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by Lori Deschene

“Peace is not something you wish for. It’s something you make, something you do, something you are, and something you give away.” ~Robert Fulghum

Recently I’ve been spending a lot of time visiting 1000 Awesome Things, a blog devoted to the many simple pleasures in life. Some of them remind me of being a kid, like this one about celebrities on Sesame Street. Others remind of me I’m stronger than I think, like this one about getting through difficult situations.

With that in mind, you can imagine how excited I am to receive a copy of Neil’s upcoming book, aptly named The Book of Awesome. I’m even more excited that I’ll be able to give away two autographed copies when I write my review. (Coming soon!)

In the meantime, as a way to pay tribute to this awesome book and my awesome new friend, I’ve decided to create my own awesome list, tinybuddha style.

Here are 50 peaceful things to help you be mindful and happy throughout the day:

1. Laying in bed for a few minutes in the morning before hopping into your day. There’s no reason to rush.

2. Eating breakfast slowly, at a table, instead of grabbing something on the go.

3. Listening to your favorite music on the way to work, and remembering when you first heard it. Where you were, who you were with, how you felt.

4. Hugging someone you know long enough to make it meaningful.

5. Appreciating something you take for granted, like your feet for taking you where you need to go.

6. Focusing solely on the smell of your coffee as it brews.

7. Noticing something thoughtful a stranger does for someone else. (There are a lot of beautiful people out there).

8. Watching a coworker get proud about doing something well and feeling happy for them. Nothing’s more calming than focusing on someone else and forgetting yourself for a while.

9. Getting into the zone typing, like finger-moving meditation, maybe set the rhythm of a great tune on your iPod.

10. Doing only one thing, even though you have a lot to do, to fully enjoy what you’re doing.

11. Knowing you did a good job and taking a few minutes to bask in self satisfaction. You’re pretty awesome.

12. Expressing how you feel and then letting it be without feeling pressure to explain (pressure we usually put on ourselves).

13. Taking a break without anything to do besides breathing and noticing little details in your environment. How soft the rug is after having been cleaned. How sunlight from your window leaves shadows on your desk.

14. Holding someone’s hand in both of yours when you thank them.

15. Listening to someone talk–really hearing them–without thinking about what you’ll say next.

16. Remembering a time when you felt peaceful, and going back there in your head.

17. Writing a thoughtful, hand-written note to someone, even if you could email, because you feel more connected when you write it out.

18. Channeling your inner Kevin Rose and savoring a cup of loose leaf tea.

19. Forgiving someone, not just in words, but by feeling compassion for them.

20. Writing down thoughts that keep racing through your head, crumpling up the paper, and throwing it away. Being done with them.

21. Letting yourself have lunch without any thoughts of work.

22. Doing something slowly and finding it more fun than you realized when you rushed through it.

23. Holding a smooth rock in your palm and feeling stable and grounded.

24. Believing someone else when they say everything will be OK.

25. Feeling whatever you feel without judging it, knowing it will pass. It always does.

26. Making a short video of your child or niece, and watching it in the middle of the day when the world seems to be moving too fast.

27. Watching something in nature and letting yourself be intrigued. Feeling wonder at something simple that man hasn’t touched or changed.

28. Finding something beautiful in chaos, like the love between your loud family members at the dinner table, or one raindrop dripping down your window as you navigate a traffic-congested road.

29. Thinking something and realizing you can change your thoughts whenever you want. You don’t have to dwell in a painful memory–you can make a better one right now.

30. Telling someone you love them, not because you want to hear it back, but because you feel it too deeply not to express it. Because expressing it makes you happy.

31. Realizing there’s nothing to worry about. You can be happy right now–you have everything you need to smile.

32. Doing something creative and childlike, like making someone a card or coloring. Even as an adult, it feels good to pick all the right colors and stay mostly in the lines. Or go out of the lines and embrace it. It’s your picture!

33. Giving someone you love the benefit of the doubt to put your mind at ease and maintain a peaceful relationship.

34. Rolling down the window when you drive and feeling the pressure of the cool air on your face.

35. Calling one of your parents in the middle of the day to thank them for everything they’ve done–everything they’ve given you that one crazy afternoon can’t diminish or take away.

36. Taking a walk with no destination in mind, just to see what’s out there to be seen.

37. Letting go of something you’ve been holding onto that does nothing but stress you out.

38. Telling someone why knowing them makes you lucky.

39. Letting someone have their opinion; knowing you can honor it without changing or compromising yours.

40. Setting out on a joy mission–looking for something to do solely to experience fully present, open-to-possibilities bliss.

41. Defining peaceful for yourself. If peace is yelling, “I’m the king of the world!” while jogging around a track, do it with abandon.

42. Listening to a song that gives you goosebumps and creating a mental montage of moments that made you happy.

43. Turning off all your electronics to read without distractions.

44. Doing something by candlelight and remembering a simpler time.

45. Closing your eyes and dancing to a song you can feel pulsating in your veins.

46. Turning off your cell phone, no matter who might call or text, because there’s something you’d like to do with all your heart and attention.

47. Sitting in a sauna, and letting the heat melt all your stresses away.

48. Finally making time for something you want to do but always say you don’t have time for.

49. Making eye contact with a stranger and feeling connected to a world larger than your own.

50. Letting yourself lay in bed at night without making a mental inventory of things that went wrong today or could go wrong tomorrow.

