by Lori Deschene

“The journey is the reward.” ~Chinese Proverb

So much of our language about the things we enjoy in life revolves around getting ahead.

We wonder where our relationships are going. We plan to move forward in our careers. We talk about maintaining momentum with new projects.

None of these things are necessarily bad. We naturally crave growth to feel a sense of purpose and progress.

But sometimes we put so much energy into pushing and striving that we miss out on the joy of being where we are.

When we visualize ourselves taking a pause to fully absorb and appreciate our surroundings, it’s often after we’ve arrived. It’s when we’ve climbed the mountain and can finally stand proudly on its peak. It’s when we’ve made the commitment, secured the deal, or finished working on something we love.

From a purely mathematic standpoint, it’s clear we will have far fewer opportunities to enjoy arriving than we will have to enjoy the journey.

The question then becomes: Are we willing to relish in the many uncertain moments when we’re not sure yet where our efforts are leading?

I suspect it boils down to belief and intention.

If we believe we need to create massive change in order to experience joy, we will inevitably feel a sense of restlessness. This moment will feel like something we need to endure to get ahead—something painfully inadequate compared to where we’d rather be.

If we believe that every part of the process can be beautiful and joyful, we will feel a sense of calmness and peace. This moment will feel like something we need to savor while it lasts—something unique and worth celebrating, regardless of where it takes us.

We’re always going to want to spread our wings and fly. We crave freedom, adventure, and possibility, and we don’t want to feel stuck, bored, or limited.

Perhaps happiness is recognizing that we are never stuck. Even if we don’t recognize it, we are always growing and evolving, and the world we know is always changing.

There will never be another opportunity to seize the possibilities of this moment. We can limit ourselves by failing to recognize this, and in doing so, let life pass us by. Or we can realize the greatest adventure is always the one we’re in right now.

Photo by scion_cho

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Tiela Garnett

 “Judge nothing, you will be happy. Forgive everything, you will be happier. Love everything, you will be happiest.”  ~Sri Chinmoy

We live in a world of judgment. We qualify everything in varying degrees of right and wrong, good and bad, pretty and ugly.

We are taught from earliest childhood to judge everything and everyone. We label our days consistently, using adjectives like “beautiful” or “horrible.” Even the weather is not immune!

The presence of judgment is pervasive in our lives, yet subtle enough in some cases to pass unnoticed. 

I have worked for years at ridding my life of all judgment, but it’s far easier said than done! Just when I begin to think I’ve eradicated all traces of the poison, it pops up again, wearing a new disguise.

One of the most valuable lessons of my life was witnessing the presence of judgment when I least expected it…

Many of us on a so-called “spiritual path” find ourselves sorely challenged when we observe the suffering of those around us. This was especially true for me when my mother was dying.

In the last days of my mother’s life, she was in severe, physical pain.  It’s hard for me to put into words the extent of my discomfort as I watched her, and the effect it had on my personal belief system.

For years, I had lived with the belief that “all is well,” that regardless of any appearance of disharmony, there is a destiny, a plan, order in this great universe of ours. As my mother lay dying, I could not reconcile the image of her suffering with that belief system. 

I found myself regressing to the questions I’d lived with throughout adolescence. Why is there suffering in the world? Why do bad things happen to good people? Why is my mother being punished this way? This isn’t fair!

For many years now, I’ve been blessed with the good fortune of having an individual in my life whom I can count on for perspectives of peace in moments when I’m floundering. I called him up as I was thrashing around in this confused mindset.

No sooner had I finished telling him how unjust it was that my mother was suffering in this way, than he knocked the wind out of me by saying, “Tiela, stop judging your mother’s process.”  The words floored me.

Judging? Was I really judging what my mother was going through? Yes!

Not only was I judging it, I was condemning it, and in some sense condemning her life—in fact, all of life along with it! I was not even respecting that there might be wisdom or a divine plan operating in my mother’s experience that I was unable to see.

I had decided that even though I wasn’t in my mother’s shoes, I knew better than she did, better than her higher self, better than the universe! I knew that what she was going through was “bad” and “wrong.” 

Furthermore, by deciding that my mother was experiencing something against her will, I was seeing her as a helpless victim instead of an evolving being on a path of consciousness. At the very least I was doing my mother a disservice. Potentially, I was even adding to her pain.

The minute I became aware of what I was doing, I was able to stop by realizing that my attitude was actually doing harm to this person that I loved.

