Jonathan Carey)

27. Just be. (Catherine Halvorsson)

28. “Trust yourself. Trust your own strengths.” ~Gaundalf the grey (Jonathan David Evan Fulton)

29. Pause momentarily before everything you do so that you notice everything you should or could notice. (Scott Hutchinson)

30. Follow your hopes and not your fears. (Jody Bower)

What have you done today to live life to the fullest?

by Lori Deschene

This weekend I was honored and grateful to speak at Wisdom 2.0, a conference that addressed the question:

How can we use the technologies of our age, from cell phones to social media, with mindfulness, meaning, and wisdom?

Organizer Soren Gordhamer, author of Wisdom 2.0: Ancient Secrets for the Creative and Constantly Connected, created nothing short of magic by attracting participants from all sides of the conversation, from Twitter and Facebook to Yoga Journal and Samovar Tea.

If you’ve ever sat in a room with people who love you, want the best for you, and respect your words and needs, you have a fraction of an idea of what it felt like to attend this conference. There was just that much positive energy radiating from every direction.

During the first panel of the first day, Chris Sacca (Strategic Advisor for Twitter) joked he’d never, through all his experiences in tech conferences, had so many people pay such close attention to him. It was just that sort of crowd: people who want to bring a sense of presence and gratitude to every moment, harnessing technology to meet those needs instead of letting technology hinder them.

I kept an ear out for the most practical suggestions to manage the constant flow of data through tweets, texts, and emails without letting it consume our lives. Since I missed some of Day 2, these mostly come from Day 1:

1. Make deliberate choices about time.

Though most of us probably receive far less email than Chris Sacca, we can all benefit from his conclusion about email: he’s only willing to spend so much time reacting to communication from people instead of creating life as he wants to experience it. For Chris, this means only responding to emails that absolutely require his response.

He cited some fascinating research that reveals we actually receive a little dopamine rush when we see something new in the inbox. My suggestion: realize it’s worth potential guilt over ignoring non-essential messages if it means allowing you more time to be as you’d like to be–and find the dopamine in a healthier way, by doing something new instead of waiting for a new message.

2. Box out time to put technology away.

Brad (Google VP of Products) offered this simple advice, perhaps one of the most important ideas: plan for specific times when you won’t engage with technology in any way. When you are using technology, aim to create a new type of flow so you don’t lose yourself or feel anxious when dealing with what’s in front of you.

3. Remember: the most precious thing you can give someone is your presence.

Roshi Joan Halifax made this beautiful observation: though social networking can bring us closer together, nothing can replace warm hand to warm hand contact.

If you keep in mind that your presence–your attention–is the most precious thing you can give someone else, perhaps you’ll be less tempted to multi-task face-to-face encounters by tweeting, Facebooking or emailing. It’s this type of simple but powerful understanding that can help us tame the compulsion to connect digitally when it compromises physical connection.

4. Be mindful of your reasons for connecting to technology.

Tami Simon, of Sounds True, made some insightful observations about her instinct to pull out a piece of technology. Others from the panel chimed in, creating this list:

• For stimulation
• For confirmation of importance (as in, I got so many emails, I must be important!)
• To connect with other people
• To have something to do when anxiety creeps in
• To find an escape from the rawness of an experience or to feel in control

Self awareness is such an important key step. If you realize why you’re turning to technology in times when connection or learning new information isn’t critical, you’ve made the first step to reconnecting with yourself.

5. Get the most important things done and let go of the rest.

If you don’t live in a world where you’re in control of your tasks and schedule, this might be challenging. Still, there are probably a handful of tasks you don’t really need to complete, but feel obligated to do for one reason or another.

Instead of assuming you have an endless list of things to do–which probably leaves you with little time at the end of the day–be clear about what’s important to you, and what you can leave undone. It’s OK not to do everything. It’s OK to have emails in the inbox. It’s OK to not update your blog for a day. You deserve time to disconnect.

