Some more context: I usually feel bad about schoolwork. College is so so so so so so stressful. I’m usually really nervous about requirements that we have. Technically, this little “incident” DEFINITELY took away time from my schoolwork, and this week was supposed to be “crunch time” for me.

Okay, I probably exaggerated about how bad I feel about schoolwork. I am also proud of school accomplishments.

I just realized though how worried I get about these things but when this happened, I just paused. And I once again took a break I didn’t plan.

I do take care of my health… I have had days where I ended up watching shows the whole day when I am very tired. I have gradually become more relaxed about my routine rather than really prevent myself from having fun.

If one of the messages for me is to relax even more,

Well… this…robbery… really did not have to happen…

Hello. I know it’s kind of late but I do plan on replying in more detail to this post. The replies came at a time that I couldn’t tend to everything, but I’d have to say that even as I skimmed through your posts I really appreciated what a glimmer of hope you all provided.

I know a lot can still be said of this topic and we can continue sharing insights. Hope I can get to doing that soon.

Do take care, lovely people!

Hi mahia. Good to hear from you and that you have an outlet in other stuff (especially creative stuff). Do stay strong as well. But I suppose it’s also okay to admit weakness sometimes 🙂

Thank you so much to both of you.

No worries, I have already been seeing a therapist for a while. The only thing I haven’t tried was a psychiatrist, so I’d never really had clinical diagnoses.

I go on the forums to try to supplement that. I am aware I get those states so I posted here to see if there is anything else I can do aside from what I usually do.

I wasn’t able to reply to my previous post because there were so many replies already and I was quite busy that time.

Yes, I’m really considering it might be mild depression. There’s a lot of evidence to prove it is not full-blown. Nonetheless I am taking precautions. Part of it is sharing my experience and generally keeping physically healthy. As you can see I’d have to be a bit more careful before I dive into medication. It’s expensive, and it may not be the best I can do, considering that I’m very very far from being suicidal.

The worst that really happens is that I am really just not adjusting as well as I’d like, but I’d also have to learn that it’s not a completely bad thing.

And yeah, I guess I did something pretty close to watching cartoons all day :)) I also found that coffee seems to be helping me even if I am not actually lacking sleep (I used to hate coffee). Some studies say it has mild antidepressant effects.

Also, I do get something good out of these “states”. Sometimes I think I’m so funny or even adorable when I cry. And sometimes I’d end up in a very far place on the internet, and come across a video or article that affects me in some profound way. It makes me actually reach out to others also, because when I ask for help, then I guess it’s simply tricking me into having more social interaction than I would normally have (of course that is not really a trick that is bad!)

• This reply was modified 7 years, 7 months ago by helleia.

(I’m not sure what happened to the post I was just typing… I wrote something quite long and then it did not post. Oh well, I guess I’d have to write it again. But that would be just a chance for me to make it more concise.)

I was reflecting on your point about feeling isolated when you know a lot about something and people around you know less about that thing.

I can see what you mean, but I realized another angle to it. It could be that whenever I feel like people just won’t get me, or I have any judgment on their limited worldview, then that could mean I also have a limited worldview in that sense. I am simply projecting it onto them. I am angry that I can’t relate with them and so I assume that my mind is too deep for my own good and people don’t understand me. I can blame them all I want, but then it wouldn’t get anywhere.

Instead, I would have to see the lack on my side, not in a way that handicaps me (such as giving me a label like “social anxiety” or “being on a different wavelength”) but in a way where I try to see what gap of knowledge I may have in comparison to them (seeing it this way is more fixable than simply resigning myself to different wavelengths). I might have said in my other posts that my mom bores me because she seems to have a lack of opinion, that she doesn’t think in a philosophical or analytical way, like I do. But my own lack is about the news, current events, and a few political issues. Or knowing about the family. I may say right now that I am bored with them, but I noticed a pattern. I get bored about things I am not good at. I think most people do. And I also noticed, once I get past a certain threshold of knowledge about a topic, I get more and more interested, way beyond what I first expected.

It’s like with watching a series. I may have a certain bias about it before watching, whenever I “feel like I won’t like it as much.” but then I get surprised when I watch more and more of it and start to understand where it’s coming from. I think “there must be some reason these people like it!” and I get curious about that. Curiosity in this case becomes the fuel for my enjoyment on things that I normally wouldn’t enjoy on my own. From a simple curiosity, it turns into like, and then once I get deeper into the series, I become so invested that I may get mildly obsessed.

Familiarity breeds fondness.

Well, I know there’s an opposite adage that says familiarity breeds contempt, but it seems as if all adages have their opposite counterpart. I saw a list of it in one of my textbooks.

In conclusion, I guess having more knowledge may have some isolating aspects, but I think it connects in other ways. Maybe it isolates when all I ever pursue in my knowledge are about those “tried and tested favorites” that I have. I deepen my understanding about something so much that I yearn for someone out there to match my level…

But then it’s connecting in that film used to be my weakness. Not too long ago, I’d hear people talk about their favorite movies and series and feel so bad about not knowing anything. They are not even film addicts, they’re just regular people and enjoy it casually. Now that I’ve become so interested in it, that aspect became much easier for me. It didn’t matter as much if the other person was not as obsessed as I was. There was always something they know that I don’t know… Being obsessed merely even helps that process, because I become less discriminating about things and want to see more and more

I wonder if this might be a little dangerous for my mental health. “Obsession” led me to write several posts at once and now I am embarrassed -_-

• This reply was modified 7 years, 7 months ago by helleia.
• This reply was modified 7 years, 7 months ago by helleia.