It’s never pleasant to witness what we call “suffering.” But it’s a form of arrogance to assume we really know what’s going on and whether or not it’s necessary for someone else’s life.  Truthfully, it isn’t any of our business. 

Our job is to walk our separate paths with presence and awareness, to be available for people when they ask for our assistance and, when they don’t, to allow them to have their process.

I am certainly not suggesting we live our lives without compassion, but there is a world of difference between compassion and pity. The former is an expression of love that emanates from respecting a person’s essence. The latter is a cloying, negative emotion, toxic in nature and void of all respect.

Pity is one of the many, clever disguises judgment wears. In fact, it is impossible to “pity” someone without seeing them in a position that is inferior to our own. Such an attitude is judgment, pure and simple.    

The only way we can truly assist anyone in a challenging process is by releasing all judgment and seeing her or him for the empowered being that they truly are.

Photo by Trang Nguyen Xu

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Kirsten Tulsian

“Don’t be afraid to go out on a limb. That’s where the fruit is.” ~H. Jackson Browne

When I close my eyes and ponder the dreams that I have, the hopes and wishes that I cradle in my heart, I wonder what has prevented me from reaching for and achieving them. Oh, I come up with a whole slew of excuses, sometimes disguised as “reasons.”

The seeker of my truth fires back with a rebuttal most of the time.

“It is better to attempt and fail than fail to make any attempt at all,” it says in response to my ego’s ramblings about how I won’t ever succeed.

“You make time for what is important to you,” my inner light says in response to my ego’s musings about how busy my life is, working a full-time job, while also parenting two active, small children.

Regardless of the excuse, it can always boil down to one thing.

Fear.

I lost my dad traumatically and unexpectedly in 2003. I spent the next eight years wading through the sadness and anger, searching for some deeper meaning, some explanation for how serendipitously and “coincidentally” it all unfolded.

Then in 2011, I made an amazing discovery that was ultimately life changing. The catalyst for this shift in my being was a referral from a friend to read a book about life after death.

Suddenly, I realized that my soul, my intuition, my gut—it had something to say about how I should purposefully fulfill my path in this lifetime.

I spent quite a bit of time trying to differentiate between these disparate voices and messages I was receiving. Is it my head or my gut?

The ego is fear-driven. It relishes in success, achievement, and status. It directs you to analyze the route that leads to all of these things. 

Intuition is heart driven and does not equate status and success with happiness, but rather is the essence of happiness. The simple act of listening to intuition results in serenity.

Differentiating between these voices takes practice. When making a decision, consider asking yourself, “Is this decision based on a fear of failure and a desire to succeed, or is this choice based on your heart’s desire to express itself?”

Differentiating between these voices is a lifelong journey for most of us.

The next fork in the road, for me, came when I realized that my true self had been fighting in my corner all along, while my fear, my ego, and my head conspired to hold me back.

I woke up one night worrying about my job, and ultimately was paralyzed by the fear that I’d have to work as a teacher for the rest of my life, long after my desire and my drive to teach had left me. I’ve loved my job, as it has meaning and value, but I also knew that my intuition was nudging me in new directions.

Would I be able to step away from the security that this full-time job provides?

I imagined that I was on my deathbed and wondered what it would be like to look back at a life half-lived. I reflected on the miracles in my life, for they are plenty. My family, children, and friends are all that I could have ever asked for and a ton more.

I got a great education. I took advantage of opportunities for growth in my work. And I feel successful in the choices I’ve made up to this point.

There it was, though, that nagging voice inside me that said, “You can do more, you can be more, reach for the stars, publish that book you’ve always wanted to write, do it without fear, and do it with vigor, for you are amazing, and you are worthy!” 

It was this day, late in 2011, when I made a choice to kick fear in the teeth and let my true self do its thing, the thing that I’d been suppressing for so long: writing.

Not only did I just start to write, I also told that fear of judgment to take a hike and I started publishing my writing on a blog. For everyone to see. For everyone to read. For everyone to judge.

I was scared, and it took some courage, but ultimately I decided that I didn’t care because that’s how bad I wanted it.

I started to feel like I was taking a step in the direction of my life’s purpose despite the fear, and sometimes judgmental reactions from some of the people in my life. My inner light adjusted, kicked the doubt to the gutter, and stepped up to defend the truth that is me.

I’m not yet working as a full-time writer, which is my dream, but despite the fear that I’ve given an incredible amount of power, I’ve started the climb. 

In the past three months, I have set and reached goals which, just a year ago, my fear didn’t allow me to even entertain. As each week passes, I make new goals that lead me to fragile branches.

