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by Jeanelle Rabadam

“Don’t fear failure so much that you refuse to try new things. The saddest summary of life contains three descriptions: could have, might have, and should have.” ~Unknown

There are two basic human emotions that are the driving force behind each thought, each daily inspiration and that rare but pivotal new-chapter, life-changing decision.  The first is fear and the second, love.

The funny thing, however, is that they are intertwining forces.  In order to feel passionately about something, fear and love must coexist.

One year ago I made what some people would consider an irrational decision.  I had a great job, a flexible boss with rainbow colored work walls to boot.

I had a circle of close-knit, happy-hour-loving girlfriends who brought overflowing amounts of joy and adventure to my life.  Together we’d paint Los Angeles red, fly to Chicago on a “girls’ trip” whim, and celebrate each other’s birthdays in Las Vegas.

Within our friendly beachside neighborhood were my favorite Thai restaurant, faithful yoga studio and the best omelet breakfast spot within a 5 miles radius of each other.  My adoring family was a short one-hour Southwest flight away, so I could always access TLC from Mom and Dad.

I was comfortable, I was happy, but most of all I was where everyone wants to be—safe.

Halfway through the best year of my life to date I decided to make a monumental move.  I quit my rainbow-walled job and applied to graduate schools abroad.

Skimming potential programs I narrowed my choices to three well-known major metropolitan cities:  London, Paris and Barcelona. After much deliberation I decided that while London is bubbling with energy and the French have the most delicious buttery croissants I’ve ever tasted, Barcelona was my true calling.

A California water-loving girl at heart, I can never be far from warm sunshine or the familiar stretch of sandy beaches.

Upon arrival and the few months following, the unexpected feeling of homesickness hit me like a mid-summer tidal wave in the South Pacific.  I was alone in this foreign place, aching in my heart and missing my safe life.

As we oftentimes do when it comes to big decisions, career changes or new mortgages; I doubted myself and the choice I had made.

While waist deep in fear and doubt, strangely enough I was also on an exhilarated high.  Each morning run was an adventure; each trip to the market, something new.

Even though there was a high probability I’d get lost en route, the miniature unknowns were breathtaking and exciting.  I never knew who I would meet or where I would be that weekend.

I took day trips to lining Costa Brava towns and tried yoga classes spoken in a foreign tongue.   Getting back into the classroom was a bit awkward but I submersed myself in bulky case studies and writing, something that has always calmed my racing mind.

Slowly but surely, I made a circle of international friends and discovered new cultures, colorful cuisines and a fascinating European way of life.  In time I opened my heart again and found more love and laughter than I ever dreamed possible between two people.

Despite the initial difficulty, it was worth every chaotic moment to reach this place.

Life is too short and far too precious to waste time going through the safe motions that distract us from what will really bring us joy.  It can be big, or it can be a small or it can be somewhere in the middle.

It can be the fear of quitting your 9–5 job to finally pursue your love affair with the culinary arts.  Or running the marathon that you’re too afraid to try. Or starting the business you’ve always dreamed of.

Or it can very well be finally overcoming your fear of stage fright at Monday Karaoke night for your love of singing.

In our current world where stimulated ideas, new opportunities and innovative minds are so openly welcomed, oftentimes the biggest thing standing in the way is ourselves.

So take the leap of faith in yourself, or someone else for that matter.  Go back to school, finally start your blog or accomplish the resolutions that have been making cameos on your New Year’s list for the past five years standing.

At the end of it all we all have two life lists: All the things we actually did.  And all the things we wish happened.

Focus on building the first list, starting right here and now.

by Sonya Derian

A couple weeks ago, I was talking to a friend of mine. I was telling her how I always know when it’s time for me to move. She asked me, “How do you know? What makes you aware that you ‘know’ this?”

It was a reasonable question: What is the actual sign that indicates that you “know” to do anything?

“You just know,” I told her.

“But how?” she was curious.