And one last peaceful thing: being grateful for new friends with awesome ideas, and letting them inspire you.

by Sam Russell

“What is not started today is never finished tomorrow.” ~Goethe

As a cynic, I’m unsurprisingly cynical about such a statement.

I’m a serial procrastinator—avoiding things is what I do, and I’m left wondering if good old Goethe was hiding the fact that he was potentially stumped with writer’s block, immersed in a bunch of chores he didn’t want to do and occasionally depressed.

He had a point, admittedly: if you don’t get up and do it, it’ll never get done. We avoid things for a lot of reasons; some things are huge and can be quite scary. Other things are relatively insignificant and often leave us wondering why we ran from them to begin with.

It’s easier said than done, though, isn’t it? If I got up and started today (finishing by tomorrow if all goes to plan), I would have written this over a week ago. There were things in the way that stopped me from harnessing my get-up-and-go. Like depression. Self-doubt. Su-doku.

I’ve started using Goethe’s maxim to clear away the small, annoying stuff that I’ll never be free of if I don’t start clearing them today. Which means that I’ll never get round to doing the stuff I really want to do:

1. Start embracing three positive things from your day.

This article—A Scientific Perspective on Happiness; Rules in Your Head—will tell you all you need to know. I’ve been using it for about two weeks and have already seen the difference it’s made in my attitude: I feel happier and proud that I can now bake vegan cookies successfully. No more masses of gooey dough in my oven.

Knowing that you achieved three things in your day that made you feel good and knowing why you achieved them helps evict the Doubt Monster—meaning that it won’t be in your way so often.

2.  Don’t force it.

I’m guilty of believing that you have to be authoritarian with yourself in order to achieve; but all it does is make you feel worse if you don’t reach the often unrealistic goals you set yourself. Don’t be so harsh on yourself; it can take time before you’re ready to do those things.

3.  Purge the frustration tank.

You know what I mean, right? You sit down to revise your budget and every single digit is sitting on the page laughing, throwing paper planes and blowing raspberries at you. You forget to pencil in your train fare; fail to see you didn’t carry the one about thirty sums back; and you’ve just realised your insurance company has been leeching more money from you than you’re comfortable with.

So you quit with the budget and stomp off to make a cup of tea, unable to face the torment again.

Take a scrap of paper and write down all of the things that are bugging you—it doesn’t matter how trivial. Ticking clocks drive me insane. Write them all down. Don’t miss anything. Once you’ve completed the list, tear it up and throw it in the bin.

I burn mine. Or, you could sit down and tell your pet everything that irritates you; cats are always the best listeners. With your frustrations vented, you’ll feel better prepared for tackling that budget with a clearer head.

4.  Commit random acts of creativity.

You don’t have to be a world class artist, writer or musician to create. I commit myself to an hour a day to creating something, whether it’s clearer notes from my saxophone, fresh brownies, a charcoal sketch or a few paragraphs of a story.

Putting aside that space allows me to express myself without anyone else’s vested interests. Think about it: When do you get to express yourself instead of other people? Their views, feelings, needs – we spend a lot of time expressing and fulfilling those, so isn’t it about time we did the same for ourselves?

Procrastinating isn’t a bad thing. Avoiding the bigger issue to clear away the debris of a noisy, unhappy mind is a positive and healthy thing to do. That will make it a lot easier to start with the bigger things tomorrow.

Have something to share with our 63,000  followers? Read our submission guidelines and send your guest post to email @ tinybuddha.com.

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by Lori Deschene

“In a gentle way, you can shake the world.” ~Gandhi

Both the industrial and digital revolutions promised increased productivity, meaning people could work less and live a more balanced life. We all know that’s not how history has played out.

Even as technology advances, we work longer hours than ever—and ironically, struggle financially and accrue more debt with each passing year.

If you haven’t noticed adverse effects on your personal relationships or the other areas of your life, you’ll likely keep plowing full-steam ahead—and only stop when you have a compelling reason.

So here’s my proposition: work as often as you damn well please! It’s your life; these are your moments to fill and hopefully enjoy. But if you find yourself feeling stressed or detached from the present moment—if you sense life is passing you by as you complete spreadsheets and eat at your desk—you may benefit from one of these ideas to slow down throughout the day:

10. Eat slowly.

This is a tough one for me. I devour food—always have. But I’ve found that eating more mindfully can be a meditative practice. Chew every bite more, analyze tastes like you’re a foodie, and generally savor the experience. It likely won’t add more than 10 minutes to your meal time, yet it will give you the chance to seep into the moment.

9. Do nothing for 15 minutes after waking up.

Have you ever opened your eyes and immediately pulled out your iPhone or laptop? Or how about this: do you roll out of bed two seconds after waking, having already created a 10-item to-do list in your head? Taking 15 minutes to just lay with your thoughts allows you to ease into your day without such a sense of urgency.

8. Stare at a photo online instead of reading an article.

We’re knowledge seekers, which is a great thing. The more we learn, the more we understand and grow. However, the digital era presents a unique challenge: with so much information available it’s tempting to seek knowledge far more often than you apply it. Instead of learning something new on your lunch break, kick back and appreciate a beautiful image. Stillness is the answer to many of the questions you’ve been asking.

