Tiny Buddha: Wisdom Quotes, Letting Go, Letting Happiness In

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Fiona Robyn

“Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.” ~Pema Chodron

I’ve been self-employed for many years now. This is no accident. I’ve always liked to do things my own way. I like to arrange my diary in exactly the way I want to, and make my own mind up about how I do things. I like to work without having to justify anything to a manager.

I’m not always comfortable in working relationships where the other person is “higher up” than me—when they’re in authority. You could say that I’m a teensy bit of a control-freak.

I used to work for a big corporation, and my relationships with my managers weren’t always easy. I was very critical of the way they did things, and if they criticized me I sometimes got very defensive. I learned a great deal from a couple of good managers, but I also spent a lot of time resenting being “told what to do.”

Recently, I decided to embark upon training to become a Buddhist minister. This involves having a “supervisor” who is responsible for my spiritual training, and who will ultimately be responsible for deciding whether or not I “make the grade” and ordain.

Last month, my supervisor asked me a question in an email and I felt immediately attacked and defensive. I felt annoyed. I complained to my friend. I sent her a long and rambling reply, outlining all the reasons why she shouldn’t be asking the question. We exchanged a few emails, and the situation got more and more confused.

I thought I’d managed to avoid conflict with people senior to me when I became self-employed. I didn’t have a manager anymore, so what was the problem?

The problem is that, as Pema Chodron says, nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know. Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

Update: The winners for this giveaway have already been chosen. Subscribe to Tiny Buddha for daily or weekly emails and to learn about future giveaways!

The 5 winners:

• AngelKiss64
• Allen
• Laurilie
• RLDonnelly1217
• Samantha

“Sometimes we have to go right into the fire in order to find our true healing.” ~Jack Kornfield

No matter who you are, no matter what you’ve accomplished, no matter how well you’ve planned, you will deal with challenges in life. We all will. And many times, they will hit us unexpectedly.

We will all lose things and people we love. We will all make mistakes and have to deal with their consequences. We will all experience the pain of declining health, either in our own blood and bones, or as a bystander to people we love.

When we feel hurt, or angry, or terrified, or weak, we often try to numb it in one way or another—sometimes because we’re afraid the pain will break us, and other times because we’re ashamed of just how fragile we are.

We may not always remember it, but we are simultaneously strong; and no matter how many times we break down, we can grow, heal, and prosper.

In his book, A Lamp in the Darkness: Illuminating the Path Through Difficult Times, Jack Kornfield helps us access our inner calm and wisdom to do just that.

I received this resource at a time when I couldn’t have needed it more. Doctors had just identified numerous large tumors and cysts in my body, and I was awaiting test results.

After initially responding with resistance and terror, I waded deep into hours of uncertainty, where I realized my deepest pain was coming from my fears, obsessive thoughts, and ensuing emotions. Luckily, I soon learned that I’m in no immediate danger, but I know there will be other times when threats will be real—not just for me, but for all of us.

In those moments, we will need to depend on our own capacity for equanimity, even if we feel powerless and scared. A Lamp in the Darkness guides us there.

A bestselling author and renowned spiritual teacher, Kornfield weaves poignant stories of surviving and thriving with simple guidance to help us understand and work through our suffering. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Lynn Zavaro

“The person who lives life fully, glowing with life’s energy, is the person who lives a successful life.” ~Daisaku Ikeda

More often than not when we want to create something new or different in our lives, our true yearning is not about what we want to do on the outside that will make us feel fulfilled and content, but a certain way we want to feel in ourselves.

That fancy car might give us a feeling of power, or esteem, or pride. That successful business might make us feel like we “arrived” or we are recognized. That trip to Nepal might make us feel like a world-class adventurer. Losing 10 pounds might make us feel more desired.

But ultimately what we are really searching for is a certain experience we want to have on the inside.

When I was younger, I wanted to be an actress. I wanted nothing more than to express my emotions on stage.

Looking back, I realize I was trying to gain self-esteem through receiving applause. But inside, I really felt I didn’t matter. My true inner calling was to be able to freely express my feelings. Acting gave me a safe container to do just that.

When I became a psychologist, I had a desire to help others through their emotional strife.

The truth is I got a Counseling Psychology Masters degree to know myself more and understand the makings of my own psychology. I was able to help others and learn more about myself.

The point is there is always an underlying reason why we want something. And the key to feeling fulfilled is to become aware of why we want that something in the first place.