I didn’t really have a good answer for her at the time, but it stuck with me.

After thinking about it for awhile, I realized it’s not in the ”knowing” that we get stuck. We always know. It is in how well we trust what we know, and whether we’re willing to trust it enough to act upon it.

So, how do you know that you “know” something?

Well let me ask you this: How did you know that you were going to marry the person you married, or take the job you were offered, or go see the new doctor you read about?

What made you decide that this was the right decision for you? What made you “know” that the house you bought was the right one for you, or the apartment you chose to rent was the perfect spot for you?

It’s intangible, isn’t it? It’s a feeling. You know, and then you “know” that you know.

Or, how do you know when it’s time to end a relationship? Or when it’s time to move on from a friendship that is no longer serving you? Even if it’s been one you’ve been with for a long time?

I’m going to say it: usually, you know.

Most often, it’s not the “knowing” that is the case. It’s the trusting.

Trusting that our assessment is accurate, that our feelings are valid, that our observations are not all in our head. Trusting that we know what is true for us.

And then trusting that we have enough courage to take action on what we know.

We often doubt ourselves. We wonder “What if I’m wrong? What if something better doesn’t come along? What if it’s not the right time? What if…?”

So, what to do?

My feeling about it is this: we always know what is going on with us. But fear has the opportunity to creep in when we second guess ourselves.

So, when I get stuck in a particular situation, I always ask myself this question:

“I know what I don’t know. But what is it that I do know?”

And then I usually go into a litany of what I actually know, either because circumstances have proved it in the past, or because of a logical conclusion:

I know that I can never make a wrong decision because I can always “right” my decision down the line. I know that this is an opportunity that is presenting itself now which means on some level I am ready for it.

I know that I can try it out for awhile and see what it’s like. I know that I can always change my mind if I want to. I know that in making a decision, I will propel movement, either way, and change is good. I know that things always work out for me, regardless of what happens. The list goes on and on.

There are a few things we know. Always. And we can stand by them.

So, what is it that stops us, really, from trusting ourselves?

That we’ve made wrong decisions in the past? That some of our decisions have caused us pain or misfortune and we are afraid of our judgment? That we don’t know what the outcome will be and so if we can’t predict it, why risk it?

What is it?

Because even these argument we can dispel. We are a result of all we have lived. Every experience we’ve had contributes to the people we are today. And this is not all bad. We stand at the precipice of new beginnings, right now. Life is full of second chances.

So the question is not if we’ve made poor decisions in the past. Undoubtedly, all of us have!

The question is: how willing we are to get up to the plate and swing again? Make a new decision, have a new experience, try something new.

Trusting yourself is a practice but you can’t get the practice if you don’t start somewhere. How is it that you gain trust of anyone in your life?  Time. Watching whether they do what they say they’re going to do. Consistency. Faith.

So, start with yourself. Build the kind of trust in yourself that you would want in a good friend. Make a decision, stick to it. See what happens.

Someone once pointed it out to me that choices are “strategies”. They’re not right or wrong, good or bad. They simply either work or don’t for the time being.

And when they don’t, you can always choose a new “strategy”.

In either case, it starts with us. Are we willing to take the bet on ourselves that we “know”—that it’s time, or that it’s ours, or that we need to take the risk and just go for it?

That’s what it takes.

Trust in our truth. Faith in ourselves. And a little bit of surrender.

by Sonya Derian

Good decisions come from experience, and experience comes from bad decisions.  ~Unknown

A reader recently wrote to me:

“I struggle with making decisions and always second guess myself… I recently had to make a decision about something and after giving it a lot of thought, I decided. Now, months later, my decision is eating me up and I can’t stop thinking I made the wrong decision. So I guess my point is once you decide, how do you stop yourself from second guessing?”

I know I’ve been there, having made a decision I not only second guessed, but wish I hadn’t made—and couldn’t take back.