7. Choose an activity you usually multi-task and do only that.

(Previously mentioned in 8 Ways to Stay Present & Focused in a Tech-Driven World). Choose one task to complete mindfully today, and maybe add to that tomorrow. My favorite is folding laundry. It’s warm, clean, and most importantly done. Since I have an overactive mind, I need to tell myself certain things to stay in the moment: Enjoying this moment is my only task; there is nowhere to get to—only right now to be; nothing exists but this laundry in front of me (obviously not true, but it keeps me grounded.)

6. Stare at your turned-off-TV for 10 minutes before turning it on.

A lot of us fill our downtime catching up on TiVoed favorites. Absorbed by external stimulation, you miss out on the opportunity to connect with yourself—and before you know it, an hour’s gone by, and you have to get back to work. Or your kids. Or dinner. Before you get to your show, take a few minutes to just sit there and breathe. Use the screen as a canvas for visualization. Project your daydreams onto the tube, and sit with that for a few.

5. Block a half-hour of unplanned time in your planner.

Don’t plan to take a walk or meditate (although those aren’t bad ideas). Instead, plan to do whatever you end up doing. Get up, walk around, and see where that takes you. Maybe you’ll end up helping your neighbor wash his car, or playing jump rope with your niece. Nothing makes you feel present like spontaneity.

4. Write Parkinson’s Law somewhere you can see it often: “Work expands to fill the time available for its completion.”

Maybe you really need 10+ hours a day to get everything on your to-do list done. Or maybe you’re stretching your work to fill longer hours because society associates so many positive things with busyness. This saying reminds me to limit my work and still get it done so I can then focus on other things.

3. Notice the sights when you drive.

Have you ever watched a frantic driver bob in and out of traffic, passing and merging, only to find him right beside you at the red light? If road rage saves time, it’s generally not much—and it usually isn’t worth the stress it creates. Play some soothing music, notice license plates, bumper stickers, and the scenery, and allow yourself to enjoy this time.

2. Metaphorically toss your phone in the ocean for a half-hour every day.

I love the classic movie scene where the overworked protagonist tosses her phone into the ocean, or a fountain, or out the window and reclaims her sense of freedom. It’s not easy to disconnect from our always-on world, but the benefits of being unreachable make it worth the initial discomfort.

1. Say no.

Saying yes can open you up to new possibilities, but saying no can gives you a chance for me-time: an hour when you don’t have to keep any commitments or please anyone else; or a half-hour when you can just kick back and do absolutely nothing.

—

Small changes throughout your day can slow down your pace without killing your productivity. Go ahead and keep getting things done–just remember you don’t need to do it all in a panicked state of stress. If you find a more peaceful process you’ll likely be both happier and more effective.

Interested in contributing? Read our submission guidelines and drop us a line at email @ tinybuddha.com.

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by Rachel Whalley

“I am not what happens to me. I choose who I become.” ~Carl Jung

Recently I experienced a big shock—the kind that most of us don’t encounter very often.

I was with a friend when I discovered evidence of a physical disaster near my home. I did not, at that time, know any of the details, nor did I know what kind of impact it might have on my own life.

Now, normally, I am a person who likes, even needs, to process my emotional impact verbally. In other words, I really like to talk things out. (What else would you expect from a professional therapist, right?)

But in this circumstance, I found myself unwilling to talk about my inner workings at all. My friend who was with me was even a little frustrated. She couldn’t understand why I shut down. I didn’t even know, myself.

So What Happened?

Later though, as I recovered from the feeling of shock, and that first big emotional wallop, I had some insight into my own process.

Usually, I am pretty grounded. I know how I feel pretty quickly, and I’m agile and adaptable, able to examine my shifting thoughts and feelings within a few minutes.

When something like that shock hits me, though, I don’t know how I feel. I hear lots of my inner parts giving all different kinds of feelings and ideas. I can feel my Core Self listening to them, kind of like a trained cop handling tens of panicky witnesses.

And I discovered that the reason I didn’t want to talk about these thoughts and feelings as they came up was because I didn’t want to commit to any of them. I could have explored any one of those thoughts and followed it down the rabbit hole, getting worked up about a particular story.

In that vulnerable state where I still wasn’t grounded enough to know what I believed, I sent up my boundaries so that I could calm the riotous crowd inside me until I knew what thoughts and emotion I decided to allow to fully exist.

How Did I Do That?

This may sound like some kind of zen mentalist magic, but the truth is that anyone can learn to do this.

In her book Emotional Alchemy, author Tara Bennett-Goleman talks about “the very latest research in neuroscience–including the neurological ‘magic quarter second,’ during which it is possible for a thought to be ‘caught’ before it turns into an emotional reaction.”

It’s so much easier to nip a feeling in the bud, before it really takes root and spreads throughout my system and I have to go digging up the entire weedy garden.

Dr. Carl Jung knew, more than fifty years ago, that such mindfulness was possible. I’m so grateful to live in an age where the tools to achieve it are so readily available, so that each of us who wishes to can achieve true peace.

Interested in contributing? Read our submission guidelines and drop us a line at email @ tinybuddha.com.