What are you really looking for? Meaning, what is the way you want to experience your being within? Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

In a previous post about forgiveness, I mentioned that I spent years holding onto anger toward someone who hurt me repeatedly years ago.

I eventually realized that forgiving this person was the only way to set myself free. The resentment, bitterness, and sometimes pure rage were slowly killing me. They manifested in emotional and physical illness, constricting my life so that I was little more than the sum of my grievances and pains.

At many points, I strongly believed my emotions would consume me, bit by bit, until I was nothing but the memory of my overwhelming righteous fury.

It’s taken me years to forgive and do my part to transform this relationship because I decided that it was worth saving, but it hasn’t always been easy.

There have been times when I’ve gotten caught up in painful memories, instead of being present in the relationship as it is today. Other times, I’ve thought I’ve recognized behaviors reminiscent of the past, and struggled to set clear boundaries for myself.

Sometimes the answer is, plainly and simply, that it’s time to walk away, even if it’s a relationship with a family member. But if you choose not to for whatever reason, if you feel that this is worth fighting for, these ideas may help you stay—and stay happy—in this relationship, as it is: Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Emma Brooke

“What I am is good enough if I would only be it openly.” ~Carl Rogers

I used to spend an awful lot of time worrying about people liking me. Or what people thought of me. Or what they thought of the clothes I was wearing. Or whatever.

It’s taken me a long time to realize two things:

1. Most people really aren’t even taking notice of us. (They’re too worried about what other people think of them.)

2. Of the few who are noticing us, the people who are judging us harshly are not the people we want around us anyway.

Makes sense, right?

It’s actually something I’d heard a hundred times before, but it never really sunk in.

So why had it not sunk in? What made it so hard to believe this is actually the case and that I should give up caring what people think once and for all?

I think, in simple terms, it’s built into our human nature. We’re social creatures, therefore we want to be sociable; and we think that in order to be sociable, everyone has to like us.

Otherwise we would become (gasp) social outcasts.

I recently moved from my small town to London. Capital city, UK. The big smoke (for the UK). Scary.

I decided, in my quest to try new things and get healthier, to join the gym at the end of my road.

Unfortunately, I’ve never felt quite at home in a gym. For me, it’s almost like that scene in Pretty Woman when she walks in to the designer store for the first time, and all the shop assistants look down their noses at her.

I have to admit, that doesn’t actually happen—at all. But it’s happening in my head, because in my head I also hear “You’re not as good as them,” “They’ll think you’re stupid,” and “You don’t fit in here.” Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Amanda Snow

“Continuous effort—not strength or intelligence—is the key to unlocking our potential.” ~Winston Churchill

I declared myself a mess a long time ago. I lived in a constant, dull state of fear and anxiety. My emotions were more volatile than hurricane season, and not even I could predict how any given situation would affect me.

I may not have known it at the time, but I was miserable. I was trying to be someone I wasn’t and fit into a fast-paced life that I just wasn’t made for.

I was constantly overwhelmed by just about everything—being stuck in traffic, waiting in lines, driving long distances, folding the laundry, working a full day, even doing my hair.

It seemed like life was a struggle and a whole lot of effort that didn’t really get me anywhere.

Apparently overtime, I had conditioned myself to react to the activity and obligations of my life with worry, anxiety, and exponential stress.

I didn’t crave the life I was living. I craved balance. And I lacked passion. Something had to give.

It did, almost by mistake. I found myself poking around Tiny Buddha about a year ago, and the rest was history. Over time I discovered newfound energy by changing my internal perspective on daily living.

I challenged my toxic thoughts and actions and found peace in the present moment.  I uncovered new ways to look at emotions, relationships, and situations in my life.

Instead of continuing to fight it, I made a decision to accept and flow with the monotony, bustle, and pressure of life. I made a list of what was truly important to me instead of living by someone else’s rules. Also, I stopped sabotaging my body with distorted eating habits.

I realized that I was okay, that I was enough, and it was actually pretty cool to be me.

As a result, I feel more settled. I also feel more direction and balance than ever before in my life. I still get wound up, but my lows are nowhere near as low as before. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Lisa Illichmann

“It isn’t what happens to us that causes us to suffer; it’s what we say to ourselves about what happens.” -Pema Chodron

I was walking down the street the other day looking for a new client’s office and I was having a little trouble finding it. I really didn’t know that end of town very well so I was concentrating more on the numbers on the buildings than where I was going.