The reward, though, is directly related to the degree of risk. 

I’ve realized that the hardest part of the journey was truly and deeply accepting the truth that I can do anything that I want to do. Yes, it’s true (deep breath)!

Do you believe the same? If you’re also struggling to overcome your fear, remember to:

1.  Listen to your intuition.

The biggest challenge here is deciphering the messages that come from our head and those that come from our gut, or our divine self. I remember the feeling of awe when I discovered that my inner voice even existed, and that there truly is a difference between the judgmental ego and the divine voice.

Pure bliss ensued when I understood that intuition is never wrong. Letting go of the perceived security that our ego provides feels scary, but marinating in the magic that is our intuition brings true security.

How do we find that voice? How do we know what it sounds like? It is the calm, quiet, certain whisper that never intends to harm you or anyone in your path. It is the creative, sure, knowing feeling that connects you to the flow of your own purpose and in the direction of your highest good.

It takes practice, stillness, and patience to connect to this inner voice. It is there, waiting for you to tune in.

2.  Pinpoint and label the root of the fear.

We work so hard to avoid our fears that sometimes we choose detours (that surely come from the insecurity of our ego) instead of tackling the climb.

When we dissect and compartmentalize our fear into tangible parts, we are better able to address each component. Categories of fear might include financial concerns, fear of failure, fear of embarrassment, and fear of disappointing others.

3.  Tackle manageable pieces bit by bit.

Once we identify the parts of fear that need to be tackled, we can use intuition as a guide and start to climb that tree, one small step at a time.

Trusting your intuition means that you may sit with fear, anxiety, and insecurity, but you allow yourself to follow your inner voice as you work through those feelings and move forward. And it doesn’t need to happen overnight.

Instead of climbing the entire tree in one day, or one week, or one month, we can plan to climb just a couple feet each week. As we long as we consistently check in with our intuition, we will have a strong motivation to keep going.

We can choose to partake in life each day with a fulfilling purpose, or we can choose to watch our lives pass us by, fed by fear.

I choose the former, bit-by-bit, step-by-step. Which will you choose?

Photo by Darcy McCarty

by Lori Deschene

IMPORTANT NOTE: This post contains two poll questions and a giveaway for an autographed copy of the Tiny Buddha book. If you’re reading this in your inbox, you may want to click through to participate on the site.

This is the 7th post in a 10-part series. If you’ve been following this series since I launched it, much of this post will be redundant for you. Scroll to the bottom to read today’s two questions!

If you didn’t read the other posts, allow me to explain:

Throughout May, I am going to publish ten blog posts, each with two poll questions. I plan to gather all the responses and include some of these insights in my next book

Each time you respond to these questions, you’re entering for a new chance to win an autographed copy of my first book, Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions.

I plan to give away one book for each of ten posts. I will mail them all at the same time, at the end of May.

By responding to these questions within the comments, you are consenting to have your response published in my next book.

WHAT’S THIS NEW BOOK ALL ABOUT?

In short, this is going to be a book about what it means to win in life.

I feel compelled to explore this topic because I spent the majority of my early life thinking I needed to achieve massive, visible success in order to be significant.

For years, I felt convinced I would be happy if I only got the right job, or could afford the right apartment, or if I could somehow garner admiration and validation. Life was a constant battle to be better and arrive somewhere else.

It was one huge race with no clear finish line; and despite my best intentions at obtaining happiness, I felt miserable and dissatisfied.

In my next book, I plan to break this all down for anyone who can relate to this quandary. I’ve by no means arrived at a place of permanent satisfaction, but I’ve been living in these questions for the past several years.

And I’ve made significant progress in defining success for myself.

That’s the crux of this book: It will be a guide for living life purposefully and joyfully, on our own terms, in a world that often promotes a one-size-fits-all version of success.

TODAY’S TWO QUESTIONS

1. What do you think it means to have enough?

2. Is it possible to want more out of life and still be happy in the present moment?

To submit your answers for possible inclusion in my next book, enter your responses as comments on this blog post.

Please note that I need your email address so I can get in touch with you later (you’ll get a free copy of the book if your response is included!) For that reason, it’s best if you leave your comment using Disqus or by signing in as “guest.”

Thank you for being part of Tiny Buddha—and for being part of this book!

If you’d like to respond to the first three sets of poll questions, you can find them here:

• Do We Want to Feel and Be Seen as Special?
• Do We Worry About Other People’s Expectations?
• What Does It Mean to Use Time Well?
• Why Are We Busy?
• Why Do We Compete and Compare?
• What Does It Mean to Win in Life?

