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anita

  • Dear heartbrokengurl:

    A lot of relationships are unhappy, mostly because of aggression. Your boyfriend initiated a lot of fights with you and you ended up walking on eggshells. When you meet a new candidate for a relationship, make sure he is a peaceful man, who unlike your ex boyfriend, will not pick fights with you. Make sure the two of you…[Read more]

  • Dear rekalitsoe:

    Your step sister, is she your father’s daughter from a previous relationship, how is she related to you, did you grow up with her? A bit of a history of her place in your bio family may help.

    You wrote: “I know a lot of (her behavior) stemmed from jealousy/insecurity.” and that you understand her. What is her jealousy about?…[Read more]

  • Dear bricklady:

    Maybe he ended the relationship with you because he worried too much about you. You wrote that he told you that: “he needs to worry about the kids and himself and not me… He says that he will worry about me if we still see each other and that he will worry about me if we don’t.”

    What did he mean by all this worrying?

    anita

  • Dear pixie:

    On July 11 last year, in your original post here, you wrote: “I am… feeling terribly guilty for the prospect of hurting (your husband). He has suggested that he would hurt himself if i left him. Im trying to move on but everytime i think about initiating the conversation i get so anxious i make myself sick.”

    In your second post…[Read more]

  • Dear Ellie:

    Online therapy may very well work for you, having a parallel experience as a Speech and Language Pathologist (SLP) online.

    Maybe Chris appears not so interested in you but in reality, maybe, he is emotionally independent, not very needy. Often enough a person appears very interested because of a desperate neediness that gets…[Read more]

  • Dear sundeath:

    Reads to me like the end of this most recent relationship. If I was you, I would stop efforts to reconcile, and let her be, leave her alone to put her choice into action, next week.

    The fighting in the relationship, that aggression is the death of love. When in a relationship both parties need to practice … a…[Read more]

  • You are welcome, Jojo.
    anita

  • Dear Reader:

    I second Inky. The one requesting a pen pal should be the one offering the email address.

    anita

  • Dear Ellie:

    You are welcome. I do hope you find competent therapy. I have no experience with online therapy; I wonder how it can be helpful without the person-to-person contact.

    You live in Northern Alaska (I live in WA state). You are an “extremely independent (single mom)” living in Northern Alaska. I wonder how it is to live so far…[Read more]

  • anita replied to the topic Isolation and Dark Times in the forum Tough Times 1 day ago

    You are very welcome, jbradford2012. Wishing you the best o your healing journey. Post again, anytime.
    anita

  • Dear dory82:

    Looking at your timeline, seems to me that before 8th Feb, his relationship with the other woman was not solid. On the 8th it was quite solid and he felt safe in it, this is why he told you to “to leave him alone.” Four days later, or before, he was already living with her, solid indeed.

    Reads to me like he is very needy of a…[Read more]

  • Dear ktmac28:

    Your friend belittles you? You wrote: “she makes every effort to steer me away from them or belittle me in front of the.m” When a person belittles you, that person is not a friend.

    You wrote that you are somewhat open to a relationship with a man, if it feels right. If it feels right to you. Well, it feels wrong to her that you…[Read more]

  • Dear BothSidesNow:

    Pay attention to whether there is improvement in your anxiety when you don’t see or speak to your father for a long time. If there is, then it means that his physical presence in your life is still, in the present, harming you, encouraging your anxiety (and shame) to stay. If that is the case, then it is for your benefit to…[Read more]

  • Dear caliber2008:

    * Please do not use the f word (any profanity) on this website. It is against the sharing guidelines posted (under Forums, last on that page).

    You wrote: “we both are hard headed and either one of us wants to admit that we are wrong.” When you wanted to get back together with her, you “just told her everything is my fault and…[Read more]

  • Dear BothSidesNow:

    You wrote a bit earlier: “My dad was pretty emotionally and psychologically abusive…I hated all of the criticism… There was also constant speaking against gay people from my father… I was constantly afraid…I self-harmed a bit. To this day, I walk around with constant anxiety.”

    Key sentence: TO THIS DAY, I walk around…[Read more]

  • Dear BothSidesNow:

    When you are in the presence of your father- how do you feel?

    anita

  • anita replied to the topic I just want it to be done in the forum Work 1 day, 9 hours ago

    Dear asterixobelix:

    This is my suggestion for a plan of action on your part:

    1. Let your mother know that for the next six months, to the date, you will have no contact with her whatsoever. Decision to be revisited by you in six months. Same with anyone and everyone in your life that applies pressure on you in any way, shape or form.

    2. Let…[Read more]

  • Dear winchester1990:

    The solution you’ve been applying: the Lose (for you, you are building anger and resentment, lack of contentment in the relationship)- Win (for him, his feelings don’t get hurt, he get all your time and attention with no limits on his own behavior) is not sustainable. It cannot work long term. Soon enough you will express…[Read more]

  • Dear BothSidesNow:

    The good news is: there is nothing inherently wrong with you, never was.

    The bad news is: you believe otherwise. This is why such belief is indeed called Core Belief. It was formed early, encouraged and it exist deep in your brain.

    So you turned against yourself, harming yourself, trying to eliminate that believed…[Read more]

  • Dear dreaming715:

    Been there. Your share is so honest, simple to understand, direct, no make-believe thinking, makes me appreciate it very much.

    Honor your feeling of jealousy, it means you want a better life for yourself. You want a better life. You can let her know how you feel, stated honestly (like you did on this thread), is part of honest…[Read more]

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