As I turned the corner—hopeful I was headed in the right direction—I heard a loud clattering sound and looked up. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a huge man on a bicycle careening down the sidewalk, arms and legs flailing. He was obviously unable to steer, let alone stop.

Immediately realizing the danger, I dropped my briefcase and dove head-first into the nearby bushes, narrowly escaping an accident with an overweight hit-and-run cyclist.

I popped out of the shrubbery, branches in my hair, and looked down the sidewalk. He was gone.

What a jerk! What was he doing on the sidewalk with that bike? And anyway, what was he doing on a bicycle in the first place, when he clearly wasn’t able to ride one. He should be off learning somewhere else. The nerve.

He could have killed me! How unbelievably dangerous. What on earth did he think we have streets for? Sidewalks are for pedestrians, not bikes – especially not for out of control ones. What if an old lady had been in his way? She would have had no chance at all. Imagine. The gall of this guy. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Noah Bruce

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to a better understanding of ourselves.” ~Carl Jung

He was shorter than me with a mustache, and he was positioning himself in front of me, but just off to the side of the line. He was traveling with a young teen, probably his son. I knew that when the line moved, he would take one assertive step and insert himself and his kid into the line ahead of me.

I sneaked a look at his boarding pass and it read B53. I was holding A51. It was my first time being in the A boarding group on Southwest, where your position in line is determined by when you check in online.

I checked in exactly 24 hours before the flight, specifically so I could be in the A group. I deserved this. This guy didn’t.

Not only was he butting, he wasn’t even an A. He was a B. He should have been sitting down waiting for his group to be called.

He smiled at me. Trying to make friends? Mocking me? He knew I had seen his boarding pass. His son fidgeted nervously with an iPod.

I was flying home to Oakland from Denver, and on the ride over something similar had happened. My number was B4, but there were at least seven people ahead of me. Three people were butting!

On that flight, it wasn’t clear who was a butter and who wasn’t, so I didn’t say anything. I ended up feeling taken advantage of.

Here was the choice again, and a lousy choice it was, say nothing and feel like a chump, or say something and feel like an uptight agro-jerk.

I went for choice B.

“Excuse me sir, what number do you have?” He gave me a stare.

I started to waiver and began explaining, “I, ah, just want to see where I should….” I trailed off. I was trying to make nice, but there was no hiding my aggressive intent. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Sarah Louise Gess

“When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you.” ~African Proverb

Sometimes, we all need to ascertain whether we’re inadvertently contributing to the struggles and challenges we face.

When we have to deal with a tough issue, it can be hard to decipher whether it is truly an objective problem, or if we have (at least some) subconscious ownership of it.

This is especially hard since the biggest challenges in our lives are typically intricate and complex. Human nature leads us to believe that other people are at fault when we experience conflict, that we have been “wronged.”

If we look closely, we’ll see that our actions and reactions are useful tools, as they provide insight into our own perceptions and can fuel personal growth and development.

I am a glass-half-full person. I operate under the belief that the more I take care of myself, my life, and my own happiness, the more I can give to others, especially my loved ones.

But recently I hit a wall. It entailed a series of events over a two-week period when every part of my life seemed to be straining under the presence of a dark, erratic storm.

I had been very busy in my job and had stopped enjoying it. My relationships with my colleagues had become so tense that I was close to jumping ship. My patience had practically disappeared, leading to stress and anxiety.

I was struggling to keep my (sometimes) short temper in check. Even when dealing with small challenges, I was seeing red at every opportunity. I was arguing with my partner, interpreting his every move as a threat to my already delicate and vulnerable state of mind.

What was wrong? Put simply, I just wasn’t right. There I was, brought to my knees by an emotional hurricane charging through my life and everything in its path, and I just couldn’t understand why.

Was it a twisted coincidence that all the areas of my life were simultaneously conspiring against me? Was life simply testing my patience, strength, and resilience? Or was there something personal going on?

After avoidance, quiet contemplation, and then much careful thought, I had an epiphany—the kind of realization that completely floors you, a “eureka” moment, if you will.

