Hi Anita

yes , I’ve realised that the moment to start living your life and not beg someone to love you back or take you in their life , they get attracted to you more . That’s what happened when I stopped chasing my ex Boyfriend . When he broke up with me stating some lame family stuff ,I was shocked and broken and tried all my means to get him back . But after a month I had it enough I realised it wasn’t worth then I started prioritising my own life and take care of myself . Worked for my own improvement the moment he got the vibe that I’m not interested in pursuing him again he started contacting me and slowly making advances.

And I got a Job which he can never even dream of because I worked so hard for it .

now he wanted to marry me and started giving excuse that he always loved me but was just taking time to sort of things with his family . He wanted to do it alone because it’s was getting too taxing for him with me on one side and his family on another . Anyway the time when we were not in contact with eachother gave me a new prespective of life and made me realise what was I missing . And when he came back begging I didn’t allow him

I dont hate for him now ,but still what he did was not right , I feel that . But I’m Glad he did ,my life is much better then I was with him .With him it was so much uncertainty,anxiety , Low self esteem and fear of not being good to impress his family , wanting validation ..phew

You are right may be I want him to regret . But never want to go back .

Btw I tell my fiancé whenever I have a conversation with my ex or even show him his messages .

Thank you

Hi Anita

i didn’t block my ex Boyfriend because honestly I don’t feel anyting for him .Neither love Nor hate or anything . I use to think that he is it and we have best relationship but after getting out of that relationship I realised what all I was missing and even if I was single I would never go back to him .

When he calls me I talk to him listen to him and tell him about life too and I never feel any emotions infact sometime he sounds so manipulative that I laugh inside .

nevertheless I never say things which will hurt him because I don’t want to hurt him I know he is still in love with me . So I usually don’t tell him how amazing I feel with my new man just because I know it can be painful .

Thank you

Nikki

6) My concerns are like sometime I look disatisfied and look unhappy but having said that it’s for a short time . Im all over him as soon as he does something nice or I just get a realisation that I’m being unreasonable

7)This is bit conflicting , because sometime I feel that he is the one for me , because I’ve dated few people before him and I could never connect with anyone like him.

we have same mental capacities , same values , same intelligence plus he is really good listener and my entire family loves him more then me .

But sometime I feel , I should be with someone younger of my age with his qualities

8) internal satisfaction is still very important but I’m not sure if I’ m satisfied or not .

Ive never been sad with him , I have never been anxious with him , I never doubted his loyalty , I’ve never doubt his good intentions . All this kind of tell that I’m satisfied but there are still moments where I Doubt my decision and think should I be with someelse with whom I don’t get these momentary doubts .

i asked couple of my girl friends how they felt before their marriage and they said – they were so sure about their partner and marriage .This is not with me get doubts.

Thank you

Hi Anita

I’m trying my best to fix myself . I want to love him and respect him with all my heart without doubts and unwanted thoughts .

He is also very happy with me and all these concerns are just to the level of my head . I never let him know what my concerns .I give him all my love and attention and I don’t even have to put a show it comes naturally .

Im Concern is what if  my feeling grows and will be a unhappy Wife to him and unhappy family .

Im not proud of my ugliness I know it’s very unattractive and shallow but I can’t seem to get a quick fix .

Thank you

Hi Anita

Thank you so much for the reply.

I feel exactly  same as two points mentioned .Its true that I wasn’t very attracted to him at first instances but slowly I fell in love with him and I actually enjoy his company  and intimacy also

But every now and then I keep getting thoughts like what if fall out of love because I won’t find him attractive.  What if we look a horrible match ? Actually – From an conventional view I’m considered quite smart and hot by my friends .

what if I’m not happy after marriage ? And I break his heart . Im more worried about breaking his heart then being unhappy .

Should I just ignoring these feelings ? Then I think what if I keep brushing my feelings aside and it grows more and more .

what do you think dear ? How should I deal ?

Thank you ??

Hi

thank you so much for the reply .

You are right and part of me also thinks I’ve done the right thing .

But as I told you he was a very loving , caring and loyal guy to me except that he will do it without knowledge of his family .

In this 6 years I never doubted his loyality and he would almost do whatever I wish except for sometime .I wonder ,that may be he was really not in a place to tell his parents and stand up for me . May be his problem was also genuine ,his mother is very difficult .

Though I’m at a very happy place right now ,it breaks my heart thinking he must be broken .

thank you for listening

Hi

I started my relationship in 2010.

I think this episode happend a year . But without him my journey wouldn’t have been worst . He was there as constant support and no judgemental company.  He left no stone unturned to make me happy those days .

At  last a life is a wonderful book , it gave me a different perspective on anxiety and made ne comfortable.