Tiny Buddha: Wisdom Quotes, Letting Go, Letting Happiness In

by Lori Deschene

“The only Zen you find on tops of mountains is the Zen you bring up there.” ~Robert M. Persig

We live in a fast-paced, achievement-oriented society. At the end of a busy, to-do-list-focused day, we often find ourselves mentally and physically exhausted and uncertain whether we’re actually moving in the right direction in “the pursuit of happiness.”

Perhaps this explains our fascination with all things Zen. It’s become a buzzword in pop culture, branding products that have little to do with peace and enlightenment—and oftentimes, represent ideas that are diametrically opposed.

Zen Dharma Teacher Rev. Lynn “Jnana” Sipe takes an interesting look at Zen in titles in print publications, on all topics from automobiles to music. Some notable titles include: “Engine Zen,” “The Zen of Contractor Relations,” and “Zen and the Art of Propane Safety.”

Then there’s the vast world of products branded with Zen: tea, candles, rakes, fans, stones, books, eye masks, pillows, fountains, wind chimes, bath products, incense, oils, home décor. All intended to soothe our harried minds. It’s ironic that their acquisition requires more doing and earning—and possibly more stress. Click Here to Read More…

by John Cardinale

“Be thankful when you don’t know something for it gives you the opportunity to learn.” -~Unknown

During my service in the military I had some downtime; I decided to spend it studying different forms of religion. While researching Buddhism, I came to discover meditation.

In the following weeks I dedicated much time to learning the art. After a few weeks of strenuous commitment I gave up. With high expectations going in I’d set myself up for failure.

A month later, while walking down an open back road near my home, it hit me like a freight train: I was without thought. Total clarity had consciously awakened me like a thief in the night.

The world around me seemed to slow for an eternity. The landscape, the trees, the fields of green and even the pavement suddenly became bright as the stars–a high definition alternate reality of scenery I thought I knew, as I’d taken this road so many times before. Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

“It is easy when we are in prosperity to give advice to the afflicted.” ~Aeschylus

Earlier this year I got some feedback from the ‘tween magazine I wrote for: “It sounds like good advice, but kids probably won’t do any of that.”

In my head it all sounded logical, but I didn’t consider whether I’d have taken that advice as a kid. Or now for that matter.

People do it all the time: look at a situation from a removed, non-emotional place, and hurl suggestions that are far easier said than done. And sometimes, just plain unrealistic.

I’ve listed 5 of these hard-to-follow, cliché pieces of advice, along with alternative suggestions you may actually be inclined to take. Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

Yesterday morning, two of the correspondents on the news in Boston (where I’m home for the holidays) had an interesting conversation about the classic It’s a Wonderful Life.

One of them said he’s not a big fan of the movie, which instilled a sense of complete outrage in me.

How dare he take George Bailey’s name in vain? It’s such an inspirational film! From saving Harry’s life to finding Zuzu’s petals, every scene gets my little heart aflutter with renewed hope in our ability to make a difference and find happiness.

When the initial offense faded, I listened to what clearly-heartless news guy was saying. And he actually had a point.

The main character, George Bailey, sacrificed everything he wanted in life for the people around him. If he continued to operate in a constant state of self sacrifice, he’d likely always have regrets where other men have dreams.

And why should he not have the chance, at some point, to feel satisfaction that isn’t hinged upon having saved someone else’s life?

At the end of the movie, he receives the ultimate assurance that his life is best lived with everyone else’s interests before his own: a party where he receives all the gratitude and admiration he clearly felt had been lacking prior.

The implication seems to be that he should continue on this path because everyone’s life would have fallen apart if he didn’t come to their rescue. Click Here to Read More…

by Belinda Munoz

“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.” ~Dalai Lama

It’s a well-known fact that the holidays bring on the blues. According to the National Mental Health Association, reasons for feeling blue around the holidays range from fatigue to financial limitations to tensions in personal relationships.