I think there are two parts to each of us: who we are day to day, and who we are in our broader intentions. Second guessing comes when the smaller part—the one that is at the effect of everything—is afraid of the greater part that’s forging a new way.

When we make any decision, for better or for worse, we affect change. And sometimes it’s scary to be responsible for the change we affect. That’s why I love the saying. “Make a decision. And then make the decision right.”

We never know where our decisions will lead us and we can’t know before making them what the aftermath might be. But only after making the decision can we deal with what comes next. Never before.

There is an assumption that a decision that ends up hurting someone’s feelings, causing friction. or rocking the boat is somehow a wrong decision.

But why would that be the case?

It could mean the broader part of you helped you make that decision in order to break something open, learn how to deal with discomfort, learn how to create a boundary or take care of yourself amidst someone else’s disapproval.

It could mean the broader part of you helped you make that decision to learn how to create dialogue, deepen a relationship, or simply say “I’m sorry. I made a mistake”.

There is no such thing as a wrong decision because we are always course correcting. The way a pilot navigates a plane from one place to the next is by setting the course destination before taking flight and then course correcting along the way.

Similarly, that’s how we grow. Taking from what we have learned from the past and building on it for the future.

That being said, how can we allow the process to unfold more smoothly? What can we do to stop ourselves from second guessing? I’ve come up with these five suggestions:

1.  Trust yourself.

Making a decision sometimes forces you to grow in areas where you’re not comfortable. When you second guess yourself it’s usually because of that discomfort. But it’s important to remember that change happens incrementally. Even if you’re not seeing an obvious positive result yet, it might be coming. And your broader intentions led you there for that reason.

2. Choose a new thought.

Stop entertaining the idea of having made a wrong decision. There is no power in that. Instead, know that things are working out for your good and that you are learning and growing while you find your bearings.

3. Assess what you’re learning.

Because we are always in a state of flux, there may very well be things you will do differently the next time. Ask yourself, if I had to do it over, what would I do differently? And then congratulate yourself because this is how new behavior is born! You can’t learn if you’re not playing the game.

4. Get comfortable with mistakes.

There is such a thing as grace. Time gives us an opportunity to fix all sorts of things we think we may have screwed up. There is power in simply letting things go and deciding to re-evaluate them at a future date.

Ask yourself “What if I did make a wrong decision? Is it okay for me to have made a mistake?” And then let it go. Getting comfortable with making mistakes could have entirely been the lesson! But we are always making the best decisions we have access to at the moment.

5. Finally, go easy on yourself.

Like a friend of mine likes to say, “Life is a hard hat zone. We are always under construction”.

You are not who you were yesterday and you are not who you will be tomorrow. So, make peace with that. Life is full of second chances. We are always in a state of evolution.

In learning how to walk, you had to crawl first, and maybe you wobbled and skinned your knees a few times. But eventually, you found your bearings and trusted your stability. As tiny as you were, you were able to stand straight and put one foot in front of the other as you moved forward.

Not so far off from what it’s like as an adult.

Want to submit a post? Read the submission guidelines and then send it to Lori at email @ tinybuddha.com.

by Sonya Derian, of Om Freely

“A ‘No’ uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a ‘Yes’ merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble.”  ~Gandhi

I was having dinner with a friend of mine a couple weeks ago when I asked her about a group she was considering joining. I wanted to know how it was going and what she decided.

“You know”, she said, “I realized after the first group that I’m not that passionate about it. So, I’m not going to do it. I’d rather make my time available for something that matters more to me.”

Aside from this being a healthy choice, it was also a very conscious and deliberate choice. She chose in the direction of her passion.

How many of us take what is handed to us, follow what is put in front of us or say yes to things that don’t really align with who we are or what we want in our lives?

I’m a huge fan of the word yes.

But I also realize that sometimes we say yes to things that don’t matter to us. We pass the time with the word yes, and don’t really utilize our choice in the matter.

I had a teacher who used to tell me “Your ‘Yes’s mean nothing until you learn how to say ‘No’.”

