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jen

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 23 total)
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  • #81540
    jen
    Participant

    thank you! n u r right.. i want us to move forward n understand that we cant help each other.. but everytime i try to bring it up. he just starts attacking me instead of understanding.. so my question was.. its perfectly fine to stop trying right? i tried my best to talk to him n make him understand but he is never ready. so i dont have to do it anymore right?

    #81500
    jen
    Participant

    you may be right.. but how does that help me ? how do i stop feeling guilty? how do i start thinking of my self interest? if i had any clue how to , i wouldnt be writing here…

    #81491
    jen
    Participant

    i never felt responsible for anybody s pain.. but i have always felt less. like whatever i do is not good enough.. or whatever i do is something wrong.. even when i do something for myself i always felt guilty because they would show in actions and words that m selfish.. maybe i am.. n that makes me feel like a bad person … the guilt i feel for him is because i know he can never show his tantrum throwing side to anyone .. in front of the whole world he is the best person who can never utter a bad word or even be angry.. he shows his dark side only to me…and i feel good in letting him be a child.. and i feel guilty that he may never be let himself go n be a kid sometimes because we all need somebody to pamper us and listen to our tantrums.. i was always happy to do it for him… it made me happy that i could allow him to do that..

    #81448
    jen
    Participant

    i quite dont understand what u r trying to say…

    fact is he always does that… n just few days back i had texted him for some purpose and even if i was trying to be friendly and understanding he responded very coldly to me… so i obviously felt hurt,i asked him when he will finally talk to me nicely again and he said never to expect that. so i just had to tell him that “i wish we could be very good friends even if we cant be together. i value u in my life and wish that u would consider me a friend as well and not respond so coldly”

    to that he responded…

    “i know you are very happy to be just friends. you were waiting for this day for so long”

    which bewildered me because i was trying everything to make him come back . finally i gave up n accepted his decision in never speaking to me again but because i still care for him i just put it out there that i would like us to be friends. and he responded like that.

    and that makes me feel guilty . like i m the one who is running away from him. when all i have been trying to do was to get him back . yet he says these words all the time ” you will be so happy without me. you cant wait to get away from me”. which makes me question whether i am not doing enough. or whether i m not showing him enough love. because i know he is like a child. so i start thinkin its my fault and if i really do move on then maybe i will be betraying him.

    #81443
    jen
    Participant

    hi there! m writing again just to clear a few doubts. hope somebody can give me a clear perspective.

    i realise, what i m most concerned about is the fact that i feel guilty.. i think i should move on because staying here only hurts me but when i really think i will move on a small voice in the back of my head tells me m doing something wrong.. its sucks.

    this small voice is his voice. his words. his reaction.

    whenever i have tried to move on he always say something or the other which make me feel like m doing something wrong by moving on even if he clearly seems to have moved on. yet he doesnt want me(according to his actions)

    i m mostly worried about the fact that if in case we do get back together one day even as friends , he is surely going to say these words “you were so happy without me. u moved on so easily.”

    and i know i will feel guilty then. i dont want to feel guilty. so i try my best to make him understand how hard this is for me. i dont ever want to give up but he being so cold to me. it hurts me more than anything.

    am i being selfish? should i just forget everything n disappear?

    #80988
    jen
    Participant

    yeah…but what if its a narcissistic person u r trying to persaude.. its stupid question but i really need to know how to work around somebody like that.. or if its even possible.. totally leaving them or ignoring them is not an option.. only option is to make them see what i see.

    #80650
    jen
    Participant

    Thank you for your kind words… but why do i feel like i am at fault? i just feel like everything is my fault for not being good enough or understandin enough and so i feel like i m doing something wrong by moving on…

    #80630
    jen
    Participant

    Hello everyone! I have been trying to make myself feel better but it doesnt work so easily.. I feel something and i need to understand why i feel that .. i hope u can help me out..
    so i m ready to forget him and leave him out of my life for good.. i m ready to move on.. and i feel ok not talking to him.. i have others things to keep my mind busy and i dont think about him 24/7 as i used to.. but.. whenever i think that m actually gonna let him go. i feel guilty.. i feel like i am doing something wrong.. yes, he makes me feel like shit and he hurts me by so many ways and i know nothing will get better but.. i feel i m wrong in moving on… feel like m the bad guy for thinking that.. i feel so guilty even if i know he is already moved on.. why do i feel that? reallly need some good insights.! thanks guys!

