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Helen

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Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)
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  • #103017
    Helen
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Yes online dating is one way I should look at. I guess it will be best to note these attributes in my profile as what I am looking for.

    There is something else I want to mention. Last night I had a dream.I dreamt there was a guy whom I liked and who was also reciprocating that feeling. I cannot recall the face/who that person was. But my ex and his mother came over to our house with him. I don’t recall the exact conversations but I said something about them hurting me. And his mother spoke up and said that I was having a cancer which is why they didn’t like to go ahead with the marriage. At this point I got very angry and told about what actually happened. I felt that they were trying to justify why they abandoned me. In the dream this made me very angry and I felt better after I told what actually took place long ago.

    Maybe I am thinking a lot about this. However it has been very healing to write here and the responses from you and the others helped me to iron out my wrongful thinking

    #102765
    Helen
    Participant

    1) well I look for physical attraction. This is most important. Although I haven’t met anyone who i am physically attracted to in a long time.
    2) He has to be of my religious faith
    3) compatible – look for someone who is simple yet likes to enjoy good things in life
    4) hard workers – achieved things by him self
    5) honesty – no covering up of his wrong doings
    6) Bold yet kind hearted

    #102670
    Helen
    Participant

    Yes Anita I agree with you.

    1. I look for approval as I felt I made a mistake with this relationship. I wasted 6 years with him and it took a very long time for me to find my self again. So I thought might as well let parents decide. Also I am very scared that i will make the wrong choice. My parents marriage was not great they used to fight a lot. I remember thinking that I never want to be in a marriage like theirs.

    2. Yes I often think that if I did marry him we wouldn’t have had a happy marriage as his parents would influence a lot. And I will be miserable

    before I started the relationship with him I was very creative and loved reading books, listen to music and spend time with friends. the 6 years with him were very closed. I fell out with most friends and didn’t do anything else other than spend time with him. We saw each other almost everyday. Everything was based on him , and getting him to study and getting him up to speed with his work. after the breakup I found my self again, started reading, and I achieved a lot which i wouldn’t have done if i had married him. So i do know that things have turned good for me because I took a different turn. But why is it so hard to find the one who would be a perfect match for me?

    #102581
    Helen
    Participant

    Thanks Anita.

    After this relationship I met a guy who was three years younger than me. He loved me and was fond of me but I didn’t trust him as he was playful and I thought he was not serious with me. Sometimes he told me not to expect him to be like the guy from the previous relationship. We were good friends and I could rely on him for anything. His mother didn’t like me as I was older than him and was from a different religion. My parents didn’t approve of the relationship either. After I moved to another country he got married to someone his mother approved and he told me his wife doesn’t want him to communicate with me. So that friendship ended.

    I dated another guy who was not happy with his job and was depressed. He was emotionally unavailable, and it was very hard. I thought my parents would like him so I tried to make it work. He married someone whom his mother proposed to him.

    After a long time I opened my heart to a guy who looked a lot like the guy from the first relationship. He kept telling me we were very different and he married someone he had a long distance relationship with

    #102573
    Helen
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Yes I do regret not doing the big wedding. At that time I didn’t but now I wish I had done it. At that time I was not financially well off. But after these years I feel I should have done it and gone with the flow. At least I would have that relationship.

    I am not happy with my life now, regrets. And it is so hard to meet someone I like and love and who loves me back

    #102569
    Helen
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Yes I started working when I was about 20 years. His father lost his job at that time and I paid for some of his study. His parents started a business and they wanted some money. I gave him some of my savings for that. He and I bought a car together, which was in his name and I never got back any of it after the break up.

    I didn’t help my parents financially, as my parents were less demanding and their financial needs were minimal and my father was working at that time. They never asked me to support them financially.

    My parents weren’t wealthy and they were very simple. They didn’t want a big wedding, not at the level his parents wanted. His mother called my mother and said that we can’t afford a wedding as we are poor, which hurt me.

    at first I was very upset with their demands. Later when my friends started getting married and having big weddings, I thought I should have done it. Now my friends have kids and have been together with their partners for long years and I look at them thinking I could have had that relationship with him. Its a lot of regrets.

    And especially I am not in a relationship now I feel as if I missed my opportunity. SOmetimes I feel maybe he was my soulmate and I let him go. This is universe punishing me

    #102566
    Helen
    Participant

    Dear Inky,

    I did contact him about 4 years ago, I wanted to tell him that I forgive him and I am sorry for what ever wrong I did to him. Something told me he needed to hear it more than me for him to move forward. He said he knew I would contact him one day, and that we were too young when we broke up and we both had our reasons for the way we behaved. He asked if I was seeing anyone and I said no, I asked him the same question and his answer was no. It was a peaceful conversation.

    A year after I moved to another country and I went through a hard time to settle down. Every time I go through hard time I think of this failed relationship. Then my father had to undergo a by-pass operation. I panicked and called him and said I am still hurting. He told me he knew I would regret breaking up one day and that he is married. I asked him if he is happy, and he said he moved on. I asked him again if he is happy and he said yes. He said the only thing he can do is listen to me and for me to call a friend and he will get us in touch as his wife would not like if she knows that I am speaking to him. I told him I don’t want to do that, to be in touch with him. I didn’t want conversations to turn to an affair.

    Now when I look back and calculate the timings of the two calls, I feel he must have been engaged/seeing the person he married when I first called him. But he didn’t tell me that information. That hurts me too as he was hiding it from me.

Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)