by Lori Deschene

“An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind.” -Gandhi

When I was younger, I thought of winning in terms of revenge. I thought that if I felt hurt by bullies, they won. Or if I sat around feeling sad about an ex-boyfriend, he won. On the flip side, if I grew up to be successful, that would be the best revenge against anyone who hurt me.

In being happy, confident, and successful, I would have won.

What a sad way to think–that it’s all one giant score card of them against us. That we’re in a competition to come out on top, and anyone who wronged us, intentionally or not, needs to lose for it to be OK.

It may feel good to imagine there’s a consequence for treating you thoughtlessly. But in the end, what we really want isn’t for other people to suffer or have less than us. We want to make peace with the past so that we can know success and happiness that has nothing to do with our stories.

We want to feel free from the burden of keeping score, knowing that we don’t have to prove we didn’t deserve whatever happened.

We can make that choice on any day. On any day we can take yesterday’s pain out of today’s commitment to joy. Today I make that choice. Do you?

Photo by h.koppdelaney