6. Make minimal commitments to yourself for a clear mental space.

Many of us don’t consistently honor what we need to do to maintain physical and emotional well-being because we get sucked into  technology and to-do lists. Gopi Kallayil (from Google) suggests making minimal commitments: 1 minute of meditation, or 5 minutes of exercising.

It’s easier to honor a minimal commitment; and odds are, you’ll find the time so enjoyable you’ll end up increasing it. Gopi also recommends making “non-negotiable commitments” to yourself. For example, he does yoga every Tuesday and nothing changes that.

This is what I like to call homework for being a good human being–the things you need to do on your own before you show up to play with others if you’re to be your best, most balanced self.

7. Track your day’s presence in battery life.

Leah Pearlman (from Facebook) had some of the most practical suggestions for living peacefully in a technology-driven world. Her main advice was to make it fun instead of considering it another chore.

I enjoyed her clever realization about cell phone battery life. If your phone’s about to die at the end of the day (or if you need to charge it multiple times) you’re clearly sucked into your gadget. If you can get to the end of the day with some life left, though, you’ve probably lived the day mindfully.

–

This is just a brief sampling of what went on at Wisdom 2.0. I didn’t even touch upon my favorite moment from Day 1: when Tony Hsieh explored the culture of kindness and happiness he created at Zappos (as further explored in his book, Delivering Happiness.)

Instead of giving you the play-by-play, I’ve decided to share the most valuable perspectives I can offer: ones that come from all the good people who lent their hearts to Wisdom 2.0.

• Social Media + Mindfulness = Infectious Enlightenment (from Mei Mei Fox)
• Wisdom 2.0: Living Consciously in a Connected World (by Beth Kanter)
• Wisdom 2.0: Technology and Mindfulness (Maia Duerr)
• Notes from Wisdom 2.0 Conference: Part 2 (Marguerite Manteau-Rao)

If you’ve blogged about the Wisdom 2.0 conference, let me know and I will add the link here!

by Lori Deschene

“You can give without loving, but you can never love without giving.”  ~Unknown

You can’t turn on the radio without hearing a song about love, whether it’s the TMI kind that unfolds in a country song, the innocent kind described in pre-adolescent pop, or the idealized kind a singer either just found or recently lost.

Whether you believe love conquers all or you’re slightly more cynical, odds are you know loving and being loved gives life a whole new meaning.

You can spend time alone and enjoy it, but your world expands by leaps and bounds when you see it both through your eyes and the eyes of people you love. You can do fulfilling work, but it’s more powerful when you feel a sense of purpose connected to people, those you know and those you don’t.

When you think about finding love, you’re probably more concerned with finding a long-term partner than love in general, in the faces of babies, the smiles of strangers, and all that idealized-sounding jazz. This post is partly about that, but it’s not limited to romantic love.

If you want to feel more connected to people, this post is for you. If you’d like to feel understood, accepted, supported, and appreciated, this post is for you. If you’re ready to do things differently to feel the type of love your cynicism might tell you isn’t real, yes, this post is for you.

With a little help from Whitney, Celine, and more, I give you 8 tips to find love:

1. Realize learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all. (Whitney Houston)

Most of us have a lot of the same fears–one being that we’re not good enough. It’s natural to feel a sense of self doubt. We’re only human, after all, and experiences and emotions sometimes stretch us beyond our comfort levels.

But it’s another thing to believe deep down that you’re not lovable. If you want to experience real love with other people, you need to believe you’re worthy of happiness, and make a conscious choice to create it. Be kind to yourself in your thinking. Cut yourself some slack when you make mistakes. Give yourself permission to do things you enjoy without judging or criticizing yourself.

Like Jenny Nichols wrote in 40 Ways to Live Life Without Regrets: become the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. That person would love and accept you for who you are. If you expect someone else to do that, you need to do it first.

2. Remember: your heart will go on. (Celine Dion)

The best way to open yourself up to love also happens to be one of the most difficult things to do: let go of pain from the past. It’s difficult to be open and authentic when you’re holding onto regret, resentment, disappointment or cynicism because of past experiences–or worse, you’re half expecting people are waiting to hurt you.

