I saw your post after I posted mine. I will try yherapy as soon as possible.

I don’t know if that’s the case.
All my life I wanted someone who could fill the void in my heart with emotional security, consistency, always being there for me and putting up with my insecurities.

I met him. He did just that. But at the same time knowing when to care for himself which I really admire even though that hurt me.

Now that I trust him, I really don’t have any reason to be insecure, we finally moved in, he loves me and shows it to me, I feel like my anxiety should not be there. But it is. I feel like something is wrong, I can’t feel love anymore, I don’t feel like being physically close to him anymore.

• This reply was modified 4 years, 8 months ago by coconut.

I need some perspective on my situation from people who have been in a long term relationship.

A little background (again): We have been in a relationship for 4 years, we broke up for 5 months after 2.5 years, and we moved in together 3 months ago.

I don’t feel any affection/attraction for my boyfriend (he does for me; I care for him very much, I feel like I don’t want anybody else). Everything is fine between us. Am I just bored or I fell out of love with him? I don’t know what to do…breaking up makes no sense for me, I am content about how things are right now, it’s better than ever. But I don’t know… if I don’t feel love and affection…what should I do? Is it normal?

I was always the one who yelled (and also my mother used to yell). I don’t know, he always had his eyes on me and nag me all the time and told me how to do the smallest things and that annoyed me very much and the most frequent sentence I would yell at him was “leave me alone!!!” because I couldn’t do anything without him keeping his eyes on me and tell me how to do it.

Hello anita. Thank you for taking the time to understand my story and give me your opinion.

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I used to get really anxious when I would feel bad, annoyed, anxious and acted bad towards him because I couldn’t control myself and instead of comforting me he would in turn become really angry and mad at me (which is kind of understandable), but that’s not the case anymore in the present. Also he doesn’t make those ‘bad’ jokes anymore and now I know when he’s kidding or not.

By disagreeing with me I mean that he says his opinion and most of the time we have kind of different opinions and views and also we don’t really have the same sense of humor, but there are still times when we can make each other laugh. And this makes me think that we are incompatible, I don’t feel like he gets me or that I get him cause we see things differently and I’m talking about…normal stuff in conversation…not even the big things. I feel the need to be kind of alike on some level so I can feel…connected and at peace. I don’t like it when I talk about something or I find something funny and he doesn’t get it and doesn’t understand things the way I do or at least similar.

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The thing is my father is rarely angry, he is the kind of person that can make you feel really annoyed while he is calm, by telling his opinions that are totally different than mines and his mentality is kind of different and he annoys me when he says things the way he sees them but he knows I don’t agree with them. Most of the time when I said something or talked to him he would say things that made me really angry cause I didn’t get him and I thought his opinions are not right or according to reality but I couldn’t make him understand things. I think we have kind of a cold relationship, like we talk but also he doesn’t “get” me. But I like it when we finally and rarely agree on things. Instead with my mother I feel that she gets me and since I was 6 yo or something I had separation anxiety and panicked if my mother wasn’t with me.

<no matter how trivial, any differences of opinion- because it didn’t take much for your father to direct aggression at you, any trivial disagreement could have led to his aggression.>>

I don’t feel angry at my bf anymore since we moved in and I don’t feel afraid of him being angry at me cause he has no reason to be and won’t be.

Indeed, I grew up kind of angry and yelling.

Now I don’t feel angry with my boyfriend. I feel scared that maybe I don’t “love” him anymore (even though, without any feeling of dependence and attachment I can say I am happy now with him 100% and with our relationship). I am a little…annoyed if I can say this, that he felt scared to lose me after I felt like I don’t feel anything anymore. We could have moved a long time ago if he realized then what he realized 2 months ago.

At the same time I didn’t treat him well either….I can say I don’t like that we went through these years behaving toxic with each other…And we couldn’t understand each other.

And it was that really bad break up that…broke me. Maybe my feelings faded away …. but I really want to work this out and I feel it’s really not worth it to break up.

• This reply was modified 4 years, 11 months ago by coconut.
• This reply was modified 4 years, 11 months ago by coconut.

Hello again. It seems like those panic attacks and confusion came back. I cried, I had several panic attacks these days. Then I kind of stopped having these panic attacks but I still can’t feel love/affection towards him and I don’t know what to do. I told him everything, he listened to me, he didn’t change his behavior towards me he is still loving and affectionate and kind. I don’t want to break up with him or lose him/be without him. Since we moved in everything is better than ever, he is really affectionate, we don’t fight anymore, things are really nice. I mean, everything seems perfect.

But I feel like those “love” feelings are not there anymore, I don’t feel like being affectionate, I don’t feel anything when he is affectionate…at least not these past days. I don’t want anybody else, I don’t like anybody else and I know nobody would compare to him or our relationship. He is in my heart and he is my everything and I can’t see myself without him. But since those thoughts and panic attacks came back again I just… can’t feel anything. I know breaking up with him is not the solution, but at the same time… I don’t know what to do. I want him, I want a family, I really like how things are, he really cares for me and I care for him, he is amazing.

Should I break up with him? Can I get those feelings back? (considering that things are really great between us, so in the present there is no problem or something that needs to be fixed…and I still can’t feel ‘love’) Maybe for me this is the problem that everything is great, and I really trust him 100% and we don’t fight anymore…Maybe I need that to feel…”love”? Before we moved in even though we loved each other our relationship was kind of toxic, we broke up once, we were fighting almost all the time …. I don’t know. I know that I don’t want a break up, but at the same time being with him makes me feel unsettled for some reason, all because I don’t FEEL THE LOVE….

Hello anita. You pointed out very well, the anger. I feel anger/frustration and fear and the need to avoid. I feel like I never have energy for being around people….

You asked me what would I say to my parents but I can’t think of anything, I always told them everything and the truth and what I want from them.

I don’t think it’s all about my parents, it may also be because of my experiences with other people.

I want to focus more on the present and what I feel now and why.

• This reply was modified 5 years ago by coconut.