Photo by Steve H

by Lori Deschene

“Whatever you fight, you strengthen, and what you resist, persists.” ~Eckhart Tolle

Have you ever exacerbated difficult feelings by responding to them with resistance?

Although I made peace with my recent burglary shortly after it happened, I started feeling down and anxious at the end of last week. In retrospect, I think there was a connection between that and the painkillers my doctor prescribed when my surgical site started hurting again.

But I suspect I was also feeling the residual effects of everything that’s happened over these past two months. At the time, I didn’t fully understand my feelings. I just knew I wanted them to pass, especially since I was due to get my boyfriend at the airport.

I felt guilty for greeting him under a dark cloud of sadness, frustrated for not feeling as upbeat as I had earlier in the week, and confused because none of it made sense to me.

There were tears, and self-analysis, and self-judgment, until Saturday morning.

I planned to work at a coffee shop I love to create a more positive state of mind. But when I got there, I couldn’t find a parking spot—despite driving around for 20 minutes.

After that, I drove to the activity center in my apartment community where I knew I’d see some friendly faces, only to find my computer wouldn’t connect to the internet. While I repeatedly tried different approaches to fix the issue, I found myself feeling frustrated.

I screamed internally, “Come on! I just want to get online!”

Then I stopped, took a deep breath, and asked myself, “Is it possible I’m not getting what I want, but I’m getting what I need?”

I’d been trying to analyze, overpower, and outrun my feelings when what I really needed to do was stop—stop trying to understand and fix them, and instead accept and surrender to them.

That might sound like a defeatist choice, since surrendering implies giving it. But I’ve found it’s a lot like those Chinese finger traps: you can’t get out by fighting. The only way to get un-stuck is to relax and release.

It generally works the same with feelings. When we fight them, we give them more power.

It might not always seem like it in the moment, when we’re wading in something uncomfortable and potentially overwhelming, but no feeling lasts forever. Everything fades if we’re willing to let it.

By mid-day Saturday, I felt a lot better. I suspect it was because I stopped feeding into the story of my sadness and instead chose to lean into it.

As ironic as it may seem, sometimes the best way to let go of something difficult is to first choose to embrace it.

Photo by ototadana

I’m still soliciting feedback for my next book! The most recent question is: Do you think we want to feel and be seen as special? Share your insights for possible publication here!

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Marilyn Briant

“Peace of mind is not the absence of conflict from life, but the ability to cope with it.” ~Unknown

Like many people, I lived my life for a lot of years failing to understand inner peace is a choice. I am not sure what I thought. Perhaps I didn’t believe anyone could feel a lasting peace inside. I did know that my own feelings of peace were always transitory.

There were many ups and downs in my life, too many claims on my time and too many difficult situations to be dealt with. I think I actually believed inner peace could only be achieved by monks and saints, or anyone living a reclusive life who didn’t have to deal with everyday struggles.

I was stuck in a world of confusion, wondering how peace could be mine when there was always something, some drama going on in my own life or the lives of those I loved.

In fact, it seemed to me that the whole world was filled with stuff, negative stuff mostly, which I read about in the newspaper, saw on the television, or heard from someone I knew.

It was the kind of stuff that pulls at your emotions—the breaking news story of a missing woman being found murdered, the tragedy of a child being killed by a hit and run driver, the numbers of homeless people tripling, and a devastating Tsunami killing thousands and paralyzing a country.

Then there were the stories closer to home—my friend’s husband being diagnosed with cancer and dying three months later, my father suffering from dementia, my best friend’s marriage falling apart—all tearing at my heart and leaving me hurt and grieving.

In my own personal life too, my emotions dipped and peaked along with how much control I felt I had over my own happiness. I literally felt like a puppet on a string, and asked myself over and over again, “How can I feel a constant inner peace in my heart and life, when my emotions see-saw up and down according to what is happening in and around me?”

Looking back I know I believed that my emotions were important. After all wasn’t being emotional an essential part of being alive? Emotions made me feel real and allowed me to extend empathy to everyone else.

But in the deepest part of myself, I did not feel good most of the time. I longed to not be so emotional. I wanted to be released from all the conflict in my life—to not react to other people’s words and anger—to feel serenity in my heart.

It was an almost desperate need to alter or to stop the negative cycle of events which seemed to dominate my relationships and my life.

