by Sonya Derian

“After winter comes the summer. After night comes the dawn. And after every storm, there comes clear, open skies.” ~Samuel Rutherford

I was talking to someone this week about his feeling that things weren’t happening fast enough. That with all he was doing, intending and putting out there, that more should be happening—and faster.

My question to him was, “Really? Should things really be happening faster? Or are you exactly where you’re supposed to be?”

There is a tendency, sometimes, to think we have it all figured out. When it should happen, how it should happen, who it should happen with—and before it’s “too late.”

We are powerful creators in life, but the truth is, we’re not in this alone. There are other forces at play, and for the most part, to our benefit.

Have you ever had something occur in your life that you had wished for years earlier, only to realize that now was the perfect timing? That in fact, you wouldn’t have been ready for it any earlier? That in retrospect, everything was leading up to the perfect moment of this unfolding?

We want to feel in charge of our lives. It makes us feel safe knowing that we have control. And to some extent, we have complete control in dictating our desires, in stating our ambitions, and in following our well laid plans.

But sometimes life has a way of throwing us curve balls. There is a delay in an outcome we are hoping to produce, or the timing doesn’t work out as we planned. We’re not where we think we should be, financially, socially, professionally, creatively, or romantically.

And yet even in this, there is perfection.

In other words, for those of you who think your time has passed, or it’s too late, or there is not enough time, I ask you: How do you know this? How do you know that in this moment, right now, you are not exactly where you are supposed to be?

That things are not working out for you, despite appearances?

I had a teacher who used to pose the question: “If everything is perfect exactly as it is, what is it that you are not seeing?”

In other words, what are you gaining from this situation that is perfect for your unfolding, right now; and how is this preparing you for the thing you desire?

We are always afraid our ship is not going to come in, or if it does, it did already and left without us. Our ship may come and go, but there will be another one and another one and another one. And another one.

We are coming into our own in the timing we need. For each of us it will be different, but for each of us, it will also be perfect.

Inspirational leader Mary Morrissey talks about Chinese Bamboo and how it is a very slow-growing and fragile plant. She says that if the bamboo is cared for, watched over and nurtured, in one year it grows two inches, in the next year it grows two inches, in the next year it grows two inches, in the next year it grows two inches, and then in the fifth year, it grows 80 feet!

This is how it is with our development. We intend. We make incremental changes. We show up for our success in whatever way we can. Over time, everything comes to fruition, harmonizing all aspects in such a creative way that if we were to look back on it, we would marvel at the perfection of it all.

We would know that we were making strides all along.

Trust in the perfection of your life and let yourself be fully where you are in the moment. Trust that you are exactly where you are supposed to be. Know that what you have to look forward to is greater than what you are leaving behind.

And trust that you will “arrive” in time and on time, not a minute sooner.

by Sonya Derian

Good decisions come from experience, and experience comes from bad decisions.  ~Unknown

A reader recently wrote to me:

“I struggle with making decisions and always second guess myself… I recently had to make a decision about something and after giving it a lot of thought, I decided. Now, months later, my decision is eating me up and I can’t stop thinking I made the wrong decision. So I guess my point is once you decide, how do you stop yourself from second guessing?”

I know I’ve been there, having made a decision I not only second guessed, but wish I hadn’t made—and couldn’t take back.

I think there are two parts to each of us: who we are day to day, and who we are in our broader intentions. Second guessing comes when the smaller part—the one that is at the effect of everything—is afraid of the greater part that’s forging a new way.

When we make any decision, for better or for worse, we affect change. And sometimes it’s scary to be responsible for the change we affect. That’s why I love the saying. “Make a decision. And then make the decision right.”

We never know where our decisions will lead us and we can’t know before making them what the aftermath might be. But only after making the decision can we deal with what comes next. Never before.

There is an assumption that a decision that ends up hurting someone’s feelings, causing friction. or rocking the boat is somehow a wrong decision.

But why would that be the case?

It could mean the broader part of you helped you make that decision in order to break something open, learn how to deal with discomfort, learn how to create a boundary or take care of yourself amidst someone else’s disapproval.

It could mean the broader part of you helped you make that decision to learn how to create dialogue, deepen a relationship, or simply say “I’m sorry. I made a mistake”.

There is no such thing as a wrong decision because we are always course correcting. The way a pilot navigates a plane from one place to the next is by setting the course destination before taking flight and then course correcting along the way.

Similarly, that’s how we grow. Taking from what we have learned from the past and building on it for the future.

That being said, how can we allow the process to unfold more smoothly? What can we do to stop ourselves from second guessing? I’ve come up with these five suggestions:

1.  Trust yourself.

Making a decision sometimes forces you to grow in areas where you’re not comfortable. When you second guess yourself it’s usually because of that discomfort. But it’s important to remember that change happens incrementally. Even if you’re not seeing an obvious positive result yet, it might be coming. And your broader intentions led you there for that reason.

2. Choose a new thought.

Stop entertaining the idea of having made a wrong decision. There is no power in that. Instead, know that things are working out for your good and that you are learning and growing while you find your bearings.

3. Assess what you’re learning.

Because we are always in a state of flux, there may very well be things you will do differently the next time. Ask yourself, if I had to do it over, what would I do differently? And then congratulate yourself because this is how new behavior is born! You can’t learn if you’re not playing the game.

4. Get comfortable with mistakes.

There is such a thing as grace. Time gives us an opportunity to fix all sorts of things we think we may have screwed up. There is power in simply letting things go and deciding to re-evaluate them at a future date.

