Dear Grace, you are not alone! Sometimes when I’m lonely at night I remember that this earth is so big, and there are other people awake, right now, doing things, worrying about things, and that there are other people being lonely too, just like me. I live in New York right now, but I’m from Hawaii, which is a 5-6 hour time difference away, so I try to think about how no matter what time it is, there is never a time between me and home where nobody is not awake doing something, and somehow that makes me feel less lonely. I tell myself that it’s okay to feel lonely because that means I know what it’s like to not feel lonely too ~*~

I give you credit for being aware of something you want to change, and realizing the motivations for your behavior. I think that is always the first and most elusive step, because we cannot change what we are not aware of. Actually changing is a different monster altogether. Making permanent changes is often a result of repetitive effort and practice, and making changes in behavior is especially difficult because it’s not like performing a task where we immediately see a result and get positive reinforcement. What I try to do is, after I’ve beaten myself up over something, I mentally tell myself “stop”, and try to objectively look at the problem. If I can do that, then maybe next time instead of beating myself up, I tell myself “stop” sooner, and can try to immediately change my behavior. I also want to say that talking a lot isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it can be looked at as a neutral thing, and you can listen more and talk the same amount too. I have found that asking others questions and rephrasing what they say so I know I understand lets them know I care about what they are saying, and for the rest I just try to be myself (which can be hard too). Best wishes on your journey of change 🙂