I believe it was that intention which kept on surfacing in my mind and in my heart that fueled my spiritual search and led me to discover a more peaceful way to live, despite the conflict in my life.

I know that as the months and years went on I became more determined to change the way I was living.

It was a few years ago now—I cannot pinpoint exactly when it happened—when I finally felt a peace inside that did not come and go along with my emotions or the drama in my life. I know it was the culmination of making a lot of changes, including:

Believing I am loved

Understanding that negative childhood imprinting leads to feeling unloved and having low self-esteem, I looked for and found the truth about myself. It was not what I had been led to believe was true!

Believing we are loved comes with knowing who we are, not judging ourselves or others for mistakes we make, and from daily meditation in which we feel the unconditional love of something greater than ourselves.

Monitoring and changing my thoughts

I once believed I had no control over what I was thinking, because I never considered the idea that thoughts can be changed! Then I started focusing on my thoughts and realized much of what I was thinking did not reflect the way I truly felt.

Just paying by attention to them, we see that many thoughts are primarily fear-based and judgmental.

And, because they come and go unchallenged, most of us struggle through life unconsciously accepting that we are our thoughts. We simply do not look at or challenge them as they appear and disappear. By accepting them we give them permission to shape our beliefs about ourselves and our lives.

Once you start recognizing them, you can go about changing your thoughts. Through observing how your thoughts differ from the way you really feel, you can choose to place a different thought in your mind, which more accurately reflects the way you feel.

Coming from loving kindness and living from my higher self

By noticing and appreciating other people’s kindness, we become aware how much it really matters in daily living. In dealing with difficult telephone calls, perhaps an angry person on the other end of the line, we can choose to be kind.

When a friend asks us to help with something, we can decide on the kindest thing to say or do.

If someone asks for a donation for the umpteenth time, we can deal with the request kindly. Obviously, there are times we cannot give whatever is being asked of us; when we do not have the means or desire to agree to a certain request. In these circumstances, saying no with kindness is the best choice.

Sometimes kindly refusing to provide assistance is important in helping promote personal growth in others and allows them to learn some important life lessons.

If someone is gossiping about someone we know, we can be silently kind, refusing to be drawn into the conversation. By choosing kindness, we allow positive energy to flow from us to others and prevent negative energy from reaching us or infusing situations. In this way we create and maintain a connection to our higher selves. And, realize just how good it feels to be kind.

Bringing the practice of acceptance into my daily life

Perhaps the key to feeling real peace is being able to accept what is. Acceptance simply means recognizing your ego’s voice and rejecting it. Knowing that the only person we can change is ourselves enables us to do this.

As soon as we start to think there is something not right, not the way it should be, or we become judgmental about a situation or a person—their words or behavior—we know we have moved away from accepting what is, by wanting to control what is outside of us.

There is a lot of negative energy and craziness in this world, but we can all learn to live with inner peace.

If your intention is strong and comes from the deepest part of you, it will happen. Outwardly nothing changes; peace comes from making changes inside you.

It begins and continues through becoming more aware of you really are, knowing you are loved, making changes in the way you think, practicing loving kindness, and accepting what is.

As serenity and unconditional love fill your heart, you will accept that you cannot go back, and will not relinquish what you have now found—that peace that you seem to have been searching for your whole life.

Finally, you will come to this—deep inner peace inside you that endures, regardless of what challenges life brings.

Photo by martinak15

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Jeremy Britton

“We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make our world.” ~Buddha

Your life is much like a radio.

If you’re in control of it, then you can actually tune in and make sense. Then you can set your dial on the talk-back radio show, listen to that, and learn some things, or you can set your dial onto music and have an enjoyable time.

If you feel that you are not in control, or you do not realize that you are in control, then you may just hear a lot of static and annoying sounds that might even drive you crazy.

The process of “Flick your Rich Switch Transformation” (FYRST) is about taking control of your life, taking control of all of the things that you merely think you are not actually in control of (but you are, or you can be).

Some people don’t think that they control their mood, their lives, their blood flow, their breathing, their heart rate, their body language—and that’s why they often get some outcomes that they’re not happy about.

Someone else can control all of those things by telling you some bad news or some exciting news; for example, “The winning lottery numbers are 4, 23, 16, 19 & 30.”

It is the subconscious process occurring in your own head that will make your blood flow to your face or to your feet; it is your own thought process that will make your heart pump slower or faster; your own thoughts that will make your body stand straighter with excitement or slump lower with dread.

Yes, dread. For some people, winning millions may represent an increase in responsibility, stress, and anxiety.