Ask yourself “What if I did make a wrong decision? Is it okay for me to have made a mistake?” And then let it go. Getting comfortable with making mistakes could have entirely been the lesson! But we are always making the best decisions we have access to at the moment.

5. Finally, go easy on yourself.

Like a friend of mine likes to say, “Life is a hard hat zone. We are always under construction”.

You are not who you were yesterday and you are not who you will be tomorrow. So, make peace with that. Life is full of second chances. We are always in a state of evolution.

In learning how to walk, you had to crawl first, and maybe you wobbled and skinned your knees a few times. But eventually, you found your bearings and trusted your stability. As tiny as you were, you were able to stand straight and put one foot in front of the other as you moved forward.

Not so far off from what it’s like as an adult.

Want to submit a post? Read the submission guidelines and then send it to Lori at email @ tinybuddha.com.

by Celestine Chua

“People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.” ~Chinese Proverb

When I was in junior college, I wasn’t the best student. I skipped classes, didn’t do my assignments, and barely studied for my tests. Needless to say, I flunked those exams.

After a few months, I realized I didn’t want to continue on like this. If I wanted to make the most out of my life, I had to first be responsible for my studies.

So I buckled down and set out to achieve the best results. It wasn’t easy—and I’m not talking about the studying part. There was resistance all around me. First, my schoolmates weren’t the most positive people in the world.

My college was one of the poorer performing schools then. Many students weren’t happy studying there as it wasn’t their first choice. They often degraded themselves, saying “we’re doomed for failure.”

If that wasn’t enough, my teachers were discouraging, too because many were disgruntled about working there. They kept comparing us with the students from schools they taught in before—the better schools—saying we’d never get anywhere.

I decided to ignore the negativity and spend my energy working on my goals.

At the end of college, I was the top student in my class and won the Most Improved Student Award by the school. I would later enter one of the best Business Schools in Asia, be a Dean’s Lister in all 3 years of my study, and graduate as the top student in my specialization.

If you have aspirations, you’ve dealt with resistance, too, and will deal with more in the future. Here are 6 personal principles to deal with external resistance and excel in life:

1. The bigger the resistance, the greater your potential.

Newton’s Third Law of Motion states for every force, there is an equal, opposing force. It’s the same here—no big dreams ever come true without an equivalent form of resistance. In fact, the bigger the resistance, the greater your potential on the other side.

The biggest achievers in the world got to where they are today only after overcoming endless resistance.

Whenever I face a roadblock, it tells me this is something worth going for. The more roadblocks there are the better. It just makes the end result even sweeter when I overcome these blocks and achieve my goals.

2. Obstacles are there to prevent you from getting to the other side ~Randy Pausch

In Randy Pausch’s The Last Lecture, he talked about how obstacles exist to stop you from getting to the other side. The other side is where your goals and dreams are. Just because you face obstacles doesn’t mean your goals aren’t feasible. It just means you need to tackle these obstacles first to get there.

The obstacles are only a test to weed out people who don’t want their goals enough, and guess what—that’s not you. You are better than that.

Back when I faced resistances, I never once thought my goals were impossible. I knew this was just temporary and it was a matter of time before I achieve my goals. Likewise, whatever resistance you experience is just short-term.

3. Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goals. ~Sydney Smith

Are you spending more time staring at your obstacles? Or do you have your eyes locked on your dreams? The more you spend time thinking about your obstacles, the more you will feel overwhelmed and negative.

Your thoughts are like the seeds in your mind. The kind of thoughts you have will bear fruits of the same nature. Negative thoughts will give you negative fruits, whereas positive thoughts will give you positive fruits. Do you have more negative or positive seeds?

Spend more time thinking about your goals, how they inspire you, why you want them and what they mean to you. These will give you the fuel to take action.

When I pursue my goals, I don’t think about how unfair the world is, why I am facing this, or how scary an obstacle is. These are all disempowering thoughts. I focus on why I want to do something and what it means to me. These empower me and spur me on to take action.

4. Look at the source of the comments before you consider them.

It’s easy to let ourselves be affected by other people’s comments. While you should be open to feedback, you should also factor in where they are coming from.

Who is the person commenting? Is this person’s life the kind of life you aspire to lead? If the commenter isn’t doing so well in the area he is advising on, maybe you should discount what he says to you.

For example, back in school, one of my teachers advised us to “settle” and stop aiming high because we would be setting ourselves up for failure. However, when I looked at her life, she was in her 50s, had been working in the same job for over decades (which was fine, except that she didn’t seem passionate about her work), unmotivated, and negative as a person.

This wasn’t the life I wanted to lead for myself, and hence I decided not to heed what she said. I’m glad I didn’t because it worked out extremely well for me.

5. You don’t have to please everyone. Trying to do so only makes you miserable.

It’s in our inner nature to be inclusive and make everyone happy. However, it’s not possible to please everyone and it’s not worth it to try.

All of us are diverse with our own opinions, beliefs and values, and trying to conform only results in you compromising on your beliefs. Don’t be afraid to disagree where you need to and stand up for yourself. It’s all about learning how to deal with these critical people.

If you face people who are overly resistant to your dreams, consider reducing contact with them and spending more time with the people who support you. Your time is precious; spend it with people who elevate you, not people who pull you down.

