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Kaven

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Viewing 3 posts - 1 through 3 (of 3 total)
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  • #74716
    Kaven
    Participant

    Hi thethinker2015,

    I can understand your sorrows and your situation very well because that’s exactly what I am facing in my almost 5 yr relationship. Yes, we also are lovey dovey for 2 days and fight for 2. I don’t actually agree with @Inky that the fight doesn’t matter. Because it does. At least in my case, I have seen that the fights are not just arguments but have serious issues. Actually, our so-called love, which I feel that it is actually clinging to our partner because of which we let go of these fights and try to preserve our relationship. I hope I am right @thethinker2015. If it is just as Inky said, then you can try the method suggested.

    Actually, in the present situation, I see myself as a worn out partner who tried desperately for these 5 yrs to make the relationship work but not sure if it will in the future. I will just suggest some methods to make peace with yourself that I am currently doing. Don’t drive yourself crazy or insane for someone who does not value you for what you are. I know it is very difficult. But, collect the pieces together, and try to make a place for yourself. Respect yourself for what you are and value yourself. I am trying to do them. Don’t think about separation or ending marriage for now. First, calm yourself and start loving yourself. Dont concentrate on your fights or anything. If there are serious issues such as infidelity or violence of any sorts, or the presence of many red flags in the relationship, then you may need to analyse what steps you must be taking next. But, before all that, first look inside and see what is it that is bothering you, his habits, his manners, or some specific things which he does. See, if you both can have a proper discussion and tell him your feelings in an open manner. See his side of the story too. If there is anything that you need to change, change that slowly but steadily. Develop some hobbies or do something you love to distract yourself from the fights. See the possible options available. Connect with your family and close friends. Ask their suggestions too if needed. Then, when you think that ‘IT’ is over, then only then, take the plunge. Take each day slowly, I am sure that you will be a lovey dovey couple for not alternate weeks but years together.

    All the very best.. 🙂

    #74586
    Kaven
    Participant

    Hello Ben

    Thank u very much for your valuable advice and suggestions. Yes, you are right that I am being taken on a long winding road and my goal is too far it seems right now. But yes I am definitely going to try your suggestion of looking within. You know sometimes I try this method but it becomes overwhelming and the currents of my thoughts make it impossible to continue further. I am emotionally very sensitive and some turmoils in day to day life affect me enormously making it further impossible for me to connect with my inner self. I have a very bad habit of self-sympathy and find situations where I have been a victim at the hands of my loved ones. I go on and on sympathising myself and crying for long periods of time. All these make me very emotionally drained and I am unable to detach myself from these. I become too vulnerable making my thought process vague and confusing which is also partly a reason for myself not being able to follow my heart in many circumstances. I have always been emotionally blackmailed by everyone starting from my parents, sisters, and now husband. I don’t confide my feelings to anyone and this also prevents me to look within.

    I know I have poured too much to be digested. But that makes me who I am. Could you suggest anything for me, some routine or steps or methods that could make me emotionally less vulnerable and sensitive?

    Kaven

    #74556
    Kaven
    Participant

    Hello

    Firstly, Ben I would tell you that your story is exactly like mine… Gone through everything like you called a zombie.. Learnt a subject I liked not which I was passionate about as I have no clue still what is it that I am passionate about? I have always done which we are attuned to by our family and society..At 30, married without kids, I am still exploring what is the purpose of my life? What is it that I would love to do? I have worked in a research organisation, as I have completed MSc learnt music and am very good at it, learnt cooking and am very good in it too, have been a freelance writer.. And what not? But yet.. I have not found anything which I would give everything for.. I sometimes feel God gave me too many attributes so confusing me that what I want to do exactly? No idea.. Can anyone give me any sort of suggestion or advice? Pursuing or starting PhD is not my cup of tea I feel…really need help..

Viewing 3 posts - 1 through 3 (of 3 total)