Tiny Buddha: Wisdom Quotes, Letting Go, Letting Happiness In

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Laura Fenamore

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

With 2012 just starting, New Year’s resolutions are on everyone’s mind.

I’ve never liked the word “resolution.” As defined in the dictionary, resolution means “a firm decision to do or not do something,” and anyone who’s ever done, well, anything knows that life rarely works like that.

I prefer to think of my January decisions as New Year’s Solutions. Defined in the dictionary as “a means of solving a problem or dealing with a difficult situation,” solutions are useful and practical. Thinking about them now helps us find peace in whatever may happen in the year ahead.

The best solution I can think of, and one that is especially helpful after the excess of the holiday season, is letting go.

As a Body Image Coach, I often hear stories from people who decide at the beginning of a year that this will be the one when they’ll be able to fix their bodies.

They want to “fix” themselves; they want to look like their high school pictures or their super fit best friends or whoever’s on the cover of Vogue.

My feedback for all who are constricted by a negative diet mentality: let go.

This seems counterintuitive, ironic, cruel, and maybe even ridiculous. You’ve just connected with a powerful desire about what you want your life to be like, and now I’m going to tell you that you have to move forward completely unattached to the outcome of whether you’ll get the life you want and will now be working toward.

The crux of this philosophy is that in order to get that which we want, we must let go of our need and desire for it.

This may sound impossible, unattainable and completely contradictory; however, this is where freedom lies.

I know firsthand that letting go is the path to freedom and joy. My struggle with weight started when I was a toddler. When I got older, I thought that if I could only lose the extra weight, I would be happy.

I did lose the weight—100 pounds—between my 24^th and 25^th birthdays. I had finally achieved what I thought was my goal; I was thin, so I should be happy, right?

I was more miserable than ever. I was so worried about gaining the weight back, so scared that I might relapse, that I couldn’t enjoy my newfound health.

I was stuck living in fear that the future would not be what I wanted, that I would lose control, that my hard work would be for naught.

It was only when I figured out how to live in the present, how to be focus on the now and not concern myself with worrying about things that had not even yet happened, that I was able to be happy.

After learning to do that, not only was I content for the first time in my life, but I also was able to keep the weight off without worrying about it. I have kept that 100 pounds off for 24 years.

We achieve the life we desire when we begin living for the moment, in the moment, and because of the moment. Finding happiness in this New Year will not be an outcome or a result. It is doing; it is being.

How can your foster this way of being in your life? It begins with looking at those things we desire most and finding the bliss in working toward them in the present—not in achieving them in the future.

Achievement is still the goal, but ironically, you only get there by letting go of the need for it. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s note: this is a contribution by Cat Li Stevenson

“To a mind that is still, the whole universe surrenders.” ~Chuang-Tzu

The beauty of life is that we constantly have the opportunity to change it.

We always have the power to recreate it. We can change our thoughts, remember how to live instead of planning each moment, forgive the past, be present for the now, slow down the speed, and push the reset button on a day that has escaped us.

I recently had one of those days.

This past Saturday was wonderful. Or so I thought it would be when I woke up.

I’d been invited to a traditional Cambodian, Vietnamese Wedding, and was excited to attend. Although I didn’t know the bride or the groom, I would be the guest of a good friend.

I had a couple of mishaps that morning that caused me to be late. First, I spent 30 minutes with my younger sister, peeling a wad of gum off the heels she’d borrowed from me the night before—the ones I planned to wear to the wedding in the next hour.

I half-sprinted without make-up to my car, holding a coffee that later spilled all over the front seat.

I arrived to the ceremony 15 minutes late. I quickly made my way towards the front door of the home. A room full of women in vibrant, traditional Asian clothing greeted me inside.

I introduced myself to a couple as a guest of Sophya, a good friend of mine. They just looked at me blankly, perhaps unsure who she was, and didn’t really respond.

I made my way to the nearby couch where a small group of kids were playing to wait for Sophya there. After getting lost in Legos for 20 minutes, I heard Sophya calling me from another room. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Jamie Hoang

“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.” ~Paul Boese

I have been heart-broken far longer than I think anyone should ever be.  When my relationship ended, like a rock star, I blazed through the “mourning period” and bypassed the “become a new person” phase, then promptly got completely lost.

I kept busy; went out with friends, watched movies, learned to cook, and invested in retail therapy. But I never actually let go. I felt it was impossible to move on. It’s been three years.

At my worst, I’d remember moments with vivid intensity. Real moments like the way my arm felt draped across his chest at night and imaginary ones of an alternate reality where we were still together. Truly believing that my happiness was intertwined in that relationship, I was certain that he would come back.

To pass the time I dated casually, but no one measured up; and I chased away the ones who did by placing them in the shadow of someone who could do no wrong.