6. First they ignore you. Then they laugh at you. Then they fight you. Then you win. ~Mahatma Gandhi

After years of pursuing my goals and dreams, I realized one thing: people resist because they are afraid.

When they hear about your goals and they object, it’s because they’re afraid of who you are and what you can become. More than that, they’re afraid that you might actually be right and they have been undermining their own potential all along.

To quote Marianne Williamson, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”

Don’t take resistances personally. People who ignore you, laugh at you, or even fight you do so because they are scared deep down inside. Take your stance and go for what you believe in. Fight for what you want. Go all out in your pursuits.

As long as you keep at it, it’s a matter of time before you achieve what you set out to do. I did that, and I continue to do so every day. You can never go wrong as long as you do what you love to do and set out to live your best life.

by Lori Deschene

“With realization of one’s own potential & self confidence in one’s ability, one can build a better world.” ~Dalai Lama

For the vast majority of my life I didn’t believe I could do most of the things I wanted to do.

I knew I wanted to be in a relationship, but I feared that if I got into one I’d do something to mess it up. I wanted to perform on Broadway, but even moving to New York City didn’t give me the courage to audition. I wanted to be a writer, but I thought it was far too difficult to get published, and therefore didn’t even try until I turned 27.

Maybe you’ve never been as unsure of yourself as I used to be, but you can likely relate to that feeling of wanting to do something but feeling terrified to start. This not only limits your potential in life; it also minimizes your ability to make a positive impact on the world around you.

There’s a lot that goes into overcoming those fears. You may need to challenge limiting beliefs formed years ago, or take yourself out of a situation where other people undermine your abilities. One thing that will definitely help is working on your confidence.

Not sure if confidence can be learned? I asked this question on the Tiny Buddha Facebook page to see what readers had to say, and then used some of their responses to shape these 8 steps outlined below:

1. Tap into the confidence you were born with.

I feel it’s something that is always there, something you’re born with that gets lost along the way, or stolen by others. Sometimes you have to dig deep to find it again.” ~Amy Lee Tempest

You didn’t come out of the womb unsure of your cry or insecure about your large umbilical cord. You came out blissfully unaware of external judgment, concerned only with your own experience and needs. That’s not to say you should be oblivious to other people. It’s just that it may help to remember confidence was your original nature before time started chiseling away at it.

Once you developed a sense of self awareness, you started forming doubts and insecurities about how other people saw you. You learned to crave praise and avoid criticism—and maybe you started getting down on yourself if you got more of the latter than the former.

When you start feeling unsure of yourself remember: we were all born with confidence, and we can all get it back if we learn to silence the thoughts that threaten it.

2. Know your strengths and weaknesses.

As you learn who you are, you gain confidence in your strengths and also learn your weaknesses. ~Angela Birt

Learning who you are doesn’t happen overnight. For one thing, it can be hard to know which parts of you are you, and which parts are who you think you should be.

A good start is to identify your strengths and weaknesses and then weigh those against what you enjoy. (If you’re not great in sales, but you actually can’t stand sales jobs, then it doesn’t really matter if you have confidence there. Unless it’s all about ego—but does that really make you happy?)

It might help to list five things you do well that you enjoy, and five things you’d like to do well. Make an effort to utilize some of the first list and work on some of the second every day. As you use your strengths and improve where there’s room to grow, you’ll develop both confidence and fulfillment simultaneously.

3. Expect success.

Confidence comes from success…But confidence also combines another quality because you can be successful, yet lack confidence. It requires a mental attitude shift to an expectation of success. And this alone, can bring about more success, reinforcing the confidence. It spirals from there. ~Jason Hihn

It might seem strange to say expect success since you can’t predict the future, but don’t we do the alternative all the time? Have you ever gone into a stressful situation assuming the worst—that something would go wrong?

Conventional wisdom suggests it’s smart to expect the worst because you won’t be disappointed if you fail and you’ll be pleasantly surprised if you succeed. But research suggests this isn’t universally true. Pessimism can undermine your performance creating a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Find the successes in every day and you’ll notice over time that they increase.

4. Trust your capabilities.

Confidence comes not from knowing you know everything, but from knowing you can handle what comes up. ~Donn King

No one in the world knows everything. Everyone is good at some things and not so good at others. Don’t weight your security against what you know or can do; weigh it against your willingness and capacity to learn.

If someone criticizes you, take it is an opportunity to improve. If someone does better than you, see it as an opportunity to learn from them. If you fall short at something, realize you can get closer next time. Don’t be merely confident in what you can do—be confident in what you can do when you try.

5. Embrace the unknown.

Confidence comes from a space of humility. It is spawned when we dare to see the world through an alternate lens. It grows when we have the courage to embrace the experience of the unknown and the unknowable. ~Hana Lee

People often think confidence means knowing you can create the outcome you desire. To some extent it does, but this idea isn’t universally true for anyone. No matter how talented, smart, or capable you are, you cannot predict or control everything that happens in your life.

Even confident people lose jobs, relationships, and even their health.

Confidence comes from knowing your competence but acknowledging it’s not solely responsible for creating your world. When you take that weight off your shoulders and realize that sometimes the twists and turns have nothing to do with what you did or should have done, it’s easier to feel confident in what you bring to the table.

6. Take risks.

Confidence is a funny thing. You go out and do the thing you’re most terrified of, and the confidence comes afterwards. ~Christopher Kaminski

If you always do things as you’ve always done them of course you won’t feel confident.

