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A Young Human Seeking Advice About This Ego Thing

HomeForumsTough TimesA Young Human Seeking Advice About This Ego Thing

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Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)
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  • #125922
    Jamie
    Participant

    Hello all! I am new to the forum world but I figured I would give this a try. I have asked myself ‘why’ a ton of times and gave myself a response of ‘I don’t know’. Today, I went into a meditation and came close to falling asleep because I am fatigued. I took a nap and woke up & now deep diving into the root of why I have felt the way I have felt lately. Why I have been so insecure? Why I have felt so worthless? Why I have let my emotions control me? Why I let the ego take as much control as it has? Keep in mind, I am only 18 years old, however this doesn’t feel good. I hadn’t been this way before, except for maybe when I was in middle school. It’s really bizarre to me because at one point, I felt like I didn’t take life so serious and that life was thoroughly enjoyed and valued every moment. The first thought that I had stands out to me as the first core thought that produced the rest. I was too hard on myself. I was horrified I would end up like my mentally disabled/drug abuser family. I didn’t have a job and or have a daily occupation/hobby. I hadn’t been fortunate enough to enroll into college straight out of highschool. This bothered me seeing ones close to my heart, progressing and changing so much more quicker than I was. Eventually got a job & now I am always working but everything feels like a distraction. The act I put on can be so animated and strong, it’s making me wonder if its the right thing to do? Before that one thought of insecurity, I was in a complicated relationship that caused a ton of emotional and mental clutter. I just remember pushing myself away from the person because the person had brung up ‘sex’. I am a virgin & I didn’t feel right or even comfortable enough to have sex with that person. Why? Maybe it was lack of confidence then, shining through and now stuck to me for me to acknowledge. After pushing myself away from her, that is when I felt and experienced some of the darker sides of faith & every little thing meant something but with a underlying evilness to it. My faith was strong and my internal love was elsewhere. It all kind of faded away & I feel like I am somewhere at the bottom but taking baby steps to the top with writing and addressing a past thought that seems like where it started it all and submitting a outrageously long forum. How do I continue? Do I just continue to write & dig deeper inside? Whatever I find, how do I accept it, will I know it as truth? How do I continue to work with the ego, rather than fighting it?

    #125927
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear James Ford:

    Can you explain to me what you mean by “The act I put on can be so animated and strong”?

    Also, are you now living with your “mentally disabled/drug abuser family”/ what is your relationships with those family members?

    anita

    #125930
    Celestial Bliss
    Participant

    Hi James, my name is Natalie. I am a Mindfulness Coach (amongst other things). Congratulations and well done for having the courage to speak out. It is not easy to speak about and ask for help about personal issues in our life. Meditation is a great way to help over come your ego. Although some people find it easier to do than others. Some people can delve straight in while others need some time to build up to it. Falling asleep is a common thing for beginners as Meditation is so relaxing, it takes you away from the daily issues and concerns of life and allows you to be fully within yourself.

    The questions that you are asking are more common than you think. At some point in our lives, most of us have asked the same questions. It is actually a good thing as you are questioning who you really are and what your purpose is. You are interested in truly finding yourself and making a real progression in your life. Complicated relationships can leave us with many emotions and questions about our worth and our lives. Writing about your feelings is a great idea and will greatly help you work through them. You will always know the truth in any situation if you listen to your instincts. The truth always has a different feeling within your body than something that is not the truth or is not for your higher good. In order to accept what you find, you will have to learn to be able to accept yourself fully and without judgement. There are many ways you can learn how to deal with your emotions and how you can work with your ego in collaboration rather than against it. You are already part of the way there as you have some understanding about how it all works. Speak to your Meditation coach and ask if they have any advice for you. They are great people with vast knowledge on expanding your self and quietening your ego. I will also be happy to help, free of charge, if it is something you would like. You can contact me on:
    Email: trucolours@hotmail.co.uk
    Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TruHigherVibeLiving
    Instagram: trucolours_on_insta

    Good luck on your journey
    Love, Light & Blessings
    Natalie

    #125938
    Jamie
    Participant

    I mean that I am so good at acting like there is nothing internally wrong and that my ego is so strong, it over powers the weak but in a bad way. Which is obviously human but still ridiculous. I currently just live with my mentally disabled grandmother. My relationship with her since the ashamed feelings about family has increased. She knows more about me than ever before. However my brother, aunt, & papa don’t have a well relationship. They just know a childhood version of me & I choose not to see them often but when I do, I am really nice & loving because I do love them, I just don’t want to be like them. My brother thrives on one moment for him and I to connect again & tries to get me to drink with him & each time, I have said no. Maybe I would use cannabis with him, but that still is so foreign for me to even think about and I am not sure if it would help my at the moment situation.

    #125941
    Jamie
    Participant

    Natalie,
    Thank you. I forget from time to time how common these questions are asked. I can sometimes feel very alien about these things when in actuality it is only human. I appreciate your feedback so much. I unfortunately do not have a meditation couch, meditation is just something I picked up on late 2015, it used to be something that happened so effortlessly. Now, it’s a lot harder & I have even used bin aural beats and guided meditations. When I fall asleep, I have a little voice in the back of my head beating myself up for doing so. My two biggest focal points are to forgive myself more & to be more internal. I’ve missed my silence & the scattered clouds of thought are slowly clearing up. I will be getting in touch with you again if I have more questions.

