“It is better to take many small steps in the right direction than to make a great leap forward only to stumble backward.” ~Proverb

Sometimes it can be challenging to operate with complete integrity in business—particularly because bigger and faster can be seductive.

Case in point: I have a strong aversion to many traditional marketing methods, as I find much of it to be psychologically manipulative.

I feel it’s wrong to sell people things by playing to their deepest fears and insecurities, and implying my book or product will be the magic bullet they’ve been waiting for all their lives.

I also feel uncomfortable with the idea of personal branding, since a brand is an idea or image of a product or service, and human beings are neither of those things. We may sell products or offer services, but we are not commodities—even if consumers often buy based on who is selling to them.

But statistically, products and books presented as ultimate solutions, by individuals with polished personas generally sell better.

Now you might not hold the exact same perspective as I do, but you likely have your own set of beliefs and values that inform the decisions you make professionally—and they may occasionally hinder your progress.

When we act in complete integrity, we often end up advancing at a slower pace.

I remember when I was 23, knee-deep in a corrupt multi-level marketing company, oblivious to my team’s unethical practices. Everything changed the day I heard our leader suggest we look for “ignorance on fire”—new recruits who never questioned, but merely plowed straight ahead on the path of most profitability.

Thinking and questioning can slow progress—but maybe slow progress is exactly what we need. Slow progress allows us to adapt as necessary, learn at each step of the journey, and ensure that we’re honoring our ideals and actual desires, instead of pushing ourselves blindly in the pursuit of success.

I realize this idea isn’t universally applicable. When it comes to advancements that save lives, I absolutely support rapid progress. They couldn’t possibly come out with cures for cancer fast enough.

But when it comes to our own personal goals and ambitions, sometimes the most satisfying results come from a slow but steady journey with unwavering commitment to what we believe is right.

Photo by Akuppa

“Change is not a process for the impatient.” -Barbara Reinhold

A while back, a Tiny Buddha contributor commented that she was feeling like a fraud for struggling to take advice she’d offered in an article. I told her I could relate. I’ve written more than 600 wisdom-themed blog posts over the past few years, meaning there is abundant potential for me to contradict something I’ve previously explored in my writing.

Sometimes when I am not mindful, or kind, or stress-free, or clearly happier and more peaceful than I once was, I start to wonder if I’ve even changed at all. My black-and-white thinking kicks in, and I question my growth all because of one moment of weakness or struggle (or sometimes, two or three).

Then I remind myself: Change isn’t something that happens in an instant and then makes everything permanently different. Change is a moment-to-moment choice.

Inevitably, we’ll make poor choices from time to time. Occasionally, we’ll fail to do the things we know are good for us. Or we’ll give advice to someone else and then struggle to follow it. Or we’ll fall back into ways of being that we thought we’d abandoned for good.

In those moments, we can beat ourselves up for being imperfect, or we can be kind to ourselves, increasing our odds of making positive choices in the moments to follow.

I don’t know about you, but I find it a lot easier to let go of a difficult moment and get back on track when I accept that struggle is inevitable, and then forgive myself when it happens.

We will never feel happy with ourselves if we pressure ourselves to do everything perfectly, because that just isn’t possible. It is possible, however, to choose change more often than not–to strive every day for more positive choices than negative ones so that we never let one setback devalue all our progress and potential.

Today, if you start wondering if you’ve even changed at all, remember: What really matters is what you choose to do right now.

Photo by antwerpenR

“Patience is passion tamed.” -Lyman Abbott

Running a site about wisdom can be an exercise in massive irony when you don’t feel like applying what you’ve learned. For me, this is most relevant when it comes to patience.

For the past three months, I’ve been planning a new feature for this site, and I’ve devoted a lot of my time, energy, and resources to creating it.

Since I am not a designer or coder, much of this has little to do with me. It’s simply a matter of paying people, communicating my vision, offering feedback as they work on it, and then waiting. And waiting. And waiting.

Yesterday, after I sent a follow-up email to see where everything is in the process, I found myself complaining internally that this should be finished by now, and dwelling on this frustration. This was roughly an hour after I completed a mini-interview that asked the question, “How do you get through most days without complaining?”

Faced with this obvious irony, I realized I was creating a sense of internal urgency and justifying it because this project has taken longer than I anticipated. Whether or not I expected this would be finished sooner, I was solely responsible for my feelings. And my feelings weren’t creating or leading to anything positive.

