tinybuddha.com

by Lori Deschene

“Let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what you really love.” ~Rumi

I have been working on Tiny Buddha for over two years, and yet I’ve rarely written about my experiences running it.

I haven’t told you anything about my own challenges, opportunities, and lessons and it occurred to me today that that might be valuable information.

You probably have a Tiny Buddha in your own life—something you created that you’re absolutely in love with. Or maybe you haven’t found it yet, but you want to build something that drives you like nothing else.

Tiny Buddha has been that for me, and I’d like to share with you a few of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned along the way:

1. The past got you to where you are—so every step was valuable.

At times I’ve looked back and wondered if perhaps I made mistakes in this journey. For instance, I did everything anonymously until earlier this year.

Tiny Buddha was originally just a daily quote on Twitter. I was hesitant to put my name there because it’s never been about me. It’s about ideas that relate to all of our lives, regardless of our age, background, geography or even religious affiliation.

It seemed to make sense to go into this site the same way. I didn’t want my perspective to be the foundation with guest contributors lending occasional support. I wanted the community to be the foundation, with my voice a part of the collective.

In deciding early on to put the focus on the community, I forgot that you can’t build a community unless you’re willing to be part of it.

When I think about the types of interactions I am having with people about Tiny Buddha today, I sometimes wonder how amazing it could have been to have facilitated that sooner. Then I remember: today wouldn’t be happening without yesterday, and I can only enjoy today fully if let go of ideas about the past.

I needed to be where I was in each place before I could get to the next step.

We’re always looking for the fast-track in life—for the bigger better thing as soon as possible. The learning takes place in the small things, in their own time as they need to unravel.

2. Criticism means whatever you make it.

Since there was no context for the posts on the site—no sense of who was running it or why—people didn’t take to it right away.

Another issue was that they had grown accustomed to seeing just one daily quote in their Twitter feed. When links started popping up on the stream, quite a few strongly worded emails came in.

“You’re ruining Tiny Buddha,” one read.

Another reader chimed in “You better stop or I won’t follow anymore—and my girlfriend agrees you’re destroying a good thing.”

I received several of these emails in the first month, and I have to admit I took them to heart.  I wondered what I could have done to build a better site. I wondered if those people were a small sampling of popular opinion. I wondered if they were a sign I should leave Tiny Buddha to the Twitterverse.

Then I realized something: I was creating an awful lot of drama in my head for someone writing about wisdom. So what if I received a few emails from people resistant to change? I had something good to do, and there were other people out there who enjoyed it.

It isn’t the criticism we receive that brings us down; it’s what we decide that criticism means. It rarely means we’re failures or we should change directions. Sometimes it means there’s more to learn. Sometimes it means you need a thicker skin. Most of the time, it’s both.

3. Happiness is when the experience means as much if not more than the outcome.

Research shows that setting goals can lead to happiness. It gives you a sense of empowerment and pride, and hopefully you feel fulfilled in the process of striving. That hasn’t always been the case for me.

Before starting Tiny Buddha, all my goals were about escaping my present to find some magic future where I’d be happy. It wasn’t about the experience of the journey; it was about something down the line that I felt like I needed. My goals were more about fixing my life than enhancing it. It’s a little different now.

What I do here is simple and yet it matters to me deeply.

I love editing and publishing the contributions writers submit. I love how much they enjoy the experience of posting, and how different voices resonate with different readers. I love reflecting on the lessons I’ve learned and recycling them into posts. Every part of running the site and social networking pages gives me a deep sense of purpose and gratitude.

I still have dreams, but I don’t feel like my life is lacking. Even though I’m not making a lot of money right now, I don’t feel that my happiness depends on getting somewhere else.

When you’re less attached to future outcomes you’re not only less devastated by deviations from your plan; you’re also more open to possibilities. Best of all, you’re more open to joy in the present.

4. Passion is the best motivation.

Before I started Tiny Buddha, I didn’t follow through with much in life.

I have always been a resourceful person—part of the gypsy, run-from-reality existence that defined my younger years. I can pretty easily find places to live, ways to get by, and jobs to keep me afloat.

In the past three years alone I have lived in seven apartments and have held a total of eight jobs. Like I wrote before in 25 Little Changes to Make the Day More Exciting, I sometimes have a hard time sticking with things after the original novelty wears off.

Yet I have written something for this website every week day for the past year. Without fail, I have opened my laptop every evening to write about the next day’s daily quote. I’ve spent countless hours writing blog posts and collecting and editing submissions from other writers.

With everything else I’ve done, I’ve always wondered when I might move on, but with Tiny Buddha, it’s become like breathing. I think there’s something to be said for doing something that feels like home. When you love what you’re doing, it’s easy to sustain momentum.

People always tell you to follow your bliss, but that can be a confusing proposition. There’s a lot to love in life, and we have an overwhelming number of choices to make personally and professionally. The best you can do is jump in with both feet and watch how it feels in your mind and body. You might not always know when it’s wrong, but it’s pretty hard to ignore when it’s right.

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I know that happiness is an inside job, not dependent on external things. I also know we all have boundless positive energy looking for a way to be channeled. Everyone needs something that gives them an outlet for creativity, curiosity, purpose and fun.