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by Lori Deschene

Last week I had the honor of lunching with my friend new friend Meng, whose Google business card reads, “Jolly Good Fellow.” We met at a Project Happiness event, and I was taken by his warmth and kindness.

A practicing Buddhist, Meng was one of the first engineers at Google. He now runs Google University’s School of Personal Growth, when he’s not taking pictures with luminaries and celebrities.

Meng has a plan to create world peace by making meditation accessible to the masses. Through meditating, you can reduce your stress, create a clearer mental state, and develop a heightened sense of compassion. Still, it’s not a widely adopted practice. He believes people would be more likely to embrace meditation if it were considered a science, like medicine, as opposed to a spiritual practice; and if it became widely accepted as integral to our overall health and well-being, like exercise.

Though many people have written about the benefits of meditation, it’s not yet aligned with our lives like fitness is. Your workplace may offer you a gym membership—or even access to a gym on site—but odds are meditation isn’t part of your benefits package.

The key to bringing meditation to the mainstream, according to Meng, is highlighting how it can improve your emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence, or EI, refers to your ability to recognize, evaluate, and manage emotions. It helps you understand your feelings and regulate them so you can use them to your benefit, not your detriment. EI also helps you empathize with people, since you can recognize their emotions, and communicate with them effectively.

Psychologist and New York Times science writer Daniel Goleman cemented the connection between EI and success with his book Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ.

According to Goleman, 67% of the competencies required for effective leadership are emotional, including vision, adaptability, empathy, optimism and self awareness.

I can see why Meng believes people would be more interested in meditation if they understood how it could help them become more effective and successful. Our society values professional growth far more than personal development. However, the latter often influences the former. When you’re happy, clear-headed, and open-minded, you’re more creative, and you work better with other people.

Weighing this against all the other benefits of meditation—physical, psychological, and spiritual—I’ve decided to commit to a consistent practice. I practice yoga four times weekly, but I don’t meditate very often. If you’re anything like me, you may also find it hard to sit still and quiet your mind.

You may even feel resistant to trying. It’s clear that it’s well worth it to push through the resistance. Not just for you and me, but for the people around us.

I’ve come up with 5 ideas to make meditating a little easier. I’m assuming you already know the basics: set a consistent meditation routine, find a quiet space, start with just five minutes and gradually increase. From there, I recommend:

1. Write things down before you meditate.

As soon as I sit down to meditate, I start thinking about everything that happened in my day, everything I need to do later, and everything I could or should be doing right then. Thinking about these things almost feels urgent, like I’m solving something by doing it.

It helps me to take 5–10 minutes before meditating to write down whatever is on my mind, stream-of-consciously-style. If I start thinking about any of that while meditating, I remind myself I can access it all in my notes when I’m done clearing my head—when I’ll be more effective in utilizing that information.

2. Do it your way.

You may have a vision in your head of what meditation looks like: sit with crossed legs on a pillow, listen to chanting music, light aromatherapy oils. None of that is required. The only way to make meditation a consistent practice is to create a ritual you enjoy.

If you feel like lying down, lie down (though you’re more apt to fall asleep this way). If you feel like being outside, go out. All that matters is that you’re eventually able to find a sense of quiet and stillness within. Figure out what makes you relaxed and go with it.

3. Use the Google Earth method of mindfulness.

I only gave it this name after visiting Google last week. (There was a partially enclosed unit that allowed you step into the virtual globe.) With Google Earth you can start high above the terrain and then narrow onto a specific city, a specific street, a specific building.

I do the same thing before I meditate to ground myself in my environment. I start by noticing the biggest details, like the paintings on the wall, and then move my focus from smaller to smallest—like a single fiber in my carpet. This level of mindfulness helps me stay present when I close my eyes.

3. Concentrate on any one thing.

Conventional wisdom dictates you should focus on your breath, but I’m not always able to think only about breathing. It helps me to choose one peaceful image to keep in my mind—something still, like the ocean or a sleeping baby.

Another idea is to create a vision that represents your main incentive for meditating, and then focus on that. This will kill two birds with one stone: help you focus, and remind you why you’re doing it.

4. Breathe into different parts of your body.

Your mind may wander when you’re meditating. Our minds are used to assessing, problem solving, worrying, and planning, among a host of other busy mental activities. If it happens, try not to judge it. Instead, bring your attention back to your body by breathing into different parts.

Picture your breath filling your feet as you inhale, and leaving as you exhale. Then move to your ankles, and then your calves, and then your knees, until you get all the way up to your head. By the time you get through that many breaths, your mind will have slowed down at least a little.

5. Create a mental emotion box.

We usually feel and act on emotions almost simultaneously, often responding to one emotion with another. It’s easy to do this when you meditate. You start feeling agitated, and then feel frustrated for feeling agitated. And before you know it, you’re stressed out over your anti-stress practice.

When you start feeling something, recognize it, label it, and place it in a mental box. Then come back to your breath, or that image you created before. And with this, the effort to recognize emotions, we are back where we started.

Meditation isn’t yet a mainstream idea, but it should be. When you’re less stressed, more present, and more emotionally intelligent, you’re better able to create the life you want—in a way that paves a path for peace all around you.

Want to contribute a post? Send it to email @ tinybuddha.com.