As for me, I’m generally a happy person.  I don’t dwell on things I can’t control, I have realistic expectations, I’ve learned overtime that trying to change people is futile, and I’ve even come to appreciate some of my flaws.

But sometimes, melancholy finds me.  Like a thick fog that threatens to shroud a picturesque skyline, it creeps up seemingly out of nowhere until I can no longer ignore it.

I had an experience with this recently.  After an intense couple of nights with human rights activists from Ethiopia and Russia, learning about how fiercely and fearlessly they fight to preserve the rights of citizens of their countries, I feel blessed to be in a country where much of our basic rights are intact.  Where we have a right to protest, to organize, to speak out.  Where, though many may complain, its citizens are still quite a bit more privileged than those of most other countries.

After these intense couple of days, a sadness lingered.  A sobering feeling that made me feel slightly off-balance, not-quite-myself, and a little bit powerless.

But, as I have done many times in the past, I’ve learned not to let sadness take over.  It’s not easy to do at first but, as always, a little effort goes a long way.  Here are 50+ ideas to chase the blues away: Click Here to Read More…

by Alexa Hart

Last year, I graduated from UC Santa Barbara with a major in Communication Studies and a minor in Business Writing. During my college career, I created public relations material for both my Business Writing minor and the public relations firm where I interned. As I thoroughly enjoyed my minor and the internship, I decided to apply to more PR positions.

About a month into the job search, I was hired to work at a reputable public relations firm. Excited to start the next chapter of my life, I thought I had it all – a new apartment in San Francisco, great roommates, new friends and a stable job. Wow! This was the real deal. However, the excitement of my first “real” job quickly wore off. Although I may have enjoyed my experiences in college, I failed to ask myself an important question: Was I really passionate about agency PR?

As much as I loved San Francisco and the new friends I was making, I discovered that PR didn’t give me a sense of fulfillment. I got no thrill from bouncing around client accounts doing tasks like monitoring media coverage, drafting pitches, researching speaking opportunities and reading about client competition. I couldn’t spend my days working in an office doing something that didn’t make me tick. Thus, I quickly realized that in order to be happy, I needed to make a change. Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

When I first sat down to write this piece for 5 Rules for Life, I wrote Live without rules five times, each followed by a reason to keep your approach to life flexible. The way you live is largely a reflection of where you’ve been, who you’ve been, and the beliefs you’ve formed. Who am I to create a cookie-cutter hard-and-fast code that makes sense for everyone?

That’s when I realized I’d need to make a sixth rule to introduce these ideas: judge my words, and anyone else’s against your own reason and moral code.

Buddha said, “Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and common sense.”

The Dalai Lama echoed that sentiment with, “The ultimate authority must always rest with the individual’s own reason and critical analysis.”

Be critical. I invite it. These ideas help me, and they may or may not help you.

With that, I give you five guidelines that have helped me feel happy, fulfilled, and meaningful: Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

“We must never assume that which is incapable of proof.” -Unknown

You can never truly know someone else’s intentions.

If a coworker offers to cover your shift, she may be trying to ease your stress–or she could be vying for your job. If your sister-in-law offers to pay for your meal, she may want to help you out during tough times–of she could be trying to remind you you’re inferior.

You can always find a negative assumption that allows you to believe the worst in people. Or you can give that person the benefit of the doubt and believe they have your best interests at heart.

When you assume someone is being kind and not selfish, you may occasionally wrong, but for the most part you’ll feel appreciative and peaceful with the people in your life. The alternative is to believe people are bad, seek and find proof everywhere, and walk around feeling bitter and critical.

When you have no proof, it’s a judgment call: assume the best and feel good and grateful; or assume the worst and feel bad and suspicious. Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

Eckhart Tolle believes we create and maintain problems because they give us a sense of identity. Perhaps this explains why we often hold onto our pain far beyond its ability to serve us.

