“Many fine things can be done in a day if you don’t always make that day tomorrow.” -Unknown

When I was younger, an adult I was staying with told me, “The diet starts tomorrow. Let’s eat everything we can before midnight.”

So we did. We ate grilled cheeses, leftover Chinese food, Twinkies, and anything else that called to us from her cabinets.

It was then or never, that was the message, and tomorrow would be different—which of course it wasn’t.

For years, I started each morning intending to make healthy choices, and then after failing to meet my perfectionist standards, decided to turn over a new leaf the following day.

I justified chain smoking by telling myself I’d quit tomorrow. I allowed myself to remain inert by rationalizing that the day was “ruined” because I missed my morning workout.

It was impossible to make big change because I always had an excuse to avoid making different choices.

I eventually gave up Marlboro’s and binge fests, but I still deal with all-or-nothing thinking at times, particularly when it comes to leaving my comfort zone—and if I’m not careful, it can be paralyzing.

Perhaps you can relate. Maybe you’ve rationalized that you’ll start dieting after the holidays, instead of cutting back just a little starting now. Or maybe you’ve put off looking for more fulfilling work, assuming it would be easier next week, next month, or next year, when you feel less frustrated or overwhelmed.

We delude ourselves when we rationalize that tomorrow we’ll excel at what we aren’t willing to start today. We may never feel fully prepared or confident when it comes to our ability to change—and that’s okay, so long as we’re willing to try, starting now.

That means accepting we may not do things perfectly.

We may feel like we’re making progress and then fear we’re right where we started. More likely, we will have taken two steps forward and one step back—which means we are moving forward.

I don’t believe that life is short; most of us will have abundant opportunities to experience all this world has to offer. Whether or not we actually do that is largely dependent on how we spend our time.

We can sabotage our days by imagining tomorrow will be better; or we can seize our moments by forgiving ourselves when we struggle and doing the best we can right now.

Photo by zedmelody

Note: In response to reader requests, Tiny Buddha is now on Google+! Add Tiny Buddha to a circle if you’d like to receive updates there.

“Man stands in his own shadow and wonders why it’s dark.” -Zen Proverb

I’ve recognized that I come to my computer to write for one of two reasons:

Either I feel the need to explore something that’s relevant to my life, and in doing so, start a conversation about it; or there’s something bothering me that I haven’t fully addressed, and I’m hoping the conversation will make me feel better about it.

Last week an old friend wrote to congratulate me on my book. She started the email by joking that she wouldn’t “sell my secrets if the tabloids called.”

Though I doubt she was referring to anything specific, this struck a nerve with me because I’ve shared a lot of my personal experiences, but there are some stories I haven’t told.

Some of them I’ve worked through and simply don’t want to share; others I haven’t completely addressed, and I’m still working through them privately.

After I read her email, I started to write a post about the difference between authenticity and transparency. I realized three paragraphs in that my sole intention was to receive confirmation that I am not a fraud for keeping certain things to myself.

So I decided to sit with this, and give myself the reassurance and acceptance I hoped you’d give me.

I realized then that this same idea applies in everyday life, as we engage with other people and, consciously or unconsciously, look to them to give us what we’re not giving ourselves.

If we’re feeling down on ourselves, we may look to other people to validate us. If we’re feeling drained, we might look to other people to give us permission to take a break.

If they don’t give us what we need, we can end up feeling frustrated, and direct that at them. Ironically, even when people say what we think we want to hear, it tends to fall flat if we don’t truly believe they’re right.

What makes it all the more complicated is that we don’t often realize we’re doing this. It’s far more comfortable to search outside than it is to look within.

But if we want to fully feel the warmth of light, we need to first access our own. That starts with asking ourselves: What do I really need—and how can I give it to myself?

My book blog tour for Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions has come to an end! Check out the final stops: A video interview on The One Question and a review on Prolific Living.

Photo by Wonderlane

“Kites rise highest against the wind, not with it.” –Winston Churchill

Have you ever purposely chosen to do something you felt resistant to doing? I do this occasionally because I recognize I sometimes limit myself by being inflexible.

I can be a creature of habit, particularly when it comes to situations that make me feel in control.

For example, I have one specific spot where I like to sit when I work in the Starbucks near my apartment. It’s right by the window and sufficiently removed from the chaos of the line.

It’s the best lit spot, and it’s both private and ideal for people-watching, since I can see the entire room and the passersby outside. When this seat is taken, I sometimes feel hesitant to stay.

Yet I consistently make myself sit and work wherever there is open space, despite my instinct to leave, because this is a mini test in acceptance—and there are many areas of my life where my controlling instinct affects far more than where I work.

Every time I simply sit wherever there’s space, instead of indulging black and white thinking, I release my rigid grip on the ideal and get better at accepting and making the best of what’s in front of me.

Not everyone deals with my control issues, but we all have areas where we limit ourselves in life.

