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Lizzie

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Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)
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  • #64244
    Lizzie
    Participant

    Hi, I’m happy for you. It sounds like you’re doing the right thing for you. You need have your own identity. Especially if you’ve made decisions about getting engaged and he’s suddenly going back on it. I think my boyfriend is similar. Controlling without realising it. I’m not sure how it will work out for us. He’s told me recently that he wants kids not much after he’s forty and I am pretty much going to have to agree to it or the relationship is over. There’s been a lot to it but that’s it in a nutshell. I don’t know how I can agree to something I that I don’t know that I want so we’ll see how it goes.

    I’m really glad you’re reclaiming your life! I’m sure once you get back into your own space you’ll feel empowered and like your old self again! Good luck xx

    #64238
    Lizzie
    Participant

    Hi I just wanted to reply to this as I’m in a very similar situation. My bf is 37 and im 27. I went straight from living with my mother to living with him in his house. I’ve felt for a long time that I just merged into his life. There’s nowhere really in the house I feel comfortable. ..he’s always playing computer games which are very loud so I can never hear the telly or read in peace. He teaches karate and I even started doing that. Even though I enjoy it I feel like it takes up a lot of my time and energy and at the moment I feel like I’ve lost who I am. Because I feel like this I ended up getting really clingy to him because he I felt like he was the only thing I had that was part of me. It was like I needed to see him in order to just feel comfortable. So maybe I know a bit about how you feel? I do agree with previous posts about getting something that is your own. I have a weekly yoga class which I look forward to and is just mine. We also have a spare room downstairs which we’re working on turning into my music/chill out room. So I can go in there and practice piano or do yoga in peace. Then we can come back together when I’ve had some ‘me’ time. It’s hard feeling Co dependent but what is working for me at the moment is making the step to get my own space in the house and getting my own hobbies. is here anywhere in the house that you can go to on your own and do your own thing? Other than that maybe getting a hobby will work and start giving you a sense of identity again. I found the hardest step was to start doing things on my own and then I remembered why I loved being on my own so much. I hope you work things out x

    #63291
    Lizzie
    Participant

    Thank you. I seem to be getting a lot of people telling me to go! You’re right that mine and his worry is that ill start resenting it later if I don’t do it. I just can’t help thinking I’m throwing something amazing away that I won’t find again. But I guess you can’t know the right thing to do until it’s done x

    #63169
    Lizzie
    Participant

    Thanks so much both of you. My poor boyfriend said that he’s pretty much accepted that I need to go be because I can’t decide what I want and I never will if I don’t get out there and try new things. That it’ll fester until it tears us apart. At least this way we would have the chance of working it out because I won’t have regrets and can understand better what I want. You’re right that I can choose to be anything I want to be

    I’m just going to have to a think. There’s no right or good decision here.

    Thanks again to both of you for your advice and taking the time to talk to me. 🙂 x

    #63160
    Lizzie
    Participant

    He could! He doesn’t want to move away from his home and he doesn’t really have any desire to travel but if he thought he would lose me he’d try to make it work. You’re right I really feel like I need an adventure and to try something new. He would never move away from home though so if I wanted to make it work I’d have to come back but he could visit. I’m off to see my mam in taiwan for a couple of weeks in October and I think if this feeling hasn’t gone ill look at maybe going back over and spending longer there…even if it does mean quitting my job – eeep! Maybe I’ll get it out of my system and be desperate to come back 🙂 I probably need to stop looking at every decision like it’s the end of the world!

    #63158
    Lizzie
    Participant

    Hi Inky,

    Thank you for your words. We have discussed me going away for a while and seeing how it goes. Maybe 6 months. I worry that if I go for a while ill have to quit my job and then what will I come back to, or what if I don’t want to come back, or I want to come back but my boyfriend has moved on. I think too much! I know these things can work but I’m not sure my boyfriend wants that. What if I throw away a relationship that could make me happy for the rest of my life. He wants me to be happy but I think if I go for longer than 6 months we’ll have to put our relationship on a break for a while. He doesn’t think he’ll find anyone else if we didn’t work out. He doesn’t try to make me feel bad but I would feel so guilty if I went. He’s such a good guy. He’d be an amazing husband and father and I know he’s happy and just wants to be with me as we are but I don’t know if that life is for me…I feel so trapped at the moment. But as ruminant says above…maybe I’m just so overwhelmed and need to untangle things to see what I really want. Sorry I’ve gone off on a tangent!

    #63155
    Lizzie
    Participant

    Thank you so much for taking the time to respond. Everything you’ve said does ring very true with me. I do have a sense that time is slipping away and I need to make a decision now or ill never get the chance again…how dramatic! Perhaps I need to learn to relinquish that control and let life happen. I feel like I maybe need to sort my job out and then maybe ill gain a clearer perspective. I definitely need to learn how to untangle things and look at them separately…not entirely sure how to accomplish that! A month ago I was happy and strong and now I can’t seem to pull myself out of negative thought spirals that keep pulling me down and muddying my perspective. Thanks again, you’ve given me a lot to think about

Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)