Hi sapnap3,

Sia here. If you are the same person, We spoke on this website few years back. It was about your birthday.. and you planned to play music for some gathering and felt good about it.

I kept you in my prayers few times over all these years.. whenever i remembered your name.. hope you are doing well. I read your post today.

This situation you are going through… i would like to gently remind you that almost everyone goes through this once or more times in their life. Almost everyone makes it to the other end. I do not in any way mean to simplify the immense grief you are feeling now. I want to remind you that this is also a part of life and can be dealt with.

If i remember, you moved from another country to this place, and made it this far. You are a brave girl.

I want to ask you to take care of yourself, eat well, sleep well, be gentle with yourself till you feel ready to face everything. THIS TOO, SHALL PASS. till then, keep yourself warm, prioritise basic needs of life.. food, water, fresh air, good health, company.

A healthy mind, well nourished body would heal faster. Please take care of yourself. Keep your day scheduled in general, to keep you occupied. Make a routine for your day and follow it. Keep an hour or two for your favourite hobby – create something in that time. Mine was to crochet( it helped… really)… yours may be music.

Frame your self love into a simple sentence, and repeat it when you need it.. when sadness strikes again. Mine was – i love you more than anyone else in the world. I am always there for you. I repeated this thousands of times till i felt better. Till i trusted myself more.

I hope you feel better. I pray that you stay happy always.

Sia.

hi dude, how are you?i am a general physician.. would like to add a few words..
1. acne medicines such as retinoic acid derivatives, etc MAY cause depressive thoughts but the effect would not last 5 years after discontinuing them.(if i may ask were you having lot of acne that required you to take oral medications for that? were you bothered by acne? has it healed now? are u still using the medicine as a pill or for applying on your skin? are there any other medicine that have to use daily?)
2. if you have a gut feeling that your mood and thoughts are influenced by a physical cause i would like to suggest that you meet a primary physician; to look for and investigate for thyroid problems, blood sugar levels,and other hormonal levels. also, i have seen that certain nutritional deficiencies of vitamins (B, D,etc mostly) iron and other minerals may cause fatigue and depressive thoughts.. in any of the above cases, taking supplementation medicines would help you a lot. (i know we all try and eat right, but some times what we eat is just not enough..)
3. i would also suggest to get good exposure to sun light… morning sun between 11 am and 1 pm until we get slight amount of tan, would replenish vitamin d levels to the required amounts, which is important to give us the sense of well being besides making our body stronger.
4. it looks like you have a lot of energy to create things and care for people, things etc… can u keep pets, do gardening etc..?this would help too..
5.lastly, if no specific cause has been found, yet your daily living is being affected,i would suggest to consult a psychiatrist, and go for some medication..at least for some time.. this last point i am saying from personal experience… that i was extremely depressed at many times in my life.. sometimes with a cause and sometimes with no cause.. when meditation, therapy, nutrition, friendships, exercise – none of this was working, taking some medication in a small dose for say 2 – 4 weeks would bring me back to normal, and i used to taper and leave it. i hear a lot of people saying they don’t want to take any medication for depression or anxiety… but i would say,if our life style is affected by our mental health we should go for it after consulting psychiatrist.
6. all other aspects i wanted to tell u are already addressed by other people..
i would remember you in my prayers..
such a long long post… congratulations on making it till here.. good luck to you.

Dear Naomi, just like Samdlb says here, it is a normal reaction- your anger, disappointment, hatred towards his action. The very idea of you wanting to move on with your life is a progress in its own way. Those feelings which were there from all these years, are now growing old, they are saying it’s time for you to move on without them. Learn what you should from them, let them leave.
But, dear friend, to forgive yourself, your father and everyone else involved in this is the only proper way to do this, so that such things will not repeat again. A few lines for your consideration..
We often think that once our feelings change, and we find happiness, we shall change our actions. The truth is that only when we change our actions, do our feelings change, and WE START TO APPRECIATE OUR INNER HAPPINESS.
Forgiveness is a judgment of choice, to be willing to let go of something that brought hurt, to go unanswered, for our own well being. Like others in previous posts have said, we can’t change what has already happened and you can’t change the way how others think. All you can change is what you are doing to yourself, at this moment and in the future.
There are many ways to do this – Meditation, Therapy, Prayer, Practice, Confessions.., choose what suits you. You might consider more than one like meditation, and practice mindful compassion. Your goal should be to clean all the unwanted feelings, and memories from your heart, and fill it with love, Grace, kindness and compassion, so that you are able to focus on your purpose in this life. Remind yourself about your goal everyday.
Also, I would like you to think, and acknowledge about any good things you have noticed your father( for real). My point is to see that no one or nothing is totally bad or good, to not deserve forgiveness and kindness. This may change the way how we approach people on the whole.
Such a long post… I guess it would take days/ weeks for you to read..
It might look like a long way ahead, but we have to start somewhere to get somewhere. Wish you love and Grace..

Andre,I would like to tell you my favourite quote : “joy is love for what is,while sorrow is love for what is not.” Either way, it is love, an emotion. The key is to be present in the moment, whether your heart says this is joy or sorrow. My music teacher, elderly lady in her nineties, once told a fellow student who was neck deep in problems that – happiness is only the time gap between two sorrows. May be she meant that times keep changing and this is how life goes. I, very naively, thought to 9 year old self, why can’t the vice versa be true. But, as I grew up, I understood both may be right, depends on our perspective. To be in the moment and appreciate what life has in store for us, is THE way to live. If today something feels joyful, tomorrow something else would. If tomorrow, things don’t bring happiness, those moments would pass away too and good times may come. But, people don’t. Hold your dear ones who won t leave you when times change, very dearly to your heart. Happiness will definitely blossom from your heart, and this time you can make the spring last as long as you want it to.
I don’t know whether this is anywhere near to the answer you were seeking, but these words came to my heart.
Wishing you Grace and happiness..

Hi Wayliin, as you said, 10months do sound like a long time to keep searching for a job. While I don’t know what place you are in or what kind of job you are searching for, I would like to present some things you can use.
Have you tried searching in different kinds of places, among different kinds of organizations? May be where you are searching for, the places are full of people but there may be a vacancy in a different place.
You also can try to review and brush up your resume in a different way ( may be more creative or formal way which might change the way people look at you), you can take help from someone for this.
I read somewhere that while it is true that things happen if they are meant to be, it is also true that right things happen when we do right things at the right time.
Contact someone you know who already has a job in a place where you want to apply, gather information about what is expected from your skills in that place, then decide. Do this well before you appear for interview, not on the day before.
Consider talking to someone else who is now in or who has been in similar situation, you may find some info on where you can still improve.
And lastly, if it is ok with you, write on a paper about all the mistakes that you think you have committed in the previous interviews or are guilty about, and what would have been the correct way.
These are few things that helped me when I screwed some interviews in past.
Good luck.