The wall I faced was actually a mirror. It forced me to confront things that I had been ignoring. I had stopped doing the things that I love, the things that keep me strong. Basically, I was in need of emotional, mental, and spiritual TLC.   Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Sirena Bernal

“The best place to find a helping hand is at the end of your own arm.” ~Swedish Proverb

Mantra, according to the dictionary:

Any sacred word or syllable used as an object of concentration and embodying some aspect of spiritual power.

Mantra, according to Sirena:

Things I say to myself to help me deal.

There are times we all go through that just straight up suck.

During these times, it can be hard to think about anything other than what’s going on. We can become so consumed in our own misery that we often overshadow any glimmer of hope.

And although these times can seem endless while we’re in them, it’s through these crappy times that we learn the most about ourselves and receive some of life’s greatest rewards.

I can only say this after going through some of my own crappy times. You know, experiencing little things like breaking up from an engagement, being unemployed, questioning my sexuality, severing several friendships, wiping through my entire savings, and accumulating way too much debt.

All within the same year.

Yikes.

Through my own experiences of hopelessness, confusion, and doubt, I’ve learned to establish a few simple, but very effective phrases to help me stay positive and to keep things in perspective.

So now, whenever things cross my path that may initially seem unbearable, or if I begin to doubt myself, I just remember and repeat some of the following mantras: Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Lynn Zavaro

“The quality of your life is in direct proportion to the amount of uncertainty you can comfortably deal with.” ~Tony Robbins

There are times in life when we just don’t know what we want. These are the awkward in-between places where we feel uncertain and unsure, and perhaps even question our purpose.

There was a pivotal time in my life, after I got my Counseling Psychology Masters degree and had a private practice, when I knew I did not want to be a therapist.

I left counseling to help my husband start his fashion business, even though this was not an interest of mine. My true desire was to write and publish books, but at the time I wasn’t sure what I wanted to write about.

A year later, while riding my bike on a beautiful sunny day, I tried to pop a wheelie over a curb and fell, hitting the back of my head on a car bumper and then the road.

The neurologist told me I had a moderate concussion and I needed to lie low for three months. I got migraines from simply walking around the block, so I had to stop completely.

While I was sitting at the kitchen table one afternoon, I got the idea for my now published book and card deck set. It hit me harder than the fall off my bike. After helping my husband with his business for a year, without knowing what was next for me, I was ready to hit the ground running.

These places where we are asked to be still and experience the unknown are as important to our journey as the times when we feel certain. An empty blank canvas permits the unanticipated and unexpected to appear.

Like a trapeze artist letting go of one bar we suspend in a gap before the next bar comes swinging towards us. This space is the catalyst that creatively births us into new ways of being.

Here are 5 key questions to experience relaxation, stillness, and peace while resting in the uncertainty of the unknown: Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Kayla Albert

“Why compare yourself with others? No one in the entire world can do a better job of being you than you.” ~Unknown

When I arrived home after a brief stint living in another state, I was anxious to reconnect with places from my childhood and the friends I’d left behind.

But while I was healing from a heart-wrenching break-up, suffering through sleepless nights on my parents rock-hard couch, and mulling over where all my freelance writing work had gone, my friends seemed to be successful, happy, and right on track.

Realizing that I had hit rock-bottom and that it crippled my self-esteem, my friends gathered around me, taking shifts to ensure that I wouldn’t drown in my own overwhelming grief.

Yet, while their love and support was what got me through, seeing each of their lives, so clearly flourishing, added another emotion to my already full load: jealousy.

Jealousy is a sneaky bugger—a pot-stirrer who likes to aid the ego in pointing out flaws you’d rather just sweep under the rug. It serves as a reminder of all the success you don’t have, the experiences you haven’t had, the relationships you’d like to have—basically everything that makes you feel “less than.”

I spent the next few months wallowing in comparisons—staring longingly at couples clutching hands as they walked down the street, watching people hustle to their well-paying jobs, and picturing myself in the beautiful homes that others had the ability to purchase.

Unfortunately, while I knew with every cell in my body that I wanted to be somewhere different doing something different, jealously kept me rooted firmly in place—a place plagued by lack and thoughts of “if only.”

Once I realized that the circumstances wouldn’t change until I did, I noticed that entertaining this toxic emotion was getting me nowhere but deeper in my hole of self pity. That was when jealousy and I parted ways, leading me to some very powerful realizations. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Loran Hills

“To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest.”  ~Pema Chodron

It’s tempting. Staying in the nest means life feels safe and we are protected. If we get thrown out of the nest we either stretch our new wings and fly or plummet to the ground.