You can’t both guard your heart and love fully. To love is to risk hurting–but it’s a risk worth taking. And it’s a lot easier if you live in the present moment. Focus on really seeing the people in front of you, without letting fear color your perceptions. Enjoy the moments you have with people. You can never be certain you won’t hurt later, not in any aspect of life.

Don’t think about that now. Just open your heart. If you get hurt, your heart will go on.

3. Let it be. (John Lennon and Paul McCartney)

Have you ever noticed it’s nearly impossible to develop authentic feelings for someone else when you’re fixated on finding love? The desire takes on a life of it’s own, and overpowers potential relationships with hopes, expectations, and even fears. Instead of seeing someone for who they are, you see them for the hole they can fill in you.

If you want to create new possibilities for connections, you first need to accept and fully embrace your reality as it is. It’s far better to meet new people from a place of peace and fulfillment than a place a desperation or need.

It’s like I described in 10 Ways to Have Loving, Peaceful Relationships: people are like glasses of water. If you don’t do what you have to do to keep your glass full, you’ll need to take it from someone else–which leaves them half full. Use your single time to fill your own glass so you’re complete and whole when you’re next in a relationship.

4. If you get the chance to sit it out or dance, dance. (Lee Ann Womack)

*Not a classic love song, but just oh-so relevant!

The best way to open yourself up to love is love the life you’re living. Go out and create exciting new possibilities for yourself. Do the things you’ve always talked about doing. Impress yourself. When you expand your world and live a life of passion people naturally gravitate toward you.

Another perk: when you indulge your hobbies, and make new connections through them, you’re more likely to meet people who are compatible. Go to book readings. Join an adventure club. Take a night class. Put yourself in a position to meet people who are excited by the same things that move you.

Even if it doesn’t immediately lead you to a person you feel passionate about, you’ll feel passionate about the life you’re living. That alone is compelling motivation.

5. Believe in magic. (The Lovin’ Spoondful)

I’m not talking about the happily-ever-after kind of magic we learn about as kids. I’m not talking about the you-complete-me kind of magic we learn from movies like Jerry Maguire. I’m talking about the type of love that’s more than a feeling of security and attachment. The type that isn’t solely concerned with what you can get, but also what you can give.

The type of love that feels so powerful and liberating, you can’t help but show it in actions. Believe you can both give and receive that love, not just from one specific person, but from any number of people.

Believe love is the glue that holds people together, that creates miracles, that brings out the best in people. Believe it starts with you. The only way to feel that type of fully accepted, supported, and understood love is to first believe it’s possible, and then be willing to show people what it looks like.

6. Accept that: no one can make their heart feel something it won’t. (Bonnie Raitt)

It’s a tale as old as time: you want someone, they don’t reciprocate, so you hold onto hope that some day you can be together. You long, you pine, you imagine, you wait–all the while life goes on. People come in and out of your life, but you fail to see opportunities for new connections because you’ve attached yourself to a possibility with someone else.

What you’re attached to isn’t that specific person–it’s an idealized version of your life that you’ve imagined must involve them.

What you really want is to love and be loved. To do that you need to let go of what’s not there with one person, and believe it will be there with someone else. That you will feel as strongly for another person in the future–and that it will be reciprocated. It will, but only if you prepare yourself to receive it.

7. Know it’s more than words. (Extreme)

People often suffocate potential relationships with words, trying to define them, solidify them, or feel a sense of control and security within them. It’s a natural human instinct to want to hold onto something that feels good–but a relationship can’t unfold if you’re trying to pin it down.

If it’s the right connection, your relationship will evolve with time. In the beginning, take your time deciding if it is, in fact, right.

See people objectively instead of rushing to mold them into your ideal partner. When you let love grow naturally, it’s like building a strong foundation for a home. It may take more time than pitching a tent, but it’s a lot less likely to fall over at the first sign of storms.

