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Sona

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 23 total)
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  • #286663
    Sona
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Do you think what he did was unethical?

     

    Thanks,

    Sona

    #286511
    Sona
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Sorry I started talking about the other topic, you asked and I just started sharing.

     

    We can close the discussion, in fact, if you can just delete the responses that are irrelevant to the original topic.

    Thanks,

    Sona

    #286487
    Sona
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Well, I am not sure if I call that unethical behavior – as he denied everything and no physical boundary was crossed ever. I can say that it’s his way of therapy and I always had a choice to leave. If I would not have liked his therapy style I would have left but I didn’t. My regret is, wish I could have more open decision with him regarding my feelings around him and when I did bring up anything that suggested that he is also interested in me instead of plain denial we should have explored together on why I felt that etc? He was not afraid to lie, that’s for sure.

    I felt very hurt and alone dealing with these rejection emotions and that’s not how therapy should be all the time. Some part of therapy it is needed to grow. But the client always has a choice to continue, so I blame myself too as I kept going back. I always had a choice but the attachment was so strong on my end that I couldn’t.

    Thanks-

    Sona

     

     

    #286369
    Sona
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Thank you so much for asking and yes I remember our conversation clearly. Believe it or not, I continued to see him even though he was misleading me on believing that he wants to have a relationship with me someday outside the office.

    But a few months ago, I stopped for good (yes, for sure good now)  as I realized I am wasting my time and energy, yes I got stronger, however, it also did quite internal damage, I faced rejection over rejection again and again. The reason I kept going back as I trusted him completely and I loved his gentleness and kindness. So, I kept working on how to love him unconditionally without any expectation. But his mixed signals (i am not making it up it was very clear signals that he wanted more too) again build a desire in me for having more with him but when I used to bring it up he would just plain deny it. So I went over that pain of rejection enormous number of times and the sad part is he never helped me deal with it. I also lost confidence in me that something is wrong with me,  I am so needy, I am bad to have expectations?

    Anyhow, this experience made me more spiritual and I am seeing a woman therapist now and lets’ see what future holds for me. I don’t have courage right now to start a new relationship. I am so hurt. I loved him very deeply.

    Sorry for the long reply-

    – Sona

     

    #286347
    Sona
    Participant

    What is INFJ?

    Another good advice about Journaling – here is my another issue I am not good in creating habits, a few days ago I ordered gratitude journal, wrote for 2 days and now it is sitting in my drawer. I went for yoga 2 days loved it but again took a step backward. I will try to push myself on doing things no matter how much my body just wants to stay in the bed.

    You are right, it feels like spiritual people are always going against the stream.

     

    Thank you again,

    Sona

    #286335
    Sona
    Participant

    Thank you so much Mark. This was helpful. I have to balance being with my sadness and also participate and connect somewhat with people.

    The place where I struggle the most is letting go and trusting. I am trying not to give attention to my negative story but it keeps coming back – I will not find anyone, I will be alone all my life, I will not able to hold any relationship…sometimes at that time I just chant a mantra inside to disassociate with this thinking pattern but sometimes it overtakes me and I feel like not doing anything. That’s when I envy people who are happy drinking, partying and not going deep inside and people who are sensitive care about others hurts alot.

    However, your advice is good – the time when negativity is clouding me, just move around, take a walk, go out..I know at some level this is what I should be doing but my body doesn’t want to move..

     

    Thanks again,

    Sona

     

    #236231
    Sona
    Participant

    Thanks, Mark for your practical advice.

    You are right, I am vulnerable and needy right now – I feel like I am begging for love and it makes me feel even more hollow and empty that I don’t have anything to offer. It makes me feel so unlovable.

    Yes, I want to live my life and enjoy! When the time is ready, things will happen, maybe this guy or some other guy or with nobody in this lifetime.

    But on the practical side, I have to make myself strong that when I see him, no expectations just enjoy his company.. any suggestion on how to do that? It’s easier said than done – at least for me.