We replay past mistakes over and over again in our head, allowing feelings of shame and regret to shape our actions in the present. We cling to frustration and worry about the future, as if the act of fixation somehow gives us power. We hold stress in our minds and bodies, potentially creating serious health issues, and accept that state of tension as the norm.

Though it may sound simple, Ajahn Chah’s advice speaks volumes:

“If you let go a little, you will have a little peace. If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace.”

There will never be a time when life is simple. There will always be time to practice accepting that. Every moment is a chance to let go and feel peaceful. Here are 40 ideas to get started: Click Here to Read More…

by Belinda Munoz

“Be what you are. This is the first step toward becoming better than you are.” ~Julius Charles Hare

I admit, I have a beautiful life.  I don’t mean to brag, but I love the life I have and there is no other life I’d rather live. But this wasn’t always my truth.

Many years ago, I didn’t think I would one day have a beautiful life.  I had a terrible attitude, a soul-sucking job that I occasionally enjoyed superficially at best, and I pursued things that would always leave me feeling empty.  It took me a long time and a lot of work to get to where I am.

Today, like everyone, I have my own struggles. I have personal deficits that I’m aware need fine-tuning (or major overhaul). I’m susceptible to sadness, negative energy from others, and occasional feelings of helplessness about the troubles of the world.  But I focus more on laughter, celebration and the depths of life.  Overall, life is beautiful.

I’m not talking about aesthetic beauty, although a beautiful environment can contribute to a beautiful life.  I’m talking about a deeper kind of beauty.  One that you can’t buy from a store.  One that makes you feel excited about being alive, that allows you to be inspired and be an inspiration, that shows your connectedness to other human beings.

I would imagine that many of you who are already living a beautiful life have your own formula for getting there.  But for those who are curious, here are my 7 key steps: Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

“We work on ourselves in order to help others, but also we help others in order to work on ourselves.” ~Pema Chodron

I didn’t care who was right or wrong. I just wanted her to move.

In all reality we both were right, but I felt substantially more right. I was assigned to seat 4A; her friend had been assigned to seat 4A; and he traded with her so he could have the aisle and she could have the window. Meaning she was in a seat she wasn’t assigned—a glorious, view-adjacent seat I was supposed to have. And they wanted me to sit between them.

Seven hours is an awfully long time to sit in a middle seat, between two people who may talk over you. When your head hurts. And you generally feel a little anxious flying. And you don’t yet know you can entertain yourself with free WiFi.

I wasn’t really sure what to say since it was clearly the airline’s error; so I just stood there, staring at the middle seat, hoping it would morph into a second Window seat—preferably in first class. (If I’m lost in Magical Thinking, it might as well go all the way.)

Eventually the girl moved to the middle. Luckily, the aisle seat across the way was open, so she then moved over there.

As I sat in the right spot, with even more room now that no one was next to me—fully aware her guy friend was shooting me daggers from two feet away—I suddenly felt disappointed in myself. Click Here to Read More…

by Rachel Whalley

“The biggest problem for humanity, not only on a global level, but even for individuals, is misunderstanding.” ~Rinpoche

Someone cuts you off in traffic.

What a jerk!

A date stands you up.

She obviously doesn’t like you.

Your colleague gives you a dirty look across the room.

Your last email must have really pissed him off!

In so many places in our lives, we see a behavior and automatically make a meaning out of it. Everything from a glance to an email gets snappily run through our minds and attached to a reaction or feeling.

Part of this is biological. As animals, we’re built to rapidly process information so that we can react quickly, if need be. It’s how survival instincts work.

However, most things we’re reacting to aren’t life-or-death level situations.

Here’s how I work with my own brain to stop getting so upset by all these little situations. I call it “Alternate Stories.” Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

“Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.” -Unknown

Even though I couldn’t possibly care less about oil-based raincoats, I listened to him talk for about 15 minutes one rainy morning last week.