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by Sam Russell

“Peace of mind is not the absence of conflict from life, but the ability to cope with it.”  ~Unknown

I fell apart a couple of years ago, unable to cope with the strain I was under—a change in my lifestyle, loss of job security, a less-than-perfect relationship with a parent, bereavement, a painful physical injury, and slowly, through all of that, the blossoming of serious mental illness.

All the while, right up until this month in fact, I’ve been thinking and wishing: “I want all of this to go away, to have never been.”

I shut myself away—terrified of people’s reactions to my mental health, convinced that my life was over at the age of twenty-three. I’d never be able to get a job again. People would be too frightened to talk to me if they knew the truth. I’d never make a friend again, and the ones I’d managed to keep hold of as I gradually came apart at the seams would end up leaving me.

My wish came true as I began to hide myself away. I stopped doing the things I loved, like going out for walks along the riverside and meeting up with close friends. I became a hermit and was pretty relieved to have all of the conflict and the potential for conflict that I was so anxious about vanish from my sight.

I felt safe for the first time in months even though I had sacrificed many of the things I loved. I was happy enough and that was good enough.

It didn’t last long though. The space created by the absence of all that conflict I was desperate to escape was soon filled with grief, disappointment and loneliness. I realized too, that what I had been so eager to get rid of was circling the outskirts of my new found “peaceful” disposition— paperwork that I’d avoided, stories I’d not written because I didn’t think they were worth writing and a constant state of paranoia. Who could I trust?

I think the worst thing that came from isolating myself was how I’d simultaneously isolated my remaining friends, the ones I was terrified of losing through misunderstanding and fear. My mental health had changed drastically and I had pushed away the people that I really needed around me. I not only lost out on a wealth of support but also denied them the chance to learn about and understand me better.

I’m now twenty-five. I’ve been working with an occupational therapist for a few months, trying to tackle the areas of my life and my thinking that stop me from coping and living the life I want.

I smile more. I’ve applied for a job I know I’d enjoy without being worrying about the odds of getting it. And I don’t feel that it’d be the end of the world if things didn’t turn out the way I planned or if I received criticism from someone. I feel more prepared.

I can’t push away my problems and hide from conflict no matter how difficult or frightening it all can be. I can’t avoid it and pretend it’s not there. I’ve learned that in order to be confident and move forward in life, I have to face my problems and stand up to conflict.

I have to approach it not with fear but with an open mind, a willingness to learn. I have to be ready to listen, understand, show compassion and recognize my own flaws. The things that keep me terrified—I have to challenge them.

I still have bad days and I still sometimes hide when everything gets too much. I’m not perfect but then I don’t think that’s the point. We all shy away at some stage and that means we can always try again. I’ve learned, and taken to heart, that the important thing to remember is this: once we’ve managed one conflict, coping with the next won’t be as bad. That’s a great weight to have off your mind.

Interested in contributing? Read our submission guidelines and drop us a line at email @ tinybuddha.com.

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by Lori Deschene

“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond to it.” -Charles Swindoll

One day everything seems great in your world; maybe not perfect, but overall things are going to plan. And then something happens.

You lose your job. Or someone you love. Or your home. Or maybe even your health.

It isn’t fair. You don’t deserve it. You didn’t see it coming. You didn’t plan for it. You have so many feelings and frustrations you don’t know what to do first–or if you want to do anything at all.

It would be easier to sit around feeling bad. Looking for people to blame and complain to. Rehashing what you could have done to make things happen differently. Or what you would have done if you only realized before. Or what other people should have done to help you.

All great options if you want to maximize your misery and feel justified in doing it. Not so great if what you want is to deal and move on.

You have to do this eventually when something bad happens; and the faster you do it, the sooner you’ll improve your situation.

There is no shortage of opportunities to practice dealing well. If you’d like to work on improving the 90% of life that is how you respond, you may find these tips helpful:

1. Make acceptance an immediate priority.

Dealing with a bad situation can be a lot like dealing with grief–and people often go through the same stages: shock and denial, pain and guilt, anger and bargaining, and so on.

You might not be able to fully squelch your emotions; but you can decide to accept what’s happened, regardless of how you feel about it. The sooner you accept it, the sooner you can act from where you are–which is the only way to change how you feel.

It’s like the quote from a recent post on getting started when you don’t feel ready: “Don’t wait for your feelings to change to take action. Take the action and your feelings will change.”

2. Remove fair from your vocabulary.

As kids we’re all about fair. “He took my train–it’s not fair.” “You said you’d buy me a new bike–it’s not fair!” “I had that crayon first–it’s not fair.”

You’d think we’d learn early on that life isn’t fair; but instead we cling to how we think things should be. Hard work should be rewarded. Kindness should be reciprocated. When things don’t work out that way, we feel angry at the world and bad for ourselves.

Feeling outraged about life’s injustices won’t change the fact that things are often random and beyond your control. When you start going on an unfair spiral, remind yourself, “It is what it is.” And then choose a reaction that aligns with the way you’d like the world to be.

3. Focus on the life lesson.

In Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff, Richard Carlson recommends pretending that everyone is enlightened but you–that everyone you meet is here to teach you something.

