Sorry for the typos…Should I feel bad that Ive used all thistime only to be regretting it now. I honestly have the desire to leave. Seriously,. But its hard, maybe I need a push

Yes I d De ed its a struggle. I feel no ike ivecome full circle. I know this comfortable feeling isnt what truy need or truly want, its simply a payoff so to speak. ?
So help m be uncomfortable, in a healthy way :

Anita im so sorry for what happened with you and your mother! My heart goes out to you. ?
My mther was abusive too growing up. It felt like hell in my home, id go to school cryig some days, and ive always been a sensitive kid.
Shed hit me a lot and be verbally and mentally abusive

How in the hell did I marry an abusive woman! And why have I stayed almost 8 years! Im not stupid

Thanks again anita, nan 🙂
Nan, to answer your questions. ?
I did leave twice before. In may 2014 and came back here 10 days later
I left again in august the same year and came back a a week later.
I stayed with the same friend, who I called the other night

But since my wife got involved, she called the police and bluffed a restraining order against him. So now this friend was my only resource, and my wife took that away 🙁

I came back the first time because she” threatened” me
The second time because she “convinced” me things would be different, better.

Im still technically married, but as people, I broke up with her.
But we are living together

Its technically abusive verbally emotionally psychologically.. yet when its not she acts like were “together”
Giving kisses, trying to make me laugh, demands we sleep in the same bed every night, acts like shes “gonna help me get a job and a place”

So… should I buy this, or cut n run.. like I said, I have little resources.. and dc I can justify this situation, even though truly it is NOT what I want

Wow, that’s a really good way to describe it, and honestly I hate to admit it but I think you are correct all around. Ts very hard to admit it to myself because I’m not this “kind of person”

Yes I havd benefits staying ike my TV stuff aundry tv music internet food a nice bed etc, but im certainly nOT living or c challenging myself. Time is a going by.
I could say I’m comfortable and its not “soooo bad”
But like you said, the leopard cannot change its spots.
And yes, im blamed for everythingggg
So I start to doubt my ownself identity self eorth confidence all that..
Soo what is a solution if I am fearing just leaving period.
I could walk out the door right now, but what about what will happen. ? Is she going to hurt me? Is it worth th risk?
What is yur other thoughts

She uses “getting the cops involved” as leverage, either to intimidate scare or control me or keep me doing what she says, at least tats hw I interpret it.
Back in2010 we had a domestic dispute that resulted in a no violent contact order as in if I get violent to her im arrested etc.
She stirs things up with cops.. she buffed the othr night and told them my friend who was gnna help me had guns and threatened to hurt us. Th He refore isolating me, even though she lied. Shes not above lying and manipulation to serve her self. She can tell the cops I stole from her, which shes dne before, which is BS. She can say I was violent, that I am deserting the marriage when shes disabled, oh boy she can say whatever she wants and theyll go along and believe her. She can paint me into a corner. That is available my fear… that I will have a trail of “her” following me wherever I go. Im scared and she is a complete liar yet she calls me a liar because I dont cook dinner when I say I will.
This is the absurdity of things. It feels like I have to go along with this plan “A” or I will have trouble follow me.
I just want to be free and feel at ease and live a new life, im not living.. im existing, its deprssing.
yet im to blame always Because her health is in jeopardy and im not caring, im being selfish

What do you think plan o is