    Thank you again Mark!

     

     

    #103123
    Sona
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Thanks for your input.

    Since I have such a deep attachment with him it feels like a break-up..So much sadness and heart-ache..and of course, hollow feeling that i’m not loved or cared..

    I am thinking of writing him an email with what I want to say (that i couldn’t bring it up in the session) and stop the therapy. Or another part just says cancel the follow-up appt and don’t say anything..

    -S

    #103037
    Sona
    Participant

    Thanks Anita for the reply.

    I think you make sense, therapy is difficult especially if there is a strong attachment but it shouldn’t be this painful after so many years.

    Right now, I do agree with you that it is causing more damage than help but i’m afraid that after a few days i’ll miss him and go back..:(..I think, at that time, i should remember that if my feelings are not getting validated and I cannot communicate freely – that’s not therapy.

    #103031
    Sona
    Participant

    Thanks badseed and Anita for reply. Lot of times I did wonder about his competency. Sometimes I ask him, do you hate me? and he always replies with no. One time I got frustrated and said i feel like this therapy is not working, it feels like i’ll continue till i’m very old and his respond was it’s ok, you are a nice person i don’t mind seeing you when you are old. I wondered later on that shouldn’t the respond be something like, no you are making good progress etc..
    Also, instead of saying he doesn’t hate me, shouldn’t we explore why this is so important to me that he should not hate me?

    Sometimes it makes me wonder that he wants me to be dependent on him. But not sure whether it’s part of his therapy style?

    #103019
    Sona
    Participant

    Hi Anita,
    I wasn’t sure what I should have said at that time? That I have a strong attachment with you and feel jealous when you talk about female friends..My mind creates stories and I feel that I am not wanted or loved..and I wish it was me..

    This is what I noticed – I get more affected when I have tough circumstances outside and not much love for myself..That time I want that safety too much..once i feel good, confident i don’t have that much affect, some affect but not that much..does it make sense?

    Does it all link to self-love?

    Thanks,
    -S

    #102960
    Sona
    Participant

    Hi,
    Today I saw my therapist again after a long time and i’m again in a very bad shape. He never mentioned his personal life but today in some context he mentioned a female friend and somehow I got triggered.
    I feel very sad and crying..don’t know what to do..

    Thanks,
    Sona

    #101014
    Sona
    Participant

    I’m doing better, since I cancelled my appt with my therapist the feeling is no longer intense.

    When it’s intense i’ll take your kind offer..:)

    #100974
    Sona
    Participant

    Hi Anita,
    you are yet again correct on saying that it is coming from the past. The main belief I have at that time is, I am a bad person – and at that time now I started questioning myself and trying to find evidence on why i should not be thinking this way – it is very difficult.

    I feel so relieved talking openly about it and not feel ashamed..

    I am trying to change my mind to stay positive , it’s VERY difficult ..

    anyhow, i have cancelled my appt with my therapist for this week so I can relax for the next few days..

    Thank you so much Anita-
    -S

    #100958
    Sona
    Participant

    Hi Anita,
    Thanks for writing. You are right on dot when you said i shouldn’t feel alone – that’s what I feel, I feel like I have to handle this pain by myself and it’s difficult for me to go through it every few days over and over. I did bring up few times with my therapist but no positive response I got just nodding, hence stopped bringing it up. I felt like I am feeling something wrong..but the attachment is so strong and drive to live a good life is so strong that I kept going back.

    Anyhow, regarding the feeling, in my body i feel so much pain especially in my stomach like someone is stabbing me, my heart feels empty – hollow..and i feel lot of self-doubt like i’m nothing, no one likes me, i am not capable and so isolated, like i don’t deserve any love. Sometimes when I cry I ask for help – may be to God to protect me , to help me..I guess, i wanted reassurance that i’m safe, i’m ok for who I am..

    I can stay with the pain now as been there many times but not sure how to pull myself up effectively..

    Thanks again for replying-
    -S

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 23 total)