Tiny Buddha: Wisdom Quotes, Letting Go, Letting Happiness In

by Lori Deschene

“We must never assume that which is incapable of proof.” -Unknown

You can never truly know someone else’s intentions.

If a coworker offers to cover your shift, she may be trying to ease your stress–or she could be vying for your job. If your sister-in-law offers to pay for your meal, she may want to help you out during tough times–of she could be trying to remind you you’re inferior.

You can always find a negative assumption that allows you to believe the worst in people. Or you can give that person the benefit of the doubt and believe they have your best interests at heart.

When you assume someone is being kind and not selfish, you may occasionally wrong, but for the most part you’ll feel appreciative and peaceful with the people in your life. The alternative is to believe people are bad, seek and find proof everywhere, and walk around feeling bitter and critical.

When you have no proof, it’s a judgment call: assume the best and feel good and grateful; or assume the worst and feel bad and suspicious. Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

Eckhart Tolle believes we create and maintain problems because they give us a sense of identity. Perhaps this explains why we often hold onto our pain far beyond its ability to serve us.

We replay past mistakes over and over again in our head, allowing feelings of shame and regret to shape our actions in the present. We cling to frustration and worry about the future, as if the act of fixation somehow gives us power. We hold stress in our minds and bodies, potentially creating serious health issues, and accept that state of tension as the norm.

Though it may sound simple, Ajahn Chah’s advice speaks volumes:

“If you let go a little, you will have a little peace. If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace.”

There will never be a time when life is simple. There will always be time to practice accepting that. Every moment is a chance to let go and feel peaceful. Here are 40 ideas to get started: Click Here to Read More…

by Belinda Munoz

“Be what you are. This is the first step toward becoming better than you are.” ~Julius Charles Hare

I admit, I have a beautiful life.  I don’t mean to brag, but I love the life I have and there is no other life I’d rather live. But this wasn’t always my truth.

Many years ago, I didn’t think I would one day have a beautiful life.  I had a terrible attitude, a soul-sucking job that I occasionally enjoyed superficially at best, and I pursued things that would always leave me feeling empty.  It took me a long time and a lot of work to get to where I am.

Today, like everyone, I have my own struggles. I have personal deficits that I’m aware need fine-tuning (or major overhaul). I’m susceptible to sadness, negative energy from others, and occasional feelings of helplessness about the troubles of the world.  But I focus more on laughter, celebration and the depths of life.  Overall, life is beautiful.

I’m not talking about aesthetic beauty, although a beautiful environment can contribute to a beautiful life.  I’m talking about a deeper kind of beauty.  One that you can’t buy from a store.  One that makes you feel excited about being alive, that allows you to be inspired and be an inspiration, that shows your connectedness to other human beings.

I would imagine that many of you who are already living a beautiful life have your own formula for getting there.  But for those who are curious, here are my 7 key steps: Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

“Make finding the good in others a priority.” ~Zig Ziglar

One of the most exciting parts of writing about happiness is getting the opportunity to connect with people who make sharing joy a priority.

If you’re looking for it, you’ll find positive people everywhere—in your office, along your morning commute, on blogs you follow, and within your Twitter stream. They won’t be the only type of person you see; there are plenty of people out there who walk around holding onto a lot of pain, and knowingly or unknowingly spread it.

But an uplifting person—someone who believes in the good in people—shines a light on the potential we all have inside us to hope, believe, and inspire. A light bright enough to offer a different perspective on those other people who seem so negative. Suddenly judgment and fear melt into understanding and compassion.

That’s what Project Happiness is all about: making happiness a real possibility for all. Their main purpose is to provide students with tools and wisdom–based on positive psychology and neuro-scientific research–to create authentic happiness.  They work hands-on with kids of all ages, empowering them to feel good about themselves so they can handle life’s hurdles.

When Rolando Sandor emailed me with an invitation to attend the Project Happiness Cirque de Happiness event this Saturday, I couldn’t have been more excited. Honestly I didn’t know a thing about the non-profit; I just knew “Cirque de” anything had to be a spectacular, fun event. Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

“We work on ourselves in order to help others, but also we help others in order to work on ourselves.” ~Pema Chodron

I didn’t care who was right or wrong. I just wanted her to move.

In all reality we both were right, but I felt substantially more right. I was assigned to seat 4A; her friend had been assigned to seat 4A; and he traded with her so he could have the aisle and she could have the window. Meaning she was in a seat she wasn’t assigned—a glorious, view-adjacent seat I was supposed to have. And they wanted me to sit between them.

Seven hours is an awfully long time to sit in a middle seat, between two people who may talk over you. When your head hurts. And you generally feel a little anxious flying. And you don’t yet know you can entertain yourself with free WiFi.

I wasn’t really sure what to say since it was clearly the airline’s error; so I just stood there, staring at the middle seat, hoping it would morph into a second Window seat—preferably in first class. (If I’m lost in Magical Thinking, it might as well go all the way.)