Fears can occur, such as “What if I blow it?” “What if someone steals from me?” “What if someone kidnaps my kids and holds them for ransom?”

Statistically, ninety-five percent of people who win the lottery will end up broke within two years. Much of that is due to poor mindset, not poor skills.

If you do not realize that you are in control of your own bodily functions, such as breath, blood flow, posture, muscular tension, and so on, you might be listening to the static on the radio, or maybe you are just receiving nothing.

You may not realize that you need to turn the volume up a little bit and you need to tune in a little bit more, because the radio waves are all around you. They’re always there.

Making sense of it all is just a question of whether you’re perceptive—whether you’re tuned in, whether you’re checking it out, whether you’re in control of it.

Reception & Perception

Your perception or your reception is what makes the difference. There are some people who just seem to go from strength to strength. Wonderful things continue to happen to them, and you think, “Oh wow, those people are so lucky.”

Those “lucky” people are not really more fortunate than you; they are simply in control of their lives, in control of their switches and dials. They are consciously tuning themselves into the frequency of life, because the frequency is always there.

Whether you’re on the AM dial or the FM dial—that is under your control as well, because those radio waves are always there. You cannot change the radio waves nor can you control all of the events of your life.

You just have to change yourself to adjust to them.

The AM and the FM are always there, and everything in life is binary, or yin and yang, black and white, male and female. Life is either AM or it is FM.

There are things that happen that you can say are Against Me, and there are things that happen that you can say are For Me. Whether you choose to tune in to the AM or the FM really controls how you react to those things.

If I perceive that it’s an AM, if I perceive that it’s happening Against Me, then I might choose to whine. I might choose to get bitter.  I might choose to get angry.

Life may sometimes seem that it is always “Against” and not “For.” But what if there was a third choice: simply “flicking the switch”?

Some years ago, I experienced a “series of unfortunate events.”

I had a heart attack at age 32. My life partner and my business partner betrayed me. I divorced and lost six figures, lost a child, and then became homeless.

This happened within a few months and I was shell-shocked. The doctor diagnosed clinical depression and gave me anti-depressants. I was placed on “suicide watch” over Christmas, as clinical depression appeared to turn terminal.

The drugs carried nasty side effects, so I stopped the course and went up alone against the spectral black dog of depression.

Stepping back from my own tragic story, I learned to detach and see how much of these events happened due to my own mismanagement or lack of keeping my “eye on the ball.”

The empowering truth was that I, like the droopy-shouldered lottery winners, had had depressive, negative or pessimistic thoughts long before the depressive events occurred.

I literally had manifested my own fearful thoughts into negative reality. If this was true, then it followed that I could transform my worldly situation by first transforming my thoughts

I switched off the AM dial and learned to tune into the FM frequency. I started to say and see that this thing has happened For Me, and whatever I’ve lost—whatever tragedy I’ve had—it can be an opportunity.

I told myself, “I’m going to use that. I’m going to use that and become stronger.”

Aside from my own, there are many stories of people who have overcome hardship in their lives and gone onto bigger and better things.

There are also millions of stories of people who have not overcome hardship in their lives, and they’ve sat there, whined, complained, stayed miserable, and assumed they were powerless to change or achieve.

Whether you want to become a victor, or you want to become a victim—whether you want to see things as happening Against Me or whether you want to see things happening that are For Me—it’s entirely up to your perception, and it is in your control.

You can flick your rich switch. You can decide what your outcomes are going to be.

Photo by Vinoth Chandar

by Lori Deschene

This is the 6th post in a 10-part series. If you’ve been following this series since I launched it, much of this post will be redundant for you. Scroll to the bottom to read today’s two questions!

If you didn’t read the other posts, allow me to explain:

Throughout May, I am going to publish ten blog posts, each with two poll questions. I plan to gather all the responses and include some of these insights in my next book

Each time you respond to these questions, you’re entering for a new chance to win an autographed copy of my first book, Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions.

I plan to give away one book for each of ten posts. I will mail them all at the same time, at the end of May.

By responding to these questions within the comments, you are consenting to have your response published in my next book.

WHAT’S THIS NEW BOOK ALL ABOUT?

In short, this is going to be a book about what it means to win in life.

I feel compelled to explore this topic because I spent the majority of my early life thinking I needed to achieve massive, visible success in order to be significant.

For years, I felt convinced I would be happy if I only got the right job, or could afford the right apartment, or if I could somehow garner admiration and validation. Life was a constant battle to be better and arrive somewhere else.