When I first moved to San Francisco, I was highly insecure with relationships. I’d moved a lot, and spent years hopping around the country partly to avoid getting close to anyone. Then I realized the only way out was through. I’d never be good at relationships if I didn’t jump in, get messy, and learn what to and not to do.

I had to crawl, walk, fall, and repeat to get comfortable with vulnerability and conflict. I made tons of mistakes, and a lot of it hurt. But I live a peopled life now, and it’s worth all the discomfort it took to get here.

7. Learn to receive praise.

Confidence is earned through positive recognition and reinforcement. ~Don La Franchi

It’s amazing how easy it is to believe all the negative things people say and yet discredit the positive. Taking a compliment is an art. Sometimes, it’s instinctive to assume they’re just being nice or that maybe you aren’t really skilled—you just got lucky.

Occasionally this may be true, but for the most part you earn the praise you receive. Don’t talk yourself out of believing it. Instead, recycle it into confidence. You did a fantastic job on your project at work—that means you can do it again. You had an amazing performance—that means you can trust you’re talented.

Other people want you to succeed; now you just have to believe them when they show you you’re worthy.

8. Practice confidence.

It can be practiced—and with that practice you will get better. ~Jacqueline Wolven

Like anything else in life, your confidence will improve with practice. A great opportunity to do this is when you meet new people. Just like if you were the new kid in school, they have no idea who you are—meaning you have an opportunity to show them.

As you shake their hand, introduce yourself, and listen to them speak, watch your internal monologue. If you start doubting yourself in your head, replace your thoughts with more confident ones. Ask yourself what a confident person would do, and then try to emulate that.

Watch your posture and your tone. Hunching and mumbling will make you feel and look less confident, so stand up and speak slowly and clearly.

People are more apt to see you how you want to be seen if they suspect you see yourself that way.

–

You may have confidence in some areas and not in others; that’s how it works for most of us. Draw from those areas where you’re self assured.

If you feel inadequate in professional situations, recall how it feels physically when you’re confident in relationships. If you’re insecure in love, access what you feel when you’re comfortable around friends.

Above all, remember you are capable and worthy—just as much as anyone else, regardless of what you’ve achieved. Regardless of what mistakes you’ve made. Knowing that intellectually is the first step to believing it in your heart. Believing it is the key to living it. And living it is the key to reaching your potential.

by Shelly Iyabode

“He is able who thinks he is able.” ~Buddha

The world has given us many outstanding people.

Although we possess our own unique talents, we look to leaders and mentors as models of action and success. They represent unlocked potential, perseverance and shining lights for us to follow.

Since all paths are unique, we can’t follow exactly where others have been, but we can learn from their examples of confidence and dedication. It’s the difference between saying, “I want to be like Oprah Winfrey” or saying, “I want to be outstanding in my own right, like Oprah Winfrey.”

There are some, like Oprah, who can step out and shine despite hardship and extraordinary challenges. But most people who struggle with self-doubt, fear or harsh circumstances remain stagnant.

It’s not enough to have the dream. It has to be accompanied with a strong belief in your own potential and a spirit driven to meet it.

A crucial step toward being your own version of outstanding is to identify your goals. Be realistic in this process. These goals should be ones you believe you can actually achieve. Goals do not guarantee success but they can create a focal point to form your own personal light or beacon.

Goals are the guides that lead you from where we are to where you aspire to be. Once you’ve identified your goals, you can then begin the task of preparing yourself for the journey.

Believe in yourself—easy to say, but not always easy to do.

This may well be the biggest obstacle on the course to impressing and inspiring yourself. Your socio-economic, personal and geographic challenges matters some, but truly, believing in yourself is the biggest step. Belief is a free resource that is available to everyone. It cannot be bought or sold, but it can indeed be learned, if necessary.

Whether a goal is to simply to work out tomorrow morning or to become president of your neighborhood association Board of Directors, believing you can actually do it is an engine that is powered by only you.

The path to personal greatness—whatever that means to you—is much more valuable if you use every step along the way as practice.

When you wake up tomorrow, wake up in outstanding fashion. When you prepare your clothes for the day, choose something fabulous to wear. Greet people throughout your day in a beautiful way.

Eat wonderful meals. Listen to beautiful music. Compliment those you know and even those you don’t on something you admire about them. Emanate the energy you want to attract.

Eventually, that energy will return to you forming a pattern. If your confidence was running on low before, it will soon begin to fill and radiate within you.

Too euphoric? Well, here’s the other shoe falling.

You will be tested. There will be moments (and days) when being buoyant just doesn’t fit into the plan. Don’t despair. Everyone deals with these moments. Accept them as opportunities to triumph and not to wallow in insecurities. It’s the only productive way to deal with this inevitability.

Use this down time for research or some other lightweight exercise that contributes to your goal. Keep it in sight at all times.

At the same time, don’t trick yourself into thinking that success will come if you do nothing. Consistency is crucial—and luckily, we are all blessed with the gift of determination. All behaviors and actions, no matter the justification, come with a sense of determination. Do something courageous!

Create messages and mantras that inspire you. Surround yourself with experiences and individuals who are inspired, as well. Create the support you need and build your legacy with purpose.

Only you can create and follow the path that makes you feel passionate, meaningful, and happy.

by Janna Krawczyk

I have a chime with the words Desire What You Have painted on the front of it. It hangs from the window to the left of my desk in the Treehouse where I write.  I bought it a few years ago as an epiphany purchase.

