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elephantgirl

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Viewing 13 posts - 1 through 13 (of 13 total)
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  • September 16, 2014 at 12:05 am #64924
    elephantgirl
    Participant

    Hey all,

    I want to to ask for some advices from you all about a case which i had to handle yesterday. I would be very happy if you comment on my behaviour in relation to this situation. So here i start.

    Yesterday we visited one of our co-worker for BBQ after work with some of my other co-workers from the university, and of course my ex was also there. First we met all together in the front of the university and then we had to drive a bit far away from the city and i and one of my friend (she), my-ex were in the same car. I was all the evening so friendly and happy. I had fun with all others and he was having fun also and i was happy for him. He was not drunk but he had like 5 beers so he was also not so sober. At the end of the night we drove back until the university together to the meeting point, and from there everybody could go own home. In the car my ex was making jokes with my friend by touching her, but i was sure and still sure it was really in a friendly way. I had no bad thoughts at that moment. Until.. Then we went out from car, and i had to take a bus in 10 minutes to the downtown and they would bike to their places. Anyway, suddenly my ex reminded her that she told that she still had to finish some work at the university so he offered her to go inside and he would wait for her until she was done. It was already midnight. She thought a bit and she was about to say OK and then after i said Isnt it too late for working?, she was agree with me and decided not to work and she said no. Then she offered me to wait for the bus together for accompanying me and then suddenly my ex also said that he would also wait for my bus. I was really pissed off because he never ever waited the bus for me.. NEVER! so it was at that moment so obvious that he was there not for me accompanying while waiting the bus, but for her having fun together. Then i couldnt stay calm and show my feelings and said no please you both do not wait here, i want to stay alone and listen music but they insisted and stayed for me, and continued making jokes each other as if i was not there. Then the bus came i said bye and left them there. At home i was really crying all the night, i felt so dissapointed and sad. I dont know why they behaved like that, i am pretty sure that they were not flirting, she knows my feelings to him and she is in a long-term safe relationship with a very nice boyfriend and my ex was liking her a s friend. But i still felt so unconfortable and jealous and cheated.

    So now please make comments even if you think that comments would hurt me. I need honest comments.. Thank you so much for reading this post..

    September 14, 2014 at 9:19 am #64876
    elephantgirl
    Participant

    Hey, yes i met him i spent a nice day, he gave me even a present. But the things didn`t change. I mean i cant blame him, he just want to be friend and he is honest with his feelings. BUt i am trying to get him back and it wont never happen. I think i cant do NC because i afraid i will loose also his friendship. He met a girl three weeks ago, and they are texting each other everyday.He said he is not that excited from that girl but at least he is trying to move on. And he said that i should also meet other guys at least i have to try.

    How is things with you? Hope all is well..

    September 14, 2014 at 8:37 am #64875
    elephantgirl
    Participant

    Hey rpatel, I am sorry that you are through this feelings. I just can say that you had the opportunity to know yourself during this engagements. This things could be after you married and then this would be more difficult to handle. Now you know your insecure parts. I am sure you will meet another girl which you can like and this time you will behave more experienced. And about this girl, may be since you feel guilty you focused to much on her and that s why you are thinking she is the one for you. But she is not the one for you, otherwise it will work. So do not give up we will all find the ones we are looking for;)

    September 10, 2014 at 2:25 pm #64720
    elephantgirl
    Participant

    @ Silky, I will start NC tomorrow,i heard about that but never able to try it.

    I feel somehow not angry about your ex gf. She seems to be really confused to me. I feel like she also suffered. May i ask why did she break up 2 days before moving into your app.? May be there is a reason to make her decide in that way? I do not think you are enemies. You are caring her and loving her, i m sure she knows that.

    How about you dating with another woman? Your ex gf has to see that you are moving on and you are happy. No woman likes unhappy man. I am also unhappy and i think i lost my attraction to other guys because of that. I want to be again a woman with full of energy and attraction. I was like that before this relationship and i was able to attract all the men i want. That is how i attracted my ex also. I am still the same woman but unhappy not smiling. I am acting like i am happy to my co-workers but i think people are feeling who is happy who is unhappy. We should concentrate on ourselves to be happy. But how i also dont know.

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 7 months ago by elephantgirl.
    September 10, 2014 at 10:00 am #64706
    elephantgirl
    Participant

    Hey Silke It s me again. May be she didn`t mention you on her tweet. Even if she is what are you planning to do? Are you going to answer in some way. Sorry i cant help you, i am good at listening but about advices i am getting locked.

    September 10, 2014 at 9:53 am #64705
    elephantgirl
    Participant

    @Silky Thank you for answering.

    I read your story above. I am sorry for the times you suffered. Actually she hasn`t found a new love, she came back together with her ex-ex bf. She seems to be confused. Please do not be angry to me but i do not think that would be problem that he is so religous and she is atheist. If they know that from the beginning and accept each other in that way, it wont be a problem.

