“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.” -Paul Boese

Sometimes resentment and anger may seem involuntary–like reactions you have to indulge for a length of time to proportionate to how badly you were wronged. It might even feel like your anger is a justified retaliation, and you’d be weak if you let it go.

The irony is that after we’ve been hurt, we choose to continue hurting ourselves. Bitterness never feels good, no matter where it’s rooted.

Psychologists suggest that when other people make mistakes, we tend to assign them character flaws (i.e.: he’s selfish, or she doesn’t care who she hurts) whereas when we make mistakes, we more frequently cite external causes (i.e.: I’ve been overworked, or I haven’t been getting enough sleep.)

It’s almost as though we’re willing to let ourselves off the hook because we have to live with ourselves, but when it comes to other people we’re quick to condemn and slow to forget.

You might not be able to forget what happened yesterday, but you can choose not to let it suffocate today. We all have character flaws and we’re all affected by external causes. Today if you have a hard time forgiving, ask yourself this question: do you want to feel bitter or better?

“If you let go a little, you will have a little peace. If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace.” -Ajahn Chah

It isn’t our regrets, worries, fears, and insecurities that cause us to feel stress and pain. It’s our unwillingness to let them go.

One of these posts may help you if you’re trying to:

• Let Go of an Old Relationship
• Let Go of Resentment
• Let Go of the Past
• Let Go of Regrets
• Let Go of a Bad Mood
• Let Go of Worries About the Future
• Let Go of Resistance
• Let Go of Pain

Here’s to a peaceful day full of possibilities for passion, meaning, joy, and connection.

“Be gentle first with yourself if you wish to be gentle with others.” -Lama Yeshe

All too often we’re unforgiving and cruel to ourselves in a way we’d never treat our friends.

You’d never look your friend in the eye and tell she’s not good enough. You’d never beat your friend up over one mistake she made years ago. You’d never expect your friend to move mountains when she’s exhausted and clearly needs a rest.

Why do those things to yourself?

Today, give yourself the consideration and kindness you’d extend to the people you love. If you’re dissatisfied with your progress, remind yourself of all you’ve accomplished. If you made a mistake, cut yourself from slack. If you’re tired, take it easy.

All the goodness you put out into the world starts with how you treat yourself.

“Judge nothing, you will be happy. Forgive everything, you will be happier. Love everything, you will be happiest.” -Sri Chinmoy

Simple ideas that seem so much more complicated in action.

Judging is like second nature. Our minds love to decide what’s right and wrong; who is good or bad. Selfish or caring. Thoughtless or considerate. Perhaps this is what makes forgiveness so hard.

It’s nearly impossible to forgive someone for hurting you when you’re convinced they meant you harm.

Today, consider the possibility you don’t know. Your opinion or perception isn’t accurate. Your assumption about other people’s intentions aren’t truth. Try to fill that space where suspicion and judgment were before with compassion and love.

When you let your doubts about other people melt away, you prepare yourself for a greater sense of inner peace.

Related Post: 10 Ways to Deal with Difficult or Negative People

“Some people think it’s holding that makes one strong–sometimes it’s letting go.” -Unknown

What can you let go of today to feel happier and more peaceful?

“Remembering a wrong is like carrying a burden on the mind.” -Buddha

When someone hurts you, you may feel obligated to hold onto the pain. As if revisiting the event and going over your feelings about it will somehow change what happened.

This actually creates more pain for you.

Imagine it like this: you’re walking on a hike, and you trip over a heavy rock, so you pick it up and put it in your backpack. You’re not spiting the rock; you’re just sapping your energy, making you more vulnerable when you encounter the next one.

Whatever wrong you’re carrying around–whether it’s something another person did, or even something you did that you’re ashamed of–let it go. Once you’ve learned what you can from the experience it doesn’t serve you anymore.

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” -Mahatma Gandhi

Someone wronged you. Maybe they treated you thoughtlessly without your feelings or best interests in mind. Or maybe they hurt you with full awareness in a moment of anger or frustration. Your pride’s bruised, and your expectations destroyed. Why should you extend compassion to them when they didn’t offer you the same? Why should you reach out to them when you’re not the one who was wrong?

You could easily come up with a laundry list of excuses to stay righteous and unyielding. Unfortunately, no one benefits when you fester in anger, bitterness, or negativity–least of all, yourself.

It takes tremendous fortitude to acknowledge we all make mistakes and let go of your pain. The alternative is to hold it close to your heart, where you can feel right and hurt over and over again.

What kindness can you extend today to someone who awaits your forgiveness? If you feel resistant, why? What keeps you from forgiving?