But sometimes we put a world of pressure on those outlets. We analyze every step we take; obsess about other people’s opinions; and get caught up pushing from one stage to the next, wondering where it’s all leading—or if it’s leading anywhere at all.

All we’re guaranteed is the experience of today, living in that place we’ve created. I say lets live there out loud. Love it, talk about it, share it with so much enthusiasm it’s infectious to everyone around us.

Infect me—what’s your passion project? And what have you learned through the journey?

Read more about me on the About page, in the FAQs, on lorideschene.com, or on Twitter @lori_deschene. If you enjoy the site, please support Tiny Buddha! You can also submit a post to email @ tinybuddha.com.

by Cat Li Stevenson

“The future is completely open, and we are writing it moment to moment.” ~Pema Chodron

This past year has been one of tremendous self-discovery. One day, I suddenly realized after 9 years of a very straight finance paved path that I no longer wanted to be a corporate banker.

Instead, I wanted to wake up each morning with a bigger purpose—a brand of who I was, and what I stood for outside of this corporate lifestyle.

Since that day, I seemed to be on a tiresome pursuit in finding my story. I even seriously debated moving out of the country to build character and expand my journey.

While my own story is still one that remains on the preface page, I have realized in several months of contemplation that discovering our personal novel is not formed by rushing the process or constant over analyzing.

It is, instead, a compilation of daily experiences, perspective, and the wisdom we receive from these that shapes our meaning.

We all have a truly unique story, but we don’t have to be in a hurry to write it or create it. When we start living life, instead of always trying to figure it out, our story—our meaning, our purpose—will present itself in amazing ways.

Here are five activities I have found helpful in discovering my world:

1. Share three “Grateful Statements” a Day

It’s remarkable how your day and life can become instantly transformed by realizing the gifts and abundance that exist all around you right here, right now.

Drop a line through text, email or a good old-fashioned phone call with a sister, friend, boyfriend, or anyone else close to you about something you’re grateful for.

It can be a simple grateful—how you have AC in your car in the sweltering heat, for example. A grateful approach will awaken you to see the world that exists in front of you today; leading to happier, brighter, more meaningful days.

2. Explore Contrast Exercises

If you are a night person like I am, you get a surge of energy at 11PM and manage to find something— anything—to keep you occupied way past your bedtime.

I recently (and not easily) began going to bed by 10PM. This way, I  could get up in the morning for a run or a spin class, followed by a morning meditation before I started on my commute.

I am in awe at how the day looks and feels different by waking up at a new hour, from the sunrise to the increased productivity level I have by mid-morning.

If you are a morning person, try staying up until the midnight hour and notice the difference around you. Or if you enjoy taking walks at night as part of your workout regiment, what happens if you try out a new, hip-hop class at your gym instead?

When exploring other parts of your day that you’re not aware of by making small adjustments, a whole new discovery and perspective may surface.

3. Commit to 30 Days of Excellence

This year my husband and I have made a fun activity of practicing 30 days of excellence. We’ve done everything from “30 days of going to bed on time” to “30 days of five-minute, daily meditation” to “30 days of being mindful about our attitude and what we share.”

Committing to 30 days of excellence to form a habit can transcend and improve your world. It will give you the energy and inspiration to take on the next step in your journey of discovery.

4. Write an “I want…” List

There are tons of articles and books out there about knowing what it is you want to do with your life. I am here to repeat this important exercise: Write “I want…” at the top of a piece of paper or your journal and start writing without pausing to think.

Keep this list at your bedside and revisit it daily. By tuning into knowing exactly what it is you want, you will be able to identify it when you see it, without it passing by without notice.

5. Create a Board of Inspiration

I have a fascination with cards. Ever since I was a little girl, I would make cards from scratch for every occasion and everyone around me.

We constantly had visitors and family members visit from Taiwan when I was younger. I’d always show up at the airport with a personalized card welcoming the guest to town.

Now, 20 plus years later, I still love cards. Instead of creating them, I collect them. I enjoy finding meaningful messages and quotes in card shops. Recently, I purchased a blank canvas where I’ve pasted each of those cards in a square and hung it up in a place in my home office. I revisit them every day to stay inspired.

What inspires you? Is it a photo of a place you once visited? A picture from a travel magazine you want to vacation to? Or perhaps a CD cover from your favorite artist? Create a board of inspiration, visit it daily, and let it speak to you.

Make yourself inspired to continually discover your world. Your world unfolds in the process.

by Celestine Chua

“People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.” ~Chinese Proverb

When I was in junior college, I wasn’t the best student. I skipped classes, didn’t do my assignments, and barely studied for my tests. Needless to say, I flunked those exams.

After a few months, I realized I didn’t want to continue on like this. If I wanted to make the most out of my life, I had to first be responsible for my studies.

So I buckled down and set out to achieve the best results. It wasn’t easy—and I’m not talking about the studying part. There was resistance all around me. First, my schoolmates weren’t the most positive people in the world.

My college was one of the poorer performing schools then. Many students weren’t happy studying there as it wasn’t their first choice. They often degraded themselves, saying “we’re doomed for failure.”

