Hi Anita,

Thank you so much for your reply.

I think my main issue is yes I am only responsible for my actions however my actions have caused pain for someone else. That’s where the overwhelming guilt is. I have spoken to him and he said hes forgiven me but im hoping with time I can forgive myself.

You have given me a different way of viewing things and although I may not be able to fully comprehend them right now and take a different way of thinking I will keep reading these replies and with time I hope to.

Hi Jen,

I’m happy to hear that I’m not the only one that guilt seems excessive too.
We had had the odd comment that he would move over afterwards and I suppose I just assumed that we were both happy with that. We had future plans to move back to our hometown and settle down etc so this was just a step towards that.
He is understanding and one of the only people I know that can read me and I feel comfortable with. I think that’s why I find it so hard to let go. He said he did try to talk to me but I’m not the easiest person to talk to when I’m down. I tend to put my head in the sand a bit 🙁 I do feel like he criticizes my actions and talks down to me sometimes. He says he wants me to open up but doesn’t give the most warming reaction when I do.

The first break up was 8yrs ago and I was getting pretty low. I wasn’t doing anything to help myself which is what he found frustrating and he couldn’t cope. I eventually took his advice and got better but I am very stubborn when it comes to being told what is wrong with me and what I should do. I do feel like I haven’t been able to drop the wall and relax fully around him as (maybe) I think if I show him how down I get he’ll leave again. I know that’s not a good thing and he says he wants me to let him help me but I find it very hard to be that vulnerable.

I tend to hide away to deal with my issues as to not burden or bother anyone – God even writing this down sounds terrible and all over the place! Please don’t judge me (this is very hard for me right now but objective responses are helping)