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letgo20

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Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)
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  • #113446
    letgo20
    Participant

    Thank you so much. I really wanna get over this situation. I don’t wanna be depressed and I don’t wanna this feeling of guilt. Thank YOU

    #113422
    letgo20
    Participant

    He said it like a joke. But they did noticed. I they told me that I need to tell him to stop. He can’t act like that. I did told him. But he didn’t stop.
    Sorry, but it’s just how I feel.

    #113417
    letgo20
    Participant

    Dear Anita
    LOA-law of attraction
    I don’t wanna attract the same problems in the next relationship. That’s why I asked you about the LOA.

    Everything started with his lying to me. He went to a “dealer” and did some things. At the beginning of our relationship I said that, if he go again on that road with it. I will leave him.
    And he did. After two weeks he decided to tell me. I felt so betrayed. He knew that he was lying to me and he did it anyway.
    After that he started to change. He would called me with names, on English something like stupid. Even when my parents were there. I told him that it’s bothering me, but he didn’t stop. After that he started to change his mind. Like he don’t wanna family anymore. He don’t wanna live with me. Sometimes when he become so angry with me, he would said that he will hurt himself if I don’t answer. Everything was my fauilt. I didn’t understand him.
    Like I wrote I got sick from his word two times. Like I would be in bed, because I would get a temperature.
    We were like on a roller coaster. He could bring me so low. I would be depressed. He was losing it. I was losing him. I couldn’t even talk to him. I was losing the person I love. He become someone I didn’t know.
    Last year as I wrote we had situation with picture-screenshot. I don’t wanna write it again. It hurt that I didn’t end that. It hurt that I let him do that. Like he convinced me that I did wrong. I deserved it. I deserved his behavior.
    I didn’t how would he react on something. Will he become angry or will he become my-old boyfriend.

    I know all that. I know what he done. But I somehow think he changed. I was so convicted that he would not do anything to hurt me. He cares for me. But apparently not.
    Sorry but I really have “tennis” match in my head.

    #113397
    letgo20
    Participant

    Dear Anita

    I see what you are trying to say. But you know I miss him, so much. I am not ready to look for the next boy. I wanna have happy moments that we had, again. Sometimes I think that I give up,too fast. Like i should have stayed. You know be there for him. I have a feeling that I made a mistake for that and yet I know that the mistake would be to go back to him, right now. I know it.
    I wanna him before he changed. And now I am crying. Great.
    I need his hugs and kisses but I don’t believe him. I don’t believe when he says I love you.
    I have a war in my head. One side he is bad, it’s good that you left, he won’t changed, you gave him so many chances to make things right. And the other part of the brain says: you love him, I was so crazy in love.
    It’s kinda I am going crazy in my head.
    When will it all be over? When will I found peace? How to put myself in peaceful state?
    I think that I blame me, because we should have stayed. I should have had more compassion for him and his situation. But I have gave him chances, he had 3 months to change. And in that 3 months he made things even worse.

    #113292
    letgo20
    Participant

    Yes it really is like a addiction to a drug. But I must move on.
    About trusting other guys. My ex wasn’t like that in the beginning. On the second date he told me what was he doing in the past. Things that you don’t talk to people. Things that you only said to your friends. But I stayed. I didn’t run away from him. I got a feeling that I can save him. I can save him from his life, and he can be there for me. We will gonna be happy, because we have each other. But I guess as I tried to save him, I cut myself. And now time is to move on.
    Well I said that after him I will become different regarding guys.

    Thank you for your answer. Sending you love and peace

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 7 months ago by letgo20.
    #113271
    letgo20
    Participant

    I loved your last sentence. Yes, it was really bad thing that were connected with good things-like laughter. And I remember only the good things. I wrote about the bad, because I would forget about them if I dont.
    When I was reading my dairy with him and connect it with forums about abusive relationship, I had a feeling that I was making-things-up. Like it is only inmy braine. He is not abusive.
    I had my dairy so I could not say: It didnt happened.
    Its hard to swallov, even now

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 7 months ago by letgo20.
    #113270
    letgo20
    Participant