If that wasn’t enough, my teachers were discouraging, too because many were disgruntled about working there. They kept comparing us with the students from schools they taught in before—the better schools—saying we’d never get anywhere.

I decided to ignore the negativity and spend my energy working on my goals.

At the end of college, I was the top student in my class and won the Most Improved Student Award by the school. I would later enter one of the best Business Schools in Asia, be a Dean’s Lister in all 3 years of my study, and graduate as the top student in my specialization.

If you have aspirations, you’ve dealt with resistance, too, and will deal with more in the future. Here are 6 personal principles to deal with external resistance and excel in life:

1. The bigger the resistance, the greater your potential.

Newton’s Third Law of Motion states for every force, there is an equal, opposing force. It’s the same here—no big dreams ever come true without an equivalent form of resistance. In fact, the bigger the resistance, the greater your potential on the other side.

The biggest achievers in the world got to where they are today only after overcoming endless resistance.

Whenever I face a roadblock, it tells me this is something worth going for. The more roadblocks there are the better. It just makes the end result even sweeter when I overcome these blocks and achieve my goals.

2. Obstacles are there to prevent you from getting to the other side ~Randy Pausch

In Randy Pausch’s The Last Lecture, he talked about how obstacles exist to stop you from getting to the other side. The other side is where your goals and dreams are. Just because you face obstacles doesn’t mean your goals aren’t feasible. It just means you need to tackle these obstacles first to get there.

The obstacles are only a test to weed out people who don’t want their goals enough, and guess what—that’s not you. You are better than that.

Back when I faced resistances, I never once thought my goals were impossible. I knew this was just temporary and it was a matter of time before I achieve my goals. Likewise, whatever resistance you experience is just short-term.

3. Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goals. ~Sydney Smith

Are you spending more time staring at your obstacles? Or do you have your eyes locked on your dreams? The more you spend time thinking about your obstacles, the more you will feel overwhelmed and negative.

Your thoughts are like the seeds in your mind. The kind of thoughts you have will bear fruits of the same nature. Negative thoughts will give you negative fruits, whereas positive thoughts will give you positive fruits. Do you have more negative or positive seeds?

Spend more time thinking about your goals, how they inspire you, why you want them and what they mean to you. These will give you the fuel to take action.

When I pursue my goals, I don’t think about how unfair the world is, why I am facing this, or how scary an obstacle is. These are all disempowering thoughts. I focus on why I want to do something and what it means to me. These empower me and spur me on to take action.

4. Look at the source of the comments before you consider them.

It’s easy to let ourselves be affected by other people’s comments. While you should be open to feedback, you should also factor in where they are coming from.

Who is the person commenting? Is this person’s life the kind of life you aspire to lead? If the commenter isn’t doing so well in the area he is advising on, maybe you should discount what he says to you.

For example, back in school, one of my teachers advised us to “settle” and stop aiming high because we would be setting ourselves up for failure. However, when I looked at her life, she was in her 50s, had been working in the same job for over decades (which was fine, except that she didn’t seem passionate about her work), unmotivated, and negative as a person.

This wasn’t the life I wanted to lead for myself, and hence I decided not to heed what she said. I’m glad I didn’t because it worked out extremely well for me.

5. You don’t have to please everyone. Trying to do so only makes you miserable.

It’s in our inner nature to be inclusive and make everyone happy. However, it’s not possible to please everyone and it’s not worth it to try.

All of us are diverse with our own opinions, beliefs and values, and trying to conform only results in you compromising on your beliefs. Don’t be afraid to disagree where you need to and stand up for yourself. It’s all about learning how to deal with these critical people.

If you face people who are overly resistant to your dreams, consider reducing contact with them and spending more time with the people who support you. Your time is precious; spend it with people who elevate you, not people who pull you down.

6. First they ignore you. Then they laugh at you. Then they fight you. Then you win. ~Mahatma Gandhi

After years of pursuing my goals and dreams, I realized one thing: people resist because they are afraid.

When they hear about your goals and they object, it’s because they’re afraid of who you are and what you can become. More than that, they’re afraid that you might actually be right and they have been undermining their own potential all along.

To quote Marianne Williamson, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”

Don’t take resistances personally. People who ignore you, laugh at you, or even fight you do so because they are scared deep down inside. Take your stance and go for what you believe in. Fight for what you want. Go all out in your pursuits.

As long as you keep at it, it’s a matter of time before you achieve what you set out to do. I did that, and I continue to do so every day. You can never go wrong as long as you do what you love to do and set out to live your best life.

by Shelly Iyabode

“He is able who thinks he is able.” ~Buddha

The world has given us many outstanding people.

Although we possess our own unique talents, we look to leaders and mentors as models of action and success. They represent unlocked potential, perseverance and shining lights for us to follow.

Since all paths are unique, we can’t follow exactly where others have been, but we can learn from their examples of confidence and dedication. It’s the difference between saying, “I want to be like Oprah Winfrey” or saying, “I want to be outstanding in my own right, like Oprah Winfrey.”

There are some, like Oprah, who can step out and shine despite hardship and extraordinary challenges. But most people who struggle with self-doubt, fear or harsh circumstances remain stagnant.