Flight poses new challenges. How do we embrace spaciousness when we desire solidity? How do we stay aloft and open?

A friend of mine recently showed me a nest of robin’s eggs. Beautiful, blue like the sky, and full of bright possibility, we admired the eggs.  Sadly none of the chicks survived.

Life can be harsh and unpredictable for little chicks and humans. How do we recover when we are thrown out of the nest?  How do we awaken?

In her book, When Things Fall Apart, Pema Chodron talks about there being no safety net, only spaciousness.  At first this concept frightened me. I didn’t understand what she was talking about.

Spaciousness is the wide blue sky with no clouds. Spaciousness is a trip to a far away galaxy. In order to fly we must embrace the openness without clinging to the nest.

Spaciousness in common vernacular can mean “going with the flow.”  If we don’t cling or attach to results but stay in the moment we can experience spaciousness.  Life will feel less constricted and less anxious.

The world appears to be concrete, but it’s not solid. As many people around the world know from tragic circumstances, your home can disappear in a split second. Your life can change in an instant.

I can have my day timer filled with appointments and meetings, but what if I get a flat tire or get sick? It’s a scramble to reschedule. These are only minor events that can cause stress.

There are so many distractions in our daily lives, as well—phone calls, emails, TV, kids fighting.  It’s a challenge to stay calm. No wonder we’d prefer to just stay in our warm beds in the morning!

If I take time to breathe, to become aware, to experience spaciousness or flow, then disruptions in my life do not feel so overwhelming. Once I understood that spaciousness could give me a sense of freedom, I was no longer frightened. I was relieved.

Waking up in the morning and taking off in a flurry of activity after a cup of coffee is not equivalent to being completely awake. It takes practice to calm down, slow down, and become more aware. I’ve been taught that success comes through small actions repeated many times.

As creatures of habit, we all tend to move through the day on automatic, sticking to a schedule and a plan. Have you ever arrived at work without quite knowing how you got there? Have you eaten your lunch at your desk and not even tasted it? Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Lynn Zavaro

“The best place to find a helping hand is at the end of your own arm.” ~Swedish Proverb

When I was in my mid-twenties an unhealthy relationship with an unhealthy guy sent me packing off to the corner of New Mexico to find myself. In a new age, self-discovery kind of world—a hubbub of a town filled with people in transition—I was graced to meet many powerful healers, gurus, shamans, and teachers.

I became a workshop junkie. I went on Shamanic power journeys to spiritual centers around the world, chanted with Indian gurus, and became a certified yoga instructor and Reiki master.

I got rolfed, (and got more intense body-work by thick-boned Maoris) and rebirthed with conscious breath work. I studied parapsychology and quantum dynamics, did past-life regressions, memorized mantras, unraveled koans, and collected crystals and tarot cards.

I went on vision quests in the desert, called leading psychics, mapped my astrological chart, figured out my Enneagram number, dreamed lucidly for nights in an upright chair, and drew down the moon in Wiccan circles.

I had psychic surgeries, soft-tissue chiropractic work, drank herbal tinctures and elixirs, bought every kind of healing essential oil, collected a library of self-help books, and did inner-child work, gestalt dialogues, and did loads of homework with several life coaches.

I know. It’s crazy, huh?

I was a perpetual seeker. Because of an innate sense that there was something wrong with me and a belief I picked up as a child that I was “bad,” I constantly looked outside of myself to find respite, feel loved, and to know my worth.

Even though my unhealthy relationship was dysfunctional, that man gave me a gift that I wouldn’t discover for years. There was something he always said to me that would have saved me from grasping to know myself for so many years, if only I could have really heard it and made it my own.

Whether he meant it or not, he would say: What’s not to love about you?

If I could only for one minute stop and realize this truth, I could have found my peace, and not from a man or spiritual teacher or seminar. I would have been freed from a need to find something outside of me. I would have come to know my own heart. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Ehren Prudhel

“Remember that happiness is a way of travel – not a destination.” ~Roy M. Goodman

After graduating from college I took off to explore Europe for four months with one of my best friends. We backpacked through 14 different countries and learned things about the world and ourselves that we never expected. We often joked that we learned more about life and ourselves traveling abroad for four months than we did going to school for four years in college.

When you’re traveling, you get a whole new perspective on what really matters, and you feel this sense of adventure and excitement that reminds you just how many possibilities you have in life.

