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July 27, 2016 at 6:53 pm #110716
365daysofkindnessParticipantI will disagree with the above and say that you are absolutely in control of your own life.
Make a list. Zero on what it is that you want. Create tactics to get there.
You only have one life to live; stop worrying about what other people think. When you are old and wrinkly, they won’t be around to judge you anyways.
July 27, 2016 at 6:51 pm #110715365daysofkindnessParticipantSome people are meant to only make an appearance in your life. Others circle back when it is their time.
You can’t force anyone into a relationship when they’re not ready. It will only cause both parties anxiety. Which means you had no option but to release her.
The best thing you can do is live your life and invest in yourself. She will come back if it’s the right place and time for her. And if she doesn’t, you will have built a beautiful life either way.
Hang in there and trust in the timing of your life.
July 27, 2016 at 6:46 pm #110714365daysofkindnessParticipantI agree with Mark above me. It’s amazing to see people taking the time to write these thoughtful messages.
This may be simplistic, but this video really helps me: http://www.medicaldaily.com/take-deep-breath-calm-panic-attack-392343
I kind of watched it as a joke at first but now I have it bookmarked and go back to it every time I feel feelings of anxiety rising in me.
I hope you know that there are many, many people who feel the way you do. We are all in this together.
July 26, 2016 at 7:12 pm #110637365daysofkindnessParticipantI would recommend taking a look at this book: https://www.amazon.ca/Mastery-Love-Practical-Relationship-Toltec/dp/1878424424
I think you would benefit from some of the learnings from it. I think you need to get to a place where you realize that another human being can’t give you happiness, it’s an inside job. As hurtful as breakups can be, you need to be secure in yourself and what you have to offer and know that waiting for the right fit is worth it.
Every heartbreak along the way just shapes who we are. If it’s any consolation, they’re a universal experience.
July 26, 2016 at 7:09 pm #110636365daysofkindnessParticipantHi Pinkie,
Although it’s hard, you know when it isn’t working. You just lose that “x-factor” and don’t look at the person the same way.
It’s incredibly painful, but better you break it off now then continue and do it in the future. When you know it’s not going to work, you just know.
You are not the one to comfort him in this situation. You need to give him space to heal and recreate his own life.
I also think if he’s as wonderful as you say, then you need to give him credit for being able to work through this eventually. Time just takes time. Sometimes we hurt people alone the way unintentionally. Love is vulnerability and opening yourself up. Heartbreaks are a universal experiences, and one day you will both just look back on this as part of growing up.
July 26, 2016 at 7:04 pm #110635365daysofkindnessParticipantHi Nina,
It really sounds like you are really ready for a change. I know letting go of something familiar may seem hard at first (even if it is a lying and cheating boyfriend) – but put quite simply, you only have one life to live.
It seems like you have had a rough go at it. Now is the time to take your future and future relationships into your hands and determine what you want your life to look like. As a child, you didn’t have the ability to leave your family situation. As a young adult, you found stability in someone for 7 years. But you recognize now that all these relationships were incredibly unhealthy and that you deserve more.
Don’t feel guilty for leaving a relationship that isn’t working for you. It’s an act of kindness for you both – this will also give him an opportunity to move on and take a chance at finding someone else (and hopefully learning from your relationship and not cheating on them.)
Every passing moment is another chance to turn it all around. Use rock bottom as a way to build yourself up again. You’ve got this!
July 26, 2016 at 4:36 pm #110611365daysofkindnessParticipantI don’t see why these two couldn’t be combined? Or why you can’t do both?
I would say in times like this when I think too much, I say, “just do it!” Stop overthinking it.
Get a whiteboard out. Create tactics and brainstorm under each idea. How can you incorporate these passions into your every day life? What can you accomplish over the next 30 days to get you closer to these goals?
Oftentimes the first step is the most overwhelming. It’s so wonderful you’ve identified what makes you happy. It’s all in taking the next steps and just doing something that gets you closer to the general direction of your dreams.
July 26, 2016 at 4:33 pm #110610365daysofkindnessParticipantI’ll be honest I don’t want a relationship right now as I am well aware that I am not emotionally stable enough and would much rather establish myself in this new town and know myself outside the context of a relationship before I commit to another person.
I think you’ve hit the nail on the head: take time for yourself. Create a life that you love. Take the time you need.
It sounds like your two-month relationship has left you bruised – but you will come out of it stronger than before. Just take the time you need to do the soul searching you need to figure out what makes you happy outside of a relationship. What are you passionate about?
Hang in there. Time takes time. But when you focus on loving yourself and creating a life you love, magical things begin to happen.
Best,
http://www.365daysofkindness.comJuly 26, 2016 at 3:13 pm #110605365daysofkindnessParticipantI think there’s something exciting to be said about being 27 and single! You are on the precipice of your life and everything is in front of you. First dates, first kisses, first everything!
Not sure if you’ve read this, but this is one of my favourite articles on choosing a life partner: http://waitbutwhy.com/2014/02/pick-life-partner.html
The part I find very helpful is, “Dissatisfied single people should actually consider themselves in a neutral, fairly hopeful position, compared to what their situation could be. A single person who would like to find a great relationship is one step away from it, with their to-do list reading, “1) Find a great relationship.” People in unhappy relationships, on the other hand, are three leaps away, with a to-do list of “1) Go through a soul-crushing break-up. 2) Emotionally recover. 3) Find a great relationship.” Not as bad when you look at it that way, right?”
I think there’s something to be said about letting go of an expected outcome and just concentrating on living in the present. Stop dating. Stop actively seeking out Mr. Right. Focus on yourself; build a life you love. Everything else is just the cherry on top!
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