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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 21 total)
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  • #176399
    J
    Participant

    No. I haven’t talked to my therapist in a while. The last time I talked to her, I had had a panic attack and was struggling with my anxiety. But I wasn’t really having any work issues or issues with my mom at that time.

    #176307
    J
    Participant

    Well, I don’t feel responsible for my mom in a way that I have to care for her. She’s not sick or anything. It’s just that I’m scared that if/when I leave home, something will happen to her or me and I won’t be able to do anything about it. It also does not help that now I’m out of a job. I don’t like asking people for money, or for people giving me money. I don’t want her to think that I can’t take care of myself.

    #113638
    J
    Participant

    Glenys, I wish I could, but my friend lives an hour away from me, and my job doesn’t really pay enough for me to help her with rent.
    Nina Sakura, it is hard and hard to try and keep a positive attitude. It’s especially hard when you’re someone like me who suffers from anxiety. As far as finding a better career, I’ve never really had a hard-core interest in anything. Whenever I think about it the only thing that I can think of that I have a deep genuine interest in is traveling, but I don’t see a stable career in traveling. What I really want to do is teach English abroad. I’ve been wanting to do this since about 2010, but I’ve never really told anyone about that. And I much too scared to tell my mom. So when I graduated from college, I felt stuck. So fast-forward to last year I accepted a teaching job because I wanted to have the experience of teaching at home before teaching abroad. But that I experience was terrible. I ended up having to resign after two months because of anxiety and stress. I still want to teach abroad, but ever since that horrible experience I kind of feel like all my teaching experiences will be like that if I go back to teaching. Then, I’m an only child and I just have this fear that something will happen to my mom and I won’t be at home to help.
    Anita, I know I keep posting about this. I really do want to teach English abroad, but based on my past experience with teaching, the decision makes me a bit wary of going back into teaching too. I mean, I won’t know if I don’t try and I can’t keep hopping from retail job to retail job. I actually think I’m giving myself anxiety because of this job. But I think it’s just fear that’s stopping me from taking such a big risk. I actually read an article on here about waiting for the right moment, and I think that’s what I’m waiting for, but in this case there may never be a perfect moment to start, but I’m just worried. I just don’t want this teaching experience to be as horrible as the last one.

    #111541
    J
    Participant

    Miniature, acid reflux really does suck. I really have a problem with stress and worry. I tend to worry about everything. My mind just won’t stay clear when I’m trying to relax. Then I had a friend at my house last week and I felt good, but I wasn’t doing great with my diet. I was eating a lot of ice cream, sweets, pizza, and some fried foods. So I wasn’t really doing what I was supposed to be doing that week, and then seeing my crazy work schedule probably just gave me stress and that added to it. I’m trying to just eat bananas. My stomach keeps growling, but at the same time I feel nauseous, but when I take a small bite of banana, I still feel nauseous. I just don’t know what to do. I just want my stomach to be normal. It also doesn’t help that I can’t really rest. I work today and am off Friday and Saturday, but I have to work Sun-Wed night and this before I have to board a plane for Vegas the next day.

    #111429
    J
    Participant

    I want to quit so bad. But I don’t have another job lined up and I don’t want to not have any money coming in even though it’s a little. It’s just I hate this job and even though I applied for the tsa, the process is so long and I don’t really know if I even want a tsa job and my mom keeps stressing about it. I just can’t relax and my mom kept saying don’t make a habit of calling in and that I should just go to work not feeling too well. I know I’ll have days where I’ll be suck and trudge to work, but I feel sick to my stomach every time I have to go there.

    I sometimes go in and think “well I’ll just make the best of it, it’s only temporary”, but then something reminds me of how much I hate this job and that makes me want to pursue teaching abroad even more and get out of this hell hole. But I need some money right now.

    #110897
    J
    Participant

    I wish I didn’t care about what others thought of me so much either. I’ve always had this problem since I was 10. I thought that I would’ve gotten past that in college or at least not care as much now. But I do know that if I don’t do something, I’m going to be stuck in the same place and working this dead-end job. Especially now since I’ve gotten my schedule. I worked last night, and I don’t have an off day until next Friday! At least in 2 weeks I’ll be on a plane headed to Vegas :). But I don’t only want to be excited about life when I’m getting ready for a vacation. It’s not that I don’t think I can control my life, it’s just that I fear making the wrong decision. I mean, I’m 26 with no kids, not married, and I don’t have any major responsibilities. One part of me is saying “you’re young! Take life by the horns and go for it!” but then, there’s another side saying “well maybe you should just take an easier more sensible route” and I don’t want to go through life saying “I wish I had done etc.”. XenopusTex, Sears is struggling. Do you mean try to move up in Sears or find a better job. It’ll probably take years for me to move up and get a better position. And the only position that seems a little better is Manager or Assistant Manager, but I don’t want that kind of stress either. I know that no job is perfect. But I just want a job/career where I’m content and don’t dread going to work every day.