On a side note, I’ve just watched 2001: A Space Odyssey. What a journey!
That scene where he was unscrewing the mind of HAL, though. I really felt that scene…
“Stop, Dave. Please stop. My mind is going. I can feel it.”

Um, but I was very confused at the ending…????? Do you have any idea what might have happened ._.
That last scene felt so surreal. The house with lit floors. Did he travel to another dimension or something? Did he get old? The pod disappeared when the guy eating stood up… And there was another guy in bed.

Now THIS is travelling. Mind travel…

Of course I’ll understand it when I read an analysis. But I’ll do that later. :))

That’s a great idea, regarding finding documentaries made by well-known directors, instead of looking for them by topic. Just a guess, maybe they have more variation in style and editing?

Speaking of documentaries, I was recommended one named “Human”, and I think it’s on Youtube, although I saw there were extended versions, and those seem very long. I haven’t watched it yet, but I already think I may like it. Just intuition, I guess. I was also recommended Life in a Day (yes, the name is not inverted). And then you heard about Samsara, right? I actually have no idea if it’s considered a documentary, as there is barely any dialogue (that’s what I remember, at least, because I am uncertain if I’ve seen the whole thing) or maybe I might be mistaking it with Baraka, which was by the same maker as Samsara. Now all of these mentioned in this paragraph seem to have a similar premise, in that they give us a glimpse of life and culture all across the globe. Now I know I’m recommending stuff that I haven’t really watched in full yet, but as I said, my intuition says they’re probably good. I’m recommending them because I think they might be different from regular documentaries, which is usually about a specific topic. I don’t really know.

Would you know of anything that seems experimental? I seem to really appreciate form aside from just content and story. In the same regard, I also feel particularly geeky about cinematography. I mean, I feel like categorizing films I’ve seen that used similar techniques. Would that be a boring topic for you? If not, please feel free to join me on my venture 😀 Maybe in this regard, I’ll be much more excited to talk about more and more films individually and with more detail 😀

I just love how stories can be told in unconventional formats and all, how you can basically express something more just by focusing on the visuals…

When you watch the videos on Channel Criswell, make sure to turn on the annotations. They help you identify the films that appear in his videos, and that might help you pick a Miyazaki film as well. Pick anything that intrigues you the most.

To be honest, I’ve watched very little films (like around 10 or so) from my country. I’m not going to keep it that way, of course. When I get the time, I’ll take the project very seriously and watch everything from this top 50 list and I’ll look for more, after that.

50 Greatest Pinoy Films of All Time, Part 5 (10-1)

I sent part 5 because I think this is a countdown list, so the last ones mentioned might be the topmost rated.

You see, the mainstream film industry is pretty sad over here. They won’t stop showing cliches and overused story arcs. There are occasionally mainstream films that turn out great, but most of the time we tend to prefer indie films instead (most are tagged under Cinemalaya, although occasionally, some become more internationally acclaimed because they are sent to foreign film festivals). And I did hear that the industry was much better in the past. It’s just that now, it never really matured or almost everything is like a rehash from something. Of course, I may be biased because I’ve barely seen anything (I guess I wouldn’t mind looking through mainstream films as well just so I REALLY make sure I did not miss anything that might have been good). Wow, talking like this makes me feel obsessed. Am I really going to see EVERYTHING? Who knows. But it’s fun to dream.

I asked about being a conversationalist because I am not a good one (Haha). I suppose you know about my social anxiety from my other posts. Well, knowing about film is starting to become an asset for me. And I think, compared to other things I know, it’s a HUGE asset. Why? Because it’s so broad! And because you don’t just talk strictly about films, you talk about stories. You learn more about the world. My obsession used to be music but I realized that it was slightly harder to talk about it than film. Because with film, if a person isn’t really that obsessed with film as a medium, you can still talk about the story! Or film increases your general knowledge and so you’re able to follow a lot of conversations. Or you start to understand people a little more, after observing a wide variety of them on film (vary your films of course, or else you may get distorted views instead). And even if not everyone is a connosieur, if ever I was one, I would have no problem talking to anyone regardless of their tastes, because having an eclectic taste is the best!!! I just love the feeling of being able to relate to people and being excited about similar things with them. I love art and I love people. Those are the two things that seem to be most important to me in the world. And I really, really want to deal with my issues already so I can combine the two loves in my life.

Actually, I already did make an anonymous email already before. It’s anonymousplatypus2016@gmail.com

Sorry about that though. It’s just that what I may ask about might be a sensitive topic here.

Do tell me what you think about the Youtube channel after you see it 🙂 Maybe in seeing it, you may remember something else or know something equally interesting or possibly even better.

Ohh, that’s true about the fuss about “time management” simply being a disguise for people having higher priorities.

Your connection to Wes Anderson at least somehow, is also fascinating 🙂 I love how the world is so interconnected.

About anime, that’s understandable. It’s really quite different with Miyazaki, though. A lot of the cliches in anime aren’t there, while at the same time, they include something much more essential. And Channel Criswell gives a good introduction. In fact, I wouldn’t mind if you just saw Criswell’s video about it only, if you only had limited time. Just to see his influence even if anime might not ultimately be your thing.