Maybe you avoid certain situations if you think you’ll have to wait because you know you get impatient. Or maybe you steer clear of events where you’d meet new people because you know you’ll feel vulnerable or awkward.

If you don’t feel the desire to improve in these areas of your life, then by all means do what you always do. But if a part of you wants to feel less limited, you can likely find abundant opportunities to practice doing things differently.

Life presents us with countless mini tests if we’re willing to take them. Each one is an opportunity to let go of the way we usually react and embrace a new way of being.

Today I challenge my instinct to be rigid and controlling. What test will you accept today?

Photo by Ton Haex

“Make the best use of what is in your power and take the rest as it happens.” -Epictetus

The one you’ve been waiting for to tell you what to do—it’s you. You’re the only one who knows what’s right for you in this moment.

The one you’ve been waiting for to fix your problems—it’s you. You’re the only one who has the power to change what isn’t working.

The one you’ve been waiting for to make the pain go away—it’s you. Whatever you’re holding onto, only you can let it go.

The one you’ve been waiting for to give you permission—it’s you. You’re the only one who can decide whether you’ll try or hold yourself back.

The one you’ve been waiting for to love you—it’s you. You’re the only one who can make you feel beautiful and worthy.

The one you’ve been waiting for to provide something that’s missing—it’s you. You’re the only one who can create and recognize what’s enough for your happiness.

The one who makes a difference in so many people’s lives—it’s you. Remember that even when you struggle with some of these things, the world is a better place for having you in it.

Photo by silvihelsinkirocks

“Never ignore a gut feeling, but never believe that it’s enough.” -Robert Heller

A while back, a friend of mine called me crying because of a huge disappointment in her life. She made a bold decision based on gut instinct, and then expected that everything would work out as she envisioned it because she felt so certain it was the right choice.

I think what hurt her most of all was the realization that nothing is certain. Following your instincts to leave something doesn’t guarantee it will be easy to find something else. And knowing that something feels right doesn’t ensure you’ll immediately know the right way to make it happen.

Our instincts point us in the right direction, but we need know before we take that first step that very few paths are clear and direct. The hardest thing isn’t taking the leap—it’s learning to relax in the free fall when you’re not sure yet where you’re going to land or how.

I have been in this place many times before.

I’ve walked out of offices, feeling empowered with my decision to quit—only to later to find myself wondering if I should have followed my father’s advice to “never leave one job without another lined up.”

I’ve walked away from unhealthy relationships feeling proud of my ability to let go—only to find myself obsessing about whether it was a choice to be permanently alone.

And I’ve decided to get help to change bad habits—only to find myself feeling unsure of how I’d function without them.

That instinctive decision to walk away from something, or toward something, or through something—it’s only the very beginning.

But if we’re brave enough to listen to it and take action, we’re also brave enough to handle the uncertainty ahead. If we have the strength to make that choice, we have the strength to keep honoring it when things get tough, as they often do.

Today if you’re walking through unfamiliar territory, wondering if you made the right choice, ask yourself: Would you question your decision if things all worked out right away? If the answer is no, then keep learning, keep growing, and keep going.

You know you want this. Now you just need to be patient enough to let yourself discover how you’ll do it.

Photo by geishaboy500

“Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough.” ~Josh Billings

Sometimes I feel immense pressure to do all kinds of things I don’t want to do. The reality is, I often put this pressure on myself. I think about the things I should do. Or the things I think I should want to do. Or the things other people might expect me to do.

And all this thinking can drain me—before I’ve gotten a chance to do anything. This is basically choosing to create anxiety where there could be peace and joy. It’s wasting precious time, feeling conflicted, restricted, and full of angst.

So today I invite you to join me in remembering it’s OK to say no, and our world won’t fall apart because of it.

It’s OK to say no if you don’t feel moved by an opportunity—no matter how exciting it might sound to someone else. Happiness is a choice, but it’s made up of lots of smaller choices we need to make based on what we actually want.

It’s OK to say no if you’d rather relax than go out—no matter how many other people think you should be social. Only we know when we need to recharge and take care of ourselves, so it’s up to us to recognize and honor that.

It’s OK to say no if you’d need to sacrifice your needs to help someone else—even if a part of you feels a little guilty about it. People are always going to have requests. Sometimes we’ll be able to help; sometimes we won’t. We’re still good people regardless.

It’s OK to say no because you don’t have time—even if you don’t know right in this moment when you’ll be more available. We’re allowed to say no without hinting toward a future yes.

It’s OK to say no without a detailed excuse—even if you feel like you should offer one. “This doesn’t feel right for me right now” is a perfectly valid reason.

Lastly, it’s OK to say no even if you’ve already said yes, if you realize you weren’t being true to yourself. It’s far better to make the right decision late than follow through with the wrong one because you think you should.

Photo by permanently scatterbrained

“Our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world as being able to remake ourselves.” -Gandhi

This past weekend, I took a break from writing at Starbucks to visit the nearby Fall Festival, which featured a petting zoo, face painting, and food samples.