It was one of those times when I was sucked in the vortex a boutique in Minneapolis, the wallet in my pocket a burning inferno.  I saw this beautiful painted chime dangling from the ceiling and I was so struck by the message, I put out the fire out and put my money on the counter.

I am so glad I did.

I love the simple wisdom of the phrase: Desire What You Have.

If we desire what we have, then no matter what our possessions, we are rich.

I love coming across it again and again because it reminds me to be aware of my thoughts and to be aware of what I have and what I am now.  I need to be reminded.

When I sat down to begin writing I was looking for inspiration in “The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living.”  I came across this quote by the Dalai Lama:

“…our moment-to-moment happiness is largely determined by our outlook.  In fact, whether we are feeling happy or unhappy at any given moment often has very little to do with our absolute conditions but, rather it is a function of how we perceive our situation, how satisfied we are with what we have.”

I have noticed by listening to my thoughts that I spend a ridiculous amount of time wanting to be more than I am.  I rarely, if ever, sit back and bask in my accomplishments and who I am now.  I unwittingly live in a state of personal dissatisfaction.

“When I publish my first book, then I will be a writer,” I tell myself.  “When my website is perfect, when my teaching is perfect, when I have many articles published in Oprah Magazine, when I am no longer nervous before I begin teaching a new class—then I will feel like I have arrived at my own doorstep.”

Meanwhile, I ignore the person I am right now–my feet up on this couch in the Treehouse, my children healthy and vibrant, my dog Dharma curled up next to me, writing this essay–because I have convinced myself that I am not complete. That I have to strain and strive and be better to deserve this blessed life.

I don’t think these things consciously.  These thoughts run unsupervised through my head until I take the time to notice them and really hear what I’m saying to myself. And then I realize all of this self-talk is crazy talk.

If I can’t accept myself and what I am now, then I will never accept myself.  It’s a way of thinking, of practicing non-acceptance of myself over and over and over.

This is yet another reason I must write.  I must have a way to reveal this crazy talk, to call it out for what it is so I can be aware of it and slowly change it.

If I write it, not only have I taken the time to draw it out and contemplate it; I can see it in literal black and white, staring back at me. And when I am able to look my thoughts in the eye and see them for what they are, I can then challenge them.

In the pages of my journal, I sow seeds of change.  Some are slow to grow, others just need a little light and attention to take hold and flourish.

It is necessary to be aware of what we want in this life.  However, it is a delicate balance that must be tempered by an abiding awareness of what we have.

Life is now. I have arrived at the doorstep of myself. In fact, I’ve been standing here the whole time.

by Maelina Frattaroli

“Excellence can be obtained if you care more than others think is wise, risk more than others think is safe, dream more than others think is practical, expect more than others think is possible.” ~Unknown

A revelation came to me the other day during lunch with my co-worker.

As I wolfed down my germ-infused, salad-bar lunch, I thought about my father for no particular reason other than I probably miss him since moving out of my parents’ house two weeks ago.

I’ve never been one to admit things, show emotion, or get all mushy, but in my own way, I’m very proud of my dad. Although it’s hard for me to let him know, he really is my hero.

So, as co-worker X took a pause from chewing, he asked, “What do you think your purpose is?”

I took a moment to let that commentary sink in.

Then I replied, “You know who I really envy and admire? My father.  He does the hardest, manual labor, sweats under the sun, cuts his hands up on stone, turns them purple with acidic grape juice, battles with poison ivy roots, snow plows during the most ungodly hours so rich people can have clear driveways, has more splinters than anyone I know, and he’s never, ever complained. In fact, he’s the true definition of service with a smile.”

Okay, maybe I didn’t phrase it that eloquently, but let’s pretend I did.

Immediately afterward, X stated, matter-of-factly, “It’s because he loves it. He does what he loves. That’s hard to come by these days.”

I remember a time when I was very young, I’d say around five. I was sitting on my father’s lap, tracing my fingers across the rough patches and cracks of his hands. His wedding band was scraped a little, and his pointer finger had a very deep gash in it.

I asked why his hands were broken, to which he replied, “I got a boo-boo at work.”

It was then that I decided I wanted a job in a hospital. I wanted to be a pediatric nurse. To a five-year-old, it seemed like a decent gig, mainly because I loved babies and wanted to be around them.

Did I fulfill that dream? No. Is this my dream now? Not in the least. Do I even like babies? Sure, when they don’t deafen you with their cries. All I knew was I wouldn’t get my hands chopped to bits by flagstone, granite, tools, and harsh concrete. And if I did, the surgeon’s room would be right around the corner.

My younger brother always wanted to uphold the Sandy Frattaroli Masonry family legacy. Why would he, at that age, wish hard, manual labor during scalding, humidity-infused summers over a college education?

Because my father’s work has value. A unique kind of value all its own, something that cannot be taken away from him. But, nowadays, the road to get there is treacherous and grueling and filled with people who take this craft for granted.

My brother went to college, and so did I. Now, we work in our respective industries.

My father’s getting older, approaching 60 in just a couple of years. He’s stubborn, set in his ways, and will not lay down the stone and call it quits until he passes at a much older age. His hands remain cracked, although he’s progressed to softening them with Vaseline Intensive Care lotion.

The difference between my father’s generation and mine is that, nowadays, we are overwhelmed with options, both personally and professionally as the world develops. We’re in a constant struggle as we try to define our purpose and who we are.

We read too much into the future, but still dwell on the past. We battle between labeling who we are by our professions vs. who we are by what drives us.