It’s not enough to have the dream. It has to be accompanied with a strong belief in your own potential and a spirit driven to meet it.

A crucial step toward being your own version of outstanding is to identify your goals. Be realistic in this process. These goals should be ones you believe you can actually achieve. Goals do not guarantee success but they can create a focal point to form your own personal light or beacon.

Goals are the guides that lead you from where we are to where you aspire to be. Once you’ve identified your goals, you can then begin the task of preparing yourself for the journey.

Believe in yourself—easy to say, but not always easy to do.

This may well be the biggest obstacle on the course to impressing and inspiring yourself. Your socio-economic, personal and geographic challenges matters some, but truly, believing in yourself is the biggest step. Belief is a free resource that is available to everyone. It cannot be bought or sold, but it can indeed be learned, if necessary.

Whether a goal is to simply to work out tomorrow morning or to become president of your neighborhood association Board of Directors, believing you can actually do it is an engine that is powered by only you.

The path to personal greatness—whatever that means to you—is much more valuable if you use every step along the way as practice.

When you wake up tomorrow, wake up in outstanding fashion. When you prepare your clothes for the day, choose something fabulous to wear. Greet people throughout your day in a beautiful way.

Eat wonderful meals. Listen to beautiful music. Compliment those you know and even those you don’t on something you admire about them. Emanate the energy you want to attract.

Eventually, that energy will return to you forming a pattern. If your confidence was running on low before, it will soon begin to fill and radiate within you.

Too euphoric? Well, here’s the other shoe falling.

You will be tested. There will be moments (and days) when being buoyant just doesn’t fit into the plan. Don’t despair. Everyone deals with these moments. Accept them as opportunities to triumph and not to wallow in insecurities. It’s the only productive way to deal with this inevitability.

Use this down time for research or some other lightweight exercise that contributes to your goal. Keep it in sight at all times.

At the same time, don’t trick yourself into thinking that success will come if you do nothing. Consistency is crucial—and luckily, we are all blessed with the gift of determination. All behaviors and actions, no matter the justification, come with a sense of determination. Do something courageous!

Create messages and mantras that inspire you. Surround yourself with experiences and individuals who are inspired, as well. Create the support you need and build your legacy with purpose.

Only you can create and follow the path that makes you feel passionate, meaningful, and happy.

by Maelina Frattaroli

“Excellence can be obtained if you care more than others think is wise, risk more than others think is safe, dream more than others think is practical, expect more than others think is possible.” ~Unknown

A revelation came to me the other day during lunch with my co-worker.

As I wolfed down my germ-infused, salad-bar lunch, I thought about my father for no particular reason other than I probably miss him since moving out of my parents’ house two weeks ago.

I’ve never been one to admit things, show emotion, or get all mushy, but in my own way, I’m very proud of my dad. Although it’s hard for me to let him know, he really is my hero.

So, as co-worker X took a pause from chewing, he asked, “What do you think your purpose is?”

I took a moment to let that commentary sink in.

Then I replied, “You know who I really envy and admire? My father.  He does the hardest, manual labor, sweats under the sun, cuts his hands up on stone, turns them purple with acidic grape juice, battles with poison ivy roots, snow plows during the most ungodly hours so rich people can have clear driveways, has more splinters than anyone I know, and he’s never, ever complained. In fact, he’s the true definition of service with a smile.”

Okay, maybe I didn’t phrase it that eloquently, but let’s pretend I did.

Immediately afterward, X stated, matter-of-factly, “It’s because he loves it. He does what he loves. That’s hard to come by these days.”

I remember a time when I was very young, I’d say around five. I was sitting on my father’s lap, tracing my fingers across the rough patches and cracks of his hands. His wedding band was scraped a little, and his pointer finger had a very deep gash in it.

I asked why his hands were broken, to which he replied, “I got a boo-boo at work.”

It was then that I decided I wanted a job in a hospital. I wanted to be a pediatric nurse. To a five-year-old, it seemed like a decent gig, mainly because I loved babies and wanted to be around them.

Did I fulfill that dream? No. Is this my dream now? Not in the least. Do I even like babies? Sure, when they don’t deafen you with their cries. All I knew was I wouldn’t get my hands chopped to bits by flagstone, granite, tools, and harsh concrete. And if I did, the surgeon’s room would be right around the corner.

My younger brother always wanted to uphold the Sandy Frattaroli Masonry family legacy. Why would he, at that age, wish hard, manual labor during scalding, humidity-infused summers over a college education?

Because my father’s work has value. A unique kind of value all its own, something that cannot be taken away from him. But, nowadays, the road to get there is treacherous and grueling and filled with people who take this craft for granted.

My brother went to college, and so did I. Now, we work in our respective industries.

My father’s getting older, approaching 60 in just a couple of years. He’s stubborn, set in his ways, and will not lay down the stone and call it quits until he passes at a much older age. His hands remain cracked, although he’s progressed to softening them with Vaseline Intensive Care lotion.

The difference between my father’s generation and mine is that, nowadays, we are overwhelmed with options, both personally and professionally as the world develops. We’re in a constant struggle as we try to define our purpose and who we are.