My assignment for a month was to say no to everything. Or at the very least to tell people, “I’ll think about it and get back to you.” This was very difficult for me because I wanted to be all things to all people. To not say yes on the spot was to risk disapproval.

But after the initial discomfort I found it quite liberating.

No, I can’t do that. No, I don’t have time. No, I’m not interested. No, it’s not a match. No, maybe another time. No, I need more. No, but how about this?

If you say yes to everything, never discerning the right yes for you, what difference does it make what you’re saying yes to? Your yes loses its authority.

Learning the power of the word no is about learning the power of discernment and becoming deliberate in your choices. You have to get rid of the old before you can take on the new. You have to say no to the things that don’t serve you to make room for the yes in your life that does.

Why is this so difficult for some of us?

Because it forces us to be deciders.

It forces us to choose. In forcing us to choose, it makes us very conscious of what we’re choosing. In being very conscious of what we’re choosing, we become vulnerable or fearful that what we want might not be available to us.

Easier to say yes to what’s coming your way than to actively choose to say no and risk realizing you can’t have what you want.
Right?

Even if that’s the case, what would be so wrong with learning how to make deliberate choices in the direction of our desires, anyway?

What would be so wrong with just pausing on an automatic yes to consider, “Is this what I really want? Is this something I’m passionate about?” And then thinking it through before making a final decision?

Because, the thing is, sometimes we say yes to things because we are afraid it’s is as good as it gets.

So, then the question becomes one of faith: Do we believe we can have what we want? Do we have the ability to receive our good?

Or have we so cluttered our lives with small yes’s that we miss out on the one yes that truly matters?

Take some time to consider what you are saying yes to. Ask yourself, “is my heart in this? Or can I let this go to make room for something that matters more?”

Then realize that it’s not the “something” that matters more. It’s that you matter more, and it’s time to simply decide.

And trust.

Want to contribute a post? Read our submission guidelines then drop us a line at email @ tinybuddha.com.

by Lori Deschene

“To get something you never had, you  have to do something you never did.” ~Unknown

You’d like to start presenting to clients, but you’re afraid of looking like a deer in the headlights if they ask questions you can’t answer. So you keep thinking about it, waiting for a time when you feel more prepared. More ready. More in control.

You’ve considered telling your friends you want to publish your novel, but you can’t stand them knowing you failed if things don’t pan out. So you keep it inside, protecting your ego but reinforcing to yourself that you likely can’t do it.

You’ve decided you don’t want that job you dreamed of as a kid, but the thought of everyone thinking you gave up makes you queasy. So you keep chasing a rainbow that no longer excites you. Half in it, half curious what else is out there, but wholly sure you’ll look better if you stay the course.

The potential for embarrassment motivates people to do and avoid all kinds of things against their better judgment. Statistics show more people fear public speaking than death–meaning they’d rather be hit by a bus than potentially look foolish in front of a crowd.

Research also indicates a majority of the people who get divorced had a strong feeling before getting married it wasn’t a good idea, but honored their promise to avoid embarrassment.

You may not have made a lifetime commitment to save face, but if you’re like most people you’ve limited yourself to avoid that palm-sweating, heart-racing, demoralizing feeling of vulnerability at least once in your life. And you’ll have countless other opportunities to make that decision again–all moments when you can choose control or possibility.

Your boss will ask your opinion in a meeting, giving you a chance to clam up or shine. Your colleague will ask you to speak at a fundraiser, giving you a chance to cower or inspire. Your friend will ask you to join her in volley ball, giving you a chance to limit or stretch yourself.

Every day you’ll have a chance to put yourself out there to get something you want, or may not yet realize will change your world for the better. Something that could change your feelings about your potential. Something that could infuse your life with excitement, passion, and meaning.

Of course there are no guarantees when you take a risk. You could put yourself out there and find people unimpressed–but that’s actually a good sign. Everyone who has ever changed the world stood awkwardly, on sea legs to a radio-silent reception at least one time in their lives. The willingness to look foolish is a veritable prerequisite to being happy and fulfilled.

