“If you let go a little, you will have a little peace. If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace.” -Ajahn Chah

It isn’t our regrets, worries, fears, and insecurities that cause us to feel stress and pain. It’s our unwillingness to let them go.

One of these posts may help you if you’re trying to:

• Let Go of an Old Relationship
• Let Go of Resentment
• Let Go of the Past
• Let Go of Regrets
• Let Go of a Bad Mood
• Let Go of Worries About the Future
• Let Go of Resistance
• Let Go of Pain

Here’s to a peaceful day full of possibilities for passion, meaning, joy, and connection.

“The greatest obstacle to connecting with our joy is resentment.” -Pema Chodron

Happiness isn’t so much a matter of what is there as it is about removing what’s in the way. You can’t possibly feel positive emotion when you’re holding onto things that bring you pain.

That’s not to say you can’t go through it. Life’s hard sometimes, and you’re allowed to hurt. The question is: how long do you want to feel angry, bitter or resentful?

And more importantly: what you can clear away today so you can connect with your joy?

“You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger.” -Buddha

Feelings themselves are neither good nor bad. What gives them power is our compulsion to either dwell on them or act on them.

Perhaps you know the feeling. Someone hurts you, or you find yourself in a difficult situation, and in a way you feel justified. Almost as if it feels good to stay angry. That maybe you should be angry; and furthermore, you should do something about it. Confront someone, challenge someone, maybe even hurt someone.

Anger magnified or directed rarely feels as good as we imagine it will. What does feel good is accepting that all feelings pass; fighting the instinct to do something you may regret; and then realizing your anger has faded. It always does with time.

Today if something ruffles you, ask yourself this question: am I willing to torture myself because I feel justified, or do I choose peace instead?

Related Post: Punished by Anger

“Hope is the feeling that the feeling you have isn’t permanent.” ~Jean Kerr

Today if you feel sad, suspicious, frustrated, angry, lonely, disconnected, scared, defensive or anything that feels uncomfortable, remember it will pass. It always does. You are not you’re feelings. And more importantly, you can let them go whenever you feel ready.

Photo here

“Complaining is silly. Either act or forget.” -Stefan Sagmeister

It can feel like a productive activity–like you’re solving something by complaining or making yourself feel better about your circumstances. But when you really think about it, does complaining do either of those things? Does it change the way things are or make you feel less angry, frustrated or stressed to dwell on how difficult the situation seems?

Though complaining may allow you to feel bonded to other people–as previously mentioned in the happiness tip Do Happy: Connect Without Complaining–it doesn’t actually serve you in any useful way. The only thing that creates change is action. And positive action starts with positive thought.

If you find yourself dwelling on everything that’s wrong today, realize you have that right–but know it’s a conscious choice to do that instead of making things right.

“Every sixty seconds you spend angry, upset or mad is a full minute of happiness you’ll never get back.” -Unknown

Smile. Let yourself be happy.

Photo here

“Some people think it’s holding that makes one strong–sometimes it’s letting go.” -Unknown

What can you let go of today to feel happier and more peaceful?

“The biggest problem for humanity, not only on a global level, but even for individuals, is misunderstanding.” -Rinpoche

The full quote is as follows:

“The biggest problem for humanity, not only on a global level, but even for individuals, is misunderstanding.  We misunderstand.  Two people are saying the same thing, but they don’t think they are saying the same thing, and they begin to argue even though they are saying the same thing!

I remember two students of mine, both wonderful people, who were in conflict with each other because they were both holding a particular work or something and each was always thinking the other was against him.

I tried many methods, which didn’t work, and finally I took them and banged their head together.  And it worked, because they both saw how they are each wonderful, that they were not against each other, and they became very good friends.”

Banging two people’s heads together doesn’t always yield such a peaceful result; but the message here is poignant nonetheless.

Oftentimes when we don’t agree, we’re saying the same things in different ways. And if we’re not saying the same things, that doesn’t always mean we’re trying to hurt each other. If you look for the good in what people are saying–try to understand their perspective–you’ll get more than you would by arguing your case.

If you feel the instinct to fight today because of something you heard, ask yourself this question:

“Could I be misunderstanding? Is it possible something good could come from giving him the benefit of the doubt?

Related blog post:

Letting Go of Stories About Other People

“Do not give your attention to what others do or fail to do; give it to what you do or fail to do.” -Dhammapada

It’s tempting to focus your energy on other people. It allows you to stay stuck wherever you are in life without feeling responsibility to change.

Having trouble getting along with people? It’s their fault–they’re demanding, selfish, and stubborn.

Can’t advance professionally? It’s your co-workers’ fault for creating a difficult work environment.

Maybe there’s some truth to your observations. People can be difficult, demanding, selfish, and stubborn. All people.

You can’t control or change anyone else, but you can improve the way you interpret their actions and deal with them.

Today when you’re tempted to focus on other people’s shortcomings, turn your attention inward instead. No one is perfect; but we can all get closer every day by starting change with ourselves.

“Remembering a wrong is like carrying a burden on the mind.” -Buddha

When someone hurts you, you may feel obligated to hold onto the pain. As if revisiting the event and going over your feelings about it will somehow change what happened.

This actually creates more pain for you.

Imagine it like this: you’re walking on a hike, and you trip over a heavy rock, so you pick it up and put it in your backpack. You’re not spiting the rock; you’re just sapping your energy, making you more vulnerable when you encounter the next one.

Whatever wrong you’re carrying around–whether it’s something another person did, or even something you did that you’re ashamed of–let it go. Once you’ve learned what you can from the experience it doesn’t serve you anymore.