It was one huge race with no clear finish line; and despite my best intentions at obtaining happiness, I felt miserable and dissatisfied.

In my next book, I plan to break this all down for anyone who can relate to this quandary. I’ve by no means arrived at a place of permanent satisfaction, but I’ve been living in these questions for the past several years.

And I’ve made significant progress in defining success for myself.

That’s the crux of this book: It will be a guide for living life purposefully and joyfully, on our own terms, in a world that often promotes a one-size-fits-all version of success.

TODAY’S TWO QUESTIONS

1. Do you think we want to feel (and be seen as) special?

2. Do you think people who are famous or wealthy are somehow seen as superior?

To submit your answers for possible inclusion in my next book, enter your responses as comments on this blog post.

Please note that I need your email address so I can get in touch with you later (you’ll get a free copy of the book if your response is included!) For that reason, it’s best if you leave your comment using Disqus or by signing in as “guest.”

Thank you for being part of Tiny Buddha—and for being part of this book!

If you’d like to respond to the first three sets of poll questions, you can find them here:

• Do We Worry About Other People’s Expectations?
• What Does It Mean to Use Time Well?
• Why Are We Busy?
• Why Do We Compete and Compare?
• What Does It Mean to Win in Life?

Photo by Jeffpro57

Editor’s Note: This is a post by Chad Davis

“Fear: False Evidence Appearing Real.” ~Neale Donald Walsch

In a moment of despair—moments I find have been increasing this year—I turned to this site for a little comfort. After reading a couple articles, seeing that I wasn’t alone in what I was feeling, I still couldn’t help but remain terrified of the next part of my life.

Job searches were wearing me out. I was trying to figure out where I wanted to live. I desperately wanted that dream job. All of these things had instilled a fear inside of me that I once thought I’d be able to overcome.

And then a year passed and poof, magically, there was no more sense of confidence, but instead a sense of fear.

Then I saw this quote. And I wished that I’d come up with it.

It says a lot, I think, about the way certain words work in our brains without us even realizing it.

“False Evidence Appearing Real.”

 We all know that being afraid of the future is just as silly as being afraid of our own shadows, and yet we fear it all the same.

Why?

The answer is within the quote; it’s a false sense of reality.

We imagine what we don’t want to lose and instantly grow afraid of that loss. But we’re being bamboozled; we’re duping ourselves out of a secure sense of “now” and replacing it with an insecure sense of “what if.”

The only reality that exists is in each passing second, and yet with each passing second comes the agony of not knowing what will come next. It’s a struggle, and nothing more than that.

So what can we do to heal this repeating, self-inflicted wound?

If you think about it, hope is fear’s antithesis. In a way, hope is the reality we wish to see in the future, and fear is its shadow.

Fear simply represents what could go wrong. Our inability to see—let alone control—our futures makes us anxious that the shadow will overtake the well-lit dream.

The difficult part is overcoming that shadow with courage and hope. It’s something I struggle with everyday. It’s something with which we all struggle.

But when I feel as if the chips are stacked against me, deep down a little voice shouts out from underneath all of that emotional rubble and says, “Don’t give up, Chad. Keep going. Keep fighting.”

I attribute this bravado to my parents. My whole life my dad would say those three words to me, “Never give up,” and my mom would tell me, “You can be whoever you want to be, and you’ll be great at it.”

Funny how easy it is for a child to accept such words, but when you cross that line of adulthood, you seem to forget the ease of believing in hope.

Nonetheless, that voice of mine sprouts up when I need to here it most. And every time it does, I get a surge of energy pumped through my heart as if an EMT was resurrecting me. I feel as if nothing can stop me, and I believe in hope once again.

It’s a hard thing to do sometimes, but it’s necessary.

Although I’d encourage not devoting too much thought to the future, if you can’t seem to shake those shadows, just remind yourself of what it is you’re hoping for down the road and give yourself a pep talk to achieve those dreams.

After all, you’re still that vulnerable, moldable child underneath that aged surface, and that child still needs to hear those words of encouragement.

Take my parents for instance. They have been holding on for five years now, working to get a business started during a sputtering economic climate, but they haven’t faltered.

Of course, there were, and still are, a lot of bumps on their road, but sure progress moves in baby-steps, and their dreams, their hopes, inch closer to becoming reality day after day.

When I need encouragement to press onward, all I need to do is think of what my parents are going through and how they can still make me smile and love life just as easily as when I was growing up.

That’s where that voice of mine comes from. We all have it; you just need to dig deep enough to find yours.