I looked for fulfillment in other areas of my life. My love of the outdoors led me to a 42km (25 mile) hike along the Inca Trail, where I touched a piece of history at Machu Picchu.

And the traveling didn’t stop there. I ran around the world to: China, Cambodia, Thailand, Vietnam, England, France, Bonaire, and Jamaica; trading my savings account for experiences that I hoped would fill a void (the size of which I had severely underestimated). Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Raeeka of Mindful Girl, Joyful Girl

“Don’t let today’s disappointments cast a shadow on tomorrow’s dreams.” ~Unknown

For me, disappointment is one of life’s most uncomfortable feelings. It’s complex, containing a subset of other emotions like anger, hurt, sadness, and probably many others too subtle to identify.

Sometimes, those emotions by themselves are easier to deal with, but disappointment can leave me at a loose end.

I might not be sure whether I should feel angry, or just impatiently wish that I would hurry up and get over it. Disappointment can hover at the front of your mind and niggle at the back, bringing you a grey perspective on life, even if you’re trying to forget about it. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Jackie Vecchio

“I know but one freedom and that is the freedom of the mind.” ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Once upon a time my mind was filled with negative talk and self-doubt. Those thoughts were so loud I could not hear my authentic, true self shine through. On a deeper level, I knew she existed, but I didn’t how to get to a place in which I could connect to her.

I believed I would have to work at it, change myself, somehow be good enough so I can be free to be myself. I believed the key to happiness was figuring out how to “fix” everything that was wrong with me (and oh, was there a lot to fix).

If I fixed myself, then I could enjoy life and be that free woman I always envisioned myself to be. Little did I know the key to this freedom wasn’t fixing myself at all, but was realizing that the little voice coming up with all those things to fix was a big, fat liar!

The most profound and important realization I’ve ever had came from reading a little book called A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle and was that I am not my thoughts, but the awareness behind them.

Wow. My true Self is the awareness behind my thoughts and she is always here! I have the power right now to choose from which place I act—what a magical concept! Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Dr. Amy Johnson

“If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.” ~Proverb

I’ve noticed that things go much more smoothly when I give up control—when I allow them to happen instead of making them happen. Unfortunately, I’m terrible at this.

Although I’m much better than I used to be, I’m a bit of a control freak. I often use perfectly good energy trying to plan, predict, and prevent things that I cannot possibly plan, predict, or prevent.

For example, I wonder if my baby is going to get a proper nap when we travel and, if not, just how crabby she might be. I think through her travel and napping patterns, attempting to figure out exactly what we’re up against, as if her sleep is something I can control.

I also think about the weather a lot when out-of-town guests are visiting. I spend my already-limited time planning for every possible weather/mood combination when considering our itinerary.

Like most humans I know, I spend a lot of time in business that’s not mine. The baby’s business, my friends’ business, Mother Nature’s business.

As a recovering control freak, there are three things I know for sure about trying to control things: Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Francis Tapon

“I vow to let go of all worries and anxiety in order to be light and free.” -Thich Nhat Hanh

Whenever worries and anxiety overwhelm your life, people tell you, “Just relax.”

Thanks, that’s wise advice, but how the hell do you do that? You’d love “to be light and free,” but that seems impossible when you’re feeling heavy and enslaved. How do you do it?

What follows are two practical, yet profound ways to let go of your worries and anxiety. Use these two skills to lighten your load and unchain yourself from everyday frustrations.

I learned these two techniques from pilgrims who walk the 2,168-mile Appalachian Trail. In their honor, I call it the Pilgrim’s Perspective.

A Quick Quiz

First, consider how you would react in these five situations:

1. You’re on a subway train that’s stalled in a tunnel and you’re told to exit and take a bus because of a “mechanical problem.”

2. You have to make an important call when your cell phone battery dies.

3. You’re remodeling your kitchen when the contractor makes an error that sets you back two weeks and $500.

4. You need cash fast and there are 10 people in line at the ATM.

5. You’re going out to a job interview, all dressed up, when a taxi cab hits a puddle of water and drenches you. Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

“Stay away from what might have been and look at what will be.” -Marsha Petrie Sue

When I look back at some of the most painful moments of my life, I see myself sitting alone feeling either immense shame or regret.

It’s bizarre how we can get so offended and angry when other people hurt us and yet repeatedly choose to torture ourselves—far worse than they possibly could—through repeated mental rehashing.

For the longest time, my biggest regret revolved around missing out on life. From a distance, people always thought I had everything going for me. Up close, you could see the cracks in that facade: no matter what I got, I was painfully discontent and depressed, and often isolated in fear.

I remember my last night in NYC at 25, sitting in a tiny boxed-up efficiency studio apartment that I rented in a low-income building. I’d been in the apple for two-and-a-half years, and my greatest accomplishments were barely noticeable to anyone but myself.