You can reject all opportunities to avoid being judged–only doing what you’re sure will impress–if you don’t mind creating a predictable tomorrow that looks a lot like yesterday. Or you can let yourself be awkward, uncomfortable, gawky, uncoordinated, unpolished, and imperfect from time to time to find out what it feels like on the other side of vulnerable.

If you’ve been there before, you already know: what’s on the other side feels like being alive.

Do happy. It’s something you’re due.

by Jamie Hoang

“You can do what’s reasonable or you can decide what’s possible.” ~Unknown

When I was in grade school I remember my teacher had us write down what we wanted to be when we grew up. Honestly, at the time I had no idea. I didn’t know exactly what I wanted to be, but I knew I wanted to be doing something important so I jotted down careers that, in my young mind, equaled success: doctor, lawyer, dolphin trainer, firefighter, astronaut etc.

Then life happened and all of a sudden I was 24, working for the man, and in a serious relationship that seemed to leave me feeling miserable more often than not. Where was that wide-eyed little girl who could have been anything?

I was at the point in my life where I actually had to make a decision about who I wanted to be. I could be a writer and share my wisdom with the world—but wait, what wisdom do I have? I had no great life changing stories or lessons that others could learn from. I was ordinary and borderline boring.

Not wanting to be such a dull person, I felt a sudden thirst for knowledge, but not the kind you get from textbooks. Real world knowledge. I needed to travel.

The rational/reasonable side of my brain told me that I was being ridiculous. I couldn’t travel! I barely made enough to cover my monthly expenses! The reasonable thing would have been to find a higher paying job so that I could actually save some money for travel. But who was I kidding? A higher paying job just leads to a nicer apartment, finer dining, and twice as many bills.

As luck would have it, a friend of mine was planning a trip to Machu Picchu in the winter and was looking for a travel companion. Without hesitation I hoped on Expedia.com and before I knew it I had purchased a round trip ticket to Peru.

I found someone to sublet my LA apartment for the month, used vacation days so as to still collect a paycheck, and traveled to Peru spending the same amount of money as I would have spent on my daily living expenses.

Sometimes it is best to make a spontaneous leap, throwing reason out the window, believing you will land on your two feet.

Think about speeding ticket. Who has money reserved to pay for speeding tickets? No one—but when you get that ticket, somehow you manage to scrape together money to pay the fine, right?  Think along those same lines and your trip becomes nothing more than a very large traffic fine (or four, if you decide to travel to Europe).

That being said, I am not advocating being irresponsible. It’s just that where’ there’s a will, there’s usually a way.

In one year I traveled to: San Francisco, Washington DC, Peru, Jamaica, Thailand, Cambodia, Vietnam, London, and Paris. Phew, that’s a mouthful!

I know what you’re thinking; I must be miss moneybags, with wealthy parents or a trust fund. I’m not. I don’t have any financial assistance whatsoever and I made $24k this past year. How did I do it? I made the leap and then was forced to cut out the unnecessary minor luxuries a normal 24 year old would have. No $70 bar tabs, no cable TV, a downgraded cell phone plan, cooking at home, packing a lunch—all of these small things add up.

We have all kinds of reasons for why we can’t do things but I think you will find that when you take that sharp turn towards something you really want, you will figure out how to make the rest of your life fall into place.

So do yourself a favor and issue yourself a “life” ticket. You can find a way.

by Sonya Derian

“More powerful than the will to win is the courage to begin.” ~Unknown

I’ve spoken with a number of people recently who are doing something that is “just okay” with their lives but who really want to be doing something else. They feel an urgency to break free and go for it, even though they haven’t defined “it.”

I think a lot of people, if not currently there, understand this. It’s in our nature to move toward greater expression. When we’re not moving in a forward direction, we question ourselves, wondering what we’re doing with our lives—and what we’re waiting for.