Hope is not a bad thing, as long as you don’t live your life in your daydreams. Hope keeps us alive; it encourages us to reach out for the good of humanity, to keep on truckin’ even when we think the goings are just too tough.

So when you’re arrested with F.E.A.R., just remember H.O.P.E.: Holistic Optimism for Progress and Encouragement.

Photo by Casey David

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Linzi Wilson

“Count your joys instead of your woes. Count your friends instead of your foes.” ~Irish Proverb

I’ve always believed that happiness is a choice. I thought that I was the only one who could truly make me happy.

That was before my life disintegrated before my very own eyes.

My husband and I built a business together. For four years we poured blood, sweat, and tears into it. We lived and breathed it. Before we knew it, and a lot sooner than you would probably imagine, it had consumed us.

I felt like it had eaten me alive. I was no longer living my own life. Every ounce of energy was absorbed by work.

Then, very suddenly, four months ago, it all fell apart. Our business went bankrupt, and we were left with nothing. No jobs, no money, and a colossal amount of debt, fear, and sadness.

The days, weeks, and months that followed were a dark and difficult journey–a journey that made us look back and learn from our mistakes, take responsibility for our lives, and try to find something positive to look forward to.

Now I look back at that journey as a blessing. It’s still early days, and there can be low points in the day, but on the whole I have come to realize that every stumbling block is in fact a stepping stone.

This experience has made me delve deeper than ever before. I’ve found strength and courage that I didn’t know existed in me. But one of the greatest things to have come out of this whole situation has been my attitude to happiness.

When life throws something difficult at you, even the most optimistic person can struggle to find the positive. I’ve always been the one to find the silver lining, and focus on the good stuff, but somehow, this time, it wasn’t that easy.

And so, day by day, I began to build myself a happiness army.

My army defends my happiness, and it is there for me whenever I need a little support. It makes me feel strong and capable. More importantly, it always manages to shift me to a more grounded, peaceful, and content place.

Who are they, these warriors? How did they come to be in my army?

They’re a mix of people I know and people I don’t; places I’ve been and places I dreamed about; actions, thoughts, images, and sounds.

I like to imagine a simple beach shack somewhere tropical like Tahiti. I’m sitting there after yoga practice watching the sun go down on the lagoon, feeling happy and alive.

Behind me, inside the shack, is my army. My collection of go-tos when I need a little glow back in my day.

All I need to do is to delve into this little collection of thoughts and I always come up smiling.

Let me introduce you to them…

Let’s start with the people. They are people I look up to who are doing great things in the world. They are people who inspire me—a blend of yogis, friends, surfers, artists, people living their dreams. Living simply.

Then there are the places. A spot on my home beach where I’ve practiced yoga for years, a surf break in Hawaii where I had a super fun solo surf, the deck where my husband and I got married in Fiji, and on top of my favorite mountain.

My actions are things that I know, whatever mood I am in, will steer me in the direction of happiness.

The simplest one I have is getting outside in the fresh air, no matter whether it’s pouring with rain, a howling gale, or beautiful sunshine. I know an injection of fresh air will slow me down and give me some perspective.

Then there is yoga, be it a ten minute fix at home, an hour at the beach or a class. Another activity that makes me shine is spending time in the ocean, surfing, swimming underwater, floating, or stand up paddling.

Then come the thoughts that play such a big part in my happiness army. These thoughts are of gratitude, love, and compassion.

I’ve kept a gratitude journal online for almost two years now, and so, from time to time, when I need a little fix of goodness, I pick a random blog entry and re-live those happy moments.

Any little gaps in my army are filled with music that makes me want to dance, the smell of a delicious meal I have cooked for people I love, and images of good times and good friends.

So there you have it, my army of happiness, ready to step in and give me a boost whenever and wherever I might need one.

Spend some time creating your own/ Think long and hard about the things that make you truly happy. It is amazing how we can fool ourselves into believing certain things give us joy, when in reality, our time would be much better spent doing something else.

Write it all down, draw it, create a collection of images and words.

Then figure out how to tune into them easily at any time or any place.

It might be subscribing to a blog feed, keeping a notebook at hand for your gratitude journal, making Tiny Buddha a bookmark on your web browser, or always having a towel and bikini in your car for a spontaneous ocean fix or planning a weekly meal with friends.

Be active in your pursuit of happiness. Go out there and bring together all the tools that work for you. In doing so, I hope, like me, you’ll find yourself with an army.

Photo by Benson Kua