    #125963
    Celestial Bliss
    Participant

    Hi James. As I said before, Meditation is a great way to relax. Falling asleep is your bodies natural reaction to relaxing. Maybe try Meditation sitting up or at a different time of the day. There are other types of Meditation you could try also. Waking Meditation is one I really love. You are fully alert when doing this. In fact, it consists of you walking around in an awakened meditative state, with your eyes fully open.

    *Plan a time of the day when you have some free time.
    *Decide where you want to take a walk. Somewhere in a park, woods anywhere near nature is really nice as it has that peaceful element. But it can be anywhere you feel peaceful that you don’t need to be alert for traffic etc.
    *Make the intention to let your thoughts go as soon as you start walking
    *Set out for your walk alone
    *Take a few deep breaths to centre yourself. Listen to your breathing, how it sounds as you breath in…and how it sounds as you breath out. Feel the rise and fall of your chest and the slight sensation of the beating of your heart. Notice how your body feels as you breathe in….and out..feel your body relaxing with every breath.
    *Now take your attention away from your body and take in the colours and sounds around you. Notice how bright they are and how clear the sounds are. Sounds around you that you have not paid attention to before. Feel the breeze or the sun on your face.
    *Notice that you are now viewing your walk and nature around you
    *Don’t think about what you are seeing and hearing, just be in them, almost if you are part of it all.
    *Now focus only and stay aware, all the time of what you can see, hear and feel. Notice how much is happening, all in the same moment.
    *Your attention is only in this moment
    *When you are ready or finished your walk, notice your thought processes start to return.

    The more you do this, the more you will be able to appreciate what you are doing. And the easier it will become to truly be in the moment. Don’t beat yourself up if you find it hard to concentrate or you find it difficult to keep your thoughts away. Just start again if this happens, don’t force you thoughts away, just let them come and go, like clouds, passing through your mind. Keep bringing your focus back onto your breath or the sounds around you. If you find it really difficult, just congratulate yourself for trying and taking the time out to practice this. Make the intention to next time try again, for a little longer. And come back to it at a later day or time.

    Meditation will greatly help you become more internal. So will sitting with your feelings and truly feeling them rather than pushing them away and burying them. Every time you feel that you can’t forgive yourself, ask yourself:
    *Why you feel this way?
    *Were your actions at the time for your higher good ?
    *Was it in your control to change it?
    *If you could do it differently how would you have done it?
    *How can you change it next time?
    Then think of something about yourself that you are grateful for. Something that you are proud of yourself for doing. Or something about yourself that makes you smile. Send yourself love and compassion and feel grateful that you are trying to work towards your higher good.
    Do one thing every day if you can, that you love to do or that makes you feel good. It can be something as small as just reading a book or writing down your feelings for the day or even watching some comedy clips. Having the intention to be more internal and forgive yourself more is a great start. It is the first step in truly honouring yourself.

    Good luck in your journey James and if you have any more questions, please feel free to contact me

    Natalie

    #125972
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear James Ford:

    I don’t know what you mean by “mentally disabled” grandmother (the one you live with) and the other family members with whom you don’t live. You mentioned that your brother wants you to drink with him and you don’t want to, and that you may smoke cannabis with him.

    Because your brother is mentally disabled, as you termed it, better not follow his wishes, that you drink or smoke with him. Because your other family members are mentally disabled, be careful how you associate with them. You wrote that you don’t want to be like them- well, do not do what they wish that you do. No matter how much you love them, stay faithful and loyal to who you are and who you want to be.

    Associate with people who are good for you, who promote your well being, as you promote theirs. Make relationships Win-Win propositions.

    If you would like, write more about “the ego thing” as it plays in your thinking and living.

    anita

    #125999
    Peter
    Participant

    How do I continue to work with the ego, rather than fighting it?

    Great question.
    I think to answer that question we need to understanding what the ego is and isn’t.

    In the west we tend to over identify with the ego while in the East the ego viewed as something to be nullified. Both ways I think get us into trouble if we are expected to live in the world.

    In my opinion the ego is a valid and important part of the whole that is the Self.
    The ego is not the self but a part of the Self, A part of the team through which we become aware, we become consciousness of self and set intentions. We work then do not to identify with the ego nor however do we negate it. (Fight it)

    Ultimately the ego is the part of ourselves that acts mostly as an observer and means through which we set intention. (The ego consciousness should not to try to control the intention only set it, observe, adjust, repeat…)

    Once we stop identifying our sense of Self with our ego consciousness, the ego becomes not the captain of the ship but the navigation and communication system. Communication between the conscious and unconscious, the objective and subjective, the inner and the outer…

    It is the ego through which we set our course, retrieve and store our charts/memories and pays attention. Paying attention in a way that is a doing by not doing – not labeling or measuring our thoughts as in I’m a bad person because I am a bad piano player… note the difference between labeling thoughts as bad or good and labeling an experience of some moment of time that we felt as bad or good. When we label our thoughts we have the tendency to label our ego which if identified as the self we become.

    By paying attention and observing we learn we are more than the sum of our parts, more than ego consciousness and the labels/measurements we make. We learn to forgive our self’s for our failings and as we forgive ourselves, others.
    Life becomes less hectic as we strive and live our truths as we know them to be in the moment, open to learning. We breathe.

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