    Dear Anita, thank you for your answer

    When he was treating that he will punished him self if I dont answer the question, I was terrified. My brain bloced every negative thing.I wasnt aware what I went trough, until I started reading my notes. When he changed I am talking about behaviour change,he become aggressive, depressed, moode swings. He wasnt happy. He said one day, Why dont you leave me? I was like: I dont wanna. I love you. And he: I would like you to leave me. That would make everything simplier. He said that he dont wanna move-in with me, even thou we were working on the flat. That was such stress on me, that the next day I got a temperature, I got sick because of my feelings that I haved. I was crying on regular basis. I could not talk to him anymore, everything was my fault.
    After I called off my engagment, I was looking on the internet about abusive relationships and I found him in them.
    I found the pattern. He even threaten one boy,because we go on UNI together. He was so jealous.
    One night when we were going home from the concert, that I organized for him. He loved the band. He got drunk and start talking that we are breaking up. And he is breaking up with me, now. I was quiet all the time. And at one point he started jelling and grabbed me. I said it hurts,so he let go. I did defend everything that he would do, or say to me. Like I deseved it. He didnt mean that. Like i deserved to be punished, because I didnt delete the screenshoot.
    After I read this forum, I am glad that I called thing off. I am so glad that I found this forum, because I can finally said what happened. I even talked with my mum to go to the doctor. I didnt tell her everything, what happened. She only knows when I was crying,because she saw me.
    But I am kinda addicted to him. Its strange victim-rapist thing. After our breakup, we did talk, send messages and on one message he wrote: if you sleep with someone it would not be special anymore. Like I would be a wh–e.
    Now I have mixed feeling of anger and love,and a little fear.
    So, how to move on? How to star trusting men again? After our breakup, I could not looked any men in the eyes. I was really embaresses. I started to loose weight,after everything that happened. I was anorexin in the past. I mean I eat everything, but my head and emotions are eating me.
    Also, I supposed you heard of LOA. I know that I should forget about this bad things, but how to deal with it when somebody askes you? Like what would you say to your “future boyfriend” about you ex? I dont wanna make mistakes

    BIG THANK YOU <3, after writing this I feel better and a little bit more angry because I allowed this to happend to me.
    Before him, to every boy I said NO and to him I said YES we can date, and this happend.
    Thank you for your support
    Hug

    #113251
    letgo20
    Participant

    Hello guys
    So I was in a relationship with my ex for a year and a half. We got engaged and we were planning everythng. Well I was planning.After he proposed me, 3 months after he started to change. I started to live with him everyday and to see really who is he. I ended the relationship 3 months ago. It stll hurts. We even planned the babys name and Iam not even pregnant.
    I must say my familly, they said that he changed, on the worse. He was angry. He was not talking to me. He said that I was too emitional. Even, I must say when we were dating 6 months, we haid a situation. If I knew then what I know now, I would have left before engagment. He found my screenshoot about my ex-wanna-be boyfriend with his girl. And he was so angry. That night he,I could say sexually harased me. He punnished me at that way.He wanted to make a point that I was his. Even thou he was my first boyfriend that I slept with.
    When I think about the thing he would said like: I doubt it that I am your first. you can not love.
    I was so suporting to him. I payed for f—ing everything. I even was driving one night and cryed, and he was just talking how I did everything wrong. Everything is my fault. LIke I dont understand him and that I will leave him like everybody else. I am like everybody else, he is alone.
    ANd my thing is now, question: How to stop thinking about him? I must say I become addicted to him. He was my everything. I know that he did wrong things to me, but after the break up he says,he have changed. I dont believe him. Everything got so complicated.
    How to start my own life without him? I am asking myswlf how is he? what is he doing? I am jeaouls of other females.
    I have so much words that are flowing in my head. But my maine question is how to not contact him? How to convict myself that I will and That I am capable to take care of myself by myself?
    He contacted me yesterday and today I am in such negative way of thinking. Like I know its bad, really bad but I feel like if he becomes succesfull as an person that I am a failure. Please tell me what to do. Also,I must say I am forever grateful to my familly because they saw it before me, who he was.
    Sorry for my text, I know its kinda messy and unclear but I am under such impression of your stories.
    **sorry for my english. I am not a native speaker

    Thank you for your time to read it

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 7 months ago by letgo20.
Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)