    #80030
    jen
    Participant

    Thanks Annie, I m still struggling to walk away.. its been one week since i said my final goodbye to him.. and i rarely use my phone anymore. i deleted my social media profiles and have been not active on whatsapp .. but sometimes i miss him soo much.. i just want to text him… but i dont… but again i get second thoughts which tell me to do it.. like u said.. i need to look at it from a clear perspective and what i really expect of him or want from him.. as of now.. i think m just so used to him m finding it hard to be without him… and plus the thought of him having fun without me sometimes makes me feel so petty..

    #80029
    jen
    Participant

    I am glad that there are girls like me out there in the world. makes me feel m not alone.. Rachel what you said, “if you had the strength to give him your heart,you have the strength to walk away” . I myself am going to hold onto that thought.. its been really hard for me because he was my real first love and it sucks … but i am going to be that strong girl once again… Do read my post and comment.. and lets all work through this together!

    #79982
    jen
    Participant

    Dear Molly

    Everything you wrote reminds me of myself in every single way.. break up time 7 months, he was the one who left, your first real love everything u wrote relates to me in every single way. except the last part where u hate him, dont want him as a friend, dont want to see him ever again.. except the last paragraph.. every single thing i understand and i empathize.. and i wish i could hate my ex too.. but i dont .. i wish i could want to hurt him.. but i dont.. i wish i could feel never to see him again.. but i dont.. so its so much harder to let him go when i know i should.. its so much harder to move on when i dont have these feelings of care towards him..

    i know what i m saying is not considered the most ideal advice but let me say i would rather be in ur shoes than mine.. because anger would let me become strong and move on that much easier..guess what i am saying is.. use that anger to make urself better.. he missed out on something good and turn that anger into giving your best to someone else so that u will feel good.. the best revenge u can get is when u r happy without him when somebody loves u just the way u loved him.. the best revenge is to forget he exists and live your life.. the best revenge would be to discard him like a bad habit… and its going to be easy for you..

    #79938
    jen
    Participant

    you are right! but somehow i keep hoping that he will change and all.. its stupid.. i know.. i just can never get angry at him or feel like he is wrong.. m trying to accept that we arent compatible ..

    #79902
    jen
    Participant

    I m sure my cribbing might get old.. but last week i finally decided to let him go after the way he shouted at me and told me to leave him. literally begged me to leave him alone.. i felt so hurt but somehow relieved that i was not the one who initiated the final breakup. otherwise if we ever spoke again he would give me grief about how happy i was to break up with him..
    however, i wanted us to have a good goodbye.. a mutual understanding that we wont work out the way we are but still wanted us to respect the good times we shared and depart as good friends.. so i texted him asking whether he could spare ten mins for me just to talk..he did not respond.. it was over whatsapp. all our conversations happen over whatsapp.. so i messaged again asking whether we could talk for ten mins whenever he calmed down.. he finaly replied saying never to expect him to get over his anger and calm down..so i said m not gonna say anything to anger him,i just have few things to say and that i needed him to just talk to me for ten mins because i dont want to just message him whatever i wanted. i wanted a conversation not a monologue.. i mentioned that i understood that he wanted me out of his life and that i also did not like to make him frustrated again and again so to let me know when i can talk to him …to which his response got hyper and said some mean things like “did u make a vow to make me mad?” and stuff like that.. i said no and he said that all u do and u always want to pick a fight..
    i feel sad that he always think m bad.. when i was struggling with him leaving.. i was a mess. i cried every sec and whenever he was busy or something i might have gotten upset.. few times.. and he called me evil.. he said that my mind has become evil.. and when i look back everything i did was either wrong or bad according to him.. and that makes me wonder whether i am really a bad person… maybe i dont know it but maybe the reason i cant find love is because i dont give love? or i m bad by birth?

    #79887
    jen
    Participant

    Thank you so much!! so i ll try to make myself better and whatever will be will be.. i will stop dreaming of saving him.. i ll save myself first..

    #79847
    jen
    Participant

    so its ok to leave him n try to make myself better?? i m not abandoning him am it? i mean i feel guilty if he is lonely n sad when m trying to be happy..

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 23 total)