The reality is there is no reason to rush. It’s just that feeling out of control triggers impatience in me, and if I’m not self-aware, it can spiral into anxiety.

We all have triggers for impatience. It will likely feel far more overwhelming when the thing you’re waiting for is something that really matters to you. Waiting may feel like procrastinating, or stalling, or losing a sense of momentum. That’s often how it feels for me.

Sometimes those things may be true, but it never serves us well to dwell on them. All we can do is do what we can, and then refocus our energy where it’s most beneficial.

Today if you feel impatient with someone or something you’re waiting on, ask yourself: How can I let go of these anxious feelings and use my time positively and productively?

Photo by Wonderlane

“There is more to life than increasing its speed.” -Gandhi

If only tomorrow were here.

You’d have that promotion you feel you’ve earned. Your bank account would have an extra zero or two. You’d be finished with the improvements on your house, and ready for new ones to make it even more comfortable.

Your kids would be in that school you can’t yet afford. Closer to graduation. Closer to adulthood. Closer to leaving your home.

You could plan that vacation you’ve wanted to take. And take it. And come back. And want for another.

If only tomorrow were here.

You’d be one day too late to enjoy today’s sunset.

Twenty-four hours too late to savor today’s lunch, today’s cool breeze, today’s little lessons.

One night too late to tell someone you love them—someone who could move, or change, or even fade away.

Smack dab in the middle of another today, when everything is still imperfect. And yet still so beautiful.

Tomorrow will come, and tomorrow will go. Take a deep breath and enjoy right now. This is what is real.

*This is an updated version of a post from September, 2009. Photo by lostintheredwoods.

“We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world.” -Helen Keller

This is the kind of statement that I used to find incredibly annoying. I thought it was an overly simplified way of condoning a lot of the hurtful things other people had done. If someone suggested that a hardship was a gift, I assumed they were saying it because they couldn’t relate to my pain.

Then I realized that my stubborn commitment to being right and bitter was causing me just as much pain as I felt other people caused. I was hurting myself by holding onto anger and refusing to see what I’d gained through my different trials and tribulations.

When we consider that every event contains a gift–even the ones that seem negative–we suddenly have immense power in creating our state of mind and making a positive difference in the world.

Everything that appears to be dark can become light if we recycle it into something useful. Everything can inspire us to learn, grow, and help other people.

Today if you’re dealing with something you never would have asked for, ask yourself: What can I learn from this to improve life for me and others going forward? And equally important: What can I do with what I learned?

Photo by harminder dhesi photography

“If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape one hundred days of sorrow.” -Chinese Proverb

Today’s guest post, 5 Expressions for Mindful Living, focuses on things we might want to say more often for a present, peaceful life. The opposite end of that equation is things we might need to say less.

For me, they’re usually words I blurt out impulsively without really thinking about the impact–when I feel frustrated, overwhelmed, or annoyed and feel the need to do something with it.

In that moment, it can feel imperative to get those feelings out; but I’ve found that being patient with feelings is the best way to gauge what’s truly important. Impulsive anger has a way of proving itself irrational if you take a few deep breaths and ride it out.

Someone’s snarky comment suddenly looks, at best, like a misunderstanding and, at worst, like something trivial that isn’t worth getting ruffled about. An impossible situation all of a sudden appears manageable when you step back and look at it from a different perspective.

We’re absolutely allowed to feel whatever we need to feel–but that doesn’t mean we always need to do something with it, especially when you consider that some words have an impact no other words can undo.

Today if you feel angry at a person or situation, ask yourself: is it worth the potential consequences to communicate something that might not actually matter to me a little later, when this feeling subsides?

Photo by JapanDave

“If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.” -Proverb

One of the hardest things in life is knowing what’s right for you. You can drive yourself crazy trying to find it–the right work, the right goals, the right purpose, the right partner.

The truth is there is no right. At any time you can decide to change directions, and that’s a completely valid choice. You don’t have to define it, defend it, or even understand it. You just need to trust yourself and then find the courage to walk the path you chose.

If any time it stops feeling right, you can then decide again. And then walk and keep on walking.

If you have trouble trusting your gut, you may find this post helpful: Why It’s Hard to Trust Your Instincts and How to Start.

Photo by Let Ideas Compete