Still infected with the travel bug, I decided last year to spend six weeks with a good friend in China. In the land of Buddhas, bikes, and chopsticks, I remembered three important lessons that have helped me find happiness and fulfillment in everyday life. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Anél Hamersma

“I know but one freedom and that is the freedom of the mind.” ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery

I’m sitting on a straw bail at an unplugged rock concert that’s being held in Barrydale, South Africa, my current home and sanctuary. It’s a big deal for this small town, because nothing much ever really happens here.

Everyone from the area has arrived dressed to the hilt and ready to rumba—except me, that is. I’m sitting to the side (in an outfit that will scare away most normal people) staring forlornly off into the distance.

My buddy Sean sits next to me with a smile the size of the bread roll he’s holding in his hand. He jokes around and chats away like today might be his last day on earth, while I try hard to flash some teeth at least once very twenty minutes, just so I don’t ruin the party for everyone else.

I probably won’t remember this concert at all in a couple of years’ time. It will become an unidentifiable part of the gray mass of other lost memories that make up most of my life.

I guess I’m somewhere in my head, sorting through what I perceive to be the missing pieces of my life. I’m here, but I’m not really here at all. I’m so absorbed in dissecting the future and the past and my perception of my life that I’m completely missing what’s happening around me. I can’t see it at all.

If I could manage to let go of my own expectations of life—just for a second—and zoom out a little bit, I would probably see that in the context of the bigger picture, my worries do not warrant this behavior, not in the least. It takes some doing, but in the end I finally get there.

Most of us spend our lives living in a kind of insular trance. We are essentially asleep to the world.

The older we get, the more our lives become like the predictive text on our cell phones: we have a fairly good idea of our day, the route we’ll take, the things that will come up and the people we will see, and our minds just kind of fill in the blanks. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Declan O’Flaherty

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt

For years I lived an uneventful existence. I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t unhappy either. I was just sort of stuck.

I had a good career, earned lots of money, and I had great friends and a loving family. You would think that this doesn’t sound too bad, but I felt unfulfilled and unmotivated. I repeatedly lived each day like the one before.

I looked around me and saw that everybody within my own circle of friends, relatives, and immediate family were no different. They too seemed stuck. They seemed unmotivated—like they were living their lives on automatic pilot.

I began to question why this was. Why do so many people just accept this pattern as normal, as if this is the way it is supposed to be?

I read hundreds of books on philosophy, psychology, and spirituality. I continued with this for a couple of years until I gradually I began to see things with greater clarity. I began to wake up. Then one day, out of the blue it just hit me, like a ton of bricks.

The key to unlocking my prison door was not contained in any books I read (although they did help me somewhat). It was in my ability to accept what “is” in this moment. So I now I make that choice.

Here are 8 tips to help you make that choice:

1. Remember that you are powerful.

Most of the time we have no idea what we are supposed to be doing, or who we are supposed to be imitating. I say “imitating” because this is what we do: We conform to the external environment. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Lisa Stefany

“Things and conditions can give you pleasure but they cannot give you joy—joy arises from within.” ~Eckhart Tolle

I struggled with anorexia for four years before I went to rehab. Rehab saved my life, and although I am not “completely recovered,” I am in recovery. I am coping. I am living again.

One of the biggest sources of fuel for my eating disorder was my hyper-focus on the physical and transitory aspects of life.

In my mind, I over-emphasized the importance of my body. I put the appearance of my body, and how I felt about my body, above my true, underlying nature.

I would treat fleeting thoughts, feelings, and emotions as crucial, life-and-death matters.

I did not realize or appreciate my crucial and enduring self, which (I now understand) transcends the fleeting states of the corporal realm.

During this time, surface feelings took on a villainous and critical role. I know this sounds melodramatic and unrealistic (because it is), but “feeling bloated” literally felt like the death of me. I could not separate my true self from my passing thoughts and feelings.

A huge part of my recovery and self-discovery has been my ability to separate my identity and the surface mental sewage that blocks my view of reality.

I realized that I am not my body – kind of weird, but cool and life-changing. I am much more than just my physical form.

I’m not saying that I’m really some waif-like spirit, floating on the whimsical current of an indefinable world (that would be cool though).

What I’m saying is that my physical self—my body, my fleeting feelings and thoughts—do not define me.

