• anita replied to the topic Can't make a decision = in the forum Work 1 hour, 29 minutes ago

    Dear Felix:

    I just looked at history, and yes, we’ve been communicating for a while. Is there an improvement in the relationship with your wife? If not, isn’t this relationship still sucking the soul right out of you as well?

    In a materialistic society (all societies I personally experienced are highly materialistic), “you lose the right to be a…[Read more]

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  • Dear Liv:

    It was wrong of you to take your anger out on him (“I took it out on him, saying maybe its best you don’t come over..”)-

    It was okay for you to feel angry. It is always okay for you to feel whatever it is that you feel because our feelings are automatic mental events that just happen; we don’t choose our feelings. On the other hand, be…[Read more]

  • Dear erin:

    You are welcome.

    Over time, you are likely to feel less and less until there is only a dull pain, or maybe no feeling at all. Only the memory of what happened. If you learn from this experience all that you can, you will stop being angry at yourself. I wish that the sympathy you sometimes feel for him, that you will feel it for…[Read more]

  • anita replied to the topic My first kiss in the forum Relationships 3 hours, 55 minutes ago

    Dear Selena:

    You asked: “Should I just move on, I am scared that if I do, I might miss a relationship with him or something.”?

    The answer is clearly to NOT pursue him further, and to move on, to ignore him at work, to have no communication with him at work (or minimal if necessary for work purposes).

    The reason it is clearly the answer is…[Read more]

  • Dear Fruzsina:

    I can’t imagine a relationship like that with one’s mother, not at all my experience. Reads good to me, to have such a relationship. I think it is the exception, not the rule. Therefore, if you have the expectation that most other people will be as easily communicative as you, it is, I believe, an unrealistic expectation because…[Read more]

  • anita replied to the topic Depression in the forum Tough Times 4 hours, 31 minutes ago

    Dear Taylor Magi:

    How old are you now and what happened in your life at the age of 10?

    You asked for suggestions about how to “get over the feeling of depression”- can you share what suggestions were already suggested to you in therapy? What suggestions you already tried, what worked and what didn’t?


  • Dear Fruzsina:

    Thank you for answering my previous question.

    It reads to me from your posts that he is a decent man and that you are a decent woman, both honest with each other. I like the way you talk to him, gentle and kind.

    You wrote: “before this complication I was so in love and he was perfect and everything was amazing…But that has…[Read more]

  • Dear Shikhar:

    You wrote: “I do know that I have never put anyone before me (except once and it ended really bad for me).”- can you share about that one time: were you emotionally close (not distant) in that one relationship? What happened and how did it end for you?

    What was and is your relationship with your parents like?


  • Dear Wanderlust:

    The title of your thread, stuck between a rock and a hard place: the rock is a mutual declaration of a committed relationship while the Hard-place is occasional get-togethers during trips and sometimes contact in between?

    And you are interested in the Rock, correct?


  • anita replied to the topic Am I Evil? in the forum Emotional Mastery 5 hours, 56 minutes ago

    Dear Nobody:

    anita is easier to type than Anita. And the first “a” is like the last “a”- I like that. I like the uniformity of all small letters. This is why I choose the first a to not be A.

    Regarding the other account you had, you wrote: “You were the only person that I actually made me feel safe. Perhaps because I don’t know you and you d…[Read more]

  • anita replied to the topic Feeling lost in the forum Tough Times 6 hours, 15 minutes ago

    Dear Aart:

    You wrote: “Why I should bother others who are not very close to me because of my issues my thoughts”?

    Because I want to know, so to suggest something that might be helpful for you to feel less lost (title of your thread):

    Please share more about your issues and your thoughts. You wrote that you don’t want to be alone. How long have…[Read more]

  • Dear Jack:

    If you marry him and bring a child (or children) into the marriage, he will be their father, and because he “can’t control his yelling and furthermore he doesn’t think he should have to, that expressing anger is healthy and normal.”- he will yell at the children. And if they “walk away when he starts yelling he accuses (them) of aban…[Read more]

  • Dear Mandy Marie:

    Thank you. If I am able to type and submit this message it means I am feeling better.

    In your original post you wrote: “But life kept getting in the way…”- the major life-getting-in-the-way event in your life: your father leaving behind a permanently disabled son, two daughters and a wife so to have a simpler life for…[Read more]

  • Dear Mandy Marie:

    I re-read your previous posts and the last one but I am feeling unwell this evening. Typed several replies to you and erased each- just don’t have the presence of my mind- I am distracted, distressed. I hope to feel better and at peace tomorrow morning, in about ten hours or so.


  • anita replied to the topic Feeling Stuck In Life in the forum Tough Times 1 day, 1 hour ago

    Dear Mandy Marie:

    I will be back to the computer in 6-7 hours or so, will reply then. Take care of yourself.


  • anita replied to the topic Am I Evil? in the forum Emotional Mastery 1 day, 1 hour ago

    Dear Nobody:

    Yes, a therapist is a very good idea, only he/she has to be a competent, capable, empathetic, hard working therapist, not just any therapist.

    To heal, in therapy, it takes two people: the therapist and the client. Just like in any relationship. For example, you and your mother- impossible to make good out of it: you reached out to…[Read more]

  • anita replied to the topic My Soulmate in the forum Relationships 1 day, 4 hours ago

    Dear Hari Chhetry:

    You used the term “soulmate” referring to this woman in relation to you.

    Wikipedia entry on “soulmate” reads: “In current usage, ‘soulmate’ usually refers to a romantic partner, with the implication of an exclusive lifelong bond…  It is a very versatile term, being defined differently by different individuals, as it is rel…[Read more]

  • anita replied to the topic Crossroads in the forum Work 1 day, 4 hours ago

    Dear Blake:

    Reads to me like a great idea, doing the job two days a week and continue with the course.


  • Dear Fruzscina:

    You are welcome. I re-read your original post and noticed something I didn’t notice before, and I think it may be a key for deeper understanding.

    You wrote: “After 6 months of this, I finally spoke out yesterday and told him I can’t be with someone who won’t let me get to know him as a person. I told him I feel like I hardly kno…[Read more]

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