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christy

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  • #103463
    christy
    Participant

    Hi All-

    Thank you for your feedback/suggestions. I’ve taken it to heart and have reflected on it in how I manage other relationships in my life.

    I wanted to give you all an update…

    It was his birthday a couple weeks ago and I attended the gathering with some other friends and his wife. It wasn’t a celebration. He was mostly grumpy and bummed out. Long story short, I received several apologetic texts from him afterward about his negative outlook, bad behavior (openly arguing with his wife at the restaurant), etc. In the end he said he needs to seek help (therapist), knows that he is depressed and needs to work on himself. I was able to tell him I want to remain friends and work colleagues– and our topics of conversation need to be focused on work while at work. He was receptive and understood. Even stated he knew he was over sharing with me. I’m relieved we were able to hash things out and the last few days our interactions have been pleasant.

    Thanks again!

    #98457
    christy
    Participant

    Thanks ElleTinker700. I was in a bad place last night and reading your last sentence really helped. Thank you!

    I finally heard back from him today. No apologies. Said his phone wasn’t working correctly. More like excuses to me. He did say he wanted me in his life. I can’t say for sure that I believe him.


    @anita
    : No, I understood what you meant. I did consider perhaps he was involved in an emergency, but via other things, namely facebook, I knew he was safe. And I hear you all and know in my heart I deserve to be treated better and be valued by someone. Potential conflict and vulnerability are my weaknesses that I’ve been trying to work on. I tried really hard to work on these things with him. Or at least I felt like I did. I’ve just been afraid to push myself a little more in those ways.

    Anita, I didn’t think I carried this notion of feeling at fault for things and not necessarily blamed directly, but as a child I often felt like I didn’t do many things correctly. In this relationship I often felt afraid I was going to mess up or the feeling like if something is going well, it’s too good to be true and it will eventually end. Like everyone else, I want to do things well and I don’t want people to think badly of me. But I suppose it has stunted me instead.

    Thank you all again so much. Your kind words and encouragement has been helpful. I hope to send updates in the future.

    #98419
    christy
    Participant

    Thank you all. I know I’ve been dealing with his bullshit for a really long time and I’ve said many of the things you suggested to myself, but I couldn’t convince myself that I’m strong enough to walk away. For some reason, deep down I want him to contact me and for it to work out.


    @anita
    : I do care about him and worry about his well being, but like I said, I feel like this time I won’t ever hear back from him.


    @trianglesun
    : I know I deserve better. I guess I’m really just scared of being rejected and alone.


    @matty
    : I’m not happy and I don’t want it to continue on like this. I suppose he’s made the decision for me at this point.

    #86692
    christy
    Participant

    rosaly,

    I’m a lot like you and totally identify with your experience. My guess is he probably was interested in you too at one point, but didn’t think you felt the same way.

    I agree with Anita- if you like him, tell him. Make more efforts to hang out with him, just you two. Or if it’s too scary, continue with the group outings, but limit the people and maybe talk to him more, sit next him, etc.

    No one wants to be rejected, but if you never put yourself out there- you’ll never know. Sometimes you have to ask yourself, what’s the worst that can happen. I tell him I like him and he.. laughs in my face?! It would suck, but your life won’t end in that moment. It’ll make you stronger.

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