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Kim

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Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
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  • #72120
    Kim
    Participant

    Mimicus,
    I know how you feel. High school tends to do that to people. We have not yet learned about ourselves so we create categories in order to find identities and to fit in. I, too, never categorized myself as the cool type. As I’ve grown older, I’ve started to recognize that while I didn’t think highly of myself, others did. The more shocking realization is: I never felt as though I fit in because I created that divide, not them. Insecurities make us feel unworthy of acceptance. Insecurities make you act small and insignificant, then others treat you as such. If I had shown up feeling as though I was deserving of their affection, I’m sure high school would have been a lot different for me.

    People don’t care what you wear or how you look (and if they do, it’s because they have their own insecurities and ideas of how they’re supposed to measure up in life as well). They care about you being authentic and friendly. Even if you feel like the oddest person in the world, if you own up to that personality and wear it proudly, you will be loved for it. Each of us adds a little variety and that is something to rejoice on. It’s how we create and inspire others. It’s how we move forward as a species. Being “Normal” means to be average. Being an outlier is a good thing in my book.

    As for making friends, you have to try to see yourself on a level playing field. No one is more or less deserving of your friendship no matter what their personality type is or what kind of career or fancy car they have. You are no more or less deserving as well. The consciousness that inhabits your body and keeps you trapped up in that brain of yours is exactly the same in every living creature on our planet. We differ in thought processes and opinions but at the core we are identical. When you can come to recognize this oneness, you will have compassion for yourself and for all others.

    I believe that you cannot judge yourself for something without judging others for the same thing and vice versa. Work towards self acceptance and then you will accept the world around you. When you know who you are and you are happy to be you, it will start to feel as though the right people will just walk into your life.

    I’m not speaking from a place of divine knowledge. I’m speaking as a person who knows your pain so well because I have been there. Really, I think most of us have. The problem is, many of us feel inadequate so we try to elevate ourselves above others. If you want to be accepted, you have to accept. Be the change you wish to see in the world.

    I wish you luck on your journey.
    -Kim

    #68115
    Kim
    Participant

    Isn’t that the amazing power of this forum? We can all relate to each other but no one wants to talk about vulnerability in the real world. We are blessed to have a place to connect with others. We come willing to speak from our souls and it results in the feeling that we’re not as alone as we once thought. Thank you for that.

    #68041
    Kim
    Participant

    You know, having your input has given me a new kind of perspective. I think I have two different people or personalities tugging me in two different directions. One is feeling sad about the state I’m in. I feel like I’ve only just started to learn about myself. I’ve only just discovered that my insecurities are a result of my own thinking. This side has a bit of anger and sadness towards my childhood. I feel bad that I spent the majority of my life afraid of people and their opinions of me. This side hasn’t quite let go of blame.

    The other side of me is the compassionate one. I see how my family has suffered to overcome their own demons and I empathize. It makes me sad for them that they are living in an unhappy world. It also allows me to feel grateful for the opportunity to take a new path and I recognize that it is coming much earlier in my life than it has for others.

    It’s strange to watch myself bounce back and forth between feelings and opinions. Clearly, the second is a more positive way to look at it. Maybe I’m being too hard on myself to believe I can let go of harsh feelings so easily. I do feel guilty that I can’t make everyone happy but I appreciate that you can relate to me. I would tell any friend to stay away from people who bring them down, including family. Somehow it’s hard to take our own advice.

    #67384
    Kim
    Participant

    Hello,
    It looks like my passion today is responding to Tiny Buddha Forum posts…and I’m at work…pretending to submit payroll. Whoops.

    But honestly, I feel that my day as a whole in this infinite Universe is more fulfilled because I am connecting with people who are facing many of the same issues that I am. It makes me feel useful and peaceful. I think that’s what we’re supposed to be searching for and when we find it, we shouldn’t dismiss it. (Maybe I should save it for the end of the day though)

    I recently graduated as well and let me tell you, my senioritis made the last couple semesters very difficult. I am proud of graduating though. I don’t feel like my diploma did much for me but it is an accomplishment either way. That’s me. No one really knows your passion like you do. It’s so annoying to ask the world what your purpose is and it just shoot the question back in your face. At the same time though, it’s this amazing opportunity to discover yourself and take all the credit. You’re the only one who gets to live your life so no one else matters but you. I think we’re all trying on other people’s goals and ideas to see what fits us and that method could take a long time.