In this way, you’ll see someone who annoys or frustrates you as an opportunity to work on your patience. This same mindset can help improve the way you interpret and respond to events in your life.

If you lost your job, perhaps the life lesson is to determine your true purpose. If your relationship falls apart, the life lesson may be to become more independent. Focusing on the lesson allows you to work on positive change, which will make you feel empowered instead of deflated.

4. Question whether it’s as big a problem as it seems.

We often turn minor upsets into huge catastrophes in our minds. Little in life is as horrible as it appears to be at first. Some things are challenging–like losing your job, your home, or worse, someone you love. But most situations can be solved.

Sometimes they’re even blessings in disguise. Barbara Rommer, M.D., interviewed 300 people who’d had near-death experiences. The majority of her subjects experienced spiritual awakenings, proving that what didn’t kill them only made them stronger.

Whatever you’re dealing with, is it really the end of the world? And more importantly, if you bounced back with an even better situation–a higher paying job, or a more satisfying relationship–how impressed would you be with yourself?

5. Make “Get strong” your mantra.

You may think Kanye West doesn’t have a place in tinybuddha world, but the dude got one thing right: “N-n-now that which don’t kill me can only make me stronger.”

This idea has saved me many times over. At 21 I spent four months hospitalized with a serious illness, and missed my college graduation. So much felt unfair about how it all panned out.

Then I remembered what my friend Rich had told me: “I know you feel powerless right now, but you’re going to rock the world when you get strong.” Whenever I deal with adversity, I remind myself to keep rocking.

6. Remember you can continue from this new place.

It’s easy to get attached to the road you’re on, especially if it makes you happy. When something or someone throws you off, you may feel disconnected from who you want to be or what you want to do in life.

It may help to remember a hurdle doesn’t have to obliterate your plans. Even if you lose your job, you can still pursue your professional goals–and maybe even more efficiently.

There is always more than one way to skin a cat. The sooner you focus on finding a new way, the sooner you’ll turn a bad thing good.

7. Ask yourself how someone you respect would handle the situation.

I recently put my heart into a blogging competition. I had to get votes from the public to win; and I ran a huge campaign to accomplish that. I ended in second place with just over 57,000 votes.

When I didn’t win, I felt disappointed and even a little embarrassed. I’d failed in front of thousands of people.  My best wasn’t good enough.

So I asked myself how someone with integrity would handle the situation. The answer: she’d congratulate the winner. Identify everything she learned from the experience. And move on to the next goal with her head held high. Acting on that advice made me feel proud of myself instead of disappointed.

***

People will remember the things you accomplish, but the way you handle life’s challenges can affect them just as strongly. Life happens, and it isn’t always easy. You can bemoan it and fight it, or see dealing with life’s challenges as the most important challenge of all.

You can’t always get what you want; but you can work at being who you want to be no matter what life throws at you.

Related posts:

• 5 Ways to Let Go and Embrace an Uncertain Future
• 40 Ways to Let Go and Feel Less Pain
• 5 Ways to Let Go of Resistance
• 7 Reasons to Be Happy Even if Things Aren’t Perfect Now

by Lori Deschene

“Uncertainty is the only certainty there is, and knowing how to live with insecurity is the only security.” ~John Allen Paulos

I used to love uncertainty. I wandered my way all around this country with little more than a suitcase and a journal. Committing to anything felt limiting, suffocating even.

One day I realized it wasn’t enlightenment that pushed me to embrace the unknown; it was a paralyzing fear of creating something certain. You can’t disappoint people when you don’t form relationships with them, and you can’t fail when you never start.

So one day I decided to do the scariest things I could imagine: settle into one place, get a steady job, and start forming real relationships.

Which lasted for a while until the economic meltdown rocked my world. Now I’m back in a place of uncertainty, like so many other people.

Almost everyone I know has had to make at least a few changes to their life because of the economy. People have lost their jobs, homes, and in some cases, their sense of identity.

It’s both terrifying and exciting to have a blank page in front of you. Sometimes we need reminders to see it as the latter.

Here’s how I’m learning to let go without losing what I felt I’ve gained these past few years:

1. Consider the idea of permanent uncertainty.

Certainty is actually just an illusion. Think about it: is there ever a time when you know for sure how things will unfold? Even with the best preparation, you can’t control everything in the universe. Job security is subject to industry and company shifts. Relationships transform as people grow and change how they see the world and what they want out of it.

There are never any guarantees—even when you think you have it all figured out. When you don’t know what the future will hold, you’re actually dealing with life as it always is: yours to live and create moment by moment, day by day.

2. Stop waiting for something external.

In a post on Raptitude, David wrote about the theatrical convention known as Deus ex machina—or “God in a Machine.” As David explains, it’s “a reference to the ancient playwright Euripedes’ dubious habit of using a pulley system to lower an actor dressed up as God onto the stage, to solve the problems of the characters and wrap up the story.”

We often wait for our own Deus ex machina in life—a big break, a soul mate who makes us feel complete. This allows us to believe there is something good down the line instead of actively creating that something. The only sense of certainty we can experience in life is the result of our own efforts. That’s actually an empowering thought if you think about it.

