“How we remember, what we remember and why we remember form the most personal map of our individuality.” Christina Baldwin

All too often we build our identities around days that have come and gone–memories with cracks we tend to fill in with whatever we want to believe.

Oddly, those things aren’t always positive. Sometimes we invest ourselves in ideas about yesterday that support our sense of helplessness because it’s easier than taking responsibility for today. If you remember yourself as a victim, your current circumstances seem like someone else’s doing.

Our past doesn’t have to define us, but it will  if we live in disempowering stories. Our mistakes don’t have to limit us, but they will if we dwell on the memories of falling short.

How might your world expand if you challenge what you think you remember and focus your thoughts in the moment instead?

“Don’t seek, don’t search, don’t ask, don’t knock, don’t demand – relax. If you relax, it comes. If you relax, it is there. If you relax, you start vibrating with it.”  ~Osho

We often associate getting what we want with fighting. We attack our to-do list. We struggle for success. We fight time to make some for ourselves.

The result of all that pushing and prodding might be accomplishment, but it comes encased in tension.

You stress about the potential to miss the mark. You stress about whether or not you’re doing things the right way. You stress about losing what you have once you get it.

Today, think about the getting, the going and the giving as exercises in ease. That doesn’t mean you don’t put in your best effort. It just means you’ve decided to be part of the flow instead of assuming you need to resist it.

Breathe. Move. Breathe some more. Everything will get done. How much you struggle is entirely up to you.

“The greater part of human pain is unnecessary. It is self-created as long as the unobserved mind runs your life.” -Eckhart Tolle

Little in life stings more than hearing “it’s all in your head” when you’re hurting.

When everything in your world seems upside down and you feel overwhelmed, frustrated, despondent or angry, your feelings can feel almost tangible. It may even seem insulting to suggest you could simply let that all go. You don’t enjoy hurting, after all; if you could, you would. Right?

As harsh as it may sound, all of our woes are in our heads because we are the ones who interpret the world, feel in response, and then choose what to think about it all. Now our emotional responses–those we can’t necessarily control. We are hard-wired to shift into “fight-or-flight” mode in the face of a perceived threat.

The increased adrenaline and decreased rational thought protected our ancestors when they faced imminent danger and needed to stop thinking and start outrunning an animal.

But in our modern society, there aren’t nearly as many threats as we perceive, meaning we can choose to breathe deeply, work through an emotion, and then guide what we think about it.

Make that choice today. Breathe, observe your mind and choose peace over pain as often as possible. You may not succeed in every moment, but even just a few small victories can open your eyes to a new and wonderful way of being.

“No matter how hard the past, you can always begin again.” -Buddha

One of the greatest misconceptions in life is that we are somehow powerless to let go of what’s behind us. That we have to carry regret, shame, or disappointment, and that is has to dictate how today will unfold, at least on some level.

It doesn’t. At any moment, you can let go of who you’ve been and decide to be someone new–to do something differently. It won’t always be easy, but it is always a choice you can make.

You can either dwell and stay stuck, or let go and feel free. Give yourself space to fill with good feelings about the beautiful day in front of you–and the beautiful tomorrow you’re now creating.

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If you need help releasing the past, one of these posts may help you:

• 10 Ways to Let Go of the Past So It Won’t Anchor You Down
• 40 Ways to Let Go and Feel Less Pain

“Hope is the feeling that the feeling you have isn’t permanent.” ~Jean Kerr

Today if you feel sad, suspicious, frustrated, angry, lonely, disconnected, scared, defensive or anything that feels uncomfortable, remember it will pass. It always does. You are not you’re feelings. And more importantly, you can let them go whenever you feel ready.

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“Complaining is silly. Either act or forget.” -Stefan Sagmeister

It can feel like a productive activity–like you’re solving something by complaining or making yourself feel better about your circumstances. But when you really think about it, does complaining do either of those things? Does it change the way things are or make you feel less angry, frustrated or stressed to dwell on how difficult the situation seems?

Though complaining may allow you to feel bonded to other people–as previously mentioned in the happiness tip Do Happy: Connect Without Complaining–it doesn’t actually serve you in any useful way. The only thing that creates change is action. And positive action starts with positive thought.

If you find yourself dwelling on everything that’s wrong today, realize you have that right–but know it’s a conscious choice to do that instead of making things right.

“Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.” ~Unknown

You can’t avoid experiencing pain in life. Even the happiest people deal with disappointment and loss. As explained in Buddhism, pain is what the world does to you; suffering is what you do to yourself.

Perhaps you can relate.

Maybe you lost someone you love, and you isolate yourself, dwelling on the pain. Or perhaps someone hurt you, and you relive the story your head, refusing to allow yourself peace.

If pain has taken the reigns in your life, you may find today’s post helpful: 10 Happiness Tips for People Who Have Been Hurt.

“Peace of mind is not the absence of conflict from life, but the ability to cope with it.” -Unknown

Adversity is a guarantee for everyone. The old cliche is true: into every life, a little rain must fall. You can’t always control what comes at you, but you can choose how you respond.

If your day gets challenging today, remember:

• You’ve dealt with difficulties before, and you got through it.
• Nothing stays the same forever. No matter how bad you feel or how tough things seem, they will improve eventually.
• Your life circumstances don’t define you; it’s how you utilize your inner strength that reveals the type of person you are.

“As long as you make an identity for yourself out of pain, you cannot be free of it.” -Eckhart Tolle

We all have ideas of who we are that influence the decisions we make. People who think they’re strong hold on when others might let go. People who think they’re funny look for humor in most situations.

Unfortunately these identities aren’t always positive. Maybe you think you’re weak, so you prove it by giving up quickly. Or perhaps you believe you’re a victim, so you look for proof other people want to hurt you.

Once you decide who you are, you generally live and act as if it’s true–hindering your ability to grow into someone stronger, smarter, and happier.

There’s no escape from pain in life, but it doesn’t need to define you. You don’t have to hold onto past troubles. You don’t need to expect the worst in people and situations. You don’t have to create drama out of hardship.

Every moment is a new chance to define your identity. What kind of person are you going to be today?

Related Posts: 10 Happiness Tips for People Who Have Been Hurt

“Remembering a wrong is like carrying a burden on the mind.” -Buddha

When someone hurts you, you may feel obligated to hold onto the pain. As if revisiting the event and going over your feelings about it will somehow change what happened.

This actually creates more pain for you.

Imagine it like this: you’re walking on a hike, and you trip over a heavy rock, so you pick it up and put it in your backpack. You’re not spiting the rock; you’re just sapping your energy, making you more vulnerable when you encounter the next one.

Whatever wrong you’re carrying around–whether it’s something another person did, or even something you did that you’re ashamed of–let it go. Once you’ve learned what you can from the experience it doesn’t serve you anymore.