Thanks Matt and Inky for your replies.

Matt: Yes, my husband and I do things together and he is very committed to our family. Our relationship is pretty solid which is why I am not thinking this is jealousy over R because you are right she is just bringing up my own issues of insecurity and such even though I have nothing to be insecure over. I don’t handle my stress well at all (hence the two burn outs) :/ But I am working on trying to get better at that. Sigh…. My husband is stubborn though and my asking him not to have contact with this ex would probably not fly… cause he cannot understand what the big deal is from my side… he would probably view it as controlling and it would make for awkward times with is best bud… dunno… If i said no to having her and them here at my house, he would go to them likely. I would be ok with that I guess but would then feel excluded! Ridiculous I know but there it is… I can’t have it both ways…

Inky: I can appreciate that view and wish I could adopt that wholeheartedly… but I am just not there yet. I recently discovered that I am an approval seeker and have issues with people things badly of me or causing waves… it’s uncomfortable for me to admit that but I am working on it now… I wish I didn’t care what they thought but I do for now… probably cause it is also linked to my husband and what he thinks.. groan.. Our house has always been open to the best friend… it would likely bother my husband a lot of he wasn’t welcome by me because they are like brothers…

Anyway, thank you for the comments. I am feeling better about it all.