My father was able to turn his passion into a lifelong devotion. Back then, there wasn’t much choice if life and education were unaffordable for you. Now, we have everything, but the pressure exuded on us makes it much rougher.

Like my father, I want to run down a dream, go wherever it leads, and work on a mystery (kudos to Tom Petty). I want to write and connect with like-minded people through my words, but I do not want to define myself. Ever.

I want to constantly evolve and find my purpose. I want my purpose to be adaptable and dynamic. I want to be receptive to change. Like a single flagstone giving way to a dream sidewalk built by my father, I’ll start one word at a time.

If you have a dream, run with it. Try your best not to define or restrict yourself along the way. Your passion is your best set of wings.

Editor’s Note: To all the hard-working, inspiring Dads out there, an early Happy Father’s Day, from Tiny Buddha to you!

by Alexis Montgomery

“Don’t be pushed by your problems. Be led by your dreams.” ~Unknown

In college, you had your whole life planned out.

You’d earn your degree in psychology, go on to a master’s program, and in no time, you’d be running your own private practice—earning a tidy living while helping others to become healthy, functioning individuals.

Or maybe you thought a degree in filmmaking would springboard you to fame as the next big documentarian, tackling the cause of the little man to overwhelming acclaim.

Whatever your big dreams in college, you’ve no doubt realized that the world presents some limitations when it comes to reaching them.  So how do you deal with life in the real world while continuing to work toward your dreams?

1. Have a plan.

This is easier said than done, but if you want to realize your career goals, you really need to lay out a step-by-step plan of action.

Don’t know how to get into the music biz?  Start by taking an internship and work your way up.  Interested in running your own green technology company?  See what’s already out there and then pick up some literature about finding your niche and forming a business plan.  Talk to a loan officer at your bank to find out the steps necessary to attain a business loan.

There are many paths to reach your goals, but you may have to work to find them.

2. Be flexible.

Even a good plan may not get you where you want to go.  Or once you get there, you might decide it’s not what you wanted after all.  It’s okay.  Apparently, the happiest people change their career path at least five times in their adult life.

Let’s face it, even a fun and fulfilling occupation can get repetitive.  And more likely than not, you have a wide variety of talents and interests that will continue to expand throughout your adult life.  Don’t be afraid to explore them.  You never know which one could become your next option for employment.

3. Listen to the experts.

You don’t know everything and neither does anyone else, but there are certainly people who have more knowledge and experience than you.  Finding the right person to mentor you on your career path can make a big difference in how well you perform and how fast you progress.

It used to be that young people would apprentice to learn their trade.  While that is rarely done today, you can often find people in your chosen profession who have been around for awhile and would be happy to teach you the tricks of the trade. Don’t let a golden opportunity pass you by.

4. Learn to budget.

If you haven’t yet learned to set a budget for yourself, there’s no time like the present! You’ll be far better equipped to pursue your dreams if you aren’t stressed and overwhelmed by bills.  You can talk to a financial planner, but why not start saving now by looking online for some budgeting tips (for free)?

There are all kinds of websites that offer comprehensive budget plans, but the basics include calculating what you earn and comparing it to what you spend.  This seems pretty basic, but there are a lot of people who get their paycheck only to watch every last penny go to bills.  A smart budget will help you save for the future.

5. Don’t fall prey to the money trap.

It’s easy to get stuck in a job that pays the bills.  You get comfortable in your cubicle and suddenly it seems like too much work to go back to school for your master’s degree.  And why struggle to launch your art career when web design affords you a nice apartment and spending cash?

All of us have been there, but it won’t be long before you become supremely dissatisfied with your day job if it isn’t where your heart is.  By all means, earn a stable living, but don’t let your loftier goals fall by the wayside.  Complacency will get you nowhere near achieving your ambitions.

6. Don’t let the man get you down.

There are plenty of people out there who will tell you your goals are worthless or unattainable.  Adults are always finding ways to say no.  So look to your inner child, who knows that anything is possible, for inspiration.

With perseverance and a plan, you can reach your goals—don’t let anyone tell you different.  Block out the negativity and focus on what you can reasonably do to keep yourself on track.  If all else fails, think of how silly those nay-sayers will feel when you accept your Grammy award.

7. Find balance.

Work isn’t everything!  Sure, you have to pay your dues when you’re the new kid on the block, but don’t make it a habit.  All work and no play is a recipe for burnout, so make sure you draw a line when it comes to overtime and extra work.

If you’re lucky, you’re career will involve an activity that allows you to come home at night with a sense of satisfaction. But honestly, that won’t always be the case.

Ultimately, you work to ensure financial stability.  But if you don’t leave yourself any time to enjoy the fruits of your labor, what’s the point?

Becoming an adult is not some magical transformation that happens overnight.  You don’t just wake up one day with a house, a wife, 2.5 kids, and gainful employment.

Part of being responsible for yourself is taking control of your life rather than letting others dictate your path. Don’t be afraid to stick to your guns.  Be proactive, know your options, and find a way to fit in some fun for yourself.  Only you can make your goals materialize—so get started!

Lori’s Shout Out: Today is the launch day for You Cannot Be Serious: and 32 Other Rules that Sustain a (Mostly Balanced) Mom! Look for my review in upcoming weeks, or buy today on Amazon to receive countless bonus gifts.

by Lori Deschene

“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to leave the world a better place; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

My father is my hero, and one of the most successful men in the world.