3. See the benefits of releasing attachment.

If you’ve formed an attachment to something, odds are you’ve decided it’s a necessary component to your desired life—the home where you feel safe, the relationship that gives you love and support. Now look at it from a different perspective: when you are attached to less, you open yourself up to more than you can imagine.

For example, I had to give up my apartment. I could have held onto the past, wishing I didn’t have to leave, or feel excitement about the potential for something even better. Corny but true: a flower can’t grow if it clings to its roots.

4. Reconnect with the constants in your life.

Even though there are no guarantees, you likely have a few constants that won’t change in the near future: your health, your mental capacity, your family and friends. At the end of the day, nothing matters without these things. You can have the best house in the world, but it becomes a prison if you’re alone. Your job may offer a million perks, but you won’t enjoy them if you’re not strong in mind and body.

Focus on those gifts–because that’s what they are. Even thinking about my gratitude gives me a profound sense of strength and humility. Two things I need right now.

5. Accept constant imperfection.

I think a lot of people have this illusion that someday everything will be OK. One day they’ll have the home, the relationship, the career, the status, and from then on it will be smooth sailing. I know if I’ve indulged this fantasy. This causes us to metaphorically hold our breath, waiting for that moment when we’re finally able to be happy.

If we can accept, however, that things will never be perfect—that we’ll gain, and lose, and grow, and regress, and smile, and cry, and learn, and forget—we’ll be better able to embrace the present moment. We are all ever-changing works in progress, and so are the lives we lead.

No matter how much you’ve learned or how strong you’ve become, on any given day, you could allow your emotions to get the better of you. Applying knowledge never gets easy; it always takes strength, humility, and mindfulness to be truly present and to forge ahead despite your fear. I’m working on that today. Can you relate?

Recent posts by Lori Deschene:

• 5 Pieces of Advice That Aren’t Cliches
• 10 Ways to Balance Self Interest & Sacrifice for a Wonderful Life
• 5 Ways to Make a Big Difference in Someone’s Day
• 50 Ways to Show You Care Without Spending a Dime

“The only Zen you find on tops of mountains is the Zen you bring up there.” ~Robert M. Persig

We live in a fast-paced, achievement-oriented society. At the end of a busy, to-do-list-focused day, we often find ourselves mentally and physically exhausted and uncertain whether we’re actually moving in the right direction in “the pursuit of happiness.”

Perhaps this explains our fascination with all things Zen. It’s become a buzzword in pop culture, branding products that have little to do with peace and enlightenment—and oftentimes, represent ideas that are diametrically opposed.

Zen Dharma Teacher Rev. Lynn “Jnana” Sipe takes an interesting look at Zen in titles in print publications, on all topics from automobiles to music. Some notable titles include: “Engine Zen,” “The Zen of Contractor Relations,” and “Zen and the Art of Propane Safety.”

Then there’s the vast world of products branded with Zen: tea, candles, rakes, fans, stones, books, eye masks, pillows, fountains, wind chimes, bath products, incense, oils, home décor. All intended to soothe our harried minds. It’s ironic that their acquisition requires more doing and earning—and possibly more stress.

We reach for our wallet to buy little pieces of peace because we’re programmed to fix problems by doing. Sometimes doing itself is the problem.

Our minds are like little hamster wheels, desperate to reach some point down the road when things get easy, or things make sense. In all reality, we never get there.

There will never be a moment in time when everything feels done. When everything is certain. When there’s no pain or discomfort. Life is a constant juggling act of items in the inbox, people to please, feelings to process, tasks to complete, experiences to be had, problems to face.

And that’s a beautiful thing.

At any given time we have opportunities to learn, grow, change, and experience life. There’s no shortage of things to do in this world—new hobbies to try, challenges to take on at work, steps to take to strengthen relationships.

It’s all available to us at any time. They key to enjoying these undertakings is learning to completely stop in between. Stop thinking. Stop analyzing. Stop worrying. Stop planning. And simply do nothing for a while.

It’s one of the most difficult things to do in this world; it’s why fewer people meditate than buy little Zen fountains for their desks. But stillness is far more rewarding than the gratification of making an impulse purchase, and the fleeting moment of joy you feel when rippling water offsets the sound of your typing.

You don’t need a complicated plan to spend 5, 10, or even 60 minutes doing nothing. You just need commitment to that goal.

Find an uncluttered space where you won’t be distracted—preferably somewhere with minimal technology. Write down everything on your mind, and then move that paper to a different room. If it helps, put on some soothing music. Be sure you haven’t eaten and drank anything recently so your body doesn’t put a snag in your plans.

And then work at being still and clear-headed, starting with just a few moments. Inhale and exhale deeply, focusing solely on your breath. It may help to visualize your breath filling and draining from different parts of your body, starting with your feet and ending with your head.

If thoughts come into your head, simply notice them and let them go.

You will spend your whole life juggling different thoughts, jumping back and forth between true presence in the moment, and thought processes or feelings that pull you out. Make a goal today to spend at least a few moments in the former state. It will definitely change your day, and it just may change your life.

Do Happy. It’s something you’re due.

Photo credit

Other Do Happy tips you may enjoy:

• Start Late
• Assume the Best
• Share Your Passion
• Be Your Purpose Now

by Belinda Munoz

 “Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.” ~Dalai Lama

It’s a well-known fact that the holidays bring on the blues. According to the National Mental Health Association, reasons for feeling blue around the holidays range from fatigue to financial limitations to tensions in personal relationships.