8. Believe it’s a wonderful world. (Louis Armstrong)

Love isn’t scarce or elusive–it’s everywhere. You don’t have to look for it to find it; you just have to open your eyes and see it.

Don’t let yourself get jaded. Don’t believe or expect the worst in people. And lastly, don’t limit yourself to experiencing love solely as romance.

People want to feel safe to open up and be authentic. People want to connect on a meaningful level. People want to give and receive love. Every day we have a choice to open up or shut down. To embrace people and possibilities, or close them out. Stay open. Stay passionate. Stay giving, compassionate, and trusting.

And most importantly, give yourself the chance to be vulnerable. People can only love you if they have the chance to know you. Give them that chance. Not just for you–but for them. You make the world a better place when you share who you really are. You are just that amazing and lovable.

by Trevor Smith

Hey, I know you’re busy. Aren’t we all? But it’s time you did yourself a favor. Investing in yourself is a surefire way to give your mind a growth spurt without any stretch marks.

Take a week to reinvent your mindset. Each of these steps requires minimal effort but yield maximum reward. What are you waiting for? Let’s do this.

This “cleanse” is laid out over the course of a week, but you don’t have to follow each day in any particular order. Tailor each challenge to a specific day that works best for your schedule. After all, what good is a program you can’t stick to? No good, Charlie. No good.

Day 1: Take a walk and be unreachable.

Turn off your phone and go for a 30 minute walk. There’s something to be said about being completely unreachable. Who’s to say that we’re available whenever someone needs us? You are. Like the rest of us, you probably carry a cell phone.

That means that anyone in the known universe can dial your number and interrupt whatever you’re doing. Important or not, it’s your life. Remember the scene in Rocky when Adrian asks to use his phone? Rocky doesn’t have a phone. “Yo. Who needs the interruption?”

Take a stand and shut off the world for a half-hour. Walk around the block and resist the urge to see what’s new on Twitter. Your Facebook status doesn’t matter right now. Walk around the block and enjoy being at the mercy of Mother Nature.

Remember, you’re not doing this to ignore someone, but to embrace no-one. If it doesn’t leave you feeling refreshed and empowered, at least you got some fresh air.

Day 2: Call someone you love.

Plain and simple, right? I’m sure Aunt Flo would love to hear from you. Grandma Smith melts every time she hears your voice. Crazy Uncle Steven is having a rough day. Cheer him up. Too often we neglect the people we love the most.

Remember when Cousin Russell fell off the trampoline and broke his arm? That was hilarious. Call him and remind him. This is an easy one that can take as little as 5 minutes.

Staying in touch is hugely important. Friends and family are all you’ve got, so remind them that you’re keeping them in your thoughts. You’ll thank yourself later. Guaranteed or your money back.

Day 3: Compliment a stranger.

The last time I had a rough day at work, I stopped at Sprouts to grab a sandwich for lunch. Angry at the world and fed up with just about everyone, I refused to make conversation with anyone. As I walked up to the counter to pay for my BLT, the cashier looked me square in the face and said “It’s great to see you! That shirt really brings out your eyes.”

I was stopped dead in my tracks. It’s impossible to stifle a smile with a greeting like that. If you aren’t instantly cheered up, you’re either Simon Cowell or Gordon Ramsey.

Giving a compliment is the most effective way to make a difference in someone’s day. Making someone else smile will assuredly make you smile in return. Spread the joy! It could change someone’s life.

Be sure to compliment a complete stranger. It shows the three essential C’s. (Character, Class, and Courage)

Day 4: Quiet the noise. Turn off the world.

This is the most difficult challenge of the week. The rules: No texting. No talk radio. No social networks. No e-mail. You’re going to ignore every incoming piece of information possible. When you get a text, respond with a phone call.

Turn off e-mail notifications and only check your inbox in the morning and in the evening. It’s time for a mental detox. Between Twitter, Facebook, the news, and conversations with friends, there’s always a steady flow of material for your brain to process.