This little guy, with his colorful button-down shirt and funny-looking hat makes my day most mornings. He works at the 7-11 where I get my coffee. And he always seems happy.

At first I thought he was just putting on a good face, making the best of a tough situation. After all, he couldn’t possibly enjoy working at a convenience store, right? Then I realized I was missing the biggest part of his appeal: he does enjoy his job, and that’s why he seems so happy—because he is.

Man that’s awesome. I aim to be like him.

My life doesn’t always look exactly like I want it to. I spend many days writing alone in my living room, when I’d rather work from a beachside office space I share with friends. I drive a beat-up old Toyota, when I’d far prefer something that doesn’t have roll-up windows or a cassette player.

But the world doesn’t change all that much if I have more money, a different space, a better job, or a nicer car. The wrapping paper is different, but the gift inside stays the same.

The way I feel about myself; how much I open myself to new people and experiences; how often I choose to smile simply because it feels good. None of these things depend on my life situation. Colorful shirt guy knows that. I suspect he knows these things, too: Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

This may sound ironic coming from someone who blogs about the bright side of life, but I don’t think “just be positive” is a helpful suggestion. Don’t get me wrong–I believe in focusing on the good things in life. It’s just that I believe positive thinking is most effective when it’s hinged upon reality.

Allow me to explain.

It occurred to me one day that much of my unhappiness stemmed from the way I interpreted things I saw. It wasn’t just that I thought negatively; I actually saw negatively.

If a man held a door open for me, I clutched my purse; he was probably trying to steal it. If a friend forgot to congratulate me on a promotion, she was jealous and wanted me to fail. If a coworker offered to help me with something, she wanted to ride on my coattails.

I believed people were basically selfish and bad, and as a result, I saw proof everywhere.

One day I decided the problem was with me, not them. It wasn’t that I was seeing bad things; it was that I was seeking them. So I started thinking and seeing positively. The world was a beautiful place full of wonderful people who always meant well–people who would never hurt me.

Except that isn’t true either. Just because the world isn’t black that doesn’t mean it’s white.

The truth is the glass is both half-empty and half-full. The quickest path to feeling good involves understanding where the missing liquid went and opening your heart to fill it. Finding compassion for the worst in human behavior, and working to inspire the best.

If you’d like to change the way you interpret the world in front of you to understand negativity and inspire positivity, I recommend the following steps: Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” ~Dr. Seuss

As children we’re taught just say no—and we do it with abandon.

Want to come inside and get ready for dinner? No! Want to shut off the TV and go grocery shopping? No! Want to wear the glittery holiday sweater grandma bought you last year? You know where this is going.

Then you get older and learn about etiquette. You get that sometimes you need to do things you don’t want to. You understand that other people’s feelings matter; and you need to consider them before making decisions.

What you don’t always learn is how to find a balance between doing for others and doing for yourself.

You say you value your time, but it’s difficult when you field a million requests through voicemail, email, IM and text.

You know you need to hold your ground if you want to be productive—or stay sane—but you don’t want to disappoint anyone, or even worse, leave them hanging when they need you. Click Here to Read More…

by Dominic Ross

“My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.” ~Dalai Lama

I’ve been thinking a lot about religion recently. Mainly because we are looking at getting our new son, Ashley, Baptized at the church we got married in.

The main hiccup is that since we got married, and we baptized our first son, I have become a Buddhist (or at the least, interested in Buddhism). When we told the minister we wanted Ashley baptized, he wanted to meet with us to discuss it.

We went to his house and chatted about the process, and the concept behind it. Did you know the difference between a Christening and a Baptism? I didn’t, till our chat with the minister. Anyway, one thing he said was that he believed that if we wanted to do this properly, we should believe in what we are saying during the baptism.

Very wise, I thought. But here in lay the problem: The questions asked by the minister to the parents were questions like “Do you believe in one true god” and “will you bring him up in the Christian faith”. A little difficult if you’re Buddhist…

We were asked to go and have a think about it. That was almost two weeks ago.