When I was a kid he worked two full-time blue-collar jobs to support me and my siblings. He didn’t have a college degree—he attended briefly on a golf scholarship and then got hurt—but he compensated with hard work.

Though many people wouldn’t be happy with that type of life, I never once heard him complain. Being someone who prefers a simple routine over ambition, he stayed in the printing industry until he got laid off last year.

Though he’s inspired me in a million ways, he’s done two things exceedingly well: enjoy his life, and treat everyone with kindness and respect.

I thought about this the other day while flipping through Time Magazine’s 100 Most Influential People list. As I read about leaders and luminaries who’ve made huge impact on the world, I started to think about the important little things we all do on a daily basis.

You may not have won the Nobel Peace Prize, but that doesn’t mean you’re not influential in making the world a peaceful place. You may not have created a tool that connects millions of people the world over, but you’re still the glue that holds people together in more ways than you even realize.

I haven’t always given myself credit for all the good I do. If you can relate, you may enjoy this reminder of all the ways you make the world a better place.

Love and Kindness

1. Loving people even in their weakest moments and giving them strength. As Marilyn Monroe said, “If you can’t take me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best.”

2. Forgiving someone instead of holding a grudge which gives them peace of mind. That peace of mind ripples back into the world.

3. Listening just to help someone find their own way when it would be easier to dominate the conversation.

4. Helping someone who can’t offer you anything in return.

5. Noticing someone’s positive efforts that often go unappreciated. Everyone wants to believe they make a difference. Sometimes a little gratitude inspires them to make an even bigger impact.

6. Showing a child through actions how to be a good person. Children learn from what we do more than what we say.

7. Giving someone a book that might change their life. As Mark Twain said, “The man who does not read great books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.”

8. Forgiving yourself and letting go of the past. You can only love yourself if you cut yourself some slack—and you can only love other people if you love yourself.

9. Taking care of your family’s needs, both physical and emotional. It’s not easy to do both simultaneously and well.

10. Connecting two people whose lives will improve for knowing each other.

Strength and Commitment

11. Making the effort to know yourself. Focused introspection—taking an honest assessment of who you are and what makes you happy—is the first step toward living a beautiful life.

12. Acknowledging a mistake and growing through the process

13. Working through it when you’re having a hard day. A lot of people shut down when times get difficult. Whenever you keep going you have every reason to feel proud.

14. Finding joy in your work regardless of your success. In an achievement-oriented society, focusing on the journey and not the outcome is an act of greatness.

15. Putting your heart into your blog, regardless of your readership. Even if only one person learns from your experiences, you’ve made a powerful difference through your words.

16. Staying in the game even when you think you might lose. Sticktoitiveness is an attribute to celebrate. It helps you be the person you want to be regardless of what you accomplish.

17. Honoring a promise when you’re tempted not to keep it.

18. Actually being the person you claim to be, however that translates into action.

19. Comparing yourself to an older version of you instead of other people. There’s no better way to measure your growth and motivate yourself to keep going.

20. Having the strength to walk away from a person or situation that isn’t good for you.

Health and Hope

21. Meditating, practicing yoga, or taking a calming walk. Every time you melt your stresses and foster inner peace you help make the world a more peaceful place.

22. Taking care of your body by exercising, whether it’s running after your dog or running a marathon. 190 million Americans are overweight and at risk for health complications. Taking care of yourself is a prerequisite to anything else you want to do in the world.

23. Helping someone else become healthier, by inviting them for a walk or making them a healthy meal.

24. Making one minor change for healthier eating, like going without butter. Little changes can make a big difference. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

25. Trusting your inner voice instead of letting the world make decisions for you.

26. Creating a positive environment that nurtures everyone who enters it.

27. Understanding instead of arguing. Good for your mental well-being and other people’s, too.

28. Doing anything to take care of the earth—cleaning up a park, or reducing your carbon footprint.

29. Enjoying yourself regardless of what you’ve gotten done. Enjoyment is success.

30. Being the change you want to see in the world instead of growing jaded.

Purpose and Possibilities

31. Believing in your own potential. It’s easy to get down on yourself, particularly when the economy isn’t in great shape. Any time you build yourself up you’ve set the stage to change the world.

32. Telling someone else you believe in their potential. You never know what act of greatness you might inspire, however big or small.

33. Taking one small step to fill your life with meaning based on what matters to you. People who live with passion and purpose inspire everyone around them.

34. Keeping an open mind, both to create new possibilities for yourself and to increase your chances of loving and helping people.

35. Doing something that scares you. The more willing you are to take risks, the greater your odds of feeling fulfilled in life. Fulfillment is success.

36. Supporting a cause that matters to you, whether that means making a small donation or doing the walk for breast cancer.

37. Mentoring someone who’d like to do what you do. When you help someone live their dreams you’re a meaningful part of their happiness.

38. Learning from someone else. Sometimes it’s powerful to be the apprentice and not the expert.

39. Creating. Music, poetry, jewelry, movies, websites, buildings—anytime you crease something with heart and positive intentions it’s a gift to the world.

40. Opening your world to new people. No one is an island. Every time you open your world to someone else, you create the possibility of inspiring and being inspired.

As always, I haven’t created a thorough list. This is just the beginning. Reach out! What minor success have you celebrated or noticed today?

by Aaron Jacobsen & Michelle Santos

“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it” ~Charles Swindoll

Unemployment is up almost 10 percent and job opportunities are not necessarily speeding to catch up. It’s not always easy to stay positive when you’re dealing with uncertainty, particularly if you fell out of a comfortable situation and now have to adapt.