As for me, I’m generally a happy person.  I don’t dwell on things I can’t control, I have realistic expectations, I’ve learned overtime that trying to change people is futile, and I’ve even come to appreciate some of my flaws.

But sometimes, melancholy finds me.  Like a thick fog that threatens to shroud a picturesque skyline, it creeps up seemingly out of nowhere until I can no longer ignore it.

I had an experience with this recently.  After an intense couple of nights with human rights activists from Ethiopia and Russia, learning about how fiercely and fearlessly they fight to preserve the rights of citizens of their countries, I feel blessed to be in a country where much of our basic rights are intact.  Where we have a right to protest, to organize, to speak out.  Where, though many may complain, its citizens are still quite a bit more privileged than those of most other countries.

After these intense couple of days, a sadness lingered.  A sobering feeling that made me feel slightly off-balance, not-quite-myself, and a little bit powerless.

But, as I have done many times in the past, I’ve learned not to let sadness take over.  It’s not easy to do at first but, as always, a little effort goes a long way.  Here are 50+ ideas to chase the blues away:

SOLO:

1. Let the sadness in then let it pass.
2. Pray or meditate.
3. Take a nap.
4. Cry it out.  It’s cleansing, it brings a sense of relief and it releases stress hormones that can cause serious damage to brain cells.
5. Think about your favorite things.
6. Practice yoga or do any kind of exercise.
7. Retreat.  Be at peace with silence and limit outside stimuli.

GET SOCIAL:

8. Take a social media fast and instead, connect only in real time and in person.
9. Sip tea,, coffee, or wine with someone.  Ponder the depths of existentialism. Or gossip about Angelina Jolie and all her great humanitarian work.
10. Break out a cookbook, invite a friend or two over and make a meal from recipes you’ve never tried before.
11. Recall a fond memory about someone and contact that person and let that person know you remembered him/her.
12. Give a co-worker a ride home.
13. Talk to a stranger.  Ask a safe and simple question and see where it leads.  Or, share an anecdote and wait for a response.  Be open to how easily others are willing to connect.
14. Visit some blogs and leave a comment.

LOSE YOURSELF:

15. Perform an anonymous act of kindness.
16. Pop a feel-good dvd in the player and allow yourself a little veg time.
17.Do something silly and let go of self-conscious feelings.
18. Do something you wouldn’t normally do.
19. Laugh it up at an improv/comedy show.
20. Invite a little unpredictability into your life.
21. Go for a drive without a particular destination.  Feel the breeze and let your senses take in the feeling of not having a particular place to go.
22. Go sightseeing in the town where you live.

LET NATURE FILL YOUR SENSES:

23. Get outdoors.  Whether it’s a walk down a busy city street or a nature hike, there’s something about being outdoors that makes a little bit of the sadness evaporate.  Perhaps, if you’re open, you’ll notice a stranger or two smiling at you.
24. Surrender to nature and feel its immense power.
25. Watch the ripples of waves as they grow more and more intense.
26. Hug a tree and feel its strong unyielding roots.
27. If you’re an early riser like me, watch the sunrise and remind yourself that you’ll never ever see the same exact sunrise again.
28. Go surfing or go for a swim in the ocean or lake.
29. Do a little gardening.

GET CREATIVE OR IMMERSE YOURSELF IN ART:

30. Take pictures.  Channel your inner Sebastiao Salgado or Brigitte Lacombe.
31. Draw.
32. Write a song, a poem or a short story.
33. Read a classic.
34. Be in awe of a work of art.  A photograph or a painting is a good source of awe-inspiring moments that can transport you to another place and melt sadness.
35. Listen to music that moves you.
36. Sing and dance.

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF:

37. Pamper yourself by getting a mani/pedi, a facial or a massage.  It sounds indulgent but who says you don’t deserve it?
38. Plan a vacation or a simple day trip.
39. Get a haircut.
40. Make a smoothie.  Throw a whole bunch of fruits in season in a blender and nourish your body and spirit.
41. Start a new healthy habit.

GET EDUCATED:

42. Learn about a new country you haven’t visited before but have been curious about.
43. Take a class. Pottery, philosophy, business, anything.

GET BUSY:

44. Do some chores.  Purge your closet of unwanted things and donate a bag of clothes and shoes to Goodwill.  Or, de-clutter your home and clear your mind in the process.
45. Throw yourself into your work or start a new project.
46. Plan and throw a party.  Watch the sadness turn to excitement.

DO FOR OTHERS:

47. Visit a friend who’s pregnant or with a newborn baby and find out if there’s anything you can do for her.
48. Visit a sick friend and offer to pick up take out.
49. Walk your neighbor’s dog.
50. Offer to run an errand for a parent with young kids.
51. Pick up a greeting card or a present for someone.  Any chance you can focus on making someone else’s day will help brighten your day.
52. Volunteer at a soup kitchen.
53. Help wrap presents for orphans or sick children through a local charity.

You may also enjoy reading:

• Do Happy tips
• 7 Key Tips to Living a Beautiful Life
• 15 Ways to Change the World in 2010
• 40 Ways to Let Go and Feel Less Pain

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