Eventually the girl moved to the middle. Luckily, the aisle seat across the way was open, so she then moved over there.

As I sat in the right spot, with even more room now that no one was next to me—fully aware her guy friend was shooting me daggers from two feet away—I suddenly felt disappointed in myself. Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

It’s just not that simple. That’s what I thought when someone first told me happiness is a choice.

But there’s so much more to it, I thought. There’s all the stuff I’d like to accomplish, but just can’t seem to get done. There are all the things I’d like to learn, and places I’d like to go. There are all the people I want to know–people I want to impress and please.

Those ideas inspired this series on happiness, starting with a post about dwelling on the past and worrying about the future; next tackling ways to be happy, even though things aren’t perfect now; and most recently addressing the different ways we let other people compromise our joy.

Today’s post is the second in a series about other people. In the first, I mentioned two ways you might let them dictate your happiness: by blaming others for everything that’s wrong with your life, or by overextending yourself trying to make everyone else happy.

You may also challenge your happiness by: Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene, Photo by loungerie

Sometimes when I’m alone doing something I love—writing, drawing, or practicing yoga, for example—I feel a sense of calm that I’d like to bottle for later when other people join the picture.

Many times throughout my life, I’ve allowed my happiness to fade because of something someone did or sad–or didn’t do or say. I’ve flip-flopped from bliss to anxiety at the drop of a dime, because someone didn’t like me. Or someone had excessive demands and I was too nice to say no. Or I thought I needed something from another person—that would do it. That would make me happy.

I suspect lots of people let other people dictate their happiness, at least occasionally. I’ve identified four ways people commonly do this, and three ideas to address each. Since it is a lot of information, I’ve split this into two posts, with the second coming tomorrow. Click Here to Read More…

by Rachel Whalley

“The biggest problem for humanity, not only on a global level, but even for individuals, is misunderstanding.” ~Rinpoche

Someone cuts you off in traffic.

What a jerk!

A date stands you up.

She obviously doesn’t like you.

Your colleague gives you a dirty look across the room.

Your last email must have really pissed him off!

In so many places in our lives, we see a behavior and automatically make a meaning out of it. Everything from a glance to an email gets snappily run through our minds and attached to a reaction or feeling.

Part of this is biological. As animals, we’re built to rapidly process information so that we can react quickly, if need be. It’s how survival instincts work.

However, most things we’re reacting to aren’t life-or-death level situations.

Here’s how I work with my own brain to stop getting so upset by all these little situations. I call it “Alternate Stories.” Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

This may sound ironic coming from someone who blogs about the bright side of life, but I don’t think “just be positive” is a helpful suggestion. Don’t get me wrong–I believe in focusing on the good things in life. It’s just that I believe positive thinking is most effective when it’s hinged upon reality.

Allow me to explain.

It occurred to me one day that much of my unhappiness stemmed from the way I interpreted things I saw. It wasn’t just that I thought negatively; I actually saw negatively.

If a man held a door open for me, I clutched my purse; he was probably trying to steal it. If a friend forgot to congratulate me on a promotion, she was jealous and wanted me to fail. If a coworker offered to help me with something, she wanted to ride on my coattails.

I believed people were basically selfish and bad, and as a result, I saw proof everywhere.

One day I decided the problem was with me, not them. It wasn’t that I was seeing bad things; it was that I was seeking them. So I started thinking and seeing positively. The world was a beautiful place full of wonderful people who always meant well–people who would never hurt me.

Except that isn’t true either. Just because the world isn’t black that doesn’t mean it’s white.

The truth is the glass is both half-empty and half-full. The quickest path to feeling good involves understanding where the missing liquid went and opening your heart to fill it. Finding compassion for the worst in human behavior, and working to inspire the best.

If you’d like to change the way you interpret the world in front of you to understand negativity and inspire positivity, I recommend the following steps: Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

“Appreciation is a wonderful thing. It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well.” ~Voltaire

There are a lot of impressive people in the world. Some innovate and invent things that help masses of people. Some use art to tell powerful stories that move viewers to action. Others make the world a better place by being helpful within their own sphere of influence, however small or large it may be.

Those little things define people.

The way your neighbor asks how you’re doing and really listens for the answer. How your coworker supports your ideas, and gives you encouragement to see them through. The way your sister makes your house a better place by staying calm when others seem stressed.

All acts of greatness that affect other people, whether they notice or not.

Noticing is a powerful act.

A compliment rooted in truth creates more than just a smile. It shows someone you see the good in them independent of what they achieve. It tells them they not only matter; they really make a difference. Something we all hope to do.

Tell someone what you see today.  Let them know how simply being them makes a difference in your world. Life looks a lot brighter when you open your eyes to the light in people around you.

Do happy. It’s something you’re due.

Photo credit

by Lori Deschene

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” ~Dr. Seuss

As children we’re taught just say no—and we do it with abandon.

Want to come inside and get ready for dinner? No! Want to shut off the TV and go grocery shopping? No! Want to wear the glittery holiday sweater grandma bought you last year? You know where this is going.