Granted, they were big ones: I’d quit smoking, formed a yoga practice, and began the slow uphill climb to liking who I was.

But the list of what I didn’t do often felt far more compelling: I didn’t form many real friendships, I never had a story book NYC romance like I dreamed about, and I never even once auditioned for a play after growing up on the stage.

I went to NYC to convince the world I was strong, then broke into a million little pieces and, in stubborn resistance to “giving up,” spent two years trying to glue myself back together.

For a long time, I regretted that I went to the city where dreams come true and did absolutely nothing to go after mine. Then I realized something: I was not that girl anymore, and in another second, I would again be someone new.

At any moment I could let go of the weight of who I’d been and allow myself a better chance of becoming who I wanted to be.

What I did or didn’t do could either paralyze me further or motivate me to do something now—something not conceived in reaction to past disappointments, but something born completely anew from a moment of strength and empowerment. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Sam Russell

“If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.” ~Proverb

It’s been a year since I stumbled upon Tiny Buddha. At the time I was in a difficult place emotionally, mentally, and physically.

I felt as if life were pointless and that there was nothing for me in the world: no room, no hope, no opportunity, no relief from the chronic tiredness and pain, and no love. I’d given up.

I spent my days staring at the walls and at my computer, trying to find something to make me feel better—to feel anything at all—but nothing showed up.

That was my ongoing experience after all: nothing and nobody showed up to save me.

After seeing a quote on Twitter, I stumbled upon some of the posts about happiness. They showed me that I was allowed to have fun and joy.

They taught me that I didn’t have to relive a childhood that was painful and traumatic. Instead, I could live the life I’d always dreamed of since I was that lost, hurt and lonely child—I could live it now as an adult.

The more I read, the more I started to let go of my victim mentality. I’d suffered a lot of mental and emotional abuse when I was young, much of it secret and still not revealed even to my family. But as I lost myself in other people’s wisdom, I opened myself up to that past and came to terms with it.

It’s taken a long time to do that and it’s something I still do. Every day, I let go of something and move on from it.

It wasn’t long before I saw that I could write for Tiny Buddha. It took me days to hit send on that email because it felt like a major risk. But I felt determined to put myself out there, hoping that someone would recognize the good I felt certain was in me somewhere.

This one little step was the beginning of change. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Rachel Woods

“Whenever something negative happens to you, there is a deep lesson concealed within it.” ~Eckhart Tolle

The most common conversation I have with other people includes the blame game.

The one where your job, your wife, your dog, your mother-in-law, your neighbor six doors down, the media, the government, the receptionist at your doctor’s office, or the dress maker who measured you wrong is somehow responsible for the problems you’re having.

I too played the blame game.

I intentionally left a marriage that I was very unhappy in and then blamed him for everything.  My finances, my unhappiness, my fluctuating weight, my broken-down car, and even my bad hair day were all entirely his fault.

It was then I had that an “aha” moment. I sat there thinking about the blame game wondering “If games are supposed to be fun, then why is this one keeping me in such a bad place?”  Right then I made the conscious decision—just like I had left my marriage—that I was going to leave this game behind, too.

I sat down, took a long deep breath, and thought about the ways I’d contributed to my own unhappiness. Once I came up with one way, countless others seemed to follow.

In that moment, I realized I was blatantly ignoring vital life lessons. It wasn’t just my ex’s fault; it was my fault, too.

I believe we are here to learn lessons. Once we learn a lesson we move on to the next lesson. However, if we fail to learn a lesson, we keep finding opportunities to learn it again and again. Click Here to Read More…

by Karen Mead

“Don’t let today’s disappointments cast a shadow on tomorrow’s dreams.” ~Unknown

For the past few days, I have been thinking about my orange tree. Every year, we ignore it completely, and it generously gives us bounteous amounts of sweet oranges. It is so very forgiving of our utter lack of support.

Yet this year, the oranges are bitter; even the squirrels toss them away.

Right now, the tree has oranges on the branches and fresh new blooms all over it, as well. I guess we should pick the oranges to make room for the new, but it hasn’t been on the to-do list yet.

What keeps occurring to me is the faith of this 20-year-old tree. It doesn’t seem to be in mourning for the bitter oranges. It is filled with optimism about the future–abundant with sweet smelling blossoms. I believe it isn’t questioning what it did wrong or blaming us for not being better stewards. It is just living, moving forward, and being a tree, preparing for the sweet fruit to come.

What a lesson this is for me. How often I have given all of my focus to my “bitter oranges.” How easy it has been to hold tightly to the times I have felt misunderstood, unsupported, unseen. I’ve dissected every membrane of each orange, looking for reasons, for answers, for justification.