And yet nothing changes.

Part of the issue is knowing where to start. The other part is fear of the unknown. Both can prevent you from committing.

The nature of commitment is in staying the course, going the distance, falling and getting back up again, continuing onward.

The question is: what are you committed to? Sometimes we mistakenly commit ourselves to the outcome without committing ourselves first to the process.

For example, I know a person who talks about the book in his head. It’s going to be a best seller.  It’s going to be made into a movie and it’s going to make him millions of dollars.

But he hasn’t even written the first chapter. He’s committed to the outcome before being committed to the process. The process would be showing up at the page. That’s the commitment.

Outcome is all about “getting there.” It’s ego based. It’s about winning the prize. Gaining the acknowledgement. Accepting the praise. Process is all about “being here”.  It’s humble, lowly, and scary.

But only by committing to the process can we arrive at the outcome.

Therein lays the commitment.

So, the question is: what are you committed to?

We want to make it a bigger question than it is, but sometimes the commitment is simply to show up. I had a teacher who used to tell me “Show up for your success.” And that was her message to me. Over and over again. If I showed up, I fulfilled my commitment.

For most of us, when we’re not advancing in some way or utilizing our full potential we feel stagnant—like we’re moving backwards, which is very much against our nature. We made an agreement with ourselves that we are here to move forward. To express. To experience. To expand.

When we’re not, we feel like we are somehow failing the commitment we have to ourselves.

But if you don’t know what you’re committed to, you can’t possibly progress. A great start is to ask yourself, “What is the one thing that would upset me if, at the end of my life, I do not attempt, do, or complete?”

If there’s an immediate answer, you must commit to that. If there’s no immediate answer, you  may be feeling an unnecessary pressure to create a great masterpiece, when in all reality, you just have to start by doodling. And let it take shape, gain momentum, and morph into an amazing creation you didn’t realize you were capable of.

All it takes to get there is commitment.

You won’t hit a home run every time you get up to swing—but that’s the only way you can create the possibility of a run. Even if you miss. Or bunt. Or strike out. Your commitment is to go through the process—not to get the perfect outcome every time. Sooner or later you’re going to get the perfect ball. Make it past first base. And join the team that will help you go all the way.

All because you got up to the plate and took hold of the bat.

The question is, are you willing? Are you willing to get in the game?

Even if it’s humbling? Even if there’s a learning curve? Even if there is no guarantee of success? Even if you’re afraid? Even if the steps seem insignificant? Even if you don’t know what you’re doing?

Are you still willing to show up? Are you still willing to move forward? Are you still willing to do it anyway?

Because that is the commitment. That’s the price of admission. That’s what it takes to make something happen.

You have to show up. In fact, your only job is to show up and continue showing up. Put one foot in front of the other and stay the course. Even if you don’t know if you’re doing it right. Even if you don’t know if you’ll ever get there. Even if you don’t know where it will lead.

The most important thing is that you’re willing to find out.

by Lori Deschene

“Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other’s eyes for a minute?” ~Henry David Thoreau

You’re riding on the subway, immersed in a book. You’re running in the park, lost in your iPod. You’re waiting in line at Starbucks, fixated on the menu.

Sometimes we act like we’re completely alone, even when  surrounded by lots of people. It’s like we’re following an unspoken rule that suggests we shouldn’t look at each other, at least not for too long.

It happens all the time: you suddenly make eye contact with someone you don’t know, and your discomfort compels you to avert your eyes. If you do manage a smile, it’s probably perfunctory, without real joy and affection behind it. Those are emotions you reserve for people you  know–people you’re more intimate with.

Some studies have indicated people who live in cities are less apt to make eye contact with strangers than people who live in suburbs. This may be a response to crowding; when you feel you don’t have enough personal space, you’re more protective of it.

If there’s truth to that hypothesis, it’s somewhat ironic. You move to a city to experience the life that pulsates through it; and respond by shutting down in everyday situations.