Then you get older and learn about etiquette. You get that sometimes you need to do things you don’t want to. You understand that other people’s feelings matter; and you need to consider them before making decisions.

What you don’t always learn is how to find a balance between doing for others and doing for yourself.

You say you value your time, but it’s difficult when you field a million requests through voicemail, email, IM and text.

You know you need to hold your ground if you want to be productive—or stay sane—but you don’t want to disappoint anyone, or even worse, leave them hanging when they need you. Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

“Old friends pass away, new friends appear. It is just like the days. An old day passes, a new day arrives. The important thing is to make it meaningful: a meaningful friend, or a meaningful day.” ~Dalai Lama

Some sociologists argue that weak ties—the type you form with colleagues and online friends, for example—are the bane of modern life.

Instead of having meaningful conversations that bring us closer to people, we spend much of our time networking with a vast sea of strangers. We keep many interactions peripheral, failing to form the type of intimacy that benefits us emotionally and even physically.

A recent New York Magazine article titled Alone Together, challenged this idea since weak ties create possibilities for new and deeper connections.

Seize those possibilities. Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

“We can live without religion and meditation, but we cannot survive without human affection.” –Dalai Lama

You see your uncle at the annual holiday party. It’s been almost six months since you saw him last. You’ve heard all about his company folding. You know his home’s gone into foreclosure.

But you hardly know each other these days. You don’t know his dog’s name, his favorite breakfast food, or how he likes to spend his Saturdays. He hasn’t shared any details about his life with you. It’s not your place to pry.

So you give him a peripheral hug. A loose arm around his shoulder, a quick brush of your cheek against his. Then you move back into the crowd, having bypassed a potentially uncomfortable moment.

Sometimes the most uncomfortable moments are the ones that make the biggest difference. Click Here to Read More…

by Nadia Ballas-Ruta

“Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.” ~Dalai Lama

When spirituality first entered my life, I prayed like a maniac. I prayed for a good hair day, to lose a few pounds, to catch the train in time for work, that the shoes I wanted were on sale. Mostly I prayed that whoever I loved at the time would the one I’d settle down with for the rest of my life.

When I was single, one of my main concerns was finding the person I’d marry so I’d finally be free from the drama of dating.

Falling in love was easy for me. It didn’t take much to get my heart all a flutter with thoughts of romance and happily ever after. The first months of a relationship are always exhilarating. It’s like everything in the world is beautiful, glowing in Technicolor.

But a romance is bound to fail if you expect your significant other will be the ultimate source of your joy. The movie Jerry Maguire created a lot of misguided ideas about love. The line you complete me became a mantra for romantics. It’s sad to think you need another person to feel whole. I know—I used to hold this delusion.

For years, I wanted so much to be complete that each failed relationship left me emptier than the last. Whenever I met a new man, I’d pray that he’d be the one, never once considering whether he was right for me or not. Never did I look down the road and imagine waking up to the same person every day until I pass away.

My life took all kinds of twists and turns—as lives tend to do—leading me on an intense spiritual quest. Along the way, I came to this conclusion:

We are already complete, whether we’re in relationships or not. Click Here to Read More…

by Christian A. Lugo

“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.” -Andre Gide

Frequently, I find myself thinking about the past, somewhat reliving the past. Not in an attempt to change what had happened, but to understand what happened.

Like most people, I’ve been hurt. For a long time, I held onto those aches and pains because I wasn’t sure how to handle them. I am someone who does not like conflict or confrontation—who would often rather suffer than deal with a problem.

A few years ago I found a way to deal with those emotions, in the rawest of manners: to act like they never occurred. I’d put on a facade that I was alright, and often ignore or overlook the person or thing that harmed me. I’d feel alright, but the problem still lay dormant. Eventually they’d come back to me when I was at my weakest and do more damage than they had before.

As you probably guessed, it’s often about love. Three girls come to mind. Click Here to Read More…

by Talory Harris

“The kindest thing you can do for someone else is listen without forming an opinion.” ~Lori Deschene

I was standing on Tremont St. looking for a cab, feeling euphoric after a fun night on the town. I had a couple glasses of wine—OK, several glasses of wine—so I was a little buzzed on top of that.

This guy walked by me with a dog, both looking scraggly and unfortunate. He asked me if I could spare some change. I immediately said, “Sorry I can’t.” He’d probably just spend it on booze, I figured. That’s what they all do, right? Then I started thinking about the dog. He didn’t have a choice in all this. Maybe he’d benefit if I sucked it up and pulled out a few bucks.

I realized I was standing right near a bus line that goes down my street, and decided to re-purpose my cab money. So I pulled the guy over, saying, “Wait. That’s a lie. I know you probably really need it.”

I looked in my wallet and took out a five, and he actually said, “Wow!” with tears welling up in his eyes. Damn. He had to go and show his humanity. Suddenly I felt horrible. I wasn’t being kind and generous. I was being judgmental and condescending, while pretending to be a hero. Click Here to Read More…