by Lori Deschene

“Be gentle first with yourself if you wish to be gentle with others.” -Lama Yeshe

All too often we’re unforgiving and cruel to ourselves in a way we’d never treat our friends.

We’d never look a friend in the eyes and tell her she’s not good enough. We’d never beat a friend up over one mistake he made years ago. We’d never expect a friend to move mountains when she’s exhausted and clearly needs a rest.

Why do we sometimes do these things to ourselves?

So often when we think about self-love, we think about the big picture—forgiving ourselves for past mistakes and accepting ourselves, imperfections and all.

But in much the same way we show love in relationships through tiny acts of appreciation and consideration, we can love ourselves through small, maybe even random acts of kindness.

For me, that means allowing myself to relax if I need to, even if I feel like I should be productive. It means treating myself to a nice lunch every now and then, even if I feel I should save money. It means responding to negative thoughts in my head with the same uplifting advice I’d give my sister.

Sometimes it also means seeing in the mirror that little girl who I used to be—the little girl who always did her best and wanted nothing to more than to have someone hug her and tell her it was good enough. It’s my job to do that now.

It’s all of our jobs.

Today, give yourself the consideration and kindness you’d extend to the people you love. If you’re dissatisfied with your progress, remind yourself of all you’ve accomplished. If you made a mistake, cut yourself from slack. If you’re tired, take it easy.

All the goodness you put out into the world starts with how you treat yourself.

Photo by AlicePopkorn

“Don’t let the past hold you back; you’re missing the good stuff.” -Unknown

There have been times when I’ve regretted that I missed out on so much when I was younger.

Because I held onto pain so tightly, I missed out on countless opportunities for fun while sitting alone and feeling bad for myself.

Because I felt so insecure for so long, I missed out on the chance to make strong friendships while shutting down and assuming people would hurt me.

And because I was afraid of failing, I missed out on all kinds of professional opportunities while doing what felt easy and safe.

Now, in my early 30s, it’s tempting to look back and feel bad for squandering those years when I was so full of potential. Then I remember: I still am.

The other night, I attended a family function with many of the amazing, interesting people who I didn’t fully appreciate when I was caught up in my personal dramas. I planned to leave early because I was somewhat tired, but I ended up dancing until the last song with my big fat Italian family.

I remember looking around at my cousins, ranging in age from 11 to 35, my aunt in her 50s, and friends of all ages in between, and recognizing that we were all the same on the dance floor.

We were all losing ourselves in the music, likely thinking about nothing, simply choosing to be together and move. It was almost as if in that moment, we were ageless. What had come or what was coming didn’t matter right then.

All that mattered was that we all had the same choice to make: sit it out, or dance (yes, like in the song).

That’s the choice we’re faced with every day.

We can focus on the fun things we could have done but didn’t, or we can do something fun right now.

We can dwell on the mistakes we made in past relationships, or we can focus on enjoying the relationships we’re in right now.

We can think about all the opportunities we missed out on, or we can focus on embracing possibilities right now.

There will always be something we didn’t do yesterday, but we get to choose right now how yesterday looks when we get to tomorrow. Right now, whatever age we are, this is our chance to live.

Photo by Lara604

“Never apologize for showing feelings. When you do so, you apologize for the truth.” -Benjamin Disraeli

As I’ve been preparing my presentation for the Wanderlust Yoga and Music Festival, I’ve been watching a lot of powerful speeches related to my topics of authenticity and connection. I found my way to Dr. Brené Brown, who researches vulnerability.

In her inspiring talk, Brené explains how shame can be one of the biggest barriers to connection. If you believe there is something wrong with you—that you are somehow unworthy—you may hide who you are in fear of being judged and rejected.

This is why I spent most of my early and mid-20s completely isolated. Because I felt overwhelming shame for mistakes I’d made, and I believed that they defined me, I chose to fester in a prison of my own making to avoid people’s judgment.

Though I have now joined the land of the social, there are still times when I think my true feelings are an admission of weakness. I get a lot of emails from readers who seem to feel the same way—that they shouldn’t be feeling angry, or frustrated, or hurt, or whatever. They think they should be stronger or more evolved than that.

This only exacerbates the pain because you pile guilt on top of the initial feeling.

There is no shame in having emotions. And as Brené points out, it’s nearly impossible to numb the uncomfortable ones without also diluting the positive.

If we want to know joy, elation, excitement, and everything else that makes life worth living, we need to give ourselves permission to feel the full range of emotions. And if we want to connect with each other, we need to accept and love ourselves in every moment, even when our truth feels heavy.

Today if you start judging what you’re feeling, remind yourself: Everyone deals with difficult feelings. What separates us is what we do with them.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4Qm9cGRub0

“You cannot make yourself feel something you do not feel, but you can make yourself do right in spite of your feelings.” ~Pearl S. Buck

There are a lot of things we aren’t going to want to do in life.

We won’t always want to get up and go to work–we might feel frustrated with what seems like a dead end job. We won’t always want to face people who hurt us–we might prefer to sit around stewing in negative feelings and bitterness about the past.

But doing is the first step toward changing something that isn’t working. Going to that job allows you to take care of yourself so you can work toward something better. Facing the people who hurt you gives you an opportunity to communicate your feelings and set boundaries to prevent future problems.

We can’t always feel positive things, but we can always choose to do something positive with what we feel.

Today if you’re feeling paralyzed by emotion, ask yourself these question: once this feeling passes, as feelings often do, what will I want to feel in it’s place? What can I do now to create that feeling instead of sitting around waiting for it to come?

Photo here

“Stay away from what might have been and look at what will be.” -Marsha Petrie Sue

Everyone has something they might do differently if they could back in time. It’s a natural consequence of learning and growing.

The happiest people focus not on what they should have done if only they knew then; but instead on what they can do right now with the knowledge they have gained. No matter how helpless you may feel, you can do more than you think.

Today you will make hundreds of mini-decisions that will create what will be. You’ll have people to meet, challenges to take, and opportunities to seize. You can only seize those moments with a sense of joy and possibility if you forgive yourself for the choices that have past.

photo by natashalatrasha

“Letting go of the past means that you can you enjoy the dream that is happening right now.” -Don Miguel Ruiz

If you’re lost in your head, rehashing or obsessing, you miss all the little things that make life feel full and satisfying.

You don’t notice the small gestures that show people love you; they seem like everyday courtesies that don’t warrant consideration. You don’t acknowledge the trees and flowers that make your space beautiful; they fade into your peripheral vision like part of the furniture.

The little things are the big things. Happiness is paying attention. Give yourself permission to let go of everything that stands in the way of life’s tiny beauties. Dwelling on the past won’t change what’s already happened. Worrying about the future won’t make it any less unpredictable.

Let yourself enjoy today. It’s the tomorrow you dreamed about yesterday.

Photo by gtall1