We read too much into the future, but still dwell on the past. We battle between labeling who we are by our professions vs. who we are by what drives us.

My father was able to turn his passion into a lifelong devotion. Back then, there wasn’t much choice if life and education were unaffordable for you. Now, we have everything, but the pressure exuded on us makes it much rougher.

Like my father, I want to run down a dream, go wherever it leads, and work on a mystery (kudos to Tom Petty). I want to write and connect with like-minded people through my words, but I do not want to define myself. Ever.

I want to constantly evolve and find my purpose. I want my purpose to be adaptable and dynamic. I want to be receptive to change. Like a single flagstone giving way to a dream sidewalk built by my father, I’ll start one word at a time.

If you have a dream, run with it. Try your best not to define or restrict yourself along the way. Your passion is your best set of wings.

Editor’s Note: To all the hard-working, inspiring Dads out there, an early Happy Father’s Day, from Tiny Buddha to you!

by Lori Deschene

“Meaning is not what you start with but what you end up with.” ~Peter Elbow

I’d gotten these bed-raiser platforms to make my twin seem less sad—like being higher from the ground made it more respectable.

It wasn’t even it’s size that made it seem pathetic; it was more that it consumed the majority of my apartment. And by apartment, I mean room.

I moved to New York without a plan. I’d majored in theater, but I had no desire to audition. After being a large fish in a small pond in high school, I found it difficult adapting to intense competition. And eventually my perfectionism trumped my dreams of performing.

So I went to NYC, blew through my savings on a work-from-home network-marketing business, then moved into a cheap single-room occupancy building–much like a dorm, except for addicts, former homeless people, and little girls lost, like I was.

I’d been working part-time as a telemarketer for a software company for several months. I didn’t love sales and marketing, but I did well in both those industries. No matter how I felt inside, I could always smile long enough to convince someone to give me their money.

There didn’t seem to be any good reason to stay in New York. I hadn’t yet learned to let people in, so I spent a lot of time by myself. I wasn’t doing anything compelling–anything I couldn’t do in Massachusetts, where my family was. And I wasn’t really doing well at the whole functioning-independently thing.

I stayed for one simple reason: it felt better to be alone in a big city, where I might someday stumble into a life that looked good on paper, than home with my family, who I feared I’d let down. By not becoming an actress. By not making lots of money. By not being just plain better than who I was.

I needed to find something I could do just for me. Not to prove myself, or impress other people–just something that helped me feel good about who I was, regardless of my life circumstances. If I could find that while living in a 7′x7′ cockroach-infested room and working a job I didn’t like, I knew I’d have an anchor that would help me all through life.

I saw an ad on Craigslist for free yoga classes right down the street. All I’d have to do is volunteer behind the desk once a week for three hours. I’d done a few classes before I left home, and I remember feeling a sense of calm I’d never really felt before.

I responded to the ad with the type of honesty usually reserved for journaling and anonymous online commenting:

“I’ve had a hard time liking myself through the years. I’ve beaten myself up, and isolated myself, and felt bad in every way possible. I’m struggling here in New York, and I’m not sure why I’m here. I just know I want to feel. I want to do better.

I took a couple yoga classes before, and I remember feeling a profound shift in how I felt about myself and saw the world. I don’t have a lot of money, and I don’t have a lot in my life. I would be forever grateful for the opportunity to be part of your studio.”

One week later I was volunteering behind the desk. One month later I could do a headstand–and had four friends who could do one, too. One year later I rolled up my yoga mat and left New York to travel cross-country on a promotional tour.

I’ve been to almost every major city. I’ve stayed in hotels, motels, and hostels; I’ve lived in rooms, apartments, and houses. I’ve gotten great jobs, and lost great jobs. I’ve been lonely and I’ve been loved.

I’ve handled some things well and some things poorly, but I can say with absolute certainty I’ve done everything better than I would have if I did not practice yoga. It’s not even that yoga itself was the answer–it’s finding something, anything that’s yours.

We all have paths we take that involve different people, dreams, achievements, and situations. I’ve found it’s a lot easier to risk failing and losing when I have something I love that I know I can’t lose.

If I go for a job and don’t get it, I have yoga. If I do get it, I have yoga. And when it’s over and it’s time to move on, I still have my practice and that sense of identity.

Everything external eventually fades–and I don’t think that’s such a bleak realization. Knowing nothing lasts forever makes a tough time bearable and a joyous time more valuable. Time, with it’s beginnings and endings, gives life shape.

It’s up to us individually to give it meaning.

What’s your sense of bliss and balance in a world that’s always changing?

by Lori Deschene

“Begin at once to live and count each separate day as a separate life.” ~Seneca

At times, it’s seemed as though life contains an endless supply of days.

When I was younger, I thought this for sure. It didn’t matter how long I held a grudge, or how long I waited to do something I wanted—there would be an unlimited pool of other opportunities. At least that’s what I thought back then.

Maybe it’s a rite of passage from childhood to adulthood: the moment when you realize life happens now, and that’s all you’re guaranteed. It doesn’t really hit you when you merely know it intellectually, like you know your ABCs, state capitals, and other concrete facts.