But if you’re willing to see the experience as a challenge, and possibly even an opportunity, you can find a sense of peace and fulfillment—not just once you find work, but while you’re in the process of looking. It’s not just cliché advice that sounds good on paper. It’s actually possible. Here’s how.

If You Are Out of Work

1. Don’t isolate.

Without work some people become hermits. Most jobs involve some sort of social interaction be it with co-workers or customers. For many people, the workday is also the most frequent opportunity for social interaction. Spending some time alone can be healthy; just make sure you don’t take overdo it.

A lot of people feel ashamed or embarrassed about being unemployed, and as a result avoid social situations. As tempting as it may be to dodge friends and family, it can become a dangerous habit. You need support to make it through this transition with minimal stress and anxiety.

Aside from that, interactions allow you an opportunity to put your worries aside and have fun. You’re dealing with enough stress—don’t you deserve a break?

2. Remember that social connections are your biggest resource.

Another reason to stay social and engaged is that it’s one of the best ways to find your next job. When you’re struggling, the intimate seclusion found searching job lists and sending out endless resumes is enticing. While there’s nothing wrong with responding to job ads, it’s not nearly as effective as using your social network to find opportunities. It’s like they say: sometimes it’s not what you know, it’s who you know.

3. Maintain a positive outlook.

Negativity is an easy habit because it creates the illusion of relieving frustration, but it actually just breeds more. And unfortunately, it doesn’t get you anywhere good.

Positivity—especially when things are tough—may not be your first reaction. No worries about the future with a smile. But if you try to maintain a positive outlook, you will keep yourself open to new things. If you’re convinced there aren’t any opportunities available, you won’t even try to find one—meaning you definitely won’t get one.

4. Stay open to possibilities.

It’s ideal to think that life conforms to your plans. But it doesn’t. If it did, you wouldn’t be unemployed to begin with. Once you free yourself from a rigid path you think you should be on, you will open yourself to the new opportunities and roads that will present themselves. When this happens, be ready and willing to say yes.

It may mean taking a short-term contract job, or a lower level position in a new field. When your life path hits a roadblock you need consider the alternate routes available.

5. Take advantage of the extra time.

It’s often said that looking for work is a full-time job. That certainly can be true, but it’s a full-time job with a lot of flexibility. When you take away things like a commute, business trips, conferences and everything else that comes with a 9 to 5 job, there’s a lot of extra time in the day.

It’s a good idea to maintain as much of your normal routine as possible. If you exercise three days during the week, make sure you keep doing that. If you wanted to work out five days but never had the time, well, now you do!

This is your time to focus on yourself—what you enjoy, what makes you feel the most fulfilled. You don’t need to spend every waking hour stressing about finding work. If you put too much emphasis on where you need to be, you may find it’s self-defeating. Just because looking for work can be a full-time job, that doesn’t mean you need to walk around with full-time pressure.

If you didn’t lose your job, odds are you know someone who did. Here’s how you can help.

15 Simple Way to Support Someone Who Lost Their Job

1. Check in regularly, especially if you are close to them. Be their buoy, so they don’t lose sight of the things in life they can trust.

2. Listen. Really listen—without waiting to talk.

3. Invite them to do free stuff. Even if they have money in the bank, with less or no money coming in, it will be easier for them to commit to free or cheap activities.

4. Exercise with them, or encourage them to do activities you know they enjoy. It’s easier to stay upbeat when you feel good physically (those endorphins help!)

5. Help them get sunshine. A healthy dose of sunlight can improve your mood and help you get better sleep. Boost your friend’s spirits by helping them get out of the house for a walk when the sun shines.

6. Understand that their life is different for now. It can be strange to have so much time and uncertainty, particularly if they had a lot of structure in their day previously.

7. Acknowledge their feelings. They may or may not talk about them, but they feel something no matter what. If they don’t open up, you can share a story about a time in your life when you felt uncertain.

8. Laugh. Humor helps everyone cope. Help them take things less seriously. They’re unemployed, not comatose. There’s still a lot to enjoy!

9. Make a list of things you value in them, maybe things an employer would appreciate, and give it to them.

10. Offer to review/edit/spruce up their resume.

11. Send them job posts that you think match their skill set

12. Offer to be a reference. You obviously know them well and like them—your recommendation may be valuable.

13. Ask them what they really want to do, what they would do if they money wasn’t an issue. Maybe they’re considering taking this break to make a career change. That’s scary stuff, meaning they’ll need lots of encouragement.

14. Don’t complain about your job. Okay, if you must, try to keep it to a minimum. No matter how difficult your boss is, you can at least say you have a boss. (Which is exactly what your friend will think).

15. Check in with their family to see how they’re handling the change. Anyone who depends on your friend will be affected in some way. What better way to be a friend, than to remind them you’re there for support—for anyone who needs it.

People often think of unemployment as floating adrift somewhere between A and B; and then they try their hardest to get to B so they can be happy again. Get a consistent paycheck, settle in, and feel safe, secure, and certain. You’ll get there—but life is rarely certain. You only have this moment.

Unemployment provides a great opportunity to accept, adapt, and enjoy, even if things aren’t perfect now.

Michelle Santos is freelance writer and graduate of the University of San Francisco School of Law. Specializing in grant and legal writing, she also writes about personal development and travel. Photos here and here.