    Silky there is no hope for my relationship too. We met today and he was telling me his new dates. What do you think should i keep listen his stories about girls? I am feeling sad if i hear but if i do not listen then i wonder what is going on in his life. I dont know what to do.

    September 9, 2014 at 2:22 am #64619
    elephantgirl
    Participant

    Hey R,

    I feel the same as you do. It is now 9 months since i and my ex broke up but i stuck in the past and i m still missing him. I am asking the same question everyday if it is normal that after 9 months still being in love. I am living now in a foreign country (he is native here). My friends say that what i feel is not love but just being alone in a foreign country so i have to turn back to my country then everything will be fine. I am not sure if this is love, or low self-esteem or whatever. But i am waking up everyday with his name in my mind. He has moved on already and he is dating with a new girl, and i am feeling a big pain inside. I dont know what to do.

    And about your age issues i turned 30 and it is also a turning point for a woman. I can understand your feelings. All my friends around me have either married or have a long term happy relationships. I feel unsuccessful and blaming on me about the breakup. Because i figured out after this break-up that i am a very difficult person to be satisfied and i m not good at showing my feelings and my love. I feel like it was me who destroyed this relationship and feeling guilty is making me stuck in the past.

    we have to concentrate positive things and all the advices above are right, i hope we can apply them practically..

    Take care,

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 7 months ago by elephantgirl.
    September 8, 2014 at 2:59 pm #64592
    elephantgirl
    Participant

    Hello Irene,

    I agree with Pooch. If the traditions are being in the question from the very beginning, at the end you are turning back to the beginning. But of course this is my experience, there are always exceptions.

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 7 months ago by elephantgirl.
    September 6, 2014 at 5:04 am #64467
    elephantgirl
    Participant

    Hi Kingmaker,
    As i understood your ex is seeing another guy now but she is still texting you on saturday nigdt? Why is she texting? What is she asking? Does she want to go out? Or just want to check you? She seems to be confused to me, isnt she? Are you sure that she moves on? I think the best thing for your situation is you should give time for you both. But that can be just when you stay away from her for sometime. This 30 days NC would really benefit to you, at least for healing for both sides.

    I am very good at giving advises but in my case he really moved on, he is calling me but rteally with pure friendly feelings. He is clear with our breakup decision. So the only thing i can do is accept that. I will do no contact also, but tomorrow is my birthday and he asked me for a small dinner, this dinner thing was our tradition every year for birthdays. At first i said no but he insisted. I think i will meet him for dinner i dont want to be childish. But later i will be the cold turkey when i see him, i will be still kind but i will put a real distance. We can do it together, we can count the days passing together. It can motivate both..
    Have a nice day,

    September 5, 2014 at 12:20 pm #64438
    elephantgirl
    Participant

    thank you Gabi, That helps me also.
    Kingmaker, I feel also with you. i am in a similar situation, i have turned a control-freak by checking his facebook acoount when he was lat time online. I think it is so embrassing what i am doing and i decided to be brave and let him go. This is not my first decision i hope i can do it this time. You can also do that my friend because they are moving on why cant we? If you like we can motivate each other during this time??

    September 5, 2014 at 12:13 pm #64436
    elephantgirl
    Participant

    Thank you all for your help. I read a lot about this no contact rule, i have never attempted to apply it because i have had fear to loose also his friendship. Yesterday i ve talked him and he said that he is dating with a girl.

    I registered to tinybuddha yesterday and i read several topics about relationships. All situations are particular but in fact there is one common thing for us posting here. We are having pain and looking for help. I mean some people are moving on easily after break-up but some not. Why can i not move on easily, am i not strong enough, or do i not know how to be happy. Anyway I will apply this no contact just for healing myself as Katarina said.

    Dear Katarina, I wish you all the best with your no contact. I hope all is going to be fine. If you want to share your feelings during no contact period we are all here for you..

    September 4, 2014 at 10:48 am #64387
    elephantgirl
    Participant

    Hey,

    I agree that you can be honest and may be tell your feelings.. But the thing is how dou you feel if there is no future. I had a bad experience, i fell in love with my big love and we were working as PhD students at same department. It was a bit clear already from the beginning that we have no future because we were coming from different backgrounds, had different religons and different cultures. We were three years together. At the end when the things have to turn a serious step we end with break-up. I spent really nice time during this 3 years but at the end i had really pain. Sorry i gave my bad-experience as an example, every situation is of course different. Since you named it as no future i wanted to share it with you..

    All the best ..

    September 4, 2014 at 10:26 am #64385
    elephantgirl
    Participant

    Hello Jan,

    I was searching for this topic and i read your post. And how is everything now? MAybe you can share your experience if you applied this no contact rule. I hope all is well..

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Viewing 13 posts - 1 through 13 (of 13 total)