This is one of my favorite events because it encompasses many things I love, including farm animals, giddy children, and food on toothpicks (yes, that’s in my list of favorite things).

Much to my excitement, I saw there was also a large makeover event set up in the vicinity. Since I had time, I decided to get in line—except there wasn’t one. It was more like a group of women positioned haphazardly in front of the two stylists.

So I asked one of the women, “Are you in line?”

Her response caught me off guard, because she snapped kind of defensively, “Yes. This is the line. Behind me—I’ve been waiting!”

Instinctively, I felt annoyed. I’d asked to be considerate, but I gathered it didn’t come across that way.

I realized then that I often feel angry when I have positive intentions that others don’t seem to receive as such; and I can easily get frustrated when I sense hostility that I feel I “don’t deserve.”

Sometimes, because of that, I take things personally that simply aren’t personal—and also aren’t a big deal.

While this was a brief encounter with little significance in the grand scheme of things, it got me thinking about the importance of self-awareness.

So often in life, we feel things that have little to do with what’s actually happening and everything to do with the stories we’re telling ourselves in our head—stories that involve assumption, blame, and defensiveness.

But we don’t have to fall victim to our instinctive emotional reactions. At any time, we can stop, assess what’s going on in our heads, and decide to respond a little more wisely based on what we know about ourselves.

Today if you feel yourself getting all worked up over something that isn’t a big deal, ask yourself, “What can I learn about myself that will help me going forward?”

Photo by Melissa Gray

“Have respect for yourself, and patience and compassion. With these, you can handle anything.” ~Jack Kornfield

Photo by Rose_Zhang

“The natural flights of the human mind are not from pleasure to pleasure but from hope to hope.” -Samuel Johnson

You’ll find lots of inspiring posts that suggest you hold onto hope against all odds and push through difficult times with your eye on a light down the road. This isn’t one of them. Sometimes hope is a beautiful thing. It can motivate, empower, and inspire you when you’re tempted to give up. But other times it just keeps you stuck.

When you push through today for a better tomorrow, without doing anything to create that new possibility, your hope creates the illusion of change to come.

When you hold onto the past, hoping to revive a relationship, situation, or time that’s come and gone, your hope precludes even better possibilities in the present.

When you hope you’ll someday know happiness—when you get the right relationship, the right job, the right adventure—your hope allows you to avoid reality. And it makes it unlikely that you’ll ever know happiness since hope for something else is the only way you know to experience it.

We all want to feel happy. We all want to avoid feeling pain. That’s what makes hope so exciting. It divorces us from the moment and projects us immediately into something better.

It allows us the freedom to close our eyes and imagine a world far better than the one we think we know. Hope is comforting, but not always empowering. Hope may give you possibilities in tomorrow, but belief gives you possibilities now.

When you believe you can be happy regardless of what you gain or achieve, you open your eyes and find reasons to feel and share joy.

When you believe you can have something better, you take responsibility for creating it, starting in this moment.

When you believe you’re complete, even if you don’t feel good in any given moment, you challenge yourself to think beyond your emotions, and remember the larger picture.

You can hope yourself into a corner, waiting for tomorrow to improve. Or you can believe your way onto center stage, and create that tomorrow you want. It starts right now.

Photo by reggie35

“Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.” -Mahatma Gandhi

When I was 21 years old, I starved myself to 95 pounds and then spent every ounce of my energy worrying about the potential to gain weight back. It was torturous and yet comforting all at once. Because I obsessed about my body, I never had to think or worry about much else. There just wasn’t any time.

Back then, I was rehearsing for a musical holiday show. I loved belonging to that group, and I wanted to form real friendships with the other cast members. But when I wasn’t singing or dancing, I was often vacant behind my eyes. I was a prisoner inside my bones, starved for my own love.

There was an incredibly buff guy named Rich. He was the strongest man I’d ever met, and we sometimes joked that we were complete opposites. He could easily pick me up with one arm and then toss me in the air.

One day he found me crying in the parking lot, as I did often when no one was looking. He put his massive hand on my shoulder and said, “You’re such a great person, Lori, but you’re going to be amazing when you finally decide to get strong.”

These words have always stuck with me. When I struggle, or feel like my world is falling apart, I remember: I can do amazing things when I choose to be strong—when I remember I am strong.

We all are. We are all survivors. We have all overcome adversity. We have all had our share of battles. We have all had our moments when we’ve fallen so low we questioned if we could lift ourselves up.

Yet we have. We’ve gotten smarter, bolder, braver, and wiser from the struggles we’ve endured. Maybe not right away, and maybe not easily, but we’ve bounced back from hard times, and we’ve proven to ourselves that our spirit is stronger than anything that could threaten to break it.

Today if you question what you can change, handle, or overcome, remember: You can do amazing things when you decide to get strong.

Photo by McD22