I finally got round to re reading the service sheets the minister leant us this morning. My aim was to see if I could, with integrity, answer yes to all the questions the minister would ask me in front of my family, the congregation and, ultimately, God. Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

I’m a huge proponent of doing tiny things for daily happiness. I’ve learned that a simple change in behavior can create a significant shift in thinking and feeling. But I’ve noticed I run into problems when I slip back into my old ways or doing or thinking.

It all starts so innocently. I get outside and hop on a swing—spend a good 20 minutes acting my shoe size. Then BAM. I fall out of the present moment and start worrying about the work I have to do when I get home.

Or I decide to un-strange a stranger—really open up to someone new, and take the risk of being rejected. Then BAM. I start thinking about that friendship that ended in drama, and retreat back into my shell.

I decided today that doing happy is actually two-fold: it’s about doing things that will bring you joy, and not doing things that sap it up. I’ve identified a long list of these things–so long it will take me at least 5 posts to explore it all. I’m honored to share this series here over the next several weeks.

Today I’ll start with two types of thinking the get in the way of happiness: Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

Research indicates lottery winners are no happier than people who didn’t win, and in many cases, become depressed in the years following their win.

Scientists have surmised that we all have a baseline level of happiness—a range of joy we’ll stay within regardless of our external circumstances. The greatest factor in determining this joy is our mental attitude.

If you’d like to alter your baseline, instead of trying to change your circumstances, change the way you interpret them.

It sounds much easier said than done because it is. If you’ve always seen the glass as half-empty, you likely won’t transform into a positive thinker overnight. But you can take one simple step toward more positive thinking.

Pay special attention today to the way you react to things that happen to you. Acknowledge negative situations, and then realize you don’t have to respond negatively. You may even be able to see it as a blessing in disguise. Click Here to Read More…

by Aaron Mandelbaum

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” ~Lao Tzu

A chance meeting over the past weekend reminded me of this quote—one of my favorites, by one of my favorite philosophers.

I was at a local ashram for dinner and satsang—a form of devotional chanting and meditation. My special lady and I dined next to an Indian man who graciously shared much of his life story, answered our questions, and laughed with us about all things surreal in this day and age.

At 20 years old, he left home for America. He attended a top university and completed a PhD in an advanced science. Later he formed a company that makes artificial diamonds and amassed great wealth. Through the last few years of this economy, he’s lost over $4,000,000. His company had to close its doors.

I was amazed by how calmly he shared this story; it made me suspect he’d accepted the changes in his life with a similar sense of peace.

Although he did not come to satsang with us, my partner and I discussed him for much of the night. I don’t know what challenges he faced earning and subsequently losing his fortune but I can imagine they were difficult. The same could be said for moving to a foreign county alone.

We are constantly starting new journeys. Some aren’t as long as a thousand miles and some may be far greater. I have started many journeys and often had no idea how long they would take or where I would be on the other end. Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

Your boss could email. Your mother might call. Your boyfriend could text. A potential client might @reply. A colleague could leave a blog comment. Your cousin may IM with information you need to know now.

Everything seems urgent in an always-on world, where we can access each other at any time. Even if you manage to tune everything out, odds are you feel a little distracted.

People expect you to be available and they’re frustrated when you’re not. Or maybe it has nothing to do with them, and you just don’t want to disconnect. Who knows what you’ll miss if you disappear into your own space for a while.

Though you may lose the opportunity to get in a conversation mere moments after it started, you’ll gain something far greater by stepping back.

When you stop being available to everyone else, you become more available to what’s in front of you.

You let go of your phone, without worrying it might vibrate, and use both hands to hug your grandmother. You stop watching your email like a pot that hasn’t boiled, and actually taste the tea you usually multitask. You stop living each moment like a narrator watching and start feeling more alive in your experiences. Click Here to Read More…