Take this day to turn it off and cut out the fat. The more information you expose yourself to, the less you will retain. Weeding out the pieces that don’t matter allows you to focus on the things that do. Enjoy your day today; not someone else’s yesterday.

Day 5: Eat lunch outside.

What a nice day! Find the nearest park bench and soak in some sunshine. Studies show an increase in focus, memory, and psychological health just from being outdoors. Feel the breeze. Hear the leaves rustle.

Experiencing the “now” will make you feel infinitely more connected to the universe. As cheesy as it sounds, it’s true. Being in the same environment day after day wears you down. Change it up. Soak in the rays.

Day 6: Donate.

Be honest with yourself; you’re pretty lucky. You are probably in good health, have a job, and eat three meals a day. In some countries, that’s living like royalty. Why not give yourself the warm-and-fuzzies and give back?

Find a cause that interests you and give $1. A drop in the bucket for you could be a game changer for someone else. When life gives you lemons, give someone else your lemonade. Capisce?

Day 7: Ignore the clocks.

What time is it? Who cares. Time is of the essence. Can you imagine how stressed out cavemen would have been if they had set deadlines? Must bring food to camp by noon. Must gather nuts and berries by three. Must cook meat by five. Must invent Guitar Hero before Krom.

You’re doing the same thing to your day on a macro level without even realizing it. Go an entire day without setting a deadline. Do everything in your power to ignore what time it is. This is probably best done on a Sunday. You have an entire day to do what you will. Take the pressure off!

Easy, right? I thought so. You’ve done more this week than most people do in an entire year. You donated, exercised, made people smile, and got plenty of fresh air. Way to go, champ! You get a cookie.

Try and work some of these principles into your daily routine. I try and “tech-cleanse” at least once a month, eat lunch outside at least once a week, and give a compliment at least once a day.

If you can think of anything else, post it in the comments. Otherwise, thanks for reading! Way to take the initiative, soldier. Until next time, keep on keepin’ on.

by Lori Deschene

“Open minds lead to open doors.” ~Unknown

We start forming opinions at an early age, and continue all through life.

We decide what we think is right and wrong, what’s good and what’s bad. Not just on a larger scale (our religion, politics, ethics) but also in every-day interactions.

How people should act. What people should think in certain situations. What it’s OK to feel and express, and when it’s smart or polite to do so.

We develop ideas about how the world should be to support our beliefs and views–things we learned from our environment and experiences–and inevitably feel a sense of internal conflict when a person or situation doesn’t fall in line.

They won’t always. In fact, they won’t more often than they will.

Sometimes our opinions have nothing to do with fact, logic or common sense. It’s just a matter of what feels right. What our gut tells us, because our gut’s always right. Isn’t that what we’ve been told? To trust our instincts against all odds? We don’t often stop to consider what educated our gut; when we learned what to trust and what to fear.

That’s usually what it comes down to. What’s familiar and safe and supports our sense of order; versus what’s unknown and unpredictable and reminds us how little we can control.

The reality is there’s very little we can control. No matter how orderly a world we create around us, things will sometimes happen that hurt us. No matter how big a distance we place between ourselves and people we don’t understand, they will affect us directly or indirectly–and likely for the worse if they feel judged.

It’s not realistic to suggest we should all completely abandon the concept of good and bad. In fact, it’s a neurological impossibility. Research actually shows that we use conflicting experiences to form value judgments, and then subconsciously predict situations that may cause us trouble in the future in response to brain activity (in the insula cortex, which helps to process emotions).

It’s instinctive to protect ourselves. The only problem is we sometimes sense danger where there isn’t any there just because we’re scared or don’t understand. And in doing so, we limit ourselves, our experiences, and our impact on the world.

Follow your gut if you feel threatened. But stay open to the possibility there’s something you don’t know. The world’s a far more beautiful place when you see it with eyes that want to understand.

Do happy. It’s something you’re due.

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