    It was only when I got dumped and he won the friend group that I started doing things for myself. I have no one to hang out with so what do I want to do? I want to volunteer, master yoga, and love myself. These are all independent goals of what my career will be but I think they are more important. Coincidentally, I’ve decided I want to work for a non-profit so everything is linking up. Recognizing the pieces of your life that bring you joy will lead you in the right direction. If you love painting, paint. Don’t worry if it will bring you money. Just do what you love doing and it will make you happy.

    We’ve been conditioned to put a successful career on top of everything else. Know that you are more important than what you do and even with the job of your dreams you can be unhappy if you aren’t connected to yourself. Keep reading these articles and searching for your inner spark. Give it time and give it effort. It’s not easy but when you give yourself the attention you deserve, good things will come from it.

    #67383
    Kim
    Participant

    Yuni,
    I ended a toxic relationship about a month ago and now he’s telling me his ex is moving back in with him. Too soon. Very painful. And then, I found relief. I was not in love with him. I needed him to love me…and he didn’t. We can’t control how other people feel. He is entitled to his own emotions and it’s none of my business what he thinks of me (a quote I heard somewhere). The need for love is almost a guarantee that you won’t find it. So, I’ve been trying fill my void with myself this month and surprisingly enough, it’s slowly bringing me strength. I can’t say I’m not hurt and I can’t say that I’m feeling joyful. I can say that I feel stronger now than I did in the relationship. I can also say I don’t find ANY relationship worth draining yourself of YOU.

    I’m not lonely at all right now because I’m spending quality time with myself. The recognition that I was in a relationship out of the need for someone else and not because we were similar people is leading me to surround myself with people who are like me. If I told him I was meditating daily, he’d probably laugh and call me a hippie. I was so afraid of that before. Now…who freakin cares? I want to date someone who won’t laugh at the vulnerable, spiritual, and loving side of me and I want to be able to let that shine in a relationship…because really, it’s the best part of me.

    If you feel yourself withdrawing around the one you are with, take note. We are superficially attracted to people who are good looking, successful, suave, etc…these are qualities society has trained you to look for. The qualities you should actually be looking for are those that connect you in a deep and meaningful way. More importantly, I would recommend spending some time developing friendships (with no physical attachments). Find a few gems in the world who accept you just the way you are. Live knowing that they are not crucial to your happiness but give thanks for the time that you do spend with them. I think that’s the way a good relationship works. You choose to have them in your life but you don’t need them.

    #67234
    Kim
    Participant

    I just posted something very similar. I’ve been frustrated. Wanting a change and not knowing how to make it happen is extremely frustrating.

    No one wants to be alone but some of us start preferring it to spending time with friends who only make you feel more lonely in the end. My struggle is the lack of authenticity I have when doing my usual social activities. It’s not their faults, but for some reason I hold myself back. The result is a shell of who I am. I’d rather sit at home and feel free. No judgement. I’m learning to love myself more than I have. The key is getting myself to a place where I believe other people will accept the real me as well. I think any friend who doesn’t know your true spark and the depths of your emotion is really more of an acquaintance…someone to pass the time with. The friendships worth living for are the ones where you have laid down on the operating table and let them see every vulnerable inch of you…and they keep coming back. We don’t get many of those in life but as long as we’re willing to take the risk, we can find another soul in this world whose brain works in a similar way.

    As I said though, I think you have to be able to sit with yourself, completely alone and be content. When you no longer feel lonely by yourself, you can start to develop some positive relationships. They’ll come as wonderful enrichment to your life but you’ll know in your heart that they are not crucial to your happiness. No one stays in your life. Everyone is temporary.

    Try to remember that no matter how cruel people may seem, they are on the same journey that you are. Everyone is looking for a better life. Everyone is trapped up in their brains trying to figure out what their purpose is and what path will be the right choice. We don’t know what series of influences have been shoved down their throats as children. We don’t know why they do what they do. One thing is for sure though: they’re all doing the best they can with what they have been given. If you look at other people with empathy for their suffering, it allows you to forgive. Compassion is a amazingly strong gift that we were given. It has the power to bring peace to the world. And when you feel it truly, you don’t need it in return.

    Move forward boldly on your own and know that there are people all around you who feel the same. Unfortunately, you can’t give away any of your thoughts. You’ll have to sort through them on your own. It’s nice to have someone to talk to who understands though. I think that’s why we all turn to this forum. You’re just as important as anyone else and you’re emotions are real. Don’t fight the way you feel. Only try to focus your thoughts on what good you can find. It will grow from there. I promise.

Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)