A business relationship that failed, broken apart by different expectations and a lack of honest communication. A family relationship frayed by differing values. A friend who discounts my viewpoint. I have so tightly held to my hurt, my indignation, my shame. I filled my basket with these bitter oranges and carried them with me everywhere I traveled. A heavy load, indeed.

I have not noticed that all around me are new blooms, ready to make new oranges. I could not see the possibilities of new relationships, based on what I had learned from the past.

I could not separate my love for my family from my feelings of being seen as wrong. I didn’t meet the new friends, ready to offer support and fun; I was too busy being wounded–holding my bitter oranges. I have not noticed that there are so many more new blooms than there is bitter fruit.

The bitter oranges are history and who really cares? The sweet white soft buds of beginnings are the future and that is what I choose to care about. Their soft perfumed fragrance calls to me and lifts my spirit, reminding me of delicious things still to come.

I’m so glad I have such a sage living in my back yard, ready to teach. I just need to be quiet and listen. And maybe honor it by removing the bitter oranges!

Photo by Ronnie Mcdonald

by Genny Ross-Barons

“Why worry about things you can’t control when you can keep yourself busy controlling the things that depend on you?” ~Unknown

I celebrated an anniversary recently. It was the night I experienced my first, and hopefully last, earthquake.

My husband and I had retired for the evening as usual—said our goodnights and went to sleep. I was jarred awake at 2:30 AM by him trying to pull me from our bed. At the same moment I heard the most deafening roar. Could a freight train be barrelling through our loft?

Our attempts to escape the upper level were hampered by the violent shaking. As we stepped forward we were propelled side-to-side.  We were being tossed like rag-dolls as we scrambled down the stairs, only to be greeted by the sound of glass objects smashing from below.

Skirting around the shards of broken stemware, we fumbled with the house keys and made our escape to the front porch. The same instant that we arrived outside, the 7.3 earthquake stopped as abruptly as it had started.

We were fortunate that our home did not collapse on top of us, that in our community there was no loss of life, and the tsunami that we were warned about never materialized.

Although we were lucky and it only lasted sixty seconds, I put earthquakes at the top of my list of things I never want to experience again.

So why celebrate the anniversary of such an event? Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

“The amount of happiness that you have depends on the amount of freedom you have in your heart.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Nine years ago my heart was in a million little pieces that formed the basis for a million regrets.

I had my first serious relationship in college, when all my insecurities came to a head. My ex-boyfriend had to juggle multiple roles, from therapist to cheerleader to babysitter.

The whole relationship revolved around holding me up. I realized this soon after it ended—that I spent three years expecting someone else to love me when I didn’t love myself. The guilt and shame kept me single for almost a decade.

I dated, but it was always casual. I’d start getting close to someone and then find a way to sabotage it.

Long after I let go of the man, feelings about the relationship held me back. I was afraid of being vulnerable. I was afraid of being hurt. But mostly I was afraid of hurting someone else again and having to live with that.

If you’ve been holding onto an old relationship, now is the perfect time to let go. Here’s how you can start moving on: Click Here to Read More…

by Maelina Frattaroli

“A bend in the road is not the end of the road…unless you fail to make the turn.” ~Unknown

Let’s face it: we all dwell on the past from time to time. That’s okay—we’re human beings with emotions.  As we live life and experience it to its fullest, it’s only natural that we sometimes cling onto what once was.

But, when our desire to cling to the past affects our future, we begin a potentially unhealthy and seemingly endless battle with anchors that can hold us down and sink us.

For the past six years, I’ve dreaded spring. While many would embrace the rain, the newborn green, and the post-winter renaissance, I’d plead with the powers that be to skip past March and April.

For me, spring is a brutal reminder of a series of unfortunate events. I experienced two subsequent losses that made me think I had to be miserable.

I carried this burden with me, letting it anchor me down, which made certain locations, dates, and possibilities “off limits.” I dreaded every arrival of spring, afraid that my emotions would spin out of control because of these anchors.

Sometimes they did, but it took be a while to realize it was because I let them.

Whether you’ve experienced a breakup, a tragic death, or a streak of bad luck, certain people, places, and things probably anchor you to the past. These tips may help you let go and move forward: Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

Eckhart Tolle believes we create and maintain problems because they give us a sense of identity. Perhaps this explains why we often hold onto our pain far beyond its ability to serve us.

We replay past mistakes over and over again in our head, allowing feelings of shame and regret to shape our actions in the present. We cling to frustration and worry about the future, as if the act of fixation somehow gives us power. We hold stress in our minds and bodies, potentially creating serious health issues, and accept that state of tension as the norm.

Though it may sound simple, Ajahn Chah’s advice speaks volumes:

“If you let go a little, you will have a little peace. If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace.”

There will never be a time when life is simple. There will always be time to practice accepting that. Every moment is a chance to let go and feel peaceful. Here are 40 ideas to get started: Click Here to Read More…