Resist the urge to shutdown. Instead of walking with your eyes glued to your feet, hold your head high and connect with people. Really see them and let them see you. If you’re not a confident person, connecting for more than one second may feel incredibly difficult. Just try.

When you make a genuine connection you acknowledge the person in front of you is real and worthy. You remind both them and yourself that no one operates in a vacuum. That the world is so much larger than the constructs we operate within: our families, our teams at work, our friends. And lastly, you foster the type of spirit that stays open to possibilities.

When you look a little longer you see more–more in other people, more within yourself, and more within your reach.

Do happy. It’s something you’re due.

by Lori Deschene

“Uncertainty is the only certainty there is, and knowing how to live with insecurity is the only security.” ~John Allen Paulos

I used to love uncertainty. I wandered my way all around this country with little more than a suitcase and a journal. Committing to anything felt limiting, suffocating even.

One day I realized it wasn’t enlightenment that pushed me to embrace the unknown; it was a paralyzing fear of creating something certain. You can’t disappoint people when you don’t form relationships with them, and you can’t fail when you never start.

So one day I decided to do the scariest things I could imagine: settle into one place, get a steady job, and start forming real relationships.

Which lasted for a while until the economic meltdown rocked my world. Now I’m back in a place of uncertainty, like so many other people.

Almost everyone I know has had to make at least a few changes to their life because of the economy. People have lost their jobs, homes, and in some cases, their sense of identity.

It’s both terrifying and exciting to have a blank page in front of you. Sometimes we need reminders to see it as the latter.

Here’s how I’m learning to let go without losing what I felt I’ve gained these past few years:

1. Consider the idea of permanent uncertainty.

Certainty is actually just an illusion. Think about it: is there ever a time when you know for sure how things will unfold? Even with the best preparation, you can’t control everything in the universe. Job security is subject to industry and company shifts. Relationships transform as people grow and change how they see the world and what they want out of it.

There are never any guarantees—even when you think you have it all figured out. When you don’t know what the future will hold, you’re actually dealing with life as it always is: yours to live and create moment by moment, day by day.

2. Stop waiting for something external.

In a post on Raptitude, David wrote about the theatrical convention known as Deus ex machina—or “God in a Machine.” As David explains, it’s “a reference to the ancient playwright Euripedes’ dubious habit of using a pulley system to lower an actor dressed up as God onto the stage, to solve the problems of the characters and wrap up the story.”

We often wait for our own Deus ex machina in life—a big break, a soul mate who makes us feel complete. This allows us to believe there is something good down the line instead of actively creating that something. The only sense of certainty we can experience in life is the result of our own efforts. That’s actually an empowering thought if you think about it.

3. See the benefits of releasing attachment.

If you’ve formed an attachment to something, odds are you’ve decided it’s a necessary component to your desired life—the home where you feel safe, the relationship that gives you love and support. Now look at it from a different perspective: when you are attached to less, you open yourself up to more than you can imagine.

For example, I had to give up my apartment. I could have held onto the past, wishing I didn’t have to leave, or feel excitement about the potential for something even better. Corny but true: a flower can’t grow if it clings to its roots.

4. Reconnect with the constants in your life.

Even though there are no guarantees, you likely have a few constants that won’t change in the near future: your health, your mental capacity, your family and friends. At the end of the day, nothing matters without these things. You can have the best house in the world, but it becomes a prison if you’re alone. Your job may offer a million perks, but you won’t enjoy them if you’re not strong in mind and body.

Focus on those gifts–because that’s what they are. Even thinking about my gratitude gives me a profound sense of strength and humility. Two things I need right now.

5. Accept constant imperfection.

I think a lot of people have this illusion that someday everything will be OK. One day they’ll have the home, the relationship, the career, the status, and from then on it will be smooth sailing. I know if I’ve indulged this fantasy. This causes us to metaphorically hold our breath, waiting for that moment when we’re finally able to be happy.