It hits you when somehow you feel it. Your health declines. You lose someone you love. A tragedy rocks your world. It isn’t until you realize that all life fades that you consider now a commodity and a scarce one at that.

But maybe that’s irrelevant. Maybe living a meaningful, passionate life has nothing to do with its length and everything to do with its width.

With this in mind, I recently asked Tiny Buddha’s Facebook friends, “How do you live life to the fullest?” I was inspired by what they had to say, so I’ve used them to create this list:

1. Live in the moment. Forget the past and don’t concern yourself with the future. (Tanner Christensen)

2. Fully embrace the now, no matter what the situation. (Patrick Flynn)

3. Do the things you love. (Diego Felipe Villa Serna)

4. Learn to forgive and embrace unconditional love. (Ann Glasgow)

5. Live every day as if it’s your last, embracing each experience as if it’s your first. (Jennifer Fertado)

6. Believe in “live and let live.” (Satyendra Pandey)

7. Use quiet reflection, honesty, and laughter. (Erin Rogers Kronman)

8. Be other-centered. (Tricia Mc)

9. Find calm in making art. (Z.r. Hill)

10. Focus on today and how you can do your best to live it to the fullest.  (Amelia Krump)

11. Participate in life instead of just watching it pass you by. (Lindsey Wonderson)

12. Stay healthy, eat right and most importantly, be kind to all. (Tho Nguyen)

13. Pray, forgive yourself, appreciate others, listen to your gut, do things you enjoy, and remind yourself that we are all loved and connected. (Sandra Lumb)

14. Don’t sweat the small stuff. (Allison Gillam)

15. Question everything, keep it simple, and help whenever and however you can. (Lynda Corrigan Sutherland)

16. Try to enjoy every minute of every day. (Maria Ahlin)

17. Appreciate life’s every second. (Anna-Karin Boyaciyan-Demirciyan)

18. Step through new doors. The majority of the time there’s something fantastic on the other side. (Terri Mindock)

19. Remember that all is a gift, but the most precious of all gifts is life and love. (Debbie Teeuwen)

20. Keep your spirit free, be flexible, let go. (Leslie Brown)

21. “Do one thing every day that scares you.” -Baz Luhrmann (Adam Raffel)

22. Don’t attach to outcomes. (Wp Ho)

23. Spend as much time with a two year old as possible. (Jackie Freeman)

24. Enjoy each and every moment of life. Every day is a new challenge and opportunity to discover something new. (Chirag Tripathi)

25. Budget travel. It is always an adventure! You get to enjoy what fate has to offer with limited means. (Ruby Baltazar)

26. Be honestly thankful for every breath you take. (Jonathan Carey)

27. Just be. (Catherine Halvorsson)

28. “Trust yourself. Trust your own strengths.” ~Gaundalf the grey (Jonathan David Evan Fulton)

29. Pause momentarily before everything you do so that you notice everything you should or could notice. (Scott Hutchinson)

30. Follow your hopes and not your fears. (Jody Bower)

What have you done today to live life to the fullest?

by Aaron Jacobsen & Michelle Santos

“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it” ~Charles Swindoll

Unemployment is up almost 10 percent and job opportunities are not necessarily speeding to catch up. It’s not always easy to stay positive when you’re dealing with uncertainty, particularly if you fell out of a comfortable situation and now have to adapt.

But if you’re willing to see the experience as a challenge, and possibly even an opportunity, you can find a sense of peace and fulfillment—not just once you find work, but while you’re in the process of looking. It’s not just cliché advice that sounds good on paper. It’s actually possible. Here’s how.

If You Are Out of Work

1. Don’t isolate.

Without work some people become hermits. Most jobs involve some sort of social interaction be it with co-workers or customers. For many people, the workday is also the most frequent opportunity for social interaction. Spending some time alone can be healthy; just make sure you don’t take overdo it.

A lot of people feel ashamed or embarrassed about being unemployed, and as a result avoid social situations. As tempting as it may be to dodge friends and family, it can become a dangerous habit. You need support to make it through this transition with minimal stress and anxiety.

Aside from that, interactions allow you an opportunity to put your worries aside and have fun. You’re dealing with enough stress—don’t you deserve a break?

2. Remember that social connections are your biggest resource.

Another reason to stay social and engaged is that it’s one of the best ways to find your next job. When you’re struggling, the intimate seclusion found searching job lists and sending out endless resumes is enticing. While there’s nothing wrong with responding to job ads, it’s not nearly as effective as using your social network to find opportunities. It’s like they say: sometimes it’s not what you know, it’s who you know.

3. Maintain a positive outlook.

Negativity is an easy habit because it creates the illusion of relieving frustration, but it actually just breeds more. And unfortunately, it doesn’t get you anywhere good.

Positivity—especially when things are tough—may not be your first reaction. No worries about the future with a smile. But if you try to maintain a positive outlook, you will keep yourself open to new things. If you’re convinced there aren’t any opportunities available, you won’t even try to find one—meaning you definitely won’t get one.

4. Stay open to possibilities.

It’s ideal to think that life conforms to your plans. But it doesn’t. If it did, you wouldn’t be unemployed to begin with. Once you free yourself from a rigid path you think you should be on, you will open yourself to the new opportunities and roads that will present themselves. When this happens, be ready and willing to say yes.