I am not just me sitting here typing this blog post. I am not me who ate apples with a whole lot of peanut butter for breakfast. I am not me who will take a sip of black, iced coffee in about three seconds.

I am a conglomeration, a whole melting pot of things and thoughts and feelings and actions and ideas and emotions. I am now and then and I am more to come. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Juha Kaartoluoma

“Some people think it’s holding that makes one strong – sometimes it’s letting go.” ~Unknown

The human mind loves to find things to stress about.

There seems to constantly be something in our lives that causes us to worry. And when the thing that caused the worry disappears, we feel happy, but only for a short period of time until we find something else to stress about.

I’ve witnessed this pattern many times in my own life. As soon as I was able to solve one of my problems, my mind found me a new one.

Compared to other guys, my body is very skinny. It has been that way since I was a little kid. My friends used to tease me because of it. I laughed at their jokes, but inside I always felt horrible.

I felt like there was something wrong with me because I was different.

As I got older I started going to the gym so I could gain weight. Progress was slow since my body naturally leans towards the skinnier side. But slowly I began seeing results in the size of my muscles.

This is, however, where the results ended. I didn’t really get happier with my body at all, which was the main purpose of the training anyways.

I still felt skinny and there was always something in my body that wasn’t quite right yet.

At that point I realized that I was participating in a game that I couldn’t win. My body wasn’t the problem. The problem was what my mind was telling me about my body.

In essence, as long as you are identified and run by your mind, it will come up with “problems” for you to focus on.

Every single time a dilemma is solved, you can be sure of a new one arising that feels equally stressing as the previous one.

The good news is that there is a way to break free from this endless loop of stress. It starts by realizing how pointless and harmful this useless worry actually is.

Once you become aware of the negativity that these thought patterns create, it will be much easier to let go of your “problems” once and for all. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Mary Dunlop

“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

From the time I was a little girl, people told me I was pretty, but I never believed them.  Instead, I scrutinized myself in the mirror searching for ways to look better, not realizing that what I was really looking for was a way to be me and feel good about myself.

As I focused even more on my looks throughout my twenties, I became increasingly self-conscious and dependent on how others perceived me.  If someone complimented me and gave me attention, I would feel confident, but if I went unflattered or unnoticed, I would return to the mirror in an effort to figure out why.

I had often heard the expression “what you are inside shows on your face.” However, I didn’t know what these words truly meant until one day at the age of 35.

That day, I took another long look in the mirror, and suddenly something clicked: My looks were not the problem—they never were.

Somehow I understood that what I didn’t like about my face had nothing to do with my physical features. It was something else; something within myself that was reflecting out and causing me to feel unattractive, ill at ease, and unconfident.

At that moment, I knew there were two things I needed to do. The first was to stop staring in the mirror. The second was to look at what was going on inside.

Soon, a friend recommended meditation, so I gave that a try. I sat, breathed, quieted my thoughts, and shared my feelings in a nine-hour course, which I soon followed with a two-day silent meditation retreat.

It’s possible that a silent retreat may not be for everyone, but, for me, it was one of the most valuable experiences of my life. The two days forced me to meditate, reflect, and “be” with myself in an environment that did not permit social interaction, not even eye contact.

There were also no distractions, such as telephone, TV, books, or computers.

Was the experience disagreeable? Initially, yes. Was it painful? Sometimes, but it allowed me to bring forth a lot of valuable self-information and one remarkable realization: I became conscious of how unnatural I felt.

In the time I was there, I recognized that I was not uncomfortable in that setting because I didn’t know how to be with myself. I was uncomfortable because I didn’t know how to be myself.

This was also why I often felt unattractive and ill at ease with others.

I was frequently projecting someone who didn’t feel “like me,” and that projection habitually depended on who I was interacting with.

It was this realization that launched my journey to authenticity and the discovery of a beautiful me.

Slowly, I started to learn about myself and the things that make me happy, and I found that I had a rhythm. I could hardly believe it, but I actually had my own beautiful flow, and as soon as I began to follow it, my authenticity started to build on itself.

I gradually began to feel less self-conscious around others and much more comfortable with myself.

For the first time in my life I started to feel well and beautiful—and it showed. I saw it in the mirror. My husband noticed it in my body language. He said I carried myself differently, like I had more confidence and ease.

Of course, many practices assisted me in my journey, but the ones that helped the most are the ones that keep me grounded in myself today. Click Here to Read More…