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Category “love & relationships”

Boy Sunset

You Have Nothing to Prove: Knowing You’re Good Enough

“You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anyone.” ~Maya Angelou

I sat on a big, cold stone on the beach next to Lake Ontario and watched as the waves lapped upon the shore.

To my right, there were swans and ducks floating on the water. The swans were graceful and beautiful as they glided along the shoreline, and the ducks were being their usual kooky selves.… Read More

Running Toward

Finding the Strength to Leave: Run Toward, Not Away

“You don’t need strength to let go of something. What you really need is understanding.” ~Guy Finley

It was 11PM on a Monday night and yet again I was chatting online with my friend about the woes of my failing marriage. “I just need a knight in shining armour to take me away from all of this,” I said.… Read More

Flying Free

Why We All Benefit When We Give Each Other the Freedom to Choose

“You must love in such a way that the other person feels free.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

I’ve read a lot of articles about loving without attachment and respecting other people’s choices, but it wasn’t until one day that I truly got it. And I will tell you what happened to me that day.… Read More

Healing

How to Heal a Broken Heart and Wounded Spirit

“We do not heal the past by dwelling there; we heal the past by living fully in the present.” ~Marianne Williamson

My life fell apart on a warm August evening a few years ago. It had been a full summer: family visits, plans for a cross-country move, barbecues, and plenty of travel.… Read More

See the Light

Releasing the Fear That Keeps Us Feeling Unlovable

“Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learn here.” ~Marianne Williamson

I have suffered for as long as I can remember from a chronic case of lacking in self-love. But that isn’t where this story begins.

It begins in a bright hospital in Cape Town on the hottest day of the year, when I came into the world twenty-eight years ago.… Read More

Peaceful Couple

How to De-Stress Dating and Stop Tying Your Worth to Relationships

“Forget past mistakes and forget failures. Forget everything except what you are going to do now and do it.” ~William J. Durant

I’m all too aware that dating can feel like a grinding, painful roller coaster to nowhere.

If you’ve hit your head against the wall as many times as I have, you know how frustrating, depressing, and downright disheartening it can be.… Read More

Hugging

How to Receive Gratefully Instead of Rejecting Kindness

“Giving is virtuous, but so is accepting gifts gratefully.” ~Doe Zantamata

I’ve learned that how well you receive determines how happy you are.

When I was committed to loving myself more, I started to be more aware of how I treated myself. What opened up for me was that I did not know how to receive.… Read More

Keep Calm and Let Go

Letting Go of the Lies That Make Us Feel Bad About Ourselves

“Genuine forgiveness does not deny anger but faces it head-on.” ~Alice Duer Miller

The man who I thought was my soul mate walked out on me fourteen years ago. He immediately remarried a lovely, beautiful woman who was everything I was not.

I am desperate to fall in love. I’m thirty-eight.… Read More

Freedom #2

How Pain from the Past Can Be a Gift in the Present

“When something bad happens you have three choices. You can let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.” ~Unknown

Don’t hate your past. No matter what it contained or what it did to you, the past shapes who you are, not just for the things you felt damaged you but for the lessons you can take from it.… Read More

No Act of Kindness

25 Ways to Be Good for Someone Else

“Don’t wait for people to be friendly. Show them how.” ~Unknown

When I was a teenager, right around the time I knew everything, my mother used to tell me I only remembered the bad things.

When I told stories about my family, they didn’t revolve around family beach trips, barbecues, and vacations; they focused on painful memories and all the ways I felt my mother had “ruined my life.”

The same applied to friends and milestones in my life.… Read More

Carpe Diem

3 Vital Lessons on Living a Life That Won’t Lead to Regret

“I now see how owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do.” ~Brene Brown

Even though I’m a psychologist who has been working in the field of development and assessment for the last thirteen years, sometimes it still takes more than reading a theory in a book, or even seeing something work with a client, to make it real for me.… Read More

One Act of Kindness

How to Change a Life and Make the World a Kinder Place

“There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up.” ~John Holmes

Have you ever been stressed and cranky and having a terrible day when someone was unexpectedly kind to you?

When this happens, it lifts your mood and changes your state of mind. You want to hold on to that feeling of goodwill.… Read More

Me Time

Why It’s Okay to Be Self-Centered Sometimes

“We cannot live only for ourselves. A thousand fibers connect us with our fellow men.”  ~Herman Melville

I grew up with a faith that encouraged personal sacrifice for others. Putting myself before others or desiring what they lacked was sinful. So there I was, during my teenage years, trying to be a saint, completely unselfish when thinking or interacting with others.… Read More

Happy and Free

Reclaim Your Power: Stop Waiting for Other People to Make You Happy

“You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anyone.” ~Maya Angelou

My knees hit the pavement, unable to hold me up as I watched my entire life purpose drive away.

I had put my entire heart and soul into that relationship. I had sacrificed everything—my family, my friends, my career, my hobbies.… Read More

Stand Strong

A Message for Anyone Who’s Been Abused and Has Kept It Inside

TRIGGER WARNING: This content deals with an account of sexual abuse and may be triggering to some people.

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” ~Maria Robinson

My uncle molested me from the time I was about four until I was in my early twenties.… Read More

Couple

What All Great Relationships Have in Common

“Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That’s why it’s a comfort to go hand in hand.” ~Emily Kimbrough

My husband and I have been married for almost ten years.

And before those ten years, we were college sweethearts and had been dating for over six.

When you know someone for that long, someone whom you are deeply and madly in love with, something funny happens:

Your collective thoughts, actions, and words become so tightly intertwined that you walk around believing you are one person.… Read More

Boundary

Setting Emotional Boundaries: Stop Taking on Other People’s Feelings

“The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others.” ~Sonya Friedman

The longer I stayed on the phone, the more agitated I became. My mother was on the other end, as usual, dumping her emotions on me. I had moved to Los Angeles for graduate school in part to escape all of this—my mother’s unhappiness, my sense of responsibility, the pressure to be perfect.… Read More

Couple

How Relationship Issues Can Lead to Growth (and Why It’s a Daily Process)

“When something bad happens you have three choices. You can let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.” ~Unknown

Relationships are tough. Even more difficult is maintaining healthy boundaries within a relationship.

My head hurts and I feel like I’m going to throw up.… Read More

Happy Woman

Change Your Life by Changing Your Mind About Yourself

“The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others.” ~Sonya Friedman

I’d had enough.

Once again, I’d sent follow-up emails to guys who had shown interest in my dating site profile. Once again, I’d included full-length photos with those emails, unlike the headshot that went along with my online profile.… Read More

Reflection

Stop Attracting Unhealthy Relationships: 3 Promises to Make to Yourself

“When you stop trying to change others and work on changing yourself, your world changes for the better.”  ~Unknown

For years, I was entering relationships with men where I saw their potential to be a good match for me, if only they would completely change who they were.

For twelve years, it was the same pattern until one day I finally realized something was broken.… Read More

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