It may mean taking a short-term contract job, or a lower level position in a new field. When your life path hits a roadblock you need consider the alternate routes available.

5. Take advantage of the extra time.

It’s often said that looking for work is a full-time job. That certainly can be true, but it’s a full-time job with a lot of flexibility. When you take away things like a commute, business trips, conferences and everything else that comes with a 9 to 5 job, there’s a lot of extra time in the day.

It’s a good idea to maintain as much of your normal routine as possible. If you exercise three days during the week, make sure you keep doing that. If you wanted to work out five days but never had the time, well, now you do!

This is your time to focus on yourself—what you enjoy, what makes you feel the most fulfilled. You don’t need to spend every waking hour stressing about finding work. If you put too much emphasis on where you need to be, you may find it’s self-defeating. Just because looking for work can be a full-time job, that doesn’t mean you need to walk around with full-time pressure.

If you didn’t lose your job, odds are you know someone who did. Here’s how you can help.

15 Simple Way to Support Someone Who Lost Their Job

1. Check in regularly, especially if you are close to them. Be their buoy, so they don’t lose sight of the things in life they can trust.

2. Listen. Really listen—without waiting to talk.

3. Invite them to do free stuff. Even if they have money in the bank, with less or no money coming in, it will be easier for them to commit to free or cheap activities.

4. Exercise with them, or encourage them to do activities you know they enjoy. It’s easier to stay upbeat when you feel good physically (those endorphins help!)

5. Help them get sunshine. A healthy dose of sunlight can improve your mood and help you get better sleep. Boost your friend’s spirits by helping them get out of the house for a walk when the sun shines.

6. Understand that their life is different for now. It can be strange to have so much time and uncertainty, particularly if they had a lot of structure in their day previously.

7. Acknowledge their feelings. They may or may not talk about them, but they feel something no matter what. If they don’t open up, you can share a story about a time in your life when you felt uncertain.

8. Laugh. Humor helps everyone cope. Help them take things less seriously. They’re unemployed, not comatose. There’s still a lot to enjoy!

9. Make a list of things you value in them, maybe things an employer would appreciate, and give it to them.

10. Offer to review/edit/spruce up their resume.

11. Send them job posts that you think match their skill set

12. Offer to be a reference. You obviously know them well and like them—your recommendation may be valuable.

13. Ask them what they really want to do, what they would do if they money wasn’t an issue. Maybe they’re considering taking this break to make a career change. That’s scary stuff, meaning they’ll need lots of encouragement.

14. Don’t complain about your job. Okay, if you must, try to keep it to a minimum. No matter how difficult your boss is, you can at least say you have a boss. (Which is exactly what your friend will think).

15. Check in with their family to see how they’re handling the change. Anyone who depends on your friend will be affected in some way. What better way to be a friend, than to remind them you’re there for support—for anyone who needs it.

People often think of unemployment as floating adrift somewhere between A and B; and then they try their hardest to get to B so they can be happy again. Get a consistent paycheck, settle in, and feel safe, secure, and certain. You’ll get there—but life is rarely certain. You only have this moment.

Unemployment provides a great opportunity to accept, adapt, and enjoy, even if things aren’t perfect now.

Michelle Santos is freelance writer and graduate of the University of San Francisco School of Law. Specializing in grant and legal writing, she also writes about personal development and travel. Photos here and here.

by Sonya Derian, of Om Freely

“A ‘No’ uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a ‘Yes’ merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble.”  ~Gandhi

I was having dinner with a friend of mine a couple weeks ago when I asked her about a group she was considering joining. I wanted to know how it was going and what she decided.

“You know”, she said, “I realized after the first group that I’m not that passionate about it. So, I’m not going to do it. I’d rather make my time available for something that matters more to me.”

Aside from this being a healthy choice, it was also a very conscious and deliberate choice. She chose in the direction of her passion.

How many of us take what is handed to us, follow what is put in front of us or say yes to things that don’t really align with who we are or what we want in our lives?

I’m a huge fan of the word yes.

But I also realize that sometimes we say yes to things that don’t matter to us. We pass the time with the word yes, and don’t really utilize our choice in the matter.

I had a teacher who used to tell me “Your ‘Yes’s mean nothing until you learn how to say ‘No’.”

My assignment for a month was to say no to everything. Or at the very least to tell people, “I’ll think about it and get back to you.” This was very difficult for me because I wanted to be all things to all people. To not say yes on the spot was to risk disapproval.

But after the initial discomfort I found it quite liberating.

No, I can’t do that. No, I don’t have time. No, I’m not interested. No, it’s not a match. No, maybe another time. No, I need more. No, but how about this?

If you say yes to everything, never discerning the right yes for you, what difference does it make what you’re saying yes to? Your yes loses its authority.

Learning the power of the word no is about learning the power of discernment and becoming deliberate in your choices. You have to get rid of the old before you can take on the new. You have to say no to the things that don’t serve you to make room for the yes in your life that does.

Why is this so difficult for some of us?

Because it forces us to be deciders.