If we can accept, however, that things will never be perfect—that we’ll gain, and lose, and grow, and regress, and smile, and cry, and learn, and forget—we’ll be better able to embrace the present moment. We are all ever-changing works in progress, and so are the lives we lead.

No matter how much you’ve learned or how strong you’ve become, on any given day, you could allow your emotions to get the better of you. Applying knowledge never gets easy; it always takes strength, humility, and mindfulness to be truly present and to forge ahead despite your fear. I’m working on that today. Can you relate?

by Sonya Derian

“Don’t wait for your feelings to change to take the action. Take the action and your feelings will change.” ~Barbara Baron

A few months ago, I challenged myself with Adventure Boot Camp. I thought, “What would be more challenging than waking up at five in the morning and working out with a group of ladies for an hour, four days a week?”

And I have to say, it was tough! I couldn’t walk for 3 days.

But as the days progressed and my muscles acclimated, it occurred to me: I’m someone who can roll out of bed at 5 AM and within a half hour, lift 8-pound weights over my head while jogging a track. I didn’t know that I could do that!

That’s the thing about taking an action. You don’t know that you can do it until you do it. And then you become someone who does it.

That’s how we grow into new lives.

How often do you stop yourself from doing something, waiting for something else to change before you move forward? You think you need to wait until you’re more prepared, knowledgeable, financially savvy, confident, secure—or insert excuse—to take the action. But then you never get to that place and never take the action. Then 5 years pass and you’re still talking about it, feeling “not ready yet.”

Sound right?

Maybe you feel a sense of urgency to step out, own your power and live our out loud, but aren’t sure what your purpose or path is. So you stop yourself because of the feelings you might confront. It’s easier if you know what you’re doing first. That lets you feel more confident moving forward. Like you won’t make a fool or yourself. Like what you’re doing is “right.”

But what if there’s never that guarantee? What if the only way to find out is by doing it? What if the only way to gain confidence is to do the thing we you’re not yet confident enough to do? What if the only way to gain knowledge is to jump in and find out what you need to learn? What if the only way to get more prepared is to prepare as much as possible, and then learn the rest as you go?

There is always something in us that knows and knows that it knows. We have an inner compass that knows the way. The only way to get feedback from this knowing is through being engaged. Not in our head. Not in our mind. Not in theory but in action. In real time.

It’s like that game we played as kids. Someone hides something, and you go looking for it, waiting to hear “hotter” or “colder” or  maybe even “boiling hot!” as you move. Those little pieces of guidance help you figure out whether you’re getting close or not.

The only way to find that item is to start looking not. You can sit around and plan, waiting for the stars to align just right. But you won’t get any feedback until you actually start moving and looking.

Your inner compass does the same. It will always give you feedback on what you need to know, what you need to do differently, what you need to do next—as long as you get out of your head and get moving.

Whatever it is you want to do, it starts with getting out of your comfort zone. You’re not one small person waiting to create big change. You’re a powerful person wanting to create small change. You have tremendous power to create in this world; but just like the energy vortex that exists behind an outlet, that power is useless until you plug it in.

Plug it in.

Sign up for that class. Make the call. Face your taxes. Put up that website, even if it’s not perfect. Pay for the membership—just get on board. Have the difficult conversation. Place the ad. Send off the resume. Go to that networking event. Make the introduction. Get your book-keeping in order. Dust off the manuscript. Distribute the flyer. Get rid of the clutter. Go on that date. Take the trip. Call the publisher. Make the collection call. Ask for the raise. Publish the article. Make the speech. Take the test. Schedule the visit. Call the creditors. Fill in the blank—it’s yours to determine.

Do that thing you’ve been putting off. Don’t wait for your feelings to change to take the action. Just take the action and see how your feelings change.

And remember: you are not doing this for the outcome, although there will be an outcome. You are doing this because you are the creator in your life and you have decided that now is as good a time as any to jump in.