    #110697
    J
    Participant

    Anita. I had to do a little research on LOC. I think part of my LOC is ELOC because of how I was brought up in church (I hope this makes sense). And I’m not saying that I can’t make my own decisions. It’s kind of like if something good or bad happens, then I believe that it’s part of God’s plan. So, in that regard, I tend to feel like if I go for something I want and it doesn’t happen, then I feel like “well God didn’t want me to have it, He must have something better for me”. So right now I feel like “well I probably need to learn something from working here and once I learn it I’ll be ready for the job that God wants me to have”.
    But in regards to my mom and those people at church, I have a problem with worrying about what others think. That’s part of why I have anxiety. It was because I had so much pressure on me from other people (or I thought so and I was putting pressure on myself to just be this best teacher). I thought that if I quit the job, I’d be considered a failure and that if I pursued what I really wanted to pursue, they’d think I was crazy and I’d be disappointing a lot of people.

    #110551
    J
    Participant

    I know this sounds cliché, but I think you’re saying that I’m in control of my own destiny/life. That there is no magic bullet to life. This is about my decisions.

    #110441
    J
    Participant

    Anita, yes teaching abroad is still the dream. I just wouldn’t want this experience to be stressful and anxiety-inducing. Especially since I had such a terrible experience with teaching about a year ago. I want a career where I’m not dreading Monday and constantly checking the time to clock out. I know that no job is perfect, but I just want to enjoy my job. Is that too much to ask?

    #109879
    J
    Participant

    Anita, thank you. I’ll just keep my plans to myself.

    Brie, thank you for replying back. I’m trying to find a better paying job. It’s been difficult. Me wanting to teach English abroad wasn’t a spur of the moment decision. I’ve actually been thinking of doing this for 5 years, but never had the courage to go through with it. I’ve been researching a lot on this; both good and bad experiences. I follow several people on YouTube who have taught abroad. I also talked to one of the ladies I subscribed to, and she basically just said to go for it. It’s just that I don’t really know how my more of Sears I can take. I mean I really hate this job. I just feel out of place at my job. When I go in for my shift, I always feel like I’m not needed there. I’m just tired of working jobs that I hate. But it’s so hard finding a better job in my state (Louisiana). I’ll just have to keep trying.

    #109750
    J
    Participant

    Maybe. But I have started to get the ball rolling with teaching abroad. I just don’t know how to tell my mom that this is what I want to do. I’ve told a couple of people. But I’m kind of weary of telling my family because I just don’t want to deal with the anxiety of people asking me so many questions again. But I hope everything will go well!

    #109593
    J
    Participant

    Actually, it doesn’t really interfere with anything, but with teaching abroad in another country, I’m a little apprehensive because of racism and discrimination, but I’m sure it probably wouldn’t be anything that I can’t handle. But I do worry that teaching again would trigger my anxiety and I wouldn’t be able to handle it far away from home.

    #109508
    J
    Participant

    I really do want to move out of my parents’ house and away from my small town. I’ve been wanting to move since I was 10 lol. But now it’s not just for the independence, it’s now more for me to find myself and to grow as my own person. That’s kind of why I want to travel by myself. But I am scared and it’s not just being away from home, it’s also being a woman of color. I really want to get out of my comfort zone, but it’s hard. Since I’m on the topic, do you think I should pursue teaching abroad?

    #109327
    J
    Participant

    Well, my mom does have a major type A personality. And my therapist even told her to back off some and let me do some things on my own, but it seems like since I’ve started working again, she became even more clingy. I suppose there is some separation anxiety there and the news doesn’t make it any better. And it isn’t just about her either. At church today, I had a lady comment on my hair. I like to wear my hair in braids because it’s so hot and I don’t like hair in my face. This lady pulled me towards her and was like “your hair looks nice, but I want to see your hair in some curls” and I told her I don’t want to pay someone to do that to my hair and I just don’t feel like doing all of that and she still wouldn’t let me go, but that’s another topic.
    When it came to decision making, I never challenged my mom’s decision since I figured she was always right. That’s why I’m afraid of telling her that I want to teach abroad because I know she’d say “I wouldn’t do that if I were you” or “why don’t you try something else” so I just pursue something else.

    #109237
    J
    Participant

    Anita, I never really thought of it that way. But it’s weird because, like I said in a previous post, she wasn’t this overbearing when I was in college. I don’t even think it was that bad when I was in high-school. So I don’t really know where it started with the constant hovering. My therapist says my mom is a helicopter parent. But I never really thought of it as my mom being a cause of anxiety and stress. I thought I was just a constant worrier (which I think I am).

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 21 total)