It forces us to choose. In forcing us to choose, it makes us very conscious of what we’re choosing. In being very conscious of what we’re choosing, we become vulnerable or fearful that what we want might not be available to us.

Easier to say yes to what’s coming your way than to actively choose to say no and risk realizing you can’t have what you want.
Right?

Even if that’s the case, what would be so wrong with learning how to make deliberate choices in the direction of our desires, anyway?

What would be so wrong with just pausing on an automatic yes to consider, “Is this what I really want? Is this something I’m passionate about?” And then thinking it through before making a final decision?

Because, the thing is, sometimes we say yes to things because we are afraid it’s is as good as it gets.

So, then the question becomes one of faith: Do we believe we can have what we want? Do we have the ability to receive our good?

Or have we so cluttered our lives with small yes’s that we miss out on the one yes that truly matters?

Take some time to consider what you are saying yes to. Ask yourself, “is my heart in this? Or can I let this go to make room for something that matters more?”

Then realize that it’s not the “something” that matters more. It’s that you matter more, and it’s time to simply decide.

And trust.

Want to contribute a post? Read our submission guidelines then drop us a line at email @ tinybuddha.com.

by Janna Krawczyk

There is an art to living—to creating your life on your terms based on your desires, your talents, your values, and your dreams.  In a culture where we must attend 13 years of school, we’re rarely taught to look within and name what it is we want from life.

We’re rarely taught that we have the power within to live the lives we want—not what other people expect of us.

While we can’t control what happens to us, we can control how we respond to what happens based on what we want.

“All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think, we become.”  ~Buddha

Five years ago, I resigned from teaching in the public schools after giving birth to my son.  A year and a half later, awaiting the birth of my daughter, I struggled.  I missed teaching.  I missed connecting with kids in a classroom.

I missed having something in my life that was my own. While I felt blessed and lucky to be home, I also wanted to teach.  But I didn’t know how to join these two desires that felt mutually exclusive.

Having written in a journal throughout my twenties and into my thirties, I understood the power of pinning down thoughts into words.  So within the swell of this profound transformation into motherhood, I began to write about the things I knew I wanted:

“I want to teach.  I want to be home with my children.”  The more I wrote about what I wanted, the more specific I became: “I want to teach at-risk kids about writing in a journal.  I want to teach them about the power of their words. I want to have flexibility.  I want to inspire kids.”

I didn’t know how to get what I wanted.  I just kept writing about what I wanted.  And as I continued to write, I became clearer and more specific about the life I wanted to create.

One bright summer day a few months later, I was sitting on the front step of my house when a friend walked up with her neighbor.  After learning that he worked with kids through the Minneapolis police department, I told him about my desire to teach kids the practice of journaling, but that I had no idea where I would teach or how I would find the kids to come to a class.

As I spoke, his eyes widened and a smile grew across his face.  “I’ll get you the kids if you can find a space to teach them,” he said.

That week I met a retired English teacher who owned an art studio a few blocks away.  I shared my ideas with him and asked if I could use his space once a week to teach.  He was enthusiastic.  The next week, a large van pulled up in front of the art studio and out spilled ten or so kids.  Together, week after week, we wrote about our lives.

This journey began with seeds I planted within the blank pages of my journal.   Three years later, they continue to bloom.  I have since written a master’s thesis on the power of journaling and continue to teach kids in schools throughout Minneapolis, including an ongoing class for urban teenage mothers.

“You can do what’s reasonable or you can decide what’s possible.”  ~Unknown

The practice of writing in a journal is a powerful tool for cultivating what you want from life.

We are artists, creating our lives out of the materials of our experiences, thoughts, and dreams.  When we write, we empower ourselves and breathe life into what we want and how we want to live.

You can’t always know exactly how your desires will materialize into reality.  This is where faith comes in.  If you show up, listen to and speak from your heart, and then let go of the need to know how, you can let the universe or God or quantum physics or whatever that thing is that helps our dreams become a reality do its magic.

If you could create your life to be exactly how you want, what would it look like?  Dare to imagine the perfect life for you—what kind of person do you want to be?  What kind of people do you want to spend time with?  How do you want to feel?  How do you want to make the people around you feel?

Where do you want to live?  What do you want to do for your work?  What do you want your home to look and feel like?  How do you want to live—do you want freedom, stability, love, acceptance?  Do you want adventure, wisdom, and laughter?

Writing Exercise: What do you want?

To begin, simply sit down and open your journal to a blank page.  Beginning with the words, “I want,” write everything that comes into your mind.  Don’t worry about spelling, punctuation, or grammar.  If you get stuck, begin again with the words, “I want.”

As you write, be as specific and courageous as possible.  Don’t let your fears and insecurities step in and block what you want.  Don’t listen to that critical, mean voice within that says, “This is not possible for you.”

Like you are flicking at a piece of lint, flick away negative thoughts that only bring you down.  These thoughts are not real—they come from our shadow side.  And nothing shrinks a shadow better than a beam of light.  Shine light on all that you are and all that you want.

Remember always, you are the ultimate artist creating your life.

“All the arts we